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07/09/2001 6:28 PM
Raistlin stood in front of the portal, his golden eyes peering into the warm darkness of his laboratory. His strength was failing, but not his will, as he strode into the sublime darkness of his own plane of existence, where he can gather his strength to finally vanquish Takhisis and take her place. The five headed dragon that decorated the portal screamed in impotent fury as the one who would bring doom upon their Queen made it past them...
The warm, living darkness of the laboratory was welcome comfort for him, he can barely stand as it is. But something is wrong, the air was thick the stench of death and burnt flesh.
It was only now, when his eyes became aware of a form lying near the great table that stretched along the middle of the room. He slowly made his way towards the inert form, who he identified as his apprentice.
Dalamar slain, by the looks of it, by a dagger in the chest. But the great pool of blood that the dark elf was soaking in was definitely made by a great wound that ran from his right shoulder, downwards.
Ignoring what was already dead, Raistlin turned to the shadowed corner that smelt of burnt flesh. Whoever who died there died in great agony, for though no form lay there, a chill worst than death hung around that place.
Then, immediately, Raistlin felt HER presence.
Queen of Darkness, She of Many Colors and of None, The False Metal.
Raistlin turned, and grinned, a ghastly grin.
"It is time my Queen. It is time to see who is the better..."
(OOC: I thought of this for a long time, but since no one tried posting it, I better do it myself. All the characters we will play would be doomed to die. Yes, even me, Mertonius. It is all about how great our deaths will be. Our story would be placed at about one and a half years from the point of the narrative above. Here, Caramon and Tass were hurled into their correct time instead of the future, thus they were'nt able to alter time and Tanis died, Kitiara killed Dalamar and Raistlin succesfuly escaped the Abyss bringing Takhisis to this world. As I said in the title, this is the end of days. It's kinda glum but what the hell, we might as well see what we will do if the end of days truly comes. And oh yeah, don't think of trying to take on Raistlin and stop the end from happening. Its just is and cannot be altered. And by the way, if you think you are up to it, YOU can play the part of any of the surviving members of the Lance. That is quite limited since that would be Caramon(might not be in a good condition since he failed to stop Raistlin), Tika, Tass(He's a kender, the whole world might end but try finding a good way for him to die.) Laurana (She is possibly in grief, with Tanis dead and most of Ansalon in ruins).
I thought I was alone in the dark... Now, I Know I am Alone In the Dark... Marc
07/09/2001 8:58 PM
((OOC: I've got an idea for those who don't want TOO glum an ending. Remember one thing, Raistlin won't destroy the multiverse, only Krynn. I think the story should revolve around an attempt to lead the people on an Exodus of sorts to another plane. Of course for an interesting twist that plane could actually be a certain misty demi-plane where Soth awaits us. I don't want to hi-jack Mert's thread though, so it's up to him. By any means I'll be playing the maimed brother.))Arthur- Camelot!
Patsy- It's only a model...
07/10/2001 12:54 AM
As Caramon lifted his eyes he beheld a sight that was to huant him for a long time. Not even during the war of the lance had Solace been so scarred. In Raist's strive for power had he lost all of his humanity? Had he forgotten the tree-town where he had learned his first cantrips and cast his first spells?
That though brought conviction to the warrior's mind. Raistlin... they had failed to stop him and in the process they had failed all of Krynn. Raistlin would bring death to them all.
Caramon fell to his knees, "Damnit!" He breathed through clenched teeth, deep set emotional pain tearing him apart. "Damnit..."
Looking up to the sky he searched for answers, but none were forthcoming, "Is this what so many died for? Is this why we brought you back? Just to have you leave again?"
The big man felt a familiar slight touch on his shoulder. Even on his knees he didn't have to look up to see the face that hand belonged to. Tasslehoff had never looked so distressed. Caramon had never seen the kender with so much sadness welled up in him. For once the kender had found a situation that was neither interesting nor fun. Tass didn't say a word but Caramon understood, they were doomed. Everyone on Krynn, and not even the kender would be left unscathed.
Caramon was overwhelmed by emotion, but he couldn't let that stop him. Tika was in that rubble somewhere, and the warrior prayed to Gods that were gone, that she was alive.Arthur- Camelot!
Patsy- It's only a model...
