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Shallandra
01/20/2006 11:33 AM

Sugar Coated Vodka sighed despondently as she looked at the bottom of her glass. Empty. Again. She picked it up and held it over her eye, and stared around the bar.

"Woah - it's all, like, wavy. And big." she said to no one in particular. Not that there would have been a particular to talk to.

The damn bar was empty.

Just like her glass.

It was going to be a bad day.

Demitrex
01/20/2006 12:05 PM

Grubb strolls down the street, passing by the humans as they stand in awe of him. One boy even pointing openly at him... that was it. The ten foot tall ogre stops only feet from the boy and jabs his own massive finger out, pointing directly into the boys face and shouts, "Yoo think yoo so cool?! Yoo justa tiny likkle midgit, me could eat you in one bite!"

As if to emphasize, Grubb snaps his jaw at the boy, sounding like a larche branch breaking sending the child screaming off to find his mother, leaving the ogre to guffaw wickedly. An empty looking bar sits off to the side of the street, inviting the ogre to come in and have a keg or two.

Upon entering the bar, Grubb finds that it is indeed almost empty, a solitary figure sitting at a table. "A keg o' yooz best ale! And anuther of what dis likkle person be drinkin'." Grubb says loudly to the bartender.

Grubb pushes the empty chair away from the table, on the far side of the figure, and he sits down on the floor, still as tall as a man. "Hullo!"

Avenging_Angel
01/20/2006 12:08 PM

OOC: Hey, Demitrex! Haven't seen you around in a while...

Nycto was having a discussion and playing cards at the same time. The over-stuffed sofa she was talking to and playing against (Go Fish, of course, she never won at any other cardgames-including solitaire) was an excellent conversation companion as she rattled on about differences between anime and manga.

"......so then I said, "Don't be ridiculous, Joe, the Fooly Cooly anime came WAY before the manga!" Oh, hey, I just won, right?"
She scooped up the pairs, the sofa quickly committing suicide before she forced it to take place in another round.

The girl looked up at the now-dead sofa.

"Huh. Oh well."

She collected the cards and dumped them into a sleeve-pocket of her shinigami outfit and headed over to the bar.

"Oi oi! Got anything good?"

[Edited by Avenging_Angel on Friday, January 20, 2006 12:10 PM]

Shallandra
01/20/2006 12:37 PM

Staring around the bar, still looking through her glass, Sugar Coated Vodka saw something hugely massively gigantic walk through the door. Snickering to herself at how the glass could warp something, she put it down, and looked back at the figure walking to the bar.

Now it was only massively gigantic. Not much of an improvement. Sniffing the air, she said to the ever present No One In Particular "UGH! What IS that smell?!??!" The hairs on her head stood straight up (which made them almost reach the ceiling) when the massively gigantic thing spoke. Her eyeballs nearly popped out of her head when it walked toward her and sat down, but she poked them back in at the last minute.

"Ummm - hello" she said, trying not to breathe through her nose. "Come here often?"

Out of the corner of her eye - she saw some shinigami saucy sweetie sauntering over to the bar. "Oh great" she thought to herself "the sofa-killer returns."

[Edited by Shallandra on Friday, January 20, 2006 12:39 PM]

Demitrex
01/20/2006 1:08 PM

Grubb chuckles at the question," Well me kin tell that yoo duzn't come in here very much, if yoo did, yoo would know dat, or you wouldnt have all yer hair up der!" As he finishes his statement, Grubb points up at her pointy hair and laughs, rolling over and smashing a chair on accident.

A large keg rolls into Grubb as he sits back up, the bartender wiping his brow before bringing another glass of vodka to the table. The ogre smiles widely at the man and says happily, "Dank yooz!!"

Grubb grabs the keg and pulls out the tap, "Likkle drinks is fer likkle peeple." He lifts up the keg and tilts it back, taking a draft that must have lasted a minute and a half. With a loud sigh the ogre wipes his mouth with his sleeve, noticing that someone else has entered the bar. With a big grin the ogre grabbs a nearby chair and sets it next to the table shouting, "Have a likkle sit down, you other likkle person!"

With formalities out of the way, Grubb releases a gigantic belch and then lifts the keg to his mouth and lays down on the floor, amazingly not spilling any contents as he lays there chugging.

Avenging_Angel
01/20/2006 1:27 PM

Nycto fought down the urge to breakdance threateningly at the giant ogre-thingamajigger.

"Do you have anything sugar-coated besides vodka?"

A troupe of polka-dot bikini wearing trout appeared and began doing the conga on the bar.

The girl blinked.

"By the way, I think we still have some holes in the fabric of the universe in here."

Shallandra
01/20/2006 1:44 PM

Sugar Coated Vodka grumbled at the reference to her hair - it wasn't HER fault it was standing on end! But when she saw the Ogre roll over and break a chair, she thought better of saying anything to him about it.

Sighing in relief when her drink arrived, she took a bowl of sugar out of her pocket, and dumped several spoonfulls into her vodka. The sugar settled to the bottom, then formed itself into the shape of a coat. "PERFECT!" she declared, and chugged it down.

She felt the ground rattle as the ogre slammed a chair down, inviting the Sofa-Killer to come sit with them. "Ha," she muttered to that No One In Particular next to her, "wonder how long that chair will last?"

Plugging her nose just after he belched, she spoke in a nasally tone to the girl "Welcub to the barb. Whuts this aboubt a holeb in theb uniberse?"

lonewolfe619
01/20/2006 2:58 PM

Wolfie popped into the bar through the hole in the universe, not sure of where he was, but not really caring either. He let his trenchcoat shift back from flames to black suede as he stepped up to a barstool and sat down.

"What's it take to get a drink around here!?"

He looked around at the couple of other people in the bar room and lit a cigarette. He called to the one holding her nose. "Hey hunny, looking for some fun?"

Demitrex
01/20/2006 3:24 PM

Grubb pulls the keg away from his mouth, having drained it of all it's contents, and looks up at the man who stepped out of some kind of hole thingy. "Well if dat aint da coolest ting." He mutters to himself.

The ogre begins preparing to let out a massive burp when the man says, "Hey hunny, looking for some fun?" which stopps Grubb in his tracks... well, belch... stopped Grubb in his belcks.

He stands up quickly and with a loud, very deep giggle he gives the man a hug, picking him up off the stool. "How did yooz know me favrit nickname? How is we gunna hab fun?!" Grubb stands there grinning at the man in his arms, his jaw a little slack.... giving him a big retarded puppy dog look.

[Edited by Demitrex on Friday, January 20, 2006 3:26 PM]

Shallandra
01/20/2006 4:45 PM

While waiting for the girl to respond, Sugar saw a flame POOF in the middle of the room. The flames died down and turned to black suede - but she secretly wondered if the latest patron had managed to char-broil himself. After he spoke, she suddenly wished that he actually had.

As he spoke, Sugar unplugged her nose so she could say something rather harsh to him. But suddenly, the Ogre was up on his feet and had the latest arrival in a giant bear hug. Ogre Hug she correct herself.

She decided to hang back for a bit and see what was going to happen next.

lonewolfe619
01/20/2006 6:30 PM

"Uhg, get away from me you ugly pile of sludge. What in the world makes you think I was talking to you?" The stench from the ogre was overwhelming. It was almost enough to make Wolfie sick.

He turned away and found, strangely enough, a tall mug of lager sitting on the bar. He picked it up and took a deep draft. It was quite refreshing. He got up to head over to the woman that he had really called to.

Shallandra
01/20/2006 7:59 PM

Sugar's eyes popped out of her head as the newest arrival actually got out of the ogre's hug. Fortunately, they'd plopped into her empty glass, so she was able to retrieve them and plunk them back in before anyone had noticed.

She watched him gulp down his drink, and looked sadly at the bottom of her empty glass. How did that keep happening to her? Maybe No One In Particular was switching out glasses when she wasn't looking. She'd have to keep an eye out for that. She could afford to do that - because she really only needed to keep one eye in to see.

