[VIEW FFRP FORUMS]
The RPG Consortium Free Form Roleplaying Forums Archives
Forums > Dragonlance Saga Roleplaying > The Vicious Chicken of Bristol. (funny adv.)

Jax
08/01/2000 1:11 AM

As Jax looks out of his tower in the late eevening, he motions to the far corner of the room, conjuring a teleporter. I need to slay the dreaded beastie. Who's with me? He then awaits the arrival of some help.Jax ArchMage of Redwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

Autumn
08/01/2000 1:30 AM

Colonel Sanders materializes in another corner, "Let me at 'em," smoothes his
silky white mustache and waves a carving knife smeard in secret spices thru the air, splattering some on his fine white gentleman's suit.

Jax
08/01/2000 1:36 AM

Ah, welcome Colonel!Make yourself at home and prepare for the adventure of a lifetime!! Jax hands the Colonel and drumstick and some cole slaw.
Jax Space Cowboy and Soon-to-be-Lich, of Redwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

Fast as fast can be, you'll never catch me!! -- Jackalope

Quiralanthalasa
08/01/2000 2:00 PM

Suddenly the door is opened and a young elf woman, riding on a purple goat, comes in, with a colorful cooking spoon with a hole in it in one hand and a huge fork in the other.

"Hah, I heard you guys are on a quest to kill the dreadful chicken...may I join you?"

Leana_Nightbreeze
08/01/2000 2:01 PM

"Mmmm, if Colonel Sanders is going, count me in, I love his chicken."

teutonicknight
08/01/2000 2:21 PM

*a knight in shining armour appears at the doorway. the light gleams off his brilliant plate mail and shield. his sword hangs in its scabbard on his belt. he rides a magnificent white charger, perfectly groomed. he rides forward to face the trepid adventurers*

"Goo goo gaa gaa."

*you look at his face. he is a mere baby!*

"Me Sir Not Appearing in This Film."

Quiralanthalasa
08/01/2000 5:08 PM

*jumps off the purple goat and stands before the baby knight*

"My goat is purple."

Jax
08/01/2000 6:57 PM

Ah, yes Sir Not Appearing In This Film!! I have heard of your exploits, glad you could join us! Glad everyone could join! I am not this humbled mage that stands before you however, The mage stands before them and peels off his mask. I am really.....Billy Jibber, the famous....uh.....guy. So I say we go get the damned rabbit and kicks its' arse!! First we must get the Holy Hand Grenade from Brother Maynard. Anyone seen the cleric? Looks around, I'll givce him 5 seconds....
Jax Space Cowboy and Soon-to-be-Lich, of Redwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

Fast as fast can be, you'll never catch me!! -- Jackalope

Silveran
08/01/2000 10:56 PM

*In walks Maynard*
Three Sir
*Hands the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to Jax and runs away*



Silveran,
Lord of Death

The Elder One

Toki & Co.---Final Problem Solving

Jax
08/01/2000 11:06 PM

Ah yes, three! Accidentally pulls the pin and lobs it out the window. Damn!

JaxRedwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

Rok975
08/02/2000 1:47 PM

A chicken you say??? Well I have quite a story about a chicken.. Confounded thing nearly killed me.. well it did kill me.. well it killed Fizban.. well thats me but umm.. hmm it was the chicken fault anyway... where is he ::points over there:: is that it?? is that the beast?

Andross Majere

Quiralanthalasa
08/03/2000 3:35 PM

Seeing the grenade disappearing, Quira runs out as fast as a frightened kender and within seconds she is back again.

"I think you've lost something, Sir."

*hands Jax the grenade*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~May the force be with you...

Autumn
08/03/2000 4:05 PM

Colonel Sanders says with thick southern gentlemanly drawl....

"Why, ah thank ya ma'am," he tips his hat to Leana and magically removes a bucket of Original Recipe and places it at her feet, "You best eat up now, ya he'ar?"

Regards the entire group, "Ya all best eat up. Ya all need yer strength when we battle that there lickidy chicken!"

