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Flark
07/12/2007 12:43 PM

Let me be your very own agony aunt. Post your problems here and let my very cynical and unsympathetic nature resolve them in a most unorthodox manor.






(Disclaimer - I will not be held responsible for your actions upon following my advice)

nanuk
07/12/2007 1:04 PM

I have a kind of dry itchy feeling in a private place.. oh, wait- is this [i]that[/i] kind of thread or more RP related? ;)

Flark
07/12/2007 1:12 PM

I can help with almost any kind of problem, nanuk.


Now then, about your dry itching. Might I suggest that you try the following:

* Keep your genital area clean and dry. Use plain, unscented soap.
* Avoid colored or perfumed toilet tissue and bubble bath.
* Wear cotton panties or pantyhose with a cotton crotch. Avoid panties made from synthetic materials.
* Change out of wet clothing, especially wet bathing suits or exercise clothing, as soon as possible.
* Avoid feminine hygiene sprays and douches.
* Eat yogurt with live cultures or take lactobacillus acidophilus tablets when using antibiotics. Check with your doctor.
* Cleanse by wiping or washing from front to back (vagina to anus) after urinating or having a bowel movement.
* Lose weight if you are over weight.
* Keep your blood sugars under good control if you have diabetes.

It is also helpful to:

* Avoid scratching, which will only aggravate the problem.
* Avoid overexertion, heat, and excessive sweating.
* Delay sexual activity until your symptoms get better or at least use a lubricant during intercourse.
* Use condoms to avoid catching or spreading sexually transmitted diseases.


You see. I'm a fountain of knowledge. If none of this works I might need to study a photograph of the afflicted area.

nanuk
07/12/2007 6:13 PM

Ack- soap?!! On my lady garden? I think not. Aloe vera cleanser is the way to go.
I didn't even know perfumed toilet paper existed, and coloured stuff is a pet peeve.


* Wear cotton panties or pantyhose with a cotton crotch. Avoid panties made from synthetic materials.


Of course! What kind of a cheap arlot do you think I am?


when using antibiotics


Not on antibiotics- and if that's a polite/roundabout way of suggesting someone has thrush, well how very dare you :P


I might need to study a photograph


I don't think that'll be necessary.
Mainly as I was being facetious initially ;)

Damien
07/12/2007 6:30 PM

Dear Flark,

I have contracted a dry, itchy sensation in my private places; probably from intercourse with Nanuk. What should I do?



~snicker~

nanuk
07/12/2007 6:36 PM

You, sir, are no gentleman.

That was supposed to be private. Sniff.

Flark
07/13/2007 8:07 AM


Mainly as I was being facetious initially ;)

As you wish. I will do my utmost to protect your modesty. None of your 'problems' will be taken literally, nanuk.


Dear Flark,

I have contracted a dry, itchy sensation in my private places; probably from intercourse with Nanuk. What should I do?

The most likely thing here is that you both have thrush. This is a common infection caused by a yeast-like organism called monilia.

It is not really a sexually transmitted disease, as it can arise spontaneously in women, usually if they are on the Pill, or have recently had a course of antibiotics. You don't say if your girlfriend has a rash, but I suspect not. But she may have a yellowish or white vaginal discharge as well as the irritation. In males it does not often cause trouble, but in the uncircumcised it can cause a problem under the foreskin.

Thrush is easily treated, and there are even some over-the-counter preparations (Daktarin, Canesten) that can be used to treat it. However it is important to be sure, and not confuse it with other conditions, like chlamydia or genital herpes that are more troublesome and would not respond to treatment for thrush but are important to exclude (this could be highly likely in this particular case).

I would advise you both to go to see your doctor or doctors, to make sure of the diagnosis. You can then be prescribed the most effective treatment.

TheCritch
07/13/2007 7:29 PM

... Does every thread in this lounge degenerate into sex and STDs?

* Lose weight if you are over weight.

Are YOU trying to suggest that nanuk is FAT?
It's ok nanuk... I'm not fat but I'm sure I don't know what it's like to be fat... Oh yeah... That's exactly what I meant and not what I should've said... Ingrish?

Flark
07/14/2007 7:19 AM


... Does every thread in this lounge degenerate into sex and STDs?

No, not [i]every[/i] thread - just the ones in which nanuk participates.


Are YOU trying to suggest that nanuk is FAT?


* Lose weight [b]IF[/b] you are over weight.

What kind of Sage do you take me for?

The "if" word here acts as a valuable get-out-of-jail clause. Don't leave home without one!

nanuk
07/14/2007 8:02 AM


No, not [i]every[/i] thread - just the ones in which nanuk participates.


Excuse me- I think you'll find you and Lichy are the common factors in those threads.
It's some kind of unwholesome trinity.

Anyway-



* Lose weight [b]IF[/b] you are over weight.


Cuddly is good. I like a bit of meat on my boy's bones.