Realizing that she' was going to have to handle CharBroiled Boy on her own, she stood up so she could reach her full height. Half of her hairs were standing on end, the other half were starting to frizz. Well good - maybe he'd be so put off by that, he'd not know what else to say to her.

Unbeliever
01/20/2006 9:01 PM

Edward pushed the door open in a huff. It had been another long day, just like all the rest, and it was time to wash it away.

He was faintly disgusted by the site of the ogre. [i]Damn behemoths. Always taking up space,[/i] he thought. Ignoring the group around it, he sat at the far end of the bar. "Gimme something hard," he demanded before asked.

The little bartender hopped down from his stool and disappeared under the bar. There was a faint clinking sound before he reappeared, a bottle of vodka half as big as he wrapped in his arms. "I s'pose you'll be wantin' me to leave the bottle." Hefting it down, he finished, "Here ya go, Mac."

"The name's Edward," he corrected, glaring at the diminutive barkeep. "Or Radical. They call me Radical a lot... And Eddie-boy."

"Eddie-boy, huh?" he ventured.

"[i]They[/i] call me Eddie-boy. Not you. Don't do it again." Thinking a moment, he added, "Radical is fine, though."

Appraising the situation a moment longer, the little bartender rolled his stool away from the new patron, obviously glad to be away.

"You forgot the glass!" Ed called, intentionally loud enough for the rest to hear. "Damn gnomes and their little brains," he added just before taking a long pull off the bottle.

lonewolfe619
01/21/2006 1:37 AM

Wolfie was only mildly shocked by the woman's hair. He had seen worse. He walked right up to her, put his arm around her waist, and pounded on the bar. "Barkeep! This woman's glass is empty. I'd like to fix that." He slapped down some money and the little gnome went about getting her a new glass.

He took another swig from his mug, finishing it off. "While you're at it, I'll take another one too." To the woman he asked, "So what do you have in mind for tonight?"

Unbeliever
01/21/2006 9:00 PM

Draining the new glass the bartender slid too him, Ed looked over his shoulder as the door opened. In the doorway there was the silhouette of a chicken. The chicken nodded to a girl to the right and sauntered to the bar, hopping up on the stool next to Ed.

The little bartender slid his stool in front of the chicken and hopped up onto it. "Here's the usual, Reg" he said, pouring a scotch in front of the bird.

Noticing Ed's curious glance, the bartender leaned close and whispered, "This here's Reggie Carbunkle. Best damned attorney this side of the Mississippi."

Ed couldn't quite place which side that was, but nodded to the chicken. "How's it going?"

The chicken blinked once and bobbed it's head. "Brock?"

His expression soured. [i]Fucking chickens. Never do bother to learn any english.[/i]

"Hey, Ed. You look stressed," he vaguely heard the bartender say. "Maybe you need a vacation."

"What in the hell do you know about it?" He started to take a drink.

A gnarled cane tapped the top of his glass, holding it down. "No alchohol on this trip."

Ed snarled as he looked up at the bartender, now laden with tropical flowers. "Just what's your deal, buddy?"

He smiled brightly. Too brightly. "Just offering you a great opportunity for a little fun in the sun." Looking at the glass, he added, "Say... Are you going to finish that?"

Ed looked down and was discouraged to find a full glass of orange juice under him. "How'd you do that?"

Looking back up, he noticed the shelves of liquor behind the gnome had turned to an hustle and bustle of an airport. "Waikiki, maybe? Actually, I'm thinking you're an Aruba sort of man. And if you fly Radical Air we can guarantee you no screaming babies or clucking chickens."

"Clucking chickens...?" he muttered aloud.

"What's that, Edward?" the bartender asked, wiping down a glass with a dirty rag. The bar was there again. Everything was how it had been. "You wouldn't be disparaging our poultry patrons, would you?

"No... I... No." Ed felt light-headed and noticed the faint smell of fish.

Shallandra
01/22/2006 11:37 AM

Sugar was trying to think of something to say to the approaching newcomer, when she noticed a newer newcomer coming in the door. That made the not-so-new-newcomer not so new, and she knew how to deal better with the not-so-new than the brand new.

She was about to say something to the not-so-newcomer when she saw the bartender pull out a bottle of vodka for the newer newcomer. "The whole bottle?!?!" she exclained to No One In Partiuclar. In that moment, the not-so-new-newcomer put his arm around her waist and bellowed something to the bartender. She was unable to focus on his words, as she was rather distracted by the vodka bottle sitting in front of the newer newcomer.

The not-so-new-newcomer was looking at her expectantly, which was odd, because she certainly wasn't expecting. "I'm going to put a stop to some fraudulent waste!" she exclaimed to him, then wriggled out of his grasp.

Walking over to the newer newcomer, Sugar stopped because a new newer newcomer was standing in the doorway. "A chicken!" she shouted and pointed at him. Good, knowing he was a chicken gave Sugar courage to do what she needed to do. She knew if she looked even closer, she'd probably see some yellow in him.

Seeing that they seemed to know one another, Sugar Coated Vodka made her move. It took a while - that moving - packing and unpacking all those damn boxes - but she finally settled in. Then, she dove between them, grabbed the vodka bottle in mid-air, and landed in a summersault roll behind the bar. Clutching onto the vodka bottle with a ferocious fierceness, Sugar began to snarl - just to discourage anyone who might want to take her bottle. Stroking it, she whispered "my precioussssss....my ownnnnnnn...."

lonewolfe619
01/22/2006 9:01 PM

Wolfie snapped his fingers and a case of vodka appeared inside a steel cage that had no door. He was going to get her attention somehow.

For the time being, he sat down and watched the holographic cover-band taht had mystriously formed. They started playing a song he didn't know, but it was upbeat and catchy so he didn't mind.

He turned to the bar and found his mug full again. This time he didn't even think twice about it, taking a smaller sip than before. He went back to watching the band, hoping that they would play something he liked before too long.

Demitrex
01/23/2006 8:19 AM

Grubb blinks slowly, finally realizing that his new friend had snaked his way out of the ogre's arms, coming back into conciousness only because of the snarling woman behind the bar who had the spikey hair. Looking at the bar, it looked like she was snarling at a chicken, who was naturally backing away in fear.

Trying to figure out what he should do next, Grubb absent mindedly sits down on the nearest chair, completely oblivious as the chair shatters and he ends up on the floor. Hmmm a snakey guy, a chicken, a snarlining hedgehog lady, and another guy.... too many likkle people here. Maybe if dey gets bigger, we kin have more fun!

Turning to the snarling woman behind the counter Grubb began to wave and calls, "Hey yoo back der, yoo is really cool and smart and sum other stuffz yoo like..." Perhaps she'd believe him and either swell with pride, or her ego would get inflated, either way she'd be more fun once she got a little bigger.

Unbeliever
01/23/2006 2:10 PM

Ed looked down at the wet ring on the bar where his bottle of vodka once sat. "That's funny..." he muttered to no one in particular.

Then he noticed the woman behind the bar, clutching at the bottle as though it were some prize she would sooner die than give up. The little bartender looked at her suspiciously, quietly announcing, "I don't think you're supposed to be back here. All you freaks... err... customers belong on the other side."

Ed shook his head and fled, only partially aware that that rhymed. He took two steps before the room leaned heavily to the left. He supposed it might just be his light-headedness, but he was quite sure the room actually moved of its own accord. In any event, he wound up face down on the floor.

Lifting his gaze from the dusty floorboards, he saw a pair of feet. "Hmm... Weird place for those." But, alas, he noticed that they were, in fact, attached to a pair of legs, which made them distinctly less odd. Following them up, he saw that it was an entire woman standing over him.

"Come here often," she said.

"Isn't that my line?"

She shrugged half-heartedly. "I don't think it really matters. I'm probably not real anyway."

"Probably?"

