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> Time Spiral (recruting)
12/21/2006 2:52 PM
the events of middle earth have ripped themselves to a floppy disk and then contiued to replay themselves over and over like a miniakle and poorly spelt comedy.
to join drop me an email or threw my ham radio to it just like in WWII
frodo walks into the councle of elrond with a sober look on his face " Whell nobody is gettin the ring because the member is taken it " said the hobbit as he drops his pants.
the entire room grows silent as all atention comes to one direction" Whell it will have to be cut off then "said gandalf the hippy in his tiedie robes
[Edited by Conderoga on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 7:50 PM]
12/31/2006 10:46 PM
"nobodys cutting anything off" said frodo as a sword came down and split frodo in half. Elrond pics up the ring and reads the enscription "insert finger here nothing else. thats it someone else will have to take the ring to mount doomsdayand i think it should be gimli."
"My name isnt Gimli its gummli and im not a dwarf im a midgit elf with a birth defect that causes me to be fat."spirted the midget
No offence if you happen to be a midget i happen to be short in real life
" in that case legelos should take it " said gandalf taking the ring and throwing it to legelos and the party rode off. Arogorn then draws his sword and speaks " ive gots me a sword that controls the dead, cachoow"as the sun reflects off the sword into his eyes "Oww"
02/09/2007 10:24 PM
Hence forth the rift had opened and spewed into middle earth a woman of reddish hair. She appears to be a witch as she possesseth wizardly powers. Along for the ride is the black-haired woman who seems to have no real talent or strenght save dumb luck.
"Were the hell are we??" asked Jill with tremble in her voice.
"I have no bloody idea. But, until we know were and what is going on, I think we should keep moving and stay quiet. We don't want to draw any attention to ourselves. "
" Were is LJ? though. Don't you think it strange thet just the two of us are here? I mean there was five of us when we fell into that... What the hell was that thing anyway?? I mean... Aren't you concerned about were everybody is??"
"Don't you ever shut up?" Alice whispered tersely. "Be quiet! someone is coming this way!"
[Edited by Damighty on Friday, February 9, 2007 10:34 PM]
02/16/2007 11:43 AM
"Where are we?"
A man of average height sits up and looks around. He has nicely styled blonde hair and carries a huge sword. Next to him on his right sits a man dressed in white. and carries a white longsword. On the blonde man's left sits a red cat-like creature who speaks in a strange accent.
"wait...who are you?" Asks the man in the white.
"Umm...I'm Cloud" says the blonde man.
"I am Red XXII" says the creature as it lays down and falls asleep.
"Who are you?" asks cloud.
"I am Cecil, Leader of the Baron redwings," says Cecil.
"A hockey team?"
"What? No its the air force, we're called the redwings"
"A hockey team."
"My gosh you're stupid...fine yes a hockey team."
"cool" says Cloud as he stands and places his sword in its scabbard.
"Ok then" says Cecil as he stands and begins to walk towards the castle the he sees in the distance. A great white city looms out in the distance. It has seven levels.
"Wait, where are you going?" asks cloud sounding scared
"Um, to the castle to find out where we are, cuz i'm hungry, you can follow or not, but i'm going." says cecil.
"Fine," cloud follows reluctantly.
Cecil turns to see where the cat thing was,"Where'd he go?"
"Oh don't worry about him" says cloud.
"Ok then...hey the city is called Meenass Tire-th, weird."
"Yea, weird, AH!"
"What!?!" yells Cecil back.
IN front of them stands a creature so hideous and horrible i can't describe it in words.
02/22/2007 6:44 PM
the tall man with broad sholders stod infront of the "Hockey Team" a goali mask covering his face and a crocked machety in his swolen hands and and a tape recorder in the other. the thick leather jacket covering him smelt of blood and fire. he lifted the tape recorder to eye level and grunted the recorder started to play.... " Immm J-son
can i killl yo.. i mean peacefully join you powerles.. powerful guild to help purify the world?
02/23/2007 10:43 AM
"What the hell!?!?!??" exclaimed Jill, as she observed the "hockey team". "Okey, I know Im dressed like a hooker in heat!, at least I can blame the director. But, what is their excuse?!!!"
"Jill! Will you please..." Responded Alice in an anxious whisper. "Ok, Now that guy I just don't trust. Talk about your freak show!" Alice exclaimed in a normal voice.
