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Benn-Salian
01/19/2004 11:18 PM

Greygem Trio III
"flying blue balls cock-onion jesus"

Samsterd and Madong Yummypu-Kantstahnd were the propieters of The Hidiougroogly Inn for six months. The young couple had established themselves in Solace and were able to put other places of business out of work. The Inn of the Last Home was the last place to fall victum to the couple.

Sure, the couple had tons of steel, admiration of their patrons and love between them that had evolved over weeks of turmoil. But what they didn't have and wanted most of all was a small child. Samsterd prayed every night to the gods and offered anything in return for a little bundle of joy.

One night, the couple had distinguished guests by the names Ballsar Rockhard and A Mer Beech von Marderfarker who had dropped by for dinner and lodging as they past through on their adventures. It was almost yule and the air was too cold to stand near the doors. Samsterd was telling Ballsar how good it was to see him while Madong only gave him awkward glances from the corner of his eyes. It was hard not to notice that Marderfarker seemed all too at ease around the new couple.

Just then there was a noise on the roof. All of the people in the inn jumped up to what was going on. Running to the window Madong began to inspect outside. There was nothing about and no sign of anything climbing up the side of the building. A faint song could be heard on the night's air, "I wish I was a Krynnish diety." Madong pulled in his head. He thought that was odd, but he had learned to accept that the tune had become popular as the bards of Ansalon sang the songs of the newest god. " That is truly what I wish to be."

"You know Sam," Madong began as he turned towards the rest, "I think I'll never tire of that tune."

Just then a ton of soot came down from the chimney and a loud smack found a gnome holding a bundle under his arm. "If I were a Krynnish diety, Everyone would be in love with me!" the gnome sang with great glee. The gnome was dressed in kingpriest robes which never were soiled from the soot of the chimney.

"By Chaos's own womb, Det, it's really you!" Ballsar exclaimed in surprise, "but what do you have there?"

The gnome gestered to the bundle. "This is a present to Samsterd and Madong," he pulled black a flap revealing a gully dwarf bambino, "his name is Trots. He was hard to come by - I had to push an old woman down at Wal*Mart." Detontrophe handed over the newborn gully dwarf too the new parents. His skin gave off an omnnipresent glow - for the gnome had inadvertently became a god the last time any one had seen him.

"Det! What brings you to Krynn these days?" Marderfarker asked the gnome deity.

"Well, besides the offspring, I bring news of a terrible war formulated in the abyss.," Detontrophe explained, "Ionthas has been massing an army of deamon warriors and wraiths, not to mention fire dragons, and he'll unleash them on Krynn again. He has his forces gathered so much, you'd think he overcompensating for something. I'm not sure what we can do to stop it, but I'm just sending out the message right now."

Ballsar straigtened himself. Pushing his battle ax to the left and his groin to the right he quickly made a decision; "Fine, we'll go out the back."

UndeadDragon
01/20/2004 10:33 AM

At the sight of the baby gully dwarf, Samsterd literally flew over to the bundle. He flung his arms around the mishappen child, tears of happiness pouring from his eyes.

"Oh, Madong! Look! He's hidiougroogly just like the both of us! Oh look, he has your eyes! And... wow..." The kender 'wow'ed as he looked at his child's groin. "Hmm... I think Trots here might take after Ballsar!" He grinned at the dwarf, who, in turn, looked away and gagged.

The baby gully then began to wail, and Sam immediately took off his shirt, revealing his kender boobs. After pressing the baby to one of them, and with much struggle, the kender sat in a chair with Trots happily sucking on his nipple.

Greylen_Judeth
01/20/2004 1:28 PM

A somewhat ill equiped Kender stood up from behind his table. Shabby brown hair had covered the top of his head. The look in his eyes gave of a distinct feeling that he had been drunk for days making his eyecolor well unknown.

Taking a step tward the gnome proclaiming, "Good gods!" At that comment he had fell flat upon face. He began mumbling to him self "Always happening to me. Someone always scootching a chair right in front of me when I'm trying to do somethng important."

The kender looked around momentarally then got back apon his feet to face the mysterious gnome with some questions.

Standing in front of the gnome he had risen a finger as if to say something then droped it limply. "I forgot what I was going to say... Well I'll just say my name and umm... walk over there to that there table..." he lifted his arm and pointed to a table that was nearby. "Bobass Bottom-knot's the name"

After he had introduced himself he stumbled to a nearby table.