"Well, it wouldn't do if I said it definitively, now would it? Not nearly as dramatic."

"I suppose not. That lingering doubt does add an extra bit of interest, I must say." Looking back at the bar, he asked, "So, none of this is real?"

She burst out laughing. "Oh no. They're real. And do you know what else is real, Eddie-boy?"

"What?" he asked, turning back to her.

When he looked where she should have been there was a slim man with a slick mustache looking down at him with a smile that must have stretched around the back of his head. In a phony deep voice, he bellowed, "These fabulous deals!" and pointed to a collection of appliances behind him.

Ed let his forehead hit the floor and blacked out, knowing full-well that when he awoke, he'd smell fish for hours.

Aeramae
01/23/2006 11:23 PM

At just that moment the most infamous and buxom of all red-headed mages popped in, a spray of fabulous glitter flying everywhere. Straea looked out over everyone as she stood on the bar, dressed up in a Catholic school girl outfit so revealing, that it would have made both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera blush. She jumped off the bar, her skirt flying up in the air for a moment, and grinned at everyone as she now stood on the floor.

"Damn, it feels good to be out of retirement!" she declared. "I'll bet I've met every single last one of you in another life, under different names!"

She felt as if everyone were staring at her, and she looked down at herself. She suddenly realized that she hadn't switched out of her play clothes, and her grin turned sheepish. In fact, for no apparent reason, a small flock of sheep sprang up around her, and she found herself dressed up as Bo Peep.

"Damn, that's the last time I do anything with Xanth on the brain," she muttered. "Now, lets make me comfy!"

She waved a hand, and her clothing shimmered from the Bo Peep outfit into a tight fitting blue dress, with matching slippers. She sat down at a table, pleased with herself.

"Now, let's get a drink! And no sugar coated vodka! I've heard stories, bad stories, related to that stuff!"

Dark_Elf57
01/24/2006 1:34 PM

"cocaine freak.cocaine freak.cocaine freak." That's all Koji thought to himself as he sat on the couch watching the blank screen.

Demitrex
01/25/2006 11:24 AM

Grubb looks around, the snarling pokey girl behind the bar not responding to his compliments. Well, with all the little people around, he was starting to feel a little intimidated, his confidence shrinking, taking his body with it.

Before even a second could go by, the now 3 foot tall ogre slaps the leading second, stopping the flow of time. "Hey, did I say you could go passed me?!... Bloody time, always so cocky."

The midgit ogre pulls a screen around himself that appears out of no-where, and emerges, after a few seconds slip by, wearing a very sharp silk suit and a full head of beautiful blond hair. He takes a gnarled ugly brown item out of his pocket and throws it away, picking up a wonderful item off a nearby tabled labeled 'scent', and placing it in his pocket.

"New scent to go with a new look." And without another word he smiles at the people around him before hopping up on the bar and pulling out a shot glass and bottle of Bacardi Select: Puerto Rican Rum. "Cheers!" Grubb pours himself a shot and gulps it down.

teutonicknight
01/25/2006 1:30 PM

[b]Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition![/b]

"What is your name?"

"_"

"What is your quest?"

"To find the land of somewhere else."

"Cake or Death?!"

"Cake please!"

With that, the Spanish Inquisitioners gave _ a piece of cake and went off to bugger elsewhere.

Pillage
01/25/2006 9:11 PM

Today had been ... bizarre. Still, when his eyes met the view ahead, the red-clad Soviet had to doubt his sanity.

An underscore eating cake.

Against his knowledge that to keep walking would be logical, or at least not an invitation for the men in white with the special self-hugging jacket to catch him again, he approached. The parachute dragging behind him ruffled, a breeze picking up lightly.

"Comrade. It apppears your party is mageless."

He continued at the cake. The Imperialist sheep mustn't have heard. Thinking to himself for a moment, the man just known as either Dirty Communist or Troutsenheimer (being, in fact, a walking trout) cockily stepped nearer.

"... What do you mean, European or African! The prospect of a swallow carrying a coconut is prepostorous in itself!"

That got his attention.

"Greetings. It apppears your government is after me. Could you, maybe, direct me to somewhere I could stay?"

Lunitari0
01/25/2006 10:21 PM

Through an open window of the busy tavern, two small winged creatures flew in, hovering side by side as they surveyed the room. Fairies they both were, 5 inches high and both female.

One wrinkled her nose, sneezing at the strange scent in the room, then breaking into a giggle as brown eyes spied the miniature ogre drinking shots at the bar. Her name was Feather, and she was dressed in various shades of blue. Turquoise wings like a butterfly kept her airborne beside her friend.

"Oh, goody." She sang, her voice the tinkle of bells, "So many...ummm...interesting ....mortals to play with!"

"Indeed!" Chanter replied, her companion clad in silver and white with lemon colored wings replied. Glancing over the room, she saw a male muttering to himself and a female clutching a vodka bottle. "Look, that one's ripping off Golem!" she observed with a grin.

Flying over to the babbling woman on the floor, the fairy landed on the bar, looking down. "You could be famous!"

[Edited by Lunitari0 on Wednesday, January 25, 2006 10:23 PM]

Avenging_Angel
01/25/2006 10:43 PM

Nycto inexplicably walked through a hole in space-time(crossing the space of the bar and the time of a few posts ago) and popped out next to a gang of fairies.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!! Technicolor bats!" she flapped her hands, before realizing they were fairies.

The girl looked down.

"Incidentally...where the hell is my left foot?"

[Edited by Avenging_Angel on Wednesday, January 25, 2006 10:45 PM]

Unbeliever
01/26/2006 1:38 AM

Ed's eyes fluttered open after just a few moments, and one thought ran through his mind.

[i]Fish.[/i]

But that only lasted a moment, the thought not the smell, the smell would last for hours. Remember? His next thought came at the urging of a sight rather than a smell.

[i]Foot... What the hell?[/i]

Pulling himself up to his knees, he narrowed his eyes at the sight. There was no question about it. It was a foot, alright. [i]Big toe on the right side[/i]. A left foot, to be exact. No blood, no bones. Just a foot, sitting there... looking a little sad.

He had to say something, bring the patron's attention to what was in their midst. Then maybe he could bring himself to actually socialize with them, or something. But, as it turned out, all he could think to say, in a plaintively loud voice, was, "Um... Foot." And he found himself pointing at it in slack-jawed wonder, as though he'd just found a murder weapon. The one that killed the cook.

[Edited by Unbeliever on Thursday, January 26, 2006 10:02 PM]

Shallandra
01/26/2006 7:27 AM

BAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Sugar Coated Vodka was shocked out of her admiration for her bottle at the sound. "What the hell? Oh damn, another one of those sheep broke loose from the Serta commercials." Looking at some of the patrons in the bar, she muttered to him "best keep your back against the wall, if you know what I mean."

She did a second take of the patrons, since the first one didn't take. Taking takes that didn't take take time! And it was time she could spend drinking her vodka. Muttering, she took in the new new new new new newcomers - and decided she'd better try to blend in a little better.

She was about to get up when a little fairy flitted to the bar, and spoke to her. Cocking her head, she said "Famous?" Glaring off in the distance, she thought a moment - she could have a sugar coated vodka waterfall in her home if she were famous! Or a pool!! Suddenly interested in hearing what this creature had to say, she continued, "how could I be famous??"

Avenging_Angel
01/26/2006 8:33 AM

Nycto looked over to the man chanting, "Um....foot."

She ran over, but to her horror, the foot ran with her, resulting in it getting even farther away from her.

"Damn you, space-time!"

[i]Not to mention, how the hell am I going to reattach it when I catch it??[/i]

Lunitari0
01/26/2006 1:00 PM

Chanter, the fairy with the lemon coloured wings, silver hair, and violet eyes, grinned widely. Or as widely as her small face would allow. She looked over at Feather, who nodded excitedly, then looked back at Sugar.