Goes to stand by the baby knight, "Well, hello there youngin!"

*removes a flask and takes a long pull of his Jack Daniels Lemonade*

"Nice goat, l'il lady," he winks at Quira and contemplates popcorn goat and waits for Billy Jibber to explode.

Quiralanthalasa
08/03/2000 8:56 PM

*sits down on the floor and starts to eat all the food, sharing only with the goat. Then starts to sing a christmas carol, hoping that anybody would burp*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~May the force be with you...

The_Thorn
08/04/2000 5:52 AM

Suddenly there is a pecking at the window.

The sun moves behind a cloud and the sky becomes very dark.

In a weird clucking you here, "you'll never deep fat fry me colonel."

You see the dark shape of a chicken pass in front of the window and then it is gone.

Jax
08/04/2000 11:57 PM

THERE IT IS!!! GRAB IT!!!! Jax jumps out the window and starts to run after the chicken.

JaxRedwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

Autumn
08/05/2000 2:07 PM

The Colonel rubs his hands together and with same southern drawl, "Well now, time to shake 'n bake I reckon."

Casually steps out the door, raises his cane, and blasts a fireball at the chicken, "Extra Crispy!"

The_Thorn
08/05/2000 2:21 PM

The chicken hears Colonel Sanders shout "Extra Crispy" and knows it's in trouble so it runs in a circle pecking the ground. Unknown to the pursuers, the chicken is maneuvering Jax into the fireballs path.

Jax
08/06/2000 4:54 AM

Seeing the great peril the chicken has now just put Jax in, Jax turns around to face the perilous peril head on. Seeing the peril is too great for him to handle alone, and being a big sphere of fire and peril, Jax jumps head first into a bucket of cole slaw and just barely avoids the peril.

But now there is more peril, Jax had just jumped into a vile vat of perilous cole slaw, after minutes of facing yet, another peril, he jumps out covered in mayonaise and lettuce.

"Dammit!", he says wiping his robes off. He then quickly pulls out two bottles of KC Masterpiece Teriyaki Honey BBQ Sause and whips them as hard as he can at the chicken, hoping the bottles hit and BBQ the vicious chicken before the fireball gets there. "I think BBQ'd chicken is in order my friends! Get him!!!" Then Jax tips over and falls asleep.

JaxRedwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

Harm
08/06/2000 12:56 PM

o_0 That chicken's dynamite!!

Jax
08/07/2000 4:22 AM

Dynamite!! Why didn't I think of that!! Anyone got a stick?? Jax summons fire from his fingertip, "I got the light, right here!"

JaxRedwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

The_Thorn
08/07/2000 6:01 AM

"I don't want to be B.B.Q," clucks the chicken. The chicken hikes up it's feathers and casts the one spell it knows-COWKILL.

Suddenly a shadow overcasts everyone. As they turn to look up they see a griffon holding a dead cow in its talons. The griffon releases the cow directly above the colonel.

"Eat a whopper," cackles the chicken.

Jax
08/07/2000 1:23 PM

CHRIIIIIIIIST!! LOOK OUT COLONEL!!! Jax dives outta the way of the falling Angus.

JaxRedwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

Autumn
08/08/2000 6:45 AM

The Colonel steps outa the way and waves his cane intricately thru the air, muttering arcane words...

"finger licking good, have it your way, put down the chulupa..."

The air crackles around him as he summons the magic from the three corners, "Well, slap my ass and call me Mary," the Colonel scratches his chin looking pleased as a giant meat grinder appears to cushion the cow's fall.

Jax
08/08/2000 9:50 AM

Jax then waves his arms and summons a meat try and wraps the cow in it after the cow has been deposited through the meat grinder. The Jax prices him at $2.99 a pound and puts the cow on the shelf for sale.
JaxRedwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

The_Thorn
08/08/2000 11:45 AM

The chicken uses the time bought by his only spell to escape. He finds a small rabbit hole and jumps in, hoping he doesn't end up in wonderland.