Benn-Salian
01/20/2004 1:59 PM

No one seemed to be reacting to Ballsar decision to leave the inn and now Detontrophe seemed to garner attention from a mishappened kender. The gnome wondered if this Bobass was an afflicted kender. Not that it mattered - he dealt with all the kender in the same manner - quickly as possible.

Turning to the poor creature who seemed more likely to trip over a minion of Chaos rather than run away from it, Detontrophe held out a hand that displayed his godly aura. "My dear kender, I urge you to leave this place. The minions of Chaos are not to be trifled with - they will scoop out your memories and thoughts like icecream, leaving your body as hollow and shallow as a banana peel," Detontrophe explained with true concern, "but all of this talk about destruction and disorder is making me hungry. Madong, can I bother you for a cup of coffee and some cookies?"

Greylen_Judeth
01/20/2004 2:20 PM

Bobass's eye's had widened and the veins in his eyues stuck out even further. "How dare you scare me like that." Pulling a chair infront of him as if to protect him from some attack. "I dont know what you was talking about earlier but I'm sure it wasn't about brain scooping and such"

The frightened look subsided as bravery, perhaps stupidity took over the Kender's facal expresions. "But any god or demon that wishes to take on Bobass Bottom-Knot fighting skills, let then try." Unsheathing his partially rusted sword he had accidently flung it across the room. "Damn Blast it. I dropped my sword again... This is not an inmage i wish to create for myself... how can I make a name for myself if I keep droping my damned sword!" Bobass had complained

Tears had began to form around the dry blood shot eyes that was equiped to the Kender and he walked over slowly to pick his sword up.

Looking over at the display that Samstred had put up with the baby. He watched to see what was going on over there. "Today is a weird day for me. Gnomish gods and talk about a Wall*Mart and little baby gully dwarf that pack as big a package as Ballsar?" Bobass had began to think about the occurances today.

UndeadDragon
01/20/2004 2:26 PM

At the sight of another kender, Samsterd immediately dropped the baby gully dwarf. He ran toward Bobass and extended his hand.

"Bloody hell! Another kender, and an odd one at that! Pleased to meet ya!"

In the background, Trots cried and cried, having landed on his head. Which will most likely explain his mental defects later in life.

Benn-Salian
01/20/2004 2:35 PM

Madong ran behind the bar and grabbed Detontrophe some much needed snackage package. Detontrophe sat down in a stool and began to eat, completely unaware of the mission he had sent himself on. Ballsar sat down next to his comrade who he hadn't seen in ages and handed himself a glass of ale by leaning behind the bar.

"I hope you enjoy your food their gnome," Madong said with a smile which turned to a grimace when he saw what Ballsar was doing, "but you'll have to excuse me - I have a son that has been left on the floor. I wouldn't want anyone to step on him. Could you imagine the mess that would make?"

Detontrophe nodded. He wasn't exactly sure, but he had a pretty good idea how much of a mess that would make.

Greylen_Judeth
01/20/2004 2:36 PM

"Does that mean you're a Kender?" Bobbas strained his eyes to see past the blurr caused by the massive amount of Alcohol he had drank previously before the engaugement.

"God god! You are" Extends his hand outward. "Nice to meet you. I'm Bobass Bottom-Knot." Bobbas received Samsterds hand. "I have come far... well maybe not that far. I just came down from one of the Rooms in this inn" Bobbas sat back down his chair still holding Samsterds hand.

UndeadDragon
01/20/2004 2:45 PM

Samsterd sighed at his hand still being held. "Bloody hell... I see you have gotten stuck to my goo. I have tried to wish a tad bit more, for Madong, but still... I dont think my raunchiness will ever go away."

With that, he let out a rancid cloud of gas. He quickly waved it away. "Wow. Haven't done that for a long time," He said as he pryed Bobbas' fingers off his hand.

Greylen_Judeth
01/20/2004 2:49 PM

"good god that smell is rancid' Bobass quickly wobbled acroos the room to seek shelter at the bar.

Benn-Salian
01/20/2004 3:04 PM

Detontrophe ackowledge as the afflicted kender came back. Afflicted or not - kenders had a bad habit of coming back. Detontrophe was reminded of the battles him and Ballsar had against an army of kenders and the havok they unleashed upon them. The gnome shook his head - ever since becoming omnipresent he had a habit of getting retrospective.

He turned towards Bobass. "Cookie?" he offered and then realized that he had consumed them all already, "no I guess you wouldn't want one since the demons of Chaos make mortals sick to their stomach."