"You could make your own Empire - The Sugar Vodka Empire! Commercials, ads, your face plastered EVERYWHERE! Haha...Plastered. Get it? You could even have your own television show!"

Shallandra
01/27/2006 8:04 AM

Sugar Coated Vodka blinked in disbelief at the fairy's offer. "You mean I could get famous for being plastered?? I've been doing that for years! WHOOOO HOOOOOOOO!"

Sugar jumped up from behind the bar (while stashing her precious bottle in her jacket) and began break dancing on the bar itself.

Then she jumped down, and ran around kissing everyone (and everything), but paused when she got to the foot. Shrugging, she blew a kiss at it, and continued to leap joyfully around the bar.

Demitrex
01/27/2006 10:15 AM

Grubb, the now miniature ogre, watches in awe as the three women with spikey hair... how many shots ago did the other two come in? Oh well, it wasn't important, but what was important was that they began twisting and spinning on top of the bar, then began to run around. It was hard for the ogre to concentrate on all three, so he split his concentration between them, he'd have a hard time putting it back together later.

Before he knew it one of the women had kissed him and continued running around. The miniature Grubb raised an eyebrow and then lay down on the bar, cuddling his bottle of rum. He was having funny dreams again, he always forgot that he couldn't drink as much when he got smaller.

As he lays there, Grubb knows that while he's sleeping, he'll grow to his normal size, and he'll be able to fix his concentration, when the rum wears off. His eyelids drooping down, the ogre could see rum in the distance, perusing a rack of offs, yup, the rum would be wearing off soon enough.

Aeramae
01/27/2006 12:16 PM

Straea continued to sit in her chair. She was taking in the scenery...pint sized ogres...vodka weilding crazy ladies...a one footed woman...a foot presumably belonging to the one footed woman...and someone else promising to make the vodka freak famous. All in all, it looked like a normal bar scene. Well, normal for where Straea had been, at least.

"I like this place," she announced to seemingly no one in particular. "I think I'll stay here for awhile."

Shallandra
01/27/2006 12:21 PM

No One In Particular materalized next to Straea and said "well, I hope that you do!" NOIP could only become visible when other spoke to him, and it had been a while since anyone had done that. Hopefully he could engage in conversation with this redheaded hottie, so he could stay around a bit longer.

"So tell me, dear, what's a beauty like you doing in a place like this??"

Avenging_Angel
01/27/2006 4:02 PM

Nycto attempted to tackle her foot, with no success. The girl finally sat down on the floor, and sighed, the foot taunting her and making rude toe gestures at her.

"Why me?" she muttered.

Well you WERE the one who started messing around with all those holes in space-time...

She looked around frantically.
"Oh CRAP! It's YOU!"

Hehehe, of course.

Nycto folded her arms, looking grumpy.
"You know, italicized personality, last I checked you'd had a nervous breakdown after you tried to eliminate me by pushing me into a space-time hole..."

Says who?

"You were rocking back and forth in a corner mumbling to yourself."

Was not!

"I have pictures to prove it!"

....you suck.

"Bah. You're just jealous of my genius. At least you've been cured of your bad-joke fetish...."

Your "genius"? What kind of genius can lose their own foot?

"....a good one?"

Lunitari0
01/27/2006 9:56 PM

The two fairies giggled as Sugar proceeded to go crazy, kissing each of them. Feather even concidered slipping the booze-drenched woman the tongue, just to freak her out, but as Chanter pinched her bottom in warning, she thought against it.

Instead..."Oh, foot!" the turquoise winged creature took off after it, chasing the foot around with the speed of a humming bird.

Chanter, meanwhile, went being the bar, grabbed a thimble, and zapped up some Fairy Ale.

Pillage
01/27/2006 11:33 PM

A thick, black underscore thumped hard against the bar floor, unmoving. The Communist trout yanked his paralysis dart back out, his other fin keeping the bar door open. He looked around.

Some brunette talking to the barstool next to her like it were a man, a crazy look in her eyes. Another hopping on one leg and having a screaming session with the floor. Just like the taverns in Mother Russia. It had to be a trap. For now, he'd play along. Troutsenheimer, wondering why his name was German, dragged _ to the bar. The bartend glanced up inquisitively.

"Your strongest vodka. Keep them coming."

At the word's mention, Trousenheimer felt those crazy eyes on him. Perhaps she'd had her share of vodkas as well. After enough to blend in, he'd talk to the patrons. This one smelled not just of vodka, though. A scent of ... sugar drifted around her.


Troutsenheimer let the shot drop from his hand. He lunged at the foot again, a trail of broken glass and sugar-coated vodka marking his progress. He wasn't aware the foot and its owner were in a bitter debate, before he decided he'd like to hit on it.

"Come on! You think you can run from me? I'll have you yet, my love, even if I must pursue you to the floor of the deepest pond!"

Aeramae
01/28/2006 8:07 AM

Straea looked over at the man sitting next to her. There wasn't anything special about his looks, and she wondered if maybe that was the reason he had been invisible utnil now.

"I'm here, hoping to have fun. Without creating any chaos of my own, mind you," she said. "What are you doing here?"

Avenging_Angel
01/28/2006 10:10 AM

Nycto stopped talking to the italic personality enough to look up and see a familiar shape lunging towards her foot. A temporary bout of sanity hit her like a ton of bricks, (which, incidentally, she really knew the feeling of) and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"What the futch? Bob, I thought you said you were going to have a hobo party back in the closet.....what are you doing here?"

She paused.

"....and, uh, stop doing that to my foot..."

Heh. Like that'll happen.

"Shush, don't have time for you right now."

[Edited by Avenging_Angel on Saturday, January 28, 2006 10:17 AM]

Unbeliever
01/28/2006 3:24 PM

[i]A giant fish making overtures to a severed foot... I'd thought I'd left all this sort of crap back in L.A.[/i]

"Um... Is that legal around here?"

Finally getting to his feet, Ed approached the fish. Just as he was about to introduce himself, someone hooted at him from a corner table. Startled at the sound, and half-expecting it to have come from an owl, he was disappointed to find an old, grizzled man smiling at him. He was wearing bright yellow rubber boots along with rubber overalls.

"Hey there, buddy. Ya see that damn trout right there," he drawled drunkenly, pointing his bottle of beer at the fish. "What sort of bait you think I'd need for one o' them?"

Ed had never been fishing in his life. "Well, I don't..."

"Think I should use a nice spinner? Maybe a spoon? Can't use any of that chemically enhanced crap. That's just cheating." And then as an afterthought, he added, "Might just have to find me a big ass worm."

Ed was vaguely wondering what an ass worm was, and thinking it sounded awfully unpleasant, when he thought the giant fish should know someone was thinking about eating him.

"Hey, fish... I think you should know someone is thinking about eating you," he said, feeling only slightly redundant. Tapping the fish on the shoulder... err... the area that looked about where a shoulder should be... he pointed to the old man in the corner.

Avenging_Angel
01/28/2006 3:40 PM

Nycto was still staring at the Troutsenheimer.

"I, uh, don't think so...not sure...."

If it is, it shouldn't be...

The girl turned around and abruptly fell through a hole in space-time. Re-emerging after what was, to her, several hours, she was weeping.

"Damn...damnitall, Gankutsuou! Why....why....why did it have to end?"

She wiped her eyes, and blinked.

"Hey, I have my foot back!!"

She paused, realizing the black kimono and pants she had been wearing earlier were gone, replaced by slightly more normal clothes.

"Dude...where's my cosplay?"

Pillage
01/29/2006 1:57 AM

"You'll find your cosplay is unavailable at the moment."

Bob the Hobo wandered calmly next to Nycto, adjusting a dirty wristcuff with the suave cool of a playboy after a long shower. Dark material, clutched in his hand, hung elegantly to the floor.

"And that isn't me. However, he is a fish dressed as a Communist. A German Communist. Therefore, I'd be gawking too."