07/11/2001 2:21 PM
Menedemus hobbled from out the ruins of the once beautiful temple of Paladine. Though he and his fellow clerics had done what they could to restore some of the rooms, at least, to a livable state, the majority of the temple remained as it was. There were too few of his collegues remaining to make much of a difference. And with the passing of Elistan and disappearance of Lady Crysania, his projected successor, the remaining clerics had lacked the leadership to establish much of a restorative effort. But that was of little consequence. The temple merely blended in with the overall destitution of the city. What wasn't destroyed or ravaged by the Blue Lady's armies, were soon beset by vicious storms, earthquakes, and hurricanes that leveled what remained of the city. Even the great Library of Palanthus was in ruins, the surviving Aesthetics (so very few of them!) sharing the moderate shelter of the temple. The rest of the inhabitants had mostly fled.
Menedemus sighed. He knew it was time for him to leave. There was no one left for him to help in Palanthus, but there was still a world out there in desperate need of a healer. Though how much good he could do alone, he did not know. Still, as long as he continued to feel the blessing of Paladine within his soul, he could not give up, no matter how weak that feeling had become. Indeed, when reaching out to his God, these days, all he felt was sadness. Such immense sadness!
He look at the one remaining building still standing, the Tower of High Sorcery, and knew the source of that sadness. Still, he would do what he could. He was a cleric of Paladine. That was his destiny. So turning from the only home he had ever knew, Menedemus walked out the city, alone and empty handed, to help ease the pain of a dying world.
(OOC: I don't know where he's going, so if you want him to join up with any other characters, that's a possiblity. But I'll see what happens.)Look through these blackened eyes
You'll see ten thousand lies
My lips may promise but my heart is a whore
07/11/2001 8:32 PM
(OOC: Hmm, Might as well continue playing. I'll play Porthios...)
Sadness welled inside Porthios as he held his sister, Laurana in his arms. Already broken, by the death of her beloved Tanis, Laurana was nothing more a but a shadow of her former self. Though Porthios was hard and may seem uncaring at times, he loved his sister deeply. And now...
He looked around, watching as a number of both Sylvanesti and Qualinesti elves wander to and fro, their faces haunted by the pain of their loss. Though driven apart by centuries of hatred and distrust, they are now one in grief. Their beautiful kingdoms shattered by the magical duel of Raistlin and the gods he strove to supplant. Everything lies broken, dying. Porthios lived to bury his wife, as she died when fires from the sky consumed all of Sylvanost.
And now it seems, that he would bury his sister too... I thought I was alone in the dark... Now, I Know I am Alone In the Dark... Marc
07/11/2001 10:06 PM
The Faces. That's all Skipwillow remembered. Hundreds of thousands of faces, all screaming in endless agony. In each face was reflected the soul of a tortured, burning kender. The thought of so many of Krynn's happy-go-lucky kender children dying because of the acts of one man, this Raistlin Majere that everyone put so much blame in, was horrendous.
Slowly, little by little, SKip's memories returned. Fleeing from Kendermore in the face of danger, what an un-kenderlike thing to do. Heading north and west, stumbling through the broken remains of the High Clerist's Tower. It was all coming back to him now.
Skip had met no one on his journey, but had been faced with more corpses, more faces, everywhere he went. An hour ago Skip stumbled through the gate to Palanthas, and was overcome by nausea at the sight that awaited him. Many more thousands of faces, anywhere and everywhere he looked.
Skip had been to Palanthas once before, with his Uncle Tas, and had seen to only one sight before he was tossed into the city jail. It was here he headed, to the Temple of Fizban. He passed by the jail, seeing the bloated corpse of the guard he'd met months before. One more face that was permanently scrawled into his mind. Soon, too soon, he came to the Temple of Fizban, in time to see a priest leave the church.
"Hello!", he called weekly, but his voice was carried by the wind and, he wasn't sure, but he thought he saw the cleric turn and face him before Skip was overcome with exhaustion and starvation. The last thing he saw before he pitched into the dirt was the Temple of Fizban.