Detontrophe picked himself up from the bar stool and headed in Bobass's direction. He reached into his vibrant kingpriest robe and searched his pouches. He pulled out a single steel piece and handed it to the kender. "Here," he offered, "ask Madong for an antacid - you'll need it."

eswiftfire
01/20/2004 6:21 PM

OOC: Oooooh, we have a new playa here. Welcome to the boards, you, with the Getbackers avatar. Ho ho. Will post something later.

Greylen_Judeth
01/20/2004 9:40 PM

Takes the peice of steel from the gnome. "What in the blazing hell would I use this for. At least a cookie would have filled my stomach" After his comment he slid the peice of steel in his pocket and waited patiently to be served something he had never ordered.

DarkDalamar20
01/21/2004 10:41 PM

The rage was rising. Not just the simple anger that was an every day happen-stance in Ballsar's extremely sexy brain, but the kind of anger that could only be caused by one creature. A creature so hideous, so disgusting, so googamungled, that a dwarf would die just to rid the world of them....kender.

Ballsar had traveled with Samsterd in the past. And even though he hated the smelly bastard. He seemed to have a certain sort of respect for the disgustingly sticky kender. But this new one, a new kender, a new disease. Ballsar could only supress the gag that was rising in his throat.

But, the sexy dwarf simply sat at the bar looking at Detontrophe out of the corner of his eye. There was something different about the gnome. Ballsar couldn't exactly place what it was, but there was definately something different. Ballsar's eyes examined the room, from the baby laying on the ground howling, to the stinky kender still trying to extract himself from the other annoying kender-creature.

Then it struck him. "That's it!" Ballsar bellowed and reached over and pulled up Det's shirt. "Aha! I knew it you bastardly gramma humper! You pierced your nipples!" And sure enough, there under the gnome's shirt were two pierced pink nipples.

"But Ballsar, you said when you pierced your scrotu.....uh...ballsa....um...nut...uh .....er...your man-jewels that I could get my nipples pierced! You said I could!!" Det almost cried.

"Shut your mouth, gnome! I didn't say it was bad....but, you shouldn't have peirced them with key rings! Someone might accidently pull them out!" Ballsar reached over and yanked on one of the nipple rings....it pulled right off.

"Fake! You have farking fake nipple rings! I should have known since the price tag was still on them! You are a weak little scrotum! You never could handle pain! Hmmmpphhh" Ballsar went back to drinking his ale and tried to ignore the kender as the rolled around the floor getting even more stuck to each other thanks to Samsterd's kender grease.

Benn-Salian
01/22/2004 2:00 PM

OCC:
And I thought Lord of the Rings had Return of the King. Welcome back, DarkDalamar20. Be nice if you could stay and post whenever you had the time. But as all Greygems do - we continue on!

BIC:
Detontrophe looked at his best dwarven friend with a look of astonishment. Ballsar couldn't figure out if it was because the gnome was shocked to be figured out so easily or if the gnome was shocked that the dwarf had the audacity to publicly humiliate him. It didn't matter to Ballsar - he knew what was best for the gnome and fake jewelry wasn't it. "By Reorx's sold-out beard, Ballsar!" Detontrophe exclaimed, "haven't you realized that since I've become a god that I may not always have a body on the material plane to attach true nipple rings too!"

With great frustration the gnome diety ripped off the other keyring and tossed it across the inn. The projectile hit the afflicted kender, Bobass, between the eyes.

DarkDalamar20
01/22/2004 3:05 PM

Ballsar watched the keyrings as they flew across the inn. The light of the fire illuminating them just before smacking into the kender's forehead. The ring simply stuck between the kender's eyes because of Samsterd's kender grease that was smeared quite thickly over the other kender's entire body.

The dwarf sneered in disgust as a waft of kender stinch came sliding across the room to slap him in the face. The smell was enough to make him sick. Turning his head, Ballsar emptied his stomach of any and all contents. It wasn't until he heard a girlish scream that he realized he had projected the dirty stomach fluid.

"Oops...er...sorry about that chum!" Ballsar almost smacked the gnome on the shoulder before remembering that that would stain his frilly pink tunic.

The dwarf then stood up and stretched his sexy dwarven frame. "Well, I'm bored." He then walked over to where a table being occupied by the famous Solace Hoochie Hookers. After introducing himself with a few lude comments, Ballsar and the women headed upstairs to one of the inn's few rooms.

Forgotten below, Detontrophe looked up the stairs after his dwarven companion, a thin tear mingling with the upchuck that covered him. It was then that the inn quieted and from up above over the moans and giggles Ballsar could hear a rather melodic version of the song "I'm so sexy" being sung in a gnomish soprano.