Gulping his own pint-glass of the special vodka, which'd kill a regular man, he vanished the robe and pants in his other hand. Hobo Magic was far more powerful than it was given credit for these days, which often worked to Bob's advantage. He wrung the vodka, which had inevitably spilled in a drunken stumble earlier, from his beard, then froze.

"Wait. He was chasing after your foot, wasn't he?" The hobo chuckled. "He doesn't stand a chance. A trout that can't swim, and thinks he's a dictator? Besides, your foot's back on your leg. He's just chasing air."


Troutsenheimer leapt onto the ground again, picked himself up and felt a hand clasp his shoudler. He swung around neurotically, unsheathing his revolver, cocking the hammer and aiming squarely at the guy's brow. Then didn't move. He observed the man's blurry face. The trout's angry scowl lightened, fading neutral, then to a smile, then a grin, then a hearty laugh.

"Ed! What the christ are you doing here? Let me buy you a drink. Have some vodka, or you'll be first against the wall when the Revolution comes. We're gonna take over the Motherland, you and me. And when we make the rules, if ya don't drink, ya die!" He chuckled loudly again and led him to the bar, unaware that Ed wasn't following him, or that he hadn't told Ed to follow him. Something dropped against the dusty wood floor before him. He couldn't tell through the drunken haze, but it looked like a big ass worm. He plucked it off the metal toothpick, which was oddly hook-shaped, and kept going. He dropped the worm, forgetting that he hadn't eaten it yet.

Shallandra
01/29/2006 3:55 PM

NOIP looked at Straea and had to fight the urge to look at her chest. It seemed to be heaving as she spoke - but he thought if he looked at it too closely, she might ignore him, and he'd just vanish again. He needed to maintain his presence for a while if he had any hopes of doing it long term.

In answer to her question, NOIP said "well, I'm sort of hanging out, seeing what kind of havoc is wreaked here. It's better to join someone else's chaos than to create your own, you know? Though it seems like there's plenty around here to choose from." He paused for a moment, unsure how to engage her. "Anything inparticular appeal to you?"

- - - - -

Sugar Coated Vodka continued to do cartwheels around the bar, thrilled at the prospect of becoming famous for getting plastered. It was something she'd been doing for many years, and she knew she could do it on a regular basis. Well, she already did, but the little fairies didn't need to know THAT little tidbit.

She froze mid-cartwheel when she heard someone order vodka. It was a little awkward, staring at everyone while upside down, but she had to find out just WHO had dared to order her favorite drink.

Walking around on her fingertips, she stared at the Hobo - and watching him drink the pint - the whole pint - waited for him to pass out. But.....he didn't. Sugar blinked her eyes in disbelief. Could it be that there was someone who could hold his vodka as well as she could??

Flipping back over on her toes - SCV tiptoed over to the new new new new new new newer newcomers, and tried to eavesdrop on their conversation unnoticed.

Unbeliever
01/29/2006 4:02 PM

Ed stood rooted where he was, not by real roots or anything, watching the fish... scratch that... watching the Commie fish head to the bar. He didn't recall knowing a fish, but this one seemed to know him. What's more, in the same breath he'd just invited him to join in some sort of conquest, and then had almost threatened to kill him.

He stayed where he was another moment, dumbly staring at the fish's back. Leaning to Nycto, he whispered, "Mind keeping an eye on him? You know, warn me if he tries to do something... unnatural, or something while I'm with him."

He wasn't even sure he wanted to be with him. He had just hooked an ass worm, afterall. That didn't seem nice. And anyway, could you trust a fish? He knew if it had been a rat or a weasel he wouldn't go near him. You don't trust those damn things. But what about fish? He'd never heard anything on the subject and quite frankly began wondering why in the hell there was no information available for just such a situation.

He'd have to write a letter to Bill O'Reilly, or something.

[i]It's just a drink with a giant fish. What the hell, right?[/i]

Aeramae
01/29/2006 8:55 PM

"Hmmm, I think the drunken chic might be fun," Straea mused. "But it seems some people from San Francisco might be occupying her time. And I have bad memories of fish."

The red head looked at NOIP. True, he wasn't much to look at, but for the time being he was making for better conversation than the kenders and gnomes did. Not that those were allowed to talk much. She took a deep breath, making her breasts heave again, and wondered why he wasn't staring.

Oh well, at least he wasn't trying to steal her new favorite red bra. Yet.

lonewolfe619
01/29/2006 11:32 PM

Wolfie suddenly woke up from his trance. He wasn't quite sure how it had hppened. even though it had happened a number of times before. He looked around hoping noone had noticed and found that there were quite a few more people in the bar. He found that his was full again, so he put it to his lips and upended it, finishing the glass in one breath.

He put the mug down and stood up. He felt compelled to dance, even though he had no one to dance with. He walked out to the middle of the floor and got to it, dancing with absolutely no one.

It was something to do at least.

Pillage
01/30/2006 12:42 AM

Bob pelted his glass at the nearest wall and glanced around. The crazy girl was eavesdropping on he and the other new new new new new new newer newcomers' conversations, almost unnoticed.

"Enjoying the party, sugar?" he idly, slightly distractedly asked, not knowing that her name was, in fact, Sugar. He'd heard the name somewhere, probably from his landlady's AOL, and was oddly reminded of it by her plastered stupor. He glanced at her again - there was something about her face. About being -

"Plastered! Of course." He indicated the girl with a wave of the mug he hadn't smashed yet. All this broken glass was becoming a hazard. "I thought I recognised you. Not all of us have the fortune to be famous for getting plastered."


The trout meanwhile tugged the parachute behind him. Some stumbling patron flew loudly out a nearby window. That'd teach him to stand on the Troutsenheimer's chute.

"About five more vodkas each," he ordered before sitting down, "for my friend and me. And if you sell any automatic firearms, just enough to protect me from the National Guard ..." Troutsenheimer tapped where his nose'd be and cackled loud enough for the guys next door to hear. He noticed the underscore stir, then go back to sleep.

Avenging_Angel
01/30/2006 8:57 AM

"Communist fish..." Nycto muttered, turning around to get a drink from the bar and falling through yet another hole in space-time.

St...stop doing that.

Nycto walked out into an alternate reality that appeared to be populated by stripper lobsters. She quickly kept walking towards where the last hole was, and smacked into the wall.

"Ugh...ow..." she stumbled backwards and fell through another hole.

This time she landed on what appeared to be a rhinoceros wearing leather boots.

"Um...sorry..." she quickly turned around back through the hole.

Oh gawd....let it stop...ugh...

Nycto popped out into a reality where she was staring at herself.

"Dude...what the hell?" Nycto muttered, staggering to her feet. The other her looked so....
....normal.....

"Actually...nevermind. I don't want to know."
She quickly ran away into another hole and fell out to leaning against the bar.

Nycto blinked and rubbed her head.

"Oh, good....fill 'er up, Sugar...."

I think I'm gonna be sick.....

"You're an alternate personality, I don't think you CAN be sick..."

Care to test that theory?

"Good point."

Lunitari0
01/30/2006 3:51 PM

Feather watched as Nycto fell through a hole in the floor, giggling at the silly silly human. However, when she saw that the girl reappeared with her foot in tact, she pouted. "You ruined my game of Tag!" the fairy screamed, lifting her right hand and zapping Nycto with sparkly blue dust.

Nycto, who was leaning against the bar, lost her arm that she was rubbing her head with. The arm aeappeared in Feather's hand, and she proceeded to wack the girl on her head with her own arm. "That's what you get for ruining my game."

Chanter, now half drunk on Fairy Ale, had decided to learn how to tend bar, seeing that Sugar probably wouldn't mind. She handed Nycto a fresh drink, while snickering at her her friends antics.

Avenging_Angel
01/30/2006 4:35 PM


Feather watched as Nycto fell through a hole in the floor, giggling at the silly silly human. However, when she saw that the girl reappeared with her foot in tact, she pouted. "You ruined my game of Tag!" the fairy screamed, lifting her right hand and zapping Nycto with sparkly blue dust.