Moving to interceed the the Hideous freak and the "hockey team" Alice and Jill drawing their 7085 double-barreled pulse pistols
"what the hell happened to my glock!!!" Shouts Jill simultaniously as Alice yell out
" Hey Football move and friends, Don't go near that thing, I don't trust it!! It wreeks of trouble. I have the creepy feeling that umbrella created that thing for mayhem!!"
02/25/2007 6:08 PM
Jason opened the recorder with one hand and switched the tapes with the other then he hit play
"Hay Vorhese want to know is that thing from star trek." came wisping from the recorder. the recorder contiud to play " mine is froomm star wars the yodaz style" then he lifted his other hand and dropped the machety and reached into his pocket.as the machety plowed into the ground a beam of green light extended from a metal pipe thing in his hand.as he moved a head from a top umbrella employee dropped to the ground.jason switched the recorders tape once more
02/26/2007 11:29 AM
"Aww, jeez how do we fight that thing?" asks Cloud as a man wearing all black walks up.
"Hello, you guys need help?" asks the black clothed man.
"Umm, sure?" answers Cloud as the thing draws out drops the machete and the head hits the ground.
"Aww, fuck me!" says the black clothed man. The thing draws its green blade, "Fuck me sideways!" he says drawing his pistols, here we go. Cloud doesn't say anything because he is hiding behind a bush cowering and in the fetal position.
"Shall we?" says the Man.
02/26/2007 2:01 PM
jason swithed tapes and hit play
" hay wait i dont want to fight you im alredy dead havent you seen any of my movies?... jason then walks up to the bush clouds under ... "BOO, i take that back lets."
02/28/2007 7:45 AM
The man empties his clips into Jason as he runs towards him. As he nears him he draws a silver sword from over his shoulder and swings an overhead slash at the creature. Cloud screams and runs from behind the bush and now hides behind a shrub a few hundred feet away. Again in the fetal position. Cecil just sighs and walks off.
02/28/2007 1:47 PM
as the bullets pound into jason he switched tapes once again
"holy shit " then he rewound the tape as the man drew his sword "holy shit i saw this on a Naruto cartoon once " as his hands came together in a weird sign randeo explosions happened " clone jutsu" wraspped from the player but instead of jason clones in stepped freddy, leather face, and michael. all from their movies and with their own powers. the tape recorder rewound once more
03/01/2007 12:15 PM
"OH crap.. oh crap.. oh crap!" Shouted Jill as she randomly starts to shoot the pulse pistol. "hey!, I like this little friend. Did you see what it did to that shrub?"
Cloud a wee bit scorched run's to the cover of another shrub, while Alice replies
"Yes, But what did the shrub do to you?? It helps if you AIM!!, YOU IDIOT!!!"
Alice blasts away at the Leather faced gent. While exclaiming aloud
"Perhaps what they require is a virgin sacrifice, We could try to give them the loud abnoxious hooker in heat and see if that placates them!!"
At that very moment the rift opened again and deposited Carlos and LJ.
But fates being as fickle as they are also deposited a rather large horribly skarred and mutated humanoid creature. This hidious looking thing resembled something you would expect to see in a freakside show, appearing to be some kind of botched medical proceedure, but clearly having numberous genetic deformities as well. It sported a gataling pulse rifle as well as a shoulder mounted 7072d 24shot rocket launcher. It also appeared to have a contingent of six flesh rotting dogs and twelve living dead with it. just a few short feet away.
[Edited by Damighty on Thursday, March 1, 2007 12:16 PM]
03/01/2007 5:47 PM
freddy exclamed " hooker sweet just what i needed" then his arms tretched out to encompase jill in one arm and alice in the other leaving both of them unable to move " now lets talk treatys"
then leatherface stands up his blown of body parts regrowing on his person but as he grew a black version of the Mack five, from speed racer :), leatherface then grbed a lazer tree chopper and riped it from the car " dont you know they have made so many crappy movies about me you dont know what i can do"he ran forwar to the umbrela mutant hord swinging thr lazer chopper wildly sending pieces of mutant everywere.
jason stands in aw as his recorder rewinds again " holy crap " then he extents his litesaber machety to stop the tall guy dresed in all black.
michael mires had seemingly disapeared as usual but silently he stood from a bush with clouds haed seaverd from its body.a pheniox down hung from the hand that also encompased a bloody kitchen knife. he suddenly shover the pheniox dewn into clouds mouthe and threw the head down to the ground.