Greylen_Judeth
01/22/2004 3:07 PM

Bobass had looked over to see what comotion the drawf and gnome where putting up. As he looked a metal keyring had hit smack dab between his eyes. "What in the blazing blue hell was that" The afflicted Kender proclaimed. "I dont deserve such things" Hunched over the counter of the bar he began to whimper and mummble, "Why do these things always happen to me? I never did anything to deserve this."

Standing up quickly the Kender pointed a finger at the gnome and proclaimed, "Gnome I challenege you" From the speed he had stood up the kender fell backwards unconcious.

Benn-Salian
01/22/2004 3:40 PM

Everyone loves it when Detontrophe burst into song. Singing "I'm too sexy" actually made people in the inn believe it. That was until some kender cursing and bitching. That upset the gnomish diety. Did anyone every interrupt Elvis or the Beach Boys? No. How about Aerosmith or the Rolling Stones? No. Michael Jackson? Well, the authorities stopped his special performances - but that didn't count.

"If you have a problem with me kender, speak now or i'll smack you in the face!" Detontrophe warned, "Say something I don't like and I'll smack you in the face too. So needless to say; Get over here and let me smack you in the face!"

Bobass Bottom-knot was beginning to get over his head rush and looked awestruck at Detontrophe. The gnome took advantage of this by picking up the bastard and carrying him upstairs to bed.

Making it to the top of the stairs, Detontrophe could hear his dwarven comrade in one of the rooms hackling over prices. Getting an idea, Detontrophe finally thanked his retrospectiveness, and he picked up the kender and aimed the young Bobass at the door like a battling ram.

"Kender-doken!!!"

Greylen_Judeth
01/22/2004 3:50 PM

The poor aflicted kender screamed for help as he was bashed against the door numerous times. "Help, god help me" he shouted.

The kenders slime soon saved him by allowing him to stick against the door unable to be unstuck. "Thank you for assisting me Samstred, but now I cant get off this blasted door." Unable to pry himself from the door because of the nasty slime that covered his face from Samstred the kender relaxed and waited for something more peaceful then this over masculine gnome that was rather normal looking to Bobass neglect the odd glow about him

DarkDalamar20
01/22/2004 3:55 PM

"Kender-doken!!!"

The sound interrupted Ballsar just as he was about to hand over a couple steel pieces to the rather buxom ladies.

"What in Chaos's fringed panties is going on here!?!" Ballsar bellowed just as a kender's head exploded through the door and got stuck. The kender's face scrunched up as it was pulled back out through the hole and another loud crash happened as the head came through the door in a different place and was pulled out again.

"Damn kender heads...not strong enough!" He heard a grumbling from outside.

With a sigh, Ballsar went over and opened the door just in time to see Det spit on the kender's head thinking that would give it a bit more power.

"Can I help you?" Ballsar asked.

"Ah, Ballsar! There you are! Funniest thing, this kender was like..'hey, let's go smack my head into a door. It will be fun.' And, of course, he picked...this..door...that you were in..And up...Why, Ballsar! You are only wearing a sock! And not on your foot! How does that stay up there?" Det reached out.

Ballsar smacked the gnome's hand away. "What in the flaming undergarments of Takhisis do you want!?!"

Benn-Salian
01/22/2004 4:30 PM

"We ran out of sugar," Detontophe replied as he looked downcast at his sandles, "and there's this little thing called Chaos's army of minions! Or have you forgotten that all are lives are in peril? Leave your ergothian lady of the night and get down stairs." The gnome felt upset beyond recognition that no one was ready to leave.

Detontrophe turned on his heel and took off down the stairs. "I'll be downstairs with Samsterd and Madong. If we leave them alone long enough they might try to give Trots a little brother. We can't have that, so get down there soon and... bring that kender there with you."

DarkDalamar20
01/22/2004 4:41 PM

"Bring the kender with ME!?!" Ballsar almost bellowed, but Det had already turned on his heels and ran down the stairs. After much grumbling, apologizing, and fumbling with genitals Ballsar managed to extract himself from the hot ladies that wanted his dwarf meat.

"Come on kender!" Ballsar mumbled and pulled long black shaft out of his pants. "Good thing Det isn't here, I am sure there would be a joke there...." the dwarf said to himself.

The kender was still laying on the ground rubbing his head. That was when Ballsar started throwing his fists and prodding the kender with his electrified night stick. Of course, he didn't like calling it a night stick. It was much better around women when he referred to it as his "long black shaft".

When the kender was beat within an inch of his life, Ballsar then proceeded to grab it by it's little toe and drag it down the stairs. Making sure the creature's head hit every single stair on the way down.