Nycto, who was leaning against the bar, lost her arm that she was rubbing her head with. The arm aeappeared in Feather's hand, and she proceeded to wack the girl on her head with her own arm. "That's what you get for ruining my game."


Nycto fell onto the bar with a loud squawk.

"What in the name of caffeinated japanese confectionary??"

The girl stared at the space where her arm had been.

"But but but that was my drawing arm!!"

Hehe. Go fairy girl!

"Gahhhhh!" Nycto stumbled to her feet in time for the other fairy to hand her a fresh drink.

"Uh....thanks, I need it." The girl gulped down the drink, and turned towards the other fairy, wobbling slightly.

"So, er, can I please have my arm back??"

No! Keep her arm!

"Shut up! She can't hear you, anyway."

Actually, she can...

"Since when?!"

Well SOMETHING was bound to happen when you muck around with space-time like that...

"Shaddup."

[Edited by Avenging_Angel on Monday, January 30, 2006 4:36 PM]

Lunitari0
01/31/2006 3:30 PM

Feather cocked her head to one side, picking up the sound of a second voice, inside Nycto, it seemed. Her baby blue eyes twinkled with mischief as she giggled.

"You want your arm back...yet you don't." the fairy taunted in a singsong voice, making the human's arm wave. "What do you think, Chanter?" she asked her silver haired friend.

"Make her waltz!" the other fairy sang back, as she herself was now dancing along the bar.

Feather grinned. "You heard her, miss Nycto. Waltz, and I'll give you your arm back."

Demitrex
01/31/2006 3:49 PM

Grubb yawns and stretches his massive body... yes he was massive once again, thanks the mighty jebus for that. Looking around, the ogre finds that nobody is paying close attention to him, which is rather creepy because nobody looks like nobody, changing her looks with a whim. Well, if nobody wanted to pay attention to him, then he might as well leave everybody alone and talk to nobody.... nobody and everybody are always arguing so only a few people will hang out with both at once.

"Well things seem to be getting a little less wierd in here." Grubb says to nobody, as he looks around at No One In Particular, then pauses. "Are you related to NOIP?"

Nobody sniffs loudly at the question and responds,"If you have to dig it up, yes we are, but he's always hanging around big groups, I like one on one conversations... and confrontations better." Nobody winks roguishly at Grubb.

Grubb grins and says, "Well they always told me that Nobody would love an ogre!"

Grubb laughs with Nobody and pulls out a new bottle of rum, serving some to Nobody and drinking the rest from the bottle as he looks around again.

Unbeliever
01/31/2006 5:52 PM

Ed downed one of the vodkas on the bar and spent the next few seconds recovering, a task that involved making a few faces and pounding his fist on the bar. When the fish started talking about automatic weapons, his interest was stirred.

"So... taking the Homeland sounds like a hell of a task... How many people do we have helping us with this again? I... um... forgot." He took a drink to mask the uncertainty on his face.

Turning to lean his back against the bar, he saw the ogre stirring, apparently talking to nobody. "That's one big, ugly sonofagun..." Narrowing his eyes at the ogre, he muttered, "Somebody should tell him to stop stinking up the place."

Raising his voice, making sure it was loud enough for the whole bar to hear, the patrons and the building itself, he called, "Hey! Ogre! You got a problem?" It seemed the big guy didn't hear him. "Yeah... you got a hearing problem!" Ed called, confident he'd just showed him.

"Stupid ogre," he muttered, turning to listen to the fish again.

Pillage
02/08/2006 10:20 PM

Writers' block and boredom have culminated into a funny twist of fate - me attempting to resurrect this thread. Incidentally, try naming the video game and book I've referenced here.


IC:
The trout waved his fin, wrapped around a mug, drenching the nearest patron in vodka. His words slurred beyond sounding like he was speaking English.

"Comrade, they'll be coming soon. They're dressed in white." Troutsenheimer's tone lowered cautiously. "You and me, we'll take out every one of them. Then we rally the people in the streets, and march on the Reichstag itself!"

He cocked his AK-47, which was actually a corkscrew the bartend gave him for a wad of coasters (most from other taverns) with 'a mlilon bux' etched in the corner. If he were sober, Trout-boy probably still wouldn't notice.

The room lit for a moment. Behind the fish, a tangle in the space-time continuum had created a man dressed as a cowboy - but with a lab coat, pair of glasses and slightly long hair, yelling into some form of videophone in his left hand. His right seemed to be missing most of its fingers.

"Jake! What's going on? Respond! Jake?! Jaaaaaake!"

A succession of notes (a dramatic [i]doo-doo-dum![/i]) followed his cry.

He'd begun watching this halfway, then swivelled his head nervously. The bar door burst open. What seemed to be dozens of built men dressed in white, carrying pistols in their hands, began filing though the doorway. Each one tripped over the sleeping underscore, as if they hadn't noticed the one before make the same mistake. The ball of white-clad Imperialist Dogs slowly picked itself up. Each man brandished his pistol again.

Unbeliever
02/09/2006 1:06 AM

OOC: Got me on those ones. I'll probably hit myself when it comes out, though.

IC:

Edward was only partly listening to the trout as he rambled on drunkenly, mildly amused that the ogre still hadn't responded to his jibes. Taking another drink, he smiled sinisterly.

"Damn ogres think they own..."

He was cut off by the sound of the door coming open and the armed men entering the bar. Turning around, his eyes went wide at the sight of so many pistols. He raised his hands, still holding the glass of vodka. "I didn't do it... Coulda been any one of these freaks, but it wasn't me."

Aeramae
02/09/2006 6:46 AM

Straea watched in interest as the fish was shouting about comrades and capitalists. All in all, this was a very interesting place to be at the moment. She was about to go over to the fish and try to calm him down, when a large group of armed men burst into the room.

"Well, things are just getting weird now," she said. "I'll tell you one thing though, if I get hauled off by those men, then I'm gonna go fishing."

Demitrex
02/09/2006 2:09 PM

Grubb turns from his conversation and drink with nobody as a group of men in white come stumbling into the bar, little guns clasped in their hands. The ogre shakes his head, what a bunch of buffoons, they were doing things backwards, people are only supposed to stumble on their way OUT of bars... And what was with them little pistols, if Grubb had only carried around his own weapon, he'd show them what a REAL gun was, but as it was he didn't have his 90 calibur rifle.

After another swig of rum and a pinch on his behind that nobody did, it snapped in his mind. "Gimme yer gun Nobodyz, I'll teach dem ta mess wit mez drink time." Nobody smiled and went to the back room, leaving Grubb to grin as he walked around to the back side of the bar, he'd need to use it for leverage, after all, Nobody's gun kicked harder than a 90 calibur.

No One In Particular noticed that Nobody had given her gun to Grubb, who was now setting it's bipod on the counter and aiming it at the men in white. Now was time to make them go away so things could get back to no....erm... the way they had been before the men in white.

"Hey yooz wit da likkle guns. Me thinks it be times fer yooz ta beat it outta here, 'fore mez has to blast ya into a whole new world'o'hurtin'!" And just to emphasize his point, Grubb shoots a round at the last man to come through the door. The ogre's jaw drops slightly as the man simply disappears with a scream of agony, " oh ya, dats right. Dis gun DOES send dem to a world'o'hurtin'... maybe dey'll be nice an' jus' kill'em... rest of yooz drop dem likkle pistols!"

Pillage
02/09/2006 8:09 PM

Now the trout was cackling louder than ever.

"I told you, Brothers! What, did you think I was a crazy pseudo-Communist, with a German name?"

In reality, he was. Still, he'd drawn too much attention to himself, and the Men in White now saw their target. He tumbled over the bar, ending with a leap past the bartend. With a wet thud, he landed behind the opening for staff to get through, mostly concealed. Troutsenheimer fired.