07/12/2001 9:27 PM
Throughout the years he walked the face of Krynn without guidance, a man with nowhere to go, a prince with no people to rule, a soul without a reason to go on. Then Raistlin came into the picture. Many thought that Raistlin had only one pupil, one student, but there was another who was just as skilled at the arcane as Raistlin himself. When Raistlin found him he sensed the immense power in the child, if you could call him that since he had been walking Krynn since the first races were created. Raistlin gave him purpose, and a reason to go on, magic. For years Raistlin kept him as his student in secret, and trained him in the dark arts so that if he should fail in his quest to destroy the dark queen, this mage could prevail. At first Raistlin only wanted to use the boy, but then he began to like him, a child with just as much rage and anger built up in him as he had, and as much desire for magic as well. Raistlin named him the Darkness, for he was to bring darkness to all of Krynn. Even Darkness had his doubts that Raistlin would prevail in his quest, but now he knew the truth.
As he walked slowly up to the tower, his ebony cloak trailing behind him in the sudden storm that blew in over Palanthas, he wondered what his master would think of him. He had succeeded in his quest to explore the lost civilizations of Krynn to discover the ancient magic of the gods. But now Darkness realized that his master would not care because he had become a god. With his hood pulled tightly down over his face, and his red eyes glowing like fire in the darkness, he made his way through the Shoikan Grove once again to see his master, and to once again decide his fate.
[Edited by darknessfalls on Thursday, July 12, 2001 9:30 PM]
07/13/2001 12:48 AM
(Don't mind me, this is a narration on what is happening amongst the gods of krynn)
Sargonas stalked, to and fro, grimly watching as his forces were systematically decimated by the young upstart god, Raistlin. He had seen how this upstart wrenched the life away from his minions and turned their corpses against their former masters. He watched, time and again, as this Raistlin Majere rallied forces, summoning creatures beyond the mortal plane and even beyond the planes of the gods...
And Par-Salian stared into the deep darkness of the Portal, watched as the man he knew as Antimodes ward defeated all that was sent against him by the gods of the dark pantheon. He stared into that deep darkness, where he saw everything destroyed by the power of the sickly mage he once knew.
"It is comming, the end of the world is nigh..." He turned to the figure writing nearby. Astinus need not look up as he wrote on, penning his last book.
"Yes, and so much would be lost. And everything would be reduced to nothing..." Emotion crept into the stoic voice of the librarian. He had lived the lives of everything on Krynn, and now everything would be reduced to nothing.
And the wind howled, and the clouds gathered.... I thought I was alone in the dark... Now, I Know I am Alone In the Dark... Marc
07/13/2001 12:48 PM
Menedemus halted in midstride. He had thought he heard a voice behind him. He turned in time to see a figure collapse. For a moment, he hesitated. He had seen images like this before, during moments of extreme exhaustion, only to disappear when he approached. He was already so weak from malnourishment and lack of proper sleep, that he was almost certain that the figure was only a hallucination. For a moment he almost considered just walking away. Fortunately, his conscience got the better of him.
He approached the figure and was relieved to see it did not disappear. Suddenly he realised that it was a small boy. He rushed over as quick as he could and kneeling down, rolled the boy over to examine him. He was wrong. It was not a boy but a kender and he was near death. He had to help him quickly.
Laying the kender's head on his lap, Menedemus clasped his medallion of Paladine in one hand and laid his other hand on the kender's forehead. Closing his eyes, he began reaching out to his God. He was suddenly filled with such sorrow that he gasped. Never had he felt such emotion from his God. Tears came streaming to his eyes as his heart felt wrenched in two. The feeling was so intense, so horrible, that he almost broke contact, but a tiny piece of his mind remembered the kender in need and he bore down.
"Please mighty Paladin, have mercy on your humble servant, and grant me the power to help this fellow creature! Please lord, grant me strength!"
The sorrow was overwhelming but he could not stop. He had to reach his God.
"Please grant me the power! Please let him live!"
Suddenly he was filled with the love of his God as he had not felt in weeks. Power flowed through every pore of his body, cutting through the sorrow like acid. But more than love, Menedemus felt rage. The rage of a God pushed too far. The rage of a God seeing one of his creatures suffering because of the acts of just one man. That rage and fury flowed through Menedemus' hand and into the kender's body, bidding, commanding it to live. He could feel the kender's lifeblood strengthen immensly.
And just as suddenly as the power came, it vanished leaving behind the sorrow, even more overpowering after having felt that love.