"Ok, Det. I'm ready. Let's go grab onto Chaos's nutsac and squeeze for all it's worth."

Greylen_Judeth
01/22/2004 5:07 PM

Half way down the stairs the poor, smelly, beaten, afflicted Kender awoken from his unconcious state with a rage. The Kender unsheated his sword and placed it between the legs of the dwarf which was carrying him down the steps in an atempt to trip the dwarf. As the dwarf clumsally triped over the placed sword he stumbled head first still holding tightly onto the poor, smelly, beaten Kender's toe draging him even faster down the steps till the both met the bottom of the stairs with a thud. The Dwarf landed face first as the kender landed upon the dwarf shortly after.

"HA that's what you get for messing with the GREAT Kender Bobass" The Kender stood on the body of the dwarf still laying face first in the floor as though he was standing upon victory hill.

"No one messes with this Kender!" he proclaimed. A laugh bellowed from the kenders lips. The laugh sounded simular to the sound of a laughing chipmonk played on a broken record.

Bobass had began to dance apon the dwarfs unconcious body. "I finally won a battle. How do you like them apples dwarf?"
Soon after the dance and the proclaimation of his victory the kender jumped off the back of the dwarf and made his way intently on grabbing a big, cold, rather large, cookie.

Aeramae
01/23/2004 10:15 AM

Straea strutted into the inn, and saw, of all things, a bouncing gully dwarf baby. She heard yelling, and recognized one of the voices as belonging to Ballsar. That was a miracle in itself. She hadn't heard his voice in ages. She walked over to the bouncing baby, caught it in mid-air, and looked for a place to put it.

DarkDalamar20
01/23/2004 4:14 PM

Ballsar was hiking up his pants when he saw Straea saunter into the inn's common room. "Well, lookie who we have here..." he mumbled to himself and proceeded to walk over to the rather...well-endowed woman. Just as his hands shot out and he was about to grab her lucious melons, Detontrophe came up behind him and grabbed onto his beltloop.

"Oh! You are going to regret that Biooootch!" Ballsar's face turned red as he turned in rage.

"We hafta get going...you know...Chaos and his minions and all that jazz! Think of all the poontang you will be getting if he manages to kill every woman on the planet." Det begged.

"I don't care! Straea is right here and she is all the woman......poontang you say? Gone?....We can't have that. SNAP SNAP everyone! Get a move on! We are off to save the poontang of Krynn!" Ballsar pushed past everyone and exited the inn in a rush.

Det stood there shaking his head slightly. "Should have known that would get him moving...." the gnome whispered to anyone who was listening.

Shouts and yells could be heard outside where Ballsar was preparing to leave. It was then that a rather bedraggled looking gnome came running into the inn with a large basket on his back. "Idon'twannago!" The little thing screamed while trying to replace his thick glasses over his large nose.

"I don't give a flying shyte what you want, GNOME!" Ballsar came stomping back into the inn. "We are leaving and I can't have my sexy muscular legs getting tired!"

"Fine.Ihateyouthough.youmakemesickandIwanttokillmyself."

"Shut your gnomish mouth!" Ballsar said as he climbed onto the back of the gnome with a grunt.

"Ok, I'm ready. Poontang awaits! Tally-Ho!" The slave gnome went trotting out the front door with Ballsar bouncing on his back.


(Haha! Benn)

eswiftfire
01/24/2004 3:03 AM

(Pointlessly short cameo begins.)

Eliar walked into the inn, saw a few recognizable figures.

"Hmm..."

Eliar shrugged to himself and left.

(Pointlessly short cameo ends.)

Aeramae
01/24/2004 7:17 AM

Straea heard Ballsar's voice again, and then something about missing poontang. She ran outside, looking for the sexy dwarf and his companions.
"Wait! I wanna come too! This will be my chance for the hot woman-on-woman action I've been wanting to film for a long time!"

eswiftfire
01/24/2004 11:50 PM


Straea heard Ballsar's voice again, and then something about missing poontang. She ran outside, looking for the sexy dwarf and his companions.
"Wait! I wanna come too! This will be my chance for the hot woman-on-woman action I've been wanting to film for a long time!"


Eliar, who was supposed to appear only in the pointlessly short cameo above, gasped when he overheard what Straea said.

"Whoa! What hot woman-on-woman action? Can I watch too????" The spiky-haired mage said as massive fountains of blood burst forth from his nose.

Aeramae
01/26/2004 2:57 PM


"Whoa! What hot woman-on-woman action? Can I watch too????"

Straea looked at Eliar and grinned.
"Yes, but only if you help me catch up to them!"