[i]Click.[/i]

"You sold me a toy!" He fiercely shouted at the bartender behind him.

"Uh, first you need ammunition," the guy trembled, fixed on the men - five of whom aimed him down, slowly drawing nearer. "Besides, that's a corkscrew."

Being a fish, the Communist trout didn't know this. He shrugged and pelted it, screw-first, at the nearest Man in White's hamstring.


A low, clenched growl echoed through the bar. One of the guards snatched at his leg. He curiously observed the toothpick between his thumb and finger. It seemd oddly shaped like ... a corkscrew? He chuckled - such novelties were rare these days. His boss called to them, waking the young security guard from his daydream.

"These must be the escaped patients. Let's sober them up and get them back the the ward."

He fired on one of the patrons. From his gun, to the trout's amazement, flew a trail of what appeared to be silly string. The string latched the side of his head. For a moment the patron stopped, then continued to the door muttering something about being late for dinner, without his drunken stumble. Troutsenheimer gasped quietly.

They had to be stopped.

Lunitari0
02/10/2006 9:59 PM

"Do you not know how to waltz? Feather questionesd the girl. "We'll show you!"

Tossing the arm back, Feather grabbed Chanter's hand and pulled her friend over the bar. Togther, they floated around the room in a exaggerated waltz. They accidently bumped into a man in a white coat, holding a gun.

"Boy, that sure is a big weapon!" Chanter exclaimed loudly. "Are you compensating for something?"

teutonicknight
02/20/2006 2:33 PM

Pesmerga, the Black Knight, rode through the thread on his Nyghtmaire, swinging his sword about that seemed to absorb the light. Everything was darker where he went.

Riding past this man in a white coat, he swung his sword down, severing the man's torso from, well, the rest of him. Evescerating him completely. Blood spew forth everywhere, and Pesmerga rode on yonder down the road, eventually to reach The Land of Somewhere Else.

Shallandra
02/20/2006 2:52 PM

NOIP noticed Nobody giving a rather massive weapon to the Ogre. Shaking his head he said to himself, "always creating chaos rather than joining it." It was a dangerous game that Nobody played - but NOIP knew Nobody would keep trying until he could become Somebody - which was never going to happen. Anybody could be Somebody, but Nobody was doomed to being a Nobody. It was sad, but NOIP decided he might as well cash in on Nobody's misery and join in the fray.

He snuck over to the men in white coats, and tied their shoe laces together. Snickering to himself, he backed into the corner of the room, waiting to see what would happen next.

--------
Sugar Coated Vodka came out of her Sugar Stupor to see complete chaos around her. She was about to protest about the mess they'd make shooting, when she realized one of the men had shot a bottle of vodka off the wall. A WHOLE BOTTLE?!?!?

Getting up her Super Sugar Coated Strength, Sugar pointed all her fingers in a claw-like fashion and then leapt in the air toward the nearest white coat. She stopped mid-air as a darkness covered the man in white. Suddenly, he was torn asunder, evescerated completely. Looking closer at the man, she realized it was a woman, and she had a name embroidered on her coat. MARY it said. Giggling, Sugar pulled a flask out of her jacket and held it up next to the bleeding corpse. She'd always wanted to try a Bloody Mary, and now she finally had her chance.

Demitrex
03/07/2006 6:11 PM

Grubb blinks several times and looks around, every muscle in his body feeling rather unused. Finally the ogre looks down at the watch he'd drawn on his wrist and found that several days or weeks had passed. "Retch'd time warpy thingies. We all been frozen here fer too long." And without a second thought the ogre began blasting the men in white into a world o'hurtin, causing many loud screams and shrieks to echo around the bar.

Nobody was safe from the gun and walked amidst the men in white as they popped, one by one, out of this world. Suddenly the ogre stopped shooting the gun and just stood there, pointing the gun and looking menacing. Nobody sighed, ogres were like deisel trucks, they ran out of gas way too fast. After searching the back room, Nobody came back to the front and force fed several family sized cans of baked beans to the ogre. After a few moments the ogre burps loudly and begins shooting the men in white again, apparently unaware that he had ran out of gas. It was always lucky for Grubb that Nobody fed him beans whenever he needed it.

Shallandra
05/30/2006 8:26 PM

*** VIVA LA HELTER SKELTER ***

Thud-thud.

Thud-thud.

Thud-thud.

"Ooooooffffff, I've got to lay off that imported stuff" Sugar Coated Vodka said to No One In Particular.

Thud-thud.

Thud-thud.

Thud-thud.

"What IS that noise?" Sugar wondered in her mind. And as she was wandering in her mind, she realized the noise was coming from within. That was gonna be one nasty headache when it made its way out.

Opening one eye cautiously, Sugar realized that while she'd been passed out, the world had turned sideways. And someone had fiddled with gravity again - her face was stuck on the floor. "Well crap" she muttered, "I hate it when that happens....and speaking of...where the heck are the bathrooms in here?"

As she continued to walk around in her mind, she cleared through most of the spider webs. "Oh" she said quietly as she sat up slowly, "gravity's fixed." Holding her head in one hand, Sugar got up and stumbled to the table in the corner.

"That was one helluva night" she said to No One In Particular as she plopped down in her chair. "I wonder if I could get another shot or two of that stuff?" Looking around the room rather bleary eyed, Sugar tried to take in the scene around her.

teutonicknight
05/30/2006 8:41 PM

No One In Particular sat on Mistress Vodka's head, "It's not so good when you drink fifteen bottles of it. You should've stopped at lucky number thirteen."

Pancakes then flopped off the plate before the fork No One In Particular was jabbing at him stabbed him in the batter, "Well, I would've liked some, but does anyone ever ask me if I want anything? NOOOOO! He's just a foodstuff, what could he ever possibly want? Pish. I'm going back to my knitting." Pancakes then pulled out his knitting needles and started knitting the thread into a sock.

No One In Particular then reached down and grabbed two of the socks that were already completed and placed them on Mistress Vodka's ears, "There, now you look like, er, well, someone with socks on their ears."

Just then _ threw a prinny across the room and it exploded and burned Pancakes's sock he was knitting, "Not sorry!"

Shallandra
05/30/2006 8:54 PM

Sugar perked up a bit when NOIP put the socks over her ears. The Thud-Thud was suddenly quieter. Yes, that would do quite nicely. Seeing that Pancake's sock had exploded, Sugar fastened her socks more tightly to hear ears so he wouldn't try to take them back.

SO, PANCAKE BOY - WHO'S THE LITTLE _ WITH THE PRINNY?!?

teutonicknight
05/30/2006 9:10 PM

Pancakes flops off the table and rolls over to _, "Do you have any idea how much that costs?!"

"Tree fiddy?" came the reply from outside the bar. _, Pancakes, and No One In Particular all turn their heads in unison to stare at the giant eyeball just outside the window.

"God damned Loch Ness Monster! I'm not giving you no God damned tree fiddy! Now go away and eat some girl scouts or something?" _ yelled just as NOIP soiled his shorts (while still sitting on Mistress Vodka's head, nonetheless).

Shallandra
05/30/2006 9:28 PM

Sugar looked out the window in time to see the eyeball staring back at her. Sniffing the air, she yelled NOOOOOOIIIIIPPPPPPP!!! and flung him across the room and into the eye. Walking over to the back of the bar, Sugar dunked her head in a barrel of ale and swished her hair around, then walked over to the eye and shook her hair dry.

"What the hell are you staring at?" She asked the glaring eyeball. "Do you live on an eyeland? Like eye-oh-wah, or wy-eye-ohming?" She saw the eye starting to come in the window, so she stuck her finger toward it - to poke the eye out.

Walking purposely over to _, Sugar stomped her foot on the ground just in front of him. "Eye believe, and so do I, that you owe Pancake an apology! Or at least a spoonful of maple syrup."

teutonicknight
05/30/2006 10:01 PM

Pancakes fruffled over to _ and Mistress Vodka, clutching his knitting needles close.