[Edited by Conderoga on Friday, March 2, 2007 9:01 PM]
03/02/2007 7:42 AM
The dark dressed man jumps over Jason and lands behind him, on his over he brought his sword down and cut a deep fine cut down jason's back. As he hit the ground he rolled and stood with his back to jason about five feet away. He turns and smiles at his handiwork. A loud screeching noise is heard and a giant metal pod lands behind the man in black who jumps as it hits the ground. The door on the side opens up and to robots come out, one gold colored and human shaped and the other rolls on wheels built into its legs, and is cylindrical shaped. The gold one stops and looks around before speaking.
" Greetings Humans, I am C3P0, human-cyborg relations. I am fluent in over three million languages and can--" he says before being cut off by the man in black who now wears a name tag because he is sick of being called, "The man in black" his name tag reads "Hi, My Name is Bill"
"wow, no body cares, jeez! we've all seen the movies, we know" Bill says.
"boop-bee-bee-oop-beep" the other says.
"He says, I am R2-D2, and i am bored" says C-3P0.
"wow, well why don't you shut up to begin with?" says Bill as three men appear suddenly behind the droids.
"Spock, where are we?" says the man in the middle.
"Well, Captain, it seems we have landed on a primitave planet, called, Middelee Ee-arth, strange name for a planet, but that is where we are," says Spock who stands to the right of the captain.
"Captains log #123.453-B, we have landed on a primitave planet called Middelee Ee-Arth, we have not encountered any natives yet, captain out," Says the captain.
"Kirk, look! Natives!" says the man to the left of Kirk.
"By golly, your right!" says Kirk as he runs up to them followed by Kirk and the other guy, "Do-you-under-stand mee?!?! Can-you-speak-our-language?!?!"
"Umm, yea, we cna understand you" says Bill.
"Ohmygosh, it speaks!" says Leonard McCoy who stands to the left of Kirk.
R2-D2 suddenly squeeks and blows up.
"I am C-3P0, human-cyborg relations. I am fluent in over three million languages--"
"AH!! A star war freak! Set pistols to Kill!" yells Kirk who whips out his pistols and opens fires on C-3P0 who subsequently blows up also.
"Beam us up scotty!" says Kirk, and then the group disapears.
"What, the hell?" says Bill after they have left. As a man wearing all green and carrying a large sword with the word "Master" etched into the blade. he wears an odd green cap and has a small winged light floating aroud his head going, "Hey, Listen!" in a high pitched voice and the man is swatting at it to get it to shut up.
"Who are you?" asks Bill.
"The green clothed man doesn't speak but makes facial expressions and hand signals.
"I think his name is....Sink?"
the green guy sighs and makes the signals again.
"Oh, link? cool i guess"
The green guys smiles and pulls out a bottle and sucks down the milk inside.
[Edited by NightDragon on Friday, March 2, 2007 7:55 AM]
03/02/2007 9:29 PM
jason switches tapes and plays it
"ha ha that would probably need stiches but holy crap what is that thing" rasped from the recorder as the nazgule comes down grabing him carring him far away leaving the machety behind.
micheal then stood by link and Bill talking for the first time " that wasnt suposed to happen. but i guess leatherfeace shouldnt be chasing gumli down the hill with a lazer tree choppper either so how bout we go kill my neice and get a cup of tea?"
gandalf the hippy stood inside of a cave with the rest of the party. a giant fire behemoth about to smash into him with a fire hammer. gandalf lights his staff and declairs " you shall not pass" as the hammer came down to make contact with gandalf a bright explosion went off and a large green pot leaf eminated from the contact point. as the smelly clouds drifted away a large metal box stood in the behemoths place a door opens and five teenagers and a talking dog stepp out.
"Zoinks that was weird hu scoob."
03/05/2007 7:58 AM
Sighs as he looks around. He was not happy, he had been wandering around Hoenn looking to catch all the Pokemon, and he was close, and suddenly he and Pikachu found themselves walking through a dark dungeon
"Hey, Pikachu, think maybe we'll find some new pokemon here?"