Exhausted beyond belief, he released the medallion of Paladine and collapsed in a fit of tears. Slowly, the world faded to black.Look through these blackened eyes
You'll see ten thousand lies
My lips may promise but my heart is a whore
07/13/2001 2:46 PM
As Darkness glanced up at the tower looming before him he felt a presence he had not felt in years. His master was home, but for how long would he remain on the mortal plane. Darkness picked up his robes and ran to the front gates which always had opened for him, but this time it felt different. The body, which has been impaled upon the gates of the tower since the time of the Kingpriest suddenly moved. With its rotting claws it slowly pushed itself up the bars and off of the top of the gate. It fell like a sack of bones to the ground. Darkness was not sure how to proceed at this, he had heard stories of the powerful mage who many years past threw himself off the top of the tower to save its magic from the Kingpriest. Darkness slowly approached the body which looked now only at him.
With a rasping voice the corpse spoke. "I see now the error of my sacrifice. I thought only to save magic on this world, but it seems that my death has only delayed the inevitable. Raistlin will destroy the world, and the magic that I cherished to save will only fuel his destruction. You are the only one who can stop him now, there are others who approach, but they are not strong enough. I beg of you, stop Raistlin." With this the body collapsed to the ground never to rise again.
Darkness loved his master, but even he could not argue that Raistlin had gone too far. Even though he could never bring himself to fight Raistlin, maybe he could reason with him. Darkness slowly stalked up to the tower and stood before the great doors which opened slowly with a loud creaking sound that hurt his ears. "Well, I guess theres work to be done here." With that he entered the tower for what could very well be his last time.You cannot run from the darkness, when it comes to you, it will consume you.
07/13/2001 8:47 PM
(OOC: Uh, darkness, I think we were all doomed to die in this post. Well, you can try, but...)
The ground shuddered beneath Porthios feet as he felt a strange sensation wash over him.
"One of the gods have fallen..."
Looking up at the night sky, a strange light has already filled the night sky. He scanned it for a moment, then dread filled his soul. The constellations of Kiri-Jolith and Sargonas have vanished, the lights forever extinguished by a new set of constellation, that of in the shape of an hourglass... I thought I was alone in the dark... Now, I Know I am Alone In the Dark... Marc
07/13/2001 9:29 PM
(OOC: I do not plan to defeat Raistlin, I believe that no mortal is capable of that. I have a deep respect and undertanding for his character, and to tell the truth I kinda wished that he would have defeated Takhisis.)
As darkness climbed the long winding staircase to the top of the tower he felt a sudden pain in his heart. "The gods are dieing," he said as he nearly fell to his death. Picking up his pace he raced up the last two stories to Raistlins laboratory. He slowly pushed the door open to see Raistlin emerging from the portal once again. Something was different about his master. In all the years he knew the mage he seemed weak and frail, but now he seemed as strong and healthy as his twin Caramon. The magic has somehow healed his frail body, but how long could it last.
"Master, I see you have been busy."
Raistlin now looked up at his apprentice. "Ah, Darkness, have you come to join in on the festivities. There are still plenty of gods to destroy." With this he sat down in his favorite chair in the corner of the laboratory.
"No master, Im afraid I have not. You are tipping the balance of magic in this world, and soon you will destroy it. I can not defeat you, I know this, but I will do all in my power to try to stop you." With this Darkness raised his right hand and released a shower of black flames directly at Raistlin.
The flames completely engulfed his master, but seconds after the shot was fired Raistlin came walking through the flames as if they were an illusion. "I see that you have gotten stronger, but you still are no match for me." Raistlin raised but one finger and a bolt of lightning struck Darkness straight in the heart, throwing him to the ground. "I will not kill you, yet. I want you to witness all that I have accomplished, and what I will accomplish. And when all of the gods have fallen to my power, we will see what you can do."
Darkness sat motionless on the floor, unable to move, the pain of the lightning still surging through his body. He had to watch as his master once again got up and headed into the portal to what will no doubt be the death of another god.You cannot run from the darkness, when it comes to you, it will consume you.
[Edited by darknessfalls on Friday, July 13, 2001 9:43 PM]
07/15/2001 10:05 AM
The wind blew the tears off Caramons face and whipped his hair violently in it's fury. Tasslehoff was being quite literally blown away by the force of it. But Caramon could see and hear nothing as he moved the last rock of the cairn into place. They had found Tika. Found her body crushed under a fallen tree.