_ looked from Pancakes to Mistress Vodka, back to Pancakes, "Whatever." _ dumped a bottle of maple syrup, a can of confectionate sugar, and a shot of vodka on Pancakes.

Pancakes blinked, looked over at NOIP unconscious, then fell over, "Now she's going to eat me?!"

Shallandra
05/31/2006 8:49 AM

Sugar stared at the newly dressed Pancakes, and glanced at the fork NOIP had left on the table. "Voooddddkkkkaaaaaa" she said in a glassy-eyed tone. She began to reach for the fork, when NOIP suddenly awoke and pounced on her from across the room. "DOWN DOWN DOWN MINE MINE MINE" he screamed as he wrestled the fork from her. Scuttling over to the corner, he cuddled with his fork, "my precciouuusssss, my oowwwwnnnnnn."

Sugar shook her head to shake the rest of the cobwebs free and looked again at Pancakes. "_!" she screamed, "that was NOT a very nice thing to do." She grabbed Pancakes knitting needles and began to pound _ even flatter into the ground, "Don't MAKE me bring in my elephant friend" she said in an ultra scary voice.

teutonicknight
05/31/2006 8:53 AM

_ exclaimed!

Pancakes wept.

NOIP cuddled?

Shallandra
05/31/2006 9:09 AM

Sugar was about to scream in frustration when a big nose came bouncing in through the front door. "Something smell fishy here" it wheezed through it's big nostrels. "Where is fish??" Nose bounded around the room, sniffing everyone thoroughly - and stopped when he came to _. Tilting one nostril down right on top of _, Nose inhaled deeply, and then sneezed _ out across the room, smashing _ into Eyeball.

teutonicknight
06/02/2006 9:47 AM

_ splattered on Eyeball. With _ lying on Eyeball, Eyeball looked like it had two pupii. Eyeball screamed and blinked, which splattered _ back to the floor in a pool of tears. _ couldn't swim and thusly drowned in the teardrop.

Pancakes meanwhile used the commotion to go over to the kitchen sink and take a bath to wash off all the good stuff off of him . . . HEY! Get your mind out of the gutter. He's [i]always[/i] been naked in this thread, excepting when the syrup and stuff was put on him.

NOIP, though, continued to cuddle the fork, which eventually found itself stuck in his hair. o_@ "It's lost!" NOIP exclaimed as he jumped up on the table and voluntarily convulsed. "Find it!"

Avenging_Angel
06/02/2006 7:12 PM

Nycto pranced through the room, for no real reason other then that she wanted to.

That's ridiculous. Italics chimed in. Nycto blinked, then breakdanced back through the room. (breaking dishes, crockery, and a small, hairy, yellow yak)

Y'know, you don't technically know how to breakdance. Italics pointed out. Nycto sighed, then proceeded to breakprance through the room. (which somehow warped the laws of space-time, causing dishes and crockery to unbreak, and resulting in an extremely confused small, hairy, yellow yak appearing on the roof of the White House)

Alright, NOW you're not even -trying-.

SoaringEagle
06/02/2006 8:57 PM

Soule appeared from someplace far far away that came from another even father far away place. "What the?! But I was just..... how then.... why..... er..... something or someone did something foolish that brought me here?"


Y'know, you don't technically know how to breakdance. Italics pointed out. Nycto sighed, then proceeded to breakprance through the room. (which somehow warped the laws of space-time, causing dishes and crockery to unbreak, and resulting in an extremely confused small, hairy, yellow yak appearing on the roof of the White House)


"Ah, that explains everything..." Soule pulled out his double-bladed banana saber (yes, a double-bladed banana saber... thats right) and said, "I am... the last of the Banani."

Shallandra
06/03/2006 8:36 AM

Sugar snickered at the breakprancer as she pranced right over the drowning _. She wondered if _ would take the moment to see the color of her panties and snickered again.

Seeing the Banani saunter in, Sugar pulled out her own double-bladed banana saber, and walked slowly over to The Imposter. "I am the last Banani!" she screamed as she threw her banana peel sheath on the floor behind his feet.

teutonicknight
06/03/2006 9:52 AM

_ struggled to get out of the teardrop when someone stood over him. He looked up and saw . . . heaven. _ sighed and got a lungful of teardrop. He then promptly died happy.

Pancakes, though, seeing the start of a banani duel, started selling popcorn and beer.

Avenging_Angel
06/04/2006 8:27 PM


"Ah, that explains everything..." Soule pulled out his double-bladed banana saber (yes, a double-bladed banana saber... thats right) and said, "I am... the last of the Banani."


Nycto blinked.

"I'm, uh, sorry?"

Hmmmm....this one appears to be useful. And with a brain that Violet hasn't gotten her mitts on yet.... Italics muttered.

Nycto frowned at the bar, which frowned back.

"Your point? I sense there's some malevolence here that I'm sort of missing out on."

Aren't you clever. Go eat some paintchips.

Nycto continued to frown.
"Yeah, about that...I'm pretty sure those are kinda bad for me."

No, they're very healthy for you. Honest!

The girl shook her head.
"Noooo, I don't think so....I mean, the dancing mushrooms only appear after eating some of those."

Perfectly normal.

The girl blinked, and then double taked twice, making it a quadrupal took.

"Whoa. Are they doing the conga on one of the tables?"

Don't be absur-....
....the hell??

Nycto spun around on her barstool.

"Banani fight!"

She promptly toppled off the stool and collapsed onto the floor in a welter of splinters, dust, dust-bunnies, and the odd dust-vole.

"Down with the 'shrooms!"

Sigh...just....*sigh* Italics sighed.

teutonicknight
06/04/2006 8:29 PM

Just suddenly, stuff happened! A strange twist in the fabric of a sheet being dried in the local laundry mat caused a space-time bubble to pop tearing out of The Land of Somewhere Else a small, somewhat petit, rubber ducky by the name of Ralpie. Now, Ralphie is an adventurous rubber ducky, so wherever he goes, goes his theme music. So: as Ralpie popped out of the sheet in the dryer, flying across the street into the bar behind Soule, out of everywhere began playing a little diddy that sounds much like "Harvey the Wonder Hamster" by Weird Al, but the words were, well, different?

"Ralphie, Ralphie, Ralphie the Rubber Ducky. He bites real hard, he swims in a leotard, he slips up on a banana peel." (just then Ralphie slips on the banana peel behind Soule, falling into Soule's knees, buckling him and causing him to fall backwards atop Ralphie, thusly crushing him with a "squeak"ish noise) "Ralphie, Ralphie, Ralphie the Rubber Ducky, yay Ralphie?"

Pancakes then decided to add Vodka to the list of what he was selling for the enchante.

SoaringEagle
06/13/2006 9:40 PM


Seeing the Banani saunter in, Sugar pulled out her own double-bladed banana saber, and walked slowly over to The Imposter. "I am the last Banani!" she screamed as she threw her banana peel sheath on the floor behind his feet.


Stares in shock as Sugar pulls out her own double-bladed banana saber. "I know all of your tricks!" He takes one step forwards instead of backwards, which allows him not to slip on the banana peel sheath. "Ah hah! Now prepare to lose and become.... I totally forgot what I was going to say...." Soule stands there oblivious to the world around him.


"Ralphie, Ralphie, Ralphie the Rubber Ducky. He bites real hard, he swims in a leotard, he slips up on a banana peel." (just then Ralphie slips on the banana peel behind Soule, falling into Soule's knees, buckling him and causing him to fall backwards atop Ralphie, thusly crushing him with a "squeak"ish noise) "Ralphie, Ralphie, Ralphie the Rubber Ducky, yay Ralphie?"


"Ah! I remember what I was going to say! Now prepare to lose and become..." Soule is then hit by Ralphie and falls backwards. He also hits his head on a rock and loses consciousness.

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