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GalenPathwarden
01/29/2004 7:57 PM

Im new to the RP forums, so Im guessing, oen person is a charachter, and they make up a story and then others post, and the story and the roleplaying continue, if im wrong, plz enlighten me, so i cna actually get involved.


In case Im right, then heres the premise

I am a deathnight, with the same powers as soth, and some undead legions. My avatar is me.


I am raging across unprotected farmlands, and slaying all who refuse to join with my darkness. My undead Hordes figth with me, killing with joy, sucking human blood and freezing souls. I seek allies for some dark purpose known only to me and a strange black robed figure I am somtimes seen with, deep in conversation. I am ruthless, and I will not stop until my secret goal has been fufilled. The country I am assaulting is in ponic, the lands won being given to my foul hordes during their "Leisure time".

I am currently camped outside of a small village, no fire is lit, no tents raised. I will attack in a few hours, when night deepens. Hordes of barbarians mill about with my grim, spectral followers, this town, although better fortified than the others, will soon fall.

I put a hand to a shadow hidden thing at my neck and speak a few words. The summons has been placed, and the black robed mage should teleport himself here at any time, our meeting is of dire importance on this night.......

Hope im right, this shoudl eb fun if so.

DarkDalamar20
01/29/2004 11:38 PM

Your character is too powerful (making it difficult for other people to work into the story).

Your story is too vague enough to bring a lot of people into it.

You need more info on what kind of characters you would want.

You leave nothing in the way of prospect to move this story forward.

GalenPathwarden
01/30/2004 1:20 PM

gotcha, lets revise it then...

how bout this.

I am still a death night, with lesser powers tho, the chrachter Linus, is me.

The doors to the audience room slam open, and a dark figure enters.

clad in pale, almost green armor, and wearing a helm that hides his eyes, he strides in.

The gaurds leap up, and charge at the figure, wicked axes at the ready. The figure points a gauntleted finger at oen gaurd, and a blast of etheral, green light slams him into the far wall. The other gaurd cries out, and swings at the figures neck. With speed unheard off, the armor clad night pulls a sword from seemingly mid air and disembowls the attacker with the ebony blade. Then he turns to face the barbarian king.

The king draws himself up, and shouts at five armed gaurds to surround hsi throne, then he speaks to the figure. "You are late"

The death night smiles, for that is what he is,

"I am Linus, death night, and I have come to you with an offer. We agreed to meet, king elazar, and here I am, will you join my masters forces or not. Choose wisly."

King elazar sighs, and orders the gaurds aside. "When last we met, Linus, and agreed to meet, you told me you were a night of lesser power thna the fabled lord soth, but still cabable of easily killign me. I believe you and your master cabable of conquering, so I will join wiht you, my armies, will marche to your camp"

The death night speaks "no, your armies must prove themselfs, prove that they are worthy of my master, how do you propose to do this?" The king was silent "Then I shall tell you how, There is a city nearby, well fortified, and to this day unqounkered. take it, and make it my masters, and you will live to fight at his side. If not, you will die, by my hand now, or in battle later. The city is known as Melkarax."

"I knwo of it, it has never been counqured."

"I will leave you to answer, my persoanl under-servant shall take your answer. I will take my leave, King elezar"

The death Nigth laughed evily at that last, and then turned and vanished in a glow of green. Soon a black robed figure was standing in his place. An old man in black robes stood before the king, and he spoek in a raspy, low voice "what do you choose?" contempt radiated form him, but he kept his dialouge to this.

The king thougth for a whiel, then cleared his throat and spoke...






At this point im wanting some peopel to carry on the conversation bewtween mage and king.

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