Okay, so sage-y one, a question- was it St. Swithin's day recently? Because it sure as hell seems we're getting near enough 40 days of rain.

Flark
07/14/2007 8:26 AM


Okay, so sage-y one, a question- was it St. Swithin's day recently? Because it sure as hell seems we're getting near enough 40 days of rain.

St. Swithin's Day is tomorrow!!

[i]'St Swithin's Day, if it does rain
Full forty days, it will remain
St Swithin's Day, if it be fair
For forty days, t'will rain no more.'[/i]


But fear not! Your Sage hath declared St. Swithin's to be folly. It's nothing more than an old wives tale.

TheCritch
07/14/2007 8:59 AM


The "if" word here acts as a valuable get-out-of-jail clause. Don't leave home without one!

Hmmm... An idea is forming...

Lich_Nexus
07/14/2007 12:25 PM


Excuse me- I think you'll find you and Lichy are the common factors in those threads.
It's some kind of unwholesome trinity.


Hey, I didn't say shit!

nanuk
07/15/2007 2:27 AM

Not this time.

You don't [i]both[/i] have to be present for it to degenerate- either one of you is perfectly capable of bringing down the tine on your own.
Sniff.

Crix
07/15/2007 10:15 PM

I am addicted to Armored Core 4. Can the wise sage help me?

Lich_Nexus
07/16/2007 2:03 AM


Not this time.

You don't [i]both[/i] have to be present for it to degenerate- either one of you is perfectly capable of bringing down the tine on your own.
Sniff.


What you mean sniff! Don't act all innocent and shit! You purposely say things in a manner that goads a retort from either Flark or me. You violate our degenerate minds with your suggestive responses...

Huh Flark!

Flark
07/16/2007 2:04 AM


I am addicted to Armored Core 4. Can the wise sage help me?

Sell it on ebay and use the money to buy some crack cocaine.

Flark
07/16/2007 2:06 AM


Huh Flark!

Indeed!

Lich_Nexus
07/16/2007 2:15 AM


Indeed!


See....

nanuk
07/16/2007 2:29 AM

Oh right, like anything either of you say is credible!


You purposely say things in a manner that goads a retort from either Flark or me.


If that [i]were[/i] true- which it's not- both of you are old enough that you should be well practiced at ignoring goads. Whether you're mature enough is another matter entirely :P

Lich_Nexus
07/16/2007 2:43 AM

...and then Flark, she rubukes us for Tom Foolery in her teacher-like, sophisticate manner. If i was one of her students, I'd shoot her in the butt with a rubber-band when she next faced the chalk-board.

nanuk
07/16/2007 4:22 AM

Chalk board?

come into the 21st century, grandpa- whiteboards, interactive or otherwise, are the way to go.

And overhead projectors so I don't have to turn my backs on degenerates like you.

Chalk board. Pft.

Lich_Nexus
07/16/2007 3:06 PM

Apperantly you have never been in the classroom of a California high school...


And overhead projectors so I don't have to turn my backs on degenerates like you.


How many backs you have? But no matter, it makes no difference, i'll shoot a boobie with a rubber-band... and you still wont be able to catch me doing it!

nanuk
07/16/2007 3:11 PM


How many backs you have?


OHPs mean you [i]face[/i] the class, smarty, so my back is irrelevant.



and you still wont be able to catch me doing it!



Oh please.
Angel isn't the only one with ninja reflexes around here. You'd be expelled before you had time to fart.

Lich_Nexus
07/16/2007 3:22 PM

Nanuk, I honestly believe you have no idea what you'd be up against if I was one of your shitheel students!

Bart Simpson is a puss!

SisqAlpha
07/18/2007 7:14 PM

Me and a couple friends of mine caused our spanish teacher to have a nervous breakdown in about 20 minutes flat one day. Paper clips, the rubber bands made for braces, and staples. We didn't even hit her with them and she snapped. Ran out of the room bawling. Bart simpson is INDEED a puss. :p

TheCritch
07/23/2007 11:20 AM

There is a cancer in this place... It crawls through each and every one of you... AND I LOVE IT!!

ZombieKiller13
08/30/2007 7:58 PM

Oh great sage of greatness. Do you know when the new application and invitation system will be up? One of my friends wanted to join so he could play my new game.

Flark
08/31/2007 4:51 AM


Do you know when the new application and invitation system will be up?

Ah, that I'm afraid I don't know.

Checking [url:http://www.rpgconsortium.com/forums/discussions.cfm?forumid=67&topicid=319119]THIS[/url] thread (if you haven't already), post 20 is Dream_Knight aka Chung's response to pretty much this same question. Basically the system will be up whenever he gets around to implementing it.

Sorry I couldn't be more specific.

ZombieKiller13
08/31/2007 8:41 AM

Thanks anyway. Well I guess I'll just have to start without him.

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