"Ok, fine be that way." says Ash as he turns the corner to find a firey behemoth land on its back from above. "Holy Mewtwo!" says Ash as he pulls out his Pokedex and flips it open. It turns on and the screen flashes with a picture of the creature in front of him and speaks in a monotone. "Balrog, not a very fun creature to deal with. And this one is not very happy. What you should do is run...fast. Or be the idiot that you are and try to catch it but th--" is what it say before a thrilled Ash flips it shut and sends Pikachu in.
"Pikachu, thunderbolt, now!" says Ash, Pikachu sighs and does the attack, the lightning bouncing off of the creature. Pikachu, return! Go Seel!" yells Ash, as Pikachu runs off the balrog stands and squishes Ash. Pikachu smiles and kicks a pokeball at the creature and by some stroke of luck the creature gets trapped inside and Pikachu picks up the ball and runs off. As he runs the floor below him cracks and breaks. Pikachu falls to his death with the pokeball, which smashes upon hitting the ground. The Balrog falls out, only one thousand sizes smaller and very dead, exactly what comes from putting a living being into an airtight ball.
Arrowman looks around and sighs. He was very lost, and he had to pee, really bad. Legoman told him to just go on a tree but Arrowman thought that was too uncivilized for him. Gumli was tired and went back to the cave three hours before...before Arrowman had gotten himself lost. Up ahead a man with really spikey hair and looking very unnatural fights a tall green guy with weird skin. The spikey haired guy floats in the air screaming.
"Aaargggghhhh!" he say as a ball of light and energy glows in the palms of his hands which are held out in front of him...
---Three Episodes Later---
"Must charge--attack...Aaarggghhh!" he yells.
---Four and a half episodes later---
---four episodes later---
Arrowman walks up to the green man who waits patiently, "Why don't you just attack him while he doing this?"
"Wow, i never thought of that," he says as he pulls out a pistol and fires a single shot hitting the floating man in the forehead,"Saiyans" he says as he walks off.
"Well that was interesting, lest go back to the cave" says Arrowman who turns and walks down a tunnel labled, "Arrowman's cave, two miles thataway"
03/05/2007 4:10 PM
the nazgul drops jason at a platforn on the inside of the valcono. surumon, the wutch king, and turtle(the turchered hobbit) were all playing poker. jason stood to his feet and aprotched the table. he switched tapes and played " four aces i win you pathetick living humans."
"ho the hell is theis guy he looks like blacksmithy after a hang over" said surumon
"it dosnt matter pay up with your lives " said the recorder jason held then he procede to chop all of thier heads of with his shortened lightsaber. once the heads folled to the ground he tied all of their obnocksisly long har together. like a twisted human bola. he nazgul dipped down once more to get its master
03/05/2007 9:03 PM
With a quick swing and a fling of his new bola, Jason downs the massive nazgul. promtly throwing it on a spit and having himself a mighty feast! He switches the tape in his recorder and play's, " curse it all! It is a shame that none of the others are here. I hate eating by myself. And what in the blazes am I going to do with all of the flamin' left overs???
Meanwhile, Carlos has manged to free the hooker in heat and Alice, much to Freddies shagrin.
"You usually recue me" states Carlos with a huge smile on his face.
"Bout time you returned the favor!" responds Alice, as LJ helps Jill to her feet.
Suddenly the rift opens again and out pops a strange looking he/she looking thing!
Everybody is stunned for a few moments and they all stand looking at the He/she. Suddenly it breaks into a song and dance...
"Oh, please don't kill mee hee!" as it grabs its crotch tilts it's head down and does several pelvic thrust's
They all simultainiously look around and and exclaim at the same time "This one is mine!!"
Even cloud has come out from his shrubbery and grabs a knife.
The He/she Suddenly bursts into a chorus of
"I need a little duece coupe, I don't know how to run!!!!" It does a spinning pirouette and begins to prance off with it's hips swinging right and left much like a super model on the runway, and heads for the forest.