Benn-Salian
01/26/2004 2:59 PM

"That's it!" Detontrophe exclaimed using his godly presence to amplify his voice, even adding an echo to it for effect, "I have come here to tell you that the army of Chaos is approaching and all you can do is congegate and lolly-gag! And no Marderfarker, lolly-gagging is NOT what you want to think it is."

The gnome diety waved over everyone in the room. "I'm going to transport us somewhere else," Detontrophe declared, "this place is not safe and even though no where else is either, but we have little room to maneuver."

Ballsar and Straea walked over with hands in eachother's back pockets, though Straea didn't have any pockets so Ballsar put his hand inside her pants and inserted it elsewhere. He left the gnome slave sitting in the corner, the little bastard had seen his master and decided to insert his hand into his pants and found what he believed to be a magical billards table.

Bobass had found some cookies and were munching on them triuphantly until the gnome gave him a glare and then he threw them all in his mouth and then began wailing about a toothache.

Marderfarker came over looking crestfallen that no one was willing to do wat he thought "lolly-gagging" was.

Samsterd seemed outraged that the gnome was the one who was going to create the whirlpool of magic to bring this Greygem entourage elsewhere on Krynn, that had always been the kender's job with his kender book; Magic for Dummies. But now the gnome had ascended to godhood and was able to cast greater spells. There was still one spell the kender could do that he knew Det would be jealous of. With a flick of his kender wrist and a few well-known magic words, an imp appeared. "C'mon imp," Samsterd commanded, "your name is now Burrito and your my friend, but not the gnome's. Follow please."

Dogar was searching frantically for his young child. He saw the young gully dwarf, Trots, rolling in ale spilled on the floor. After the dewar licked his off spring to make sure it was still fresh, he put him into the nook of his arm alongside his firstborn child, a eggplant named Det Jr. who was a bit wilty at the age of two.

True to his word, Detontrophe waved his hands in a theatrical way that made the gnome feel better about himself and the entire scene at the inn was engulfed in a magical wave that picked up the troupe and sent them into a magical vortex. The magical vortex landed them in a dark and dreary castle called Storm's Keep. No one, save the gnome, was aware of that though. "Here we are, in Lord Ariakas's own personal office," the gnome declared to his companions.

To one side of the room was a group of dark cheerleaders. Very sexy goth chicks in heat that made the author blame it on his sexual frustrations. The cheerleaders were practicing their routine and got in a pyramid and were chanting "Rah Rah Rah, Go Dark Knights, Go!"

"At least the Lord Ariakas has some priorities," Detontrophe commented, "but Straea, there's your woman on woman action. enjoy. I know we all will."

DarkDalamar20
01/27/2004 3:54 PM

Ballsar shook his head to clear the fogginess of the godlike travel with thanks to Det. He then saw the Cheerleaders and felt a tightening of the trousers.

Still angry with the Det over the loss of his slave gnome, he walked over to the cheerleaders and took their hands (or breasts or butts) into his hand.

"Fark you, Gnome! I am joining the Dark Side! *Said in a Darth Vader like voice*"

With that, Ballsar and the cheerleaders left the room with the gothic women chanting..

"B-A-L-L-S-A-C..Ballsac!" They screamed at once.

"That's Ballsar! But, I guess the brains don't matter."

Ballsar's voice faded as he walked away, leaving the rest of the group in the room watching after him and shaking their heads....including a rather large man behind a desk with a name of Ariakas.

Aeramae
01/29/2004 2:48 PM

Straea chased after the dwarf, trying to conjure up a video camera as she ran.
"No you don't!" she screamed after him. "Those are my sexy cheerleaders! Get back here with them!"

Greylen_Judeth
02/16/2004 8:46 AM

Bobass ran speedally tward the dwarf screaming profanities and inuendoes trying to taunt the dwarf back. "You pathetic excuse for a Gully dwarf. Get your ass back here. I'll make you cookies if you do. YOU STUPID COCK BITE. You cant have all them women to your self" Saying such things the Afflicted Kender caught up and jumped on Ballsar's back and began to bite on his neck. "Dont make me pummel you down a set of stairs again. You must stay with us you shinanagin." Bobass thought a bit... *what's a shinanagin?*
Bobass let go of the dwarf unintentionally and fell on his back without realizing as he tried to contimplate what a shinanagin was.
"Cookies" the poor Afflicted Kender spoke. "It must be some sort of cookie... I'm hungry now." The kender looked at the dwarf who was fading away. "Oh My mother Loving Gods of!!... I dont know!!... I forgot all about that damned Gully dwarf." Bobass paused momentarally. "GET BACK HERE YOU COCK SUCKING GULLY DWARF!" Then paused hoping that would be enough to catch the Dwarfs attention.