"Urrrgh!" Caramon rolled the small boulder into place. As he wiped dirt covered hands on his pants, more out of habit than thought, the earth rumbled. Seconds later an unearthly roar... or perhaps scream could be heard. The big man turned to Tasslehoff, his voice shaky,
"We've got to go Tass. We've got to get out of here, to someplace safe. There have to be more survivors than just us." Even as he said it he knew the answer but the kender answered him anyway,
"Where can we go that IS safe Caramon. Raist is going to burn it all. Burn US all." The kender's shrill voice was now tipped with so much sadness that Caramon almost felt he would lose it and cry again. Instead he bit his tongue, swallowed and said, "C'mon Tass let's go." The kender didn't ask where. Arthur- Camelot!
Patsy- It's only a model...
07/15/2001 5:46 PM
SKip shot up, his blood suddenly flowing again. He saw the cleric, the last person he should have seen in life. The cleric had come. The cleric had healed him, one of the rarest acts in all of Krynn now. The cleric had fallen, collapsed of weariness on his behalf. One more face. Skip leaned close, saw that the priest was alive, albeit barely. Looking to the sky Skip saw one building, the Tower of High Sorcery. Sudden flashes of light appeared in the highest window.
"Someone may be alive!" The thought came through Skip's mind. He looked from the fallen priest to the Tower, and to one of the only buildings left in the "Greatest City on Ansalon", the Great Library. Palanthas lay in ruins, yet there remained three prominent building.
The first, the Tower of High Sorcery, had become a symbol of despair and darkness. It was from this building that Raistlin had ascended to godhood.
The second, the Temple of Paladine, the holiest of structures, still stood, however in somewhat less glory than SKip had previously seen.
The third, the Great Library, stood as a reminder of neutrality. Inside would be Gilean, writing despite the apparent end of the world.
SKip thought it through and spoke one thought. "The Balance remains."
And then, as if to mock his thoughts, a great bolt of lightning streaked from the sky nad tore into the Temple of Paladine. In it's diminished glory, the tembple collapsed upon itself.
"The Balance has been destroyed."
[Edited by Araguz on Sunday, July 15, 2001 5:48 PM]
07/17/2001 6:12 PM
...Emptiness... the void... the vastness of nothing... overwhelming... overpowering... all comsuming... such sorrow... such loneliness... so alone... so alone...
The darkness swirls. A call to life. Not yet. No. Too soon. Don't want to go back. No. A voice. So far away. Closer. Sight. A face. Boy. Kender."...Skip..." NO! Not yet. Don't want to go back. Not yet. Voice fades. Face fades. Darkness encroaches. Alone again. Peace.
Tired. Travelling so long. Emptiness. Barren. Lifeless. So alone. A figure in the distance. A shape taking form. A hat. A staff. A beard. A wizard in mouse coloured robes sitting on a rock. Hanging his head. Staring at a book by his feet. A book with no pages. He has no spells that can save him now. His face, recognizable, though never before seen. "Paladine..." No sound comes out. He speaks.
"All gone. Everything is dying. Everything is dead. Even us. The price was too much. The price for one soul. We underestimated. We made a mistake. Now we're all dead. We're all dead..."
Tears. Tears. Tears.
Menedemus awakens.Look through these blackened eyes
You'll see ten thousand lies
My lips may promise but my heart is a whore
07/19/2001 11:40 PM
All across Krynn, death swallowed the weak...
Astinus' pen skipped for a moment as he stared into the dark portal. A voice suddenly spoke up beside him.
"The end of Krynn comes, and there's nothing we can do about it..."
Chislev looked on, sadness in her eyes as she watch the whole of creation wither away... I thought I was alone in the dark... Now, I Know I am Alone In the Dark... Marc
07/20/2001 3:31 AM
Galthur stumbled forward. Each step sends pain shooting up his leg. Stopping to rest on a large bolder he looks down on the town of Solace, most of the trees had been destroyed but here and there one could be seen clinging to life. Grunting he looked at his leg, dried blood covered his amour plating small rivulets of fresh blood oozed out from under the plate. Poking his finger into his wound he grimaced as it came away covered in green and yellow puss. Pushing his self up he started walking down the hill into the town.
Passing what looked like a piece of an expensive mirror imbedded in to the ground. He stopped to look at himself.
His armour was a disgrace; caked in mud and rust the rose emblem on his breast was hardly recognisable.