[Edited by Damighty on Monday, March 5, 2007 9:04 PM]
[Edited by Damighty on Thursday, March 15, 2007 8:28 PM]
03/07/2007 2:26 PM
the other six nazgul come down to feast with jason but he promptly grabes two and rides them like a giant pair of roller skates.
arriving at the sceen of major conflict jason jumps to the ground infront of the mack five the top pops open to reveal Seto Kaiba. "a dragon im on it" he then lifts a card and a giant dragon rips from it " i summon you the mighty blue Eyes White Dragon attake with your white lightning.
the nazgul easaly dodges it and crushes it with its mighy midevil feet.kaiba summons another one and the nazgul destoys it just as esaly. kaiba then starts to rapidly summon dradons but as the nazgul attake one turns to dust, then another one does and another one does and another one turns ta dust --- pelvic thrust Ohhh --- whith his his life points almost at zero kaiba draws and laughs" i play the dragons mirror alowing me to discard my three blue eyes from the grave yard to summon my ultament Blue Eyes Ultament Dragon" jason switches tapes and played " i dont care because i plat the silver arrow card in unison with my polymerization to fuse your dragon with my Mammoth Graveyard. you lose " kaiba
screams " but how did you do that" jason swithches tapes and plays " Its called cheating deal with it" then the nazgul fires a fire blast much like Red Eyes Black Dragons threw Ultament into kaiba as he cries out in pain and frustration " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
as kaiba body touches the ground as a black husk the words YOU LOSE rise from the cadaver in bright red
[Edited by Conderoga on Friday, March 9, 2007 8:09 PM]
03/13/2007 9:45 PM
" Quick, into the car!!!" Urges Jill, " We can get out of here in a heartbeat!"
"I don't think that will do us any good," replies Carlos, " We still don't know where we are."
"And I don't thinks they has any gas stations here." LJ responds with a sad look on his face.
"Don't be fooled," Yells Alice, "It is an Umbrella trap!!
Suddenly the rift opens and out from the swirling translucent colors plops several more strange looking creatures, sporting some very unconventional hair-doos.
"Oh Great! What friggin' button did you push now?," States the spiky haired short kid to a dopey pointy headed taller boy. While a poorly dressed young lady looks around and exclaims as she catches site of Alice and Jill,
" Great!, two more scankity slut sluts to deal with!!"
At which Jill points her pulse pistol and pulls the trigger vaporizing the silly twit and her
goofy looking fellows also.
"Sweeeeet!!!" replies Alice. "I knew there was a reason why I was keeping you around."
[Edited by Damighty on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 9:47 PM]
03/14/2007 4:52 PM
the body of kaiba and head of cloud started to glow and more words rose into the air "respon" the two then looked at each other and ran twards the forest in unison
"hay arnt you supposed to be a pansy?" asked Kaiba
"no, the pheniox down resoned my very litte curage and regrew my body only. but wow is that micheal a slik one i didnt even hear him." replyed cloud defiantly
just as they reached the forest edge a hord of small deer rushed out with little blue men on them " those are Serfs " said Kaiba
" no those are SMURFS and they arnt riding little deer they are ridding slimjim snappalopes ... stupid unoriginal writers." said cloud " i dont think it matters thowe cause im hungry" he then threw his knife in to a snappalope and ripped the meat from the celophane wrapper. they quickly hit the center of the forest and stopped at the body of a dead nazgul. " what happened to it ???" he said quzicaly while naoshing on a snappalope and a smurf
" it lookes like it choked to death on a cross dresser? hmm i cant tell if the cross dresser is black or is it white? said kaiba " hay are those blue things any good im not much into slimjims"
" yha their tasty i think their nudget filled" said cloud grabing another smurf from a mushroom house thing, wierd it has windows.
03/15/2007 8:27 PM
Before the spiralling rift closed this time it depositted a tall man dressed in black. The man wore a helmet that covered his face and he appeared to have labored breathing. He spoke with a deep rich James Earl Jones sounding voice,
"Luke, I aamm your faathe...where the hell did Luke go? What the hell is going on!!! How did I get on Endor??? Wait a minute.... This isn't Endor!!
"I suppose this is an Umbrella plot also" replied LJ with a rye smile on his face.
"Umbrella??.. replies the tall man in black " There is not a cloud in the sky, Why do I need an umbrella??"
"Who are you then??" asked Alice
"I am the Lord....
But, before he could finish his sentence He was cut off by the sound of therifts spiralling vortex as the cursed thing again made an appearance.
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