Benn-Salian
03/29/2004 8:47 AM

Ballsar looked at the afflicted kender and then looked back at the sexy cheerleaders. He looked once again at the afflicted kender, then the cheerleaders, the kender, the cheerleaders, then he saw the gnome shrug, but then he turned to the aflicted kender and spoke.

"Listen here, little cutpurse," Ballsar shot, "A dwarf only lives a few centuries on Krynn and I'd like to make sure most of the centuries are spent in the arms of tramps, sluts and whores. Not insane little bastards who are more likely to stick their hoopak up their bottom than through an enemy. I shall seek this female accompaniment and you should seek a professional pschoanalyst to complain about your parents to!"

Bobass, the afflicted kender, lowered his eyes as his shame settled in. A large, leather chair turned around behind Ariakas's desk and in that chair sat the living embodiment of the dragon army, Lord Ariakas, himself. "Very well said dwarf," Ariakas said and then he allowed his eyes to fall upon Bobass, "You're fired."

UndeadDragon
06/05/2004 9:12 PM

"..." Samsterd ...'ed.

A tugging at his pant leg caught the kender's attention. When he looked down, he saw Burrito blinking up at him with big black eyes. They glistened from the torch light.

"AWWWWWWW SO CUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!" Samsterd cried. He swiftly picked the imp up and rocked it in his arms.

(OOC: Random? ... I know.)

eswiftfire
06/09/2004 8:12 AM

Eliar appeared with a manly poof and looked around in disapproval. "A thread started by a former Thread Ender... ABANDONED? Well, this thread has been hijacked by Thread Enders Inc.. I give it 7 days before I finish this off. Have fun, dearies!"

Alanded
06/11/2004 2:35 AM

OOC: 7 days again???

BIC: (Note, inappropriateness and gag inducing trauma level: 10,000)

A dark knight knocked on Ariakan's office door, then came in. He was tall, dark and handsome. He also had nothing on. Yes, all this is relevant.

"Sir! Talon leader Rym'Jhob reporting for duty as requested!" The dark knight saluted, every part of him standling stiffly at attention (And I really do mean every part of him).

"Eh? I don't recall asking for you." Ariakas said, looking confused.

"Hah! That's because I am really Colonel Jerkemoff of the Cuntonian Lancers, the elite warriors of the erotic... ahem, I mean exotic land of Marderfarker. Prepare to die fiend, in the name of King Ai mer Beech Von Marderfarker!"

So saying, the Cuntonian Lancer leapt onto Ariakna's desk, unleashing the most fearsome weapon of the Cuntonian army, the seven foot long schlong of slaying. The leader of the dark knights was impaled in the most grotesque and horrifying ways imaginable, so that any onlookers would require years of expensive psychoanalysis that would eventually do nothing at all except help finance some shrink's holiday retreat in Palanthas.

UndeadDragon
06/11/2004 9:50 AM

Samsterd looked on at the murder of Ariakas in awe. He was immediately aroused.

"Oh my god, Jermeoff, that was hot! Can I have your babies please?"

The kender leaped onto the knight's leg and started humping it.

Alanded
06/12/2004 5:49 AM


"Oh my god, Jermeoff, that was hot! Can I have your babies please?"

The kender leaped onto the knight's leg and started humping it.


"Gaaaaaaaah!!!!!" Colonel Jerkemoff screamed in horror as the smelly kender affixed himself to the leg of the dead dark knight commander's corpse and started making love to it. "Necrophilic leg humping randy midgets!!! The horror!!!!!!!" Jerkemoff backed away with horror and revulsion, his impressive arsenal considerably withered from shock. Meanwhile, Ariakan's corpse came back to life out of sheer indignity and proceeded to gnaw its own leg off, possibly as a last ditch attempt to expunge the kender's taint and maladorousness.


OOC: Jerkemoff is a Cuntonian Lancer and a military man, not a knight (which he was only masquerading as), so I guess you must be talking about humping Ariakan. :D

Aeramae
06/14/2004 8:08 AM

Straea paused in her pursuit of the sexy cheerleaders. She turned to face...a kender humping someone's leg. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Hey, can someone help me catch these cheerleaders? I don't want them going down in the ensuing destruction!"

Alanded
06/15/2004 5:30 AM


"Hey, can someone help me catch these cheerleaders? I don't want them going down in the ensuing destruction!"