Still he thought to himself it is not likely I will be brought up on charges over it.
Likewise the rest of him was in a similar state. His usually groomed hair and moustache was dishevelled and had a lot more grey than black these days, his face was covered in dirt and dried blood a poorly healed cut ran across his forehead.
All in all he thought you are quite a mess.
Continuing down the hill his footing gave way sending him rolling down to the bottom. Pain lanced through his body as he struggled to stand. Lurching forward he fell again, this time he did not try to get up.
07/20/2001 2:15 PM
Caramon watched as a knight breathed his last, falling face first into the dirt. He too was stumbling and broken. He and Tass had been travelling quite a time now. Brigands and bandits were worse than ever. Apparently, even when you have nothing to live for a part of you still wishes for more of the material world. Not more than a day ago he had recieved a deep wound in his thigh that made him limp. He was dying of hunger. They had found no food along the way that was fit for eating. All things were dying, the fruits of trees grey and musty. The only animals he found along the way were dead from exhaustion.
The sound of a body crumpling to th ground broke into the Man's thoughts. Looking back he saw that Tass had collapsed and he did not appear to be breathing. Running to his side Caramon tripped and fell. He crawled the rest of the way. Tass WAS breathing but only slightly. He looked up into Caramon's eyes with an expresion that made the Man's eyes well up with tears. " Oh Caramon, I can't breath anymore. It's all so... sad. We could've stopped this." The kender burst into silent sobs. "It's... it's over Caramon." With that the Kender slowly exhaled and closed his eyes. He never took another breath, dead of grief.
Caramon stumbled to his feet blinded by tears and stumbled down the hill where he decided he would lay down to die.Arthur- Camelot!
Patsy- It's only a model...
07/20/2001 3:01 PM
Darkness stared blankly into the portal, the pain of the blast still raking through his body slowly killing him. He witnessed the falling of two more gods, but he didnt care which. The pain of the gods combined with the pain Raistlin inflicted on him was becoming too much. Raistlin was only growing stronger with every victory, and Darkness was slowly dieing. Raistlin did not know Darkness' link to the gods and he also did not know that he would die if the gods died. No matter what happens Darkness' life would end before the day was out.
With all of his remaining strength, Darkness summoned a great ball of fire into his hand and hurled it into the air. He didnt even flinch when the fire came back down and landed on his body, he didnt even scream when he was burning in his own black flames, he didnt even care when the darkness of his own creation destroyed him.You cannot run from the darkness, when it comes to you, it will consume you.
07/23/2001 8:25 PM
The wordly slowly crumbled around Bupu as she made her way to the Forest of Wayreth. Gaunt and weak from hunger she crawled on, stretching forth a thin and bony hand...
A hand clasped her own, a golden hand...
The figure took her into its arms and carried her to a nearby tree, a tree that is as near as death as the gully dwarf.
Bupu held on her magical charms, a dead lizard and an equally dead rat. The life was slowly ebbing away from her. Then, slowly, she opened her eyes...
"Pretty man..." she clutched ar her breast, as she gasped and stared death into its eyes.
The dark robed figure's shoulders shook for a moment, as his soul stretched forth a hand, a hand begging for release...
A golden hand opened a pouch and pulled out a glimmering gem, an emerald. He then gently laid the dead gully dwarf beside the tree, slipping the gemstone between the thin fingers of a dead hand...
A paroxym of pain, then nothing, as his gaze wandered from the dead figure to the tower. I thought I was alone in the dark... Now, I Know I am Alone In the Dark... Marc
07/30/2001 5:24 PM
Menedemus opens his eyes and looks up into an empty sky. For a moment, all seemed still, until a face pulled into his field of vision.
"You're awake," he hears. Of course, the kender.
"I'm sorry," he says. A tear trickles out his eye. "I never should have healed you. I had no right." The medallion of Paladin lies cold against his breast. He tries to lift his hand, but it refuses to move. His whole body feels heavy and numb. The end is near.
"I'm sorry," Menedemus continues in a whisper, not hearing anything the kender says. "I'm sorry to have brought you back to... this. Goodbye."
He closes his eyes. His breathing slows. All he hears is the feeble drone of his heart. Soon even that fades and all is darkness.Look through these blackened eyes
You'll see ten thousand lies
My lips may promise but my heart is a whore
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