"Oh those aren't really cheerleaders," Jerkemoff said, still a little shaken by the horrible sight of a necrophiliac leg humping midget. "They're actually Cuntonian Fembots*, the mass production type with gatling guns in their tits and lasers shooting from their ... ahem, nether regions."

No sooner did he finish speaking before the sound of high calibre weaponry gunfire began to echo through the passages, accompanied by the screams of dying dark knights.

Just then, Ionthas popped in for an appearance. "Oy! Look here u soddin rat bastards, I'm the one that's s'posed ter be doin' the slaughterin' round here. You blokes are just interfering with my work, and I won't have that! Who am I supposed to kill at the end of this thread if you whack off all these buggers here right now? Bloody amateurs, absolutely no cow sense whatsoever..."


*ripped off from Austin Powers :D

eswiftfire
06/18/2004 1:33 AM

"Oops. It's already more than a week already. Oh well, I'll extend this to ten days. Me will let the world rejoice on the 19th!" Eliar said.

Alanded
06/30/2004 7:24 AM

"Hmmmm...." Colonel Jerkemoff hmmmm'd impressively, surveying the carnage the fembots had wrought. Rivers of blood trickled through the fortress, cascading down stone steps in miniature waterfalls. The smell of gunpowder hung in the air like stale smoke, or maybe that was just the gnomish salmon smoking machine that was wheezing annoyingly in the background.

"I feel like there's something missing here..."

eswiftfire
06/30/2004 7:43 AM

"Oops, eleven days late." Eliar said. "This is how great an abandoned thread can be, even the hijacker could completely forget about it. All righty, time to blow things up. Now, which disaster flick should I copy from? Armaggedon? Deep Impact? Volcano? Dante's Peak? Or the latest Day After Tomorrow? Not too original, since all I could do is summoning volcanos, big ass comets and bringing an Ice Age to this place. This sucks, I'm starting to become unoriginal and rusty. Perhaps I'll just try something like NERV's Human Instrumentality Project."

Alanded
07/01/2004 6:34 AM


This sucks, I'm starting to become unoriginal and rusty. Perhaps I'll just try something like NERV's Human Instrumentality Project."


"No! I'm too much of a stud too liquefy into yellowish glop!" Col. Jerkemoff wailed.

Graffiti
07/07/2004 12:59 PM

Trample the world with sheep. Not just sheep, but sheep that are obsessed with Orlando Bloom. Fansheep, if you will.

Alanded
07/07/2004 8:31 PM


Trample the world with sheep. Not just sheep, but sheep that are obsessed with Orlando Bloom. Fansheep, if you will.


"Gaaah! Who said that! I'm hearing voices in my head!" Colonel Jerkemoff panicked and ran aimlessly around in a circle.

"It must be the One Ring! It's power is great indeed!" Gandalf appeared for no reason.

"We must boldly go where no man has gone before!" Captain Picard of the Enterprise D proclaimed, stepping through the front door. "Also, i'm lost! Where am I?" he then falls through a plot hole and is eaten by Barney the Purple Lying People Eater.

"Legsie!" Aragorn runs in being chasing by Legolas. "That wedding with Arwen was a sham! You KNOW you'll always be the only one for me!!!!"

"Nooooooo!!!!" The blonde elf wept manly (err... elfly) tears in pitiful denial. "I'll never share you with anyone. "Die!!!!" (Stabs Aragorn through the heart multuple times, then stabs himself in the eye. They both die).

"Noooooooo!!!!" The legions of Aragorn, Legsie and Picard fansheep rise up in denial, stampeding through the streets causing widespread destruction. The herds of woolly death lay siege to Sanction, and even Vingaard Keep falls, the Death Knight Lord Soth trampled beneath the tide of hooven feet.

In Palanthas too, the woollen undergarments of the Lords and Ladies rise up in protest of these deaths, strangling their owners in a strange mimicry of autoerotic asphyxiation, while on the Irda Island, the Graygem is kept safe from harm, as the haggis the Irda had consumed prior to attempting to use the Graygem results in a case of mass, unstoppable diarhoea (after a few days, the entire Irda race is wiped out by malnutrition).


Moral of the story: Behold the power of love and fansheep. :D:D:D:D

eswiftfire
07/08/2004 9:25 AM

And the world rejoices.


THE END

Alanded
09/11/2004 6:19 AM

OOC:

You know this forum has been really neglected when a thread that's been ended so long ago is still on the first page...

OR, maybe there are less new threads because ppl are now actually TRYING to finish their current threads before recklessly starting a new one? Hmmm....

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