Jastom
08/08/2000 4:57 PM

A kender walks up.Everyone puts their hands on their pockets and pouches to make sure they aren't missing. "Can I have a burger?" he asks, handing the $2.99(plus tax) to Jax. Then he sees the giant chicken jumping into the hole. "A giant chicken! I always wanted to see one of those." He jumps into the hole after the chicken. "C'mon down, it's like a slide, guys!Wheeeee!"

Harm
08/08/2000 10:24 PM

Harmony turns into Harmbunny, the super-quick, super-soft, and super-vicious heathen rodent and scrambles after the stupid chicken holding a stick of dynamite in her forepaws. "DIE!!!!!" she squeaks loudly.
Help! Help! I'm being repressed!!

The_Thorn
08/09/2000 7:44 AM

The chicken hears the one thing that frightens it more then a deep fat frier, a kender.

"Someone eat me please," clucks the chicken "just don't let the kender catch me."

It finally reaches the bottom of the hole, stops to greet Bugs, then makes a mad dash towards the Cadbury Bunny's house.

He reaches the door and starts pecking on it. "Cad, let me in please, it's Camila the Chicken."

Harm
08/09/2000 5:47 PM

Harmbunny catches up with the chicken and begins savagagly biting it with her sharp bunny teeth. I'll kick your feathery ass Camila!!

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!!

Harm
08/09/2000 5:47 PM

Harmbunny catches up with the chicken and begins savagagly biting it with her sharp bunny teeth. I'll kick your feathery ass Camila!!

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!!

Autumn
08/09/2000 7:17 PM

*POOF* a lawn chair magically appears and the Colonel takes a load off.

"Le-MO-naide, anyone?" he drawls and pours out.

Looks at the bunny, "You go get 'em, little bunbun, daaaaaaamn straight!" lights his pipe and thinks of popcorn bunny.
:P

Joe_Ghostbuster
08/10/2000 2:54 AM

Suddenly, a giant block of wood shaped in a ball lands in a crash!
Out of the ball steps Buck Rogers of the 21'st century!
"I will kill the evil mongols!"
"Where is my jumping rope?"

__________________________________________________

Joe Ghostbuster-"Can you say 'ello?"

The_Thorn
08/10/2000 9:45 AM

The door Camila has been pecking on suddenly opens. To everones shock (but the chickens) out steps Gonzo. Camila has led everyone into a trap.

"This is my boyfriend," clucks the chick. "He's blue, he's weird, and he'll kick your @$$!"

Gonzo, seeing his girlfriend in trouble, swings his nose at the vicious bunny.

Jastom
08/10/2000 10:17 AM

Jastom stops chasing the chicken long enough to take a drink of lemonade. Then he runs back to the chicken and climbs up a nearby tree and jumps onto the chicken's back. "Wow. I've never been on a giant chicken before." Then the chicken goes crazy jumping around and trying to make the kender fall off.

Joe_Ghostbuster
08/10/2000 12:09 PM

Buck Rogers takes out his lightning gun and shoots the Blue Alien friend of the Giant Chicken.
"Die,Alien Scum!"

__________________________________________________

Joe Ghostbuster,Founder of The Order of The Plaid Robes-"Ghostbusting is all!"

Jax
08/10/2000 12:50 PM

Jax suddenly appears after sliding down the slide blowing his nose and screaming "Get der liddle bloo guy, he's deadly!!" Blows his nose,
"I godda stubby dose!!" Pops a couple pills and runs after Gonzo, with a pair of hedgeclippers.
JaxRedwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

The_Thorn
08/11/2000 9:20 AM

The chicken flees in terror when a weight suddenly crashes on it's back. "A kender," squaks Camila, "nooooooooooo!"

She bucks furriosly trying to shake the kender off her back. Becoming so worried, she starts to molt, and the feathers the kender is holding on to come out, causing the kender to toumble of the exstatic chicken.

The_Thorn
08/18/2000 8:17 AM

Camila starts to run faster and faster, slowly losing the entire group. "I will have my revenge," clucks the avid chicken.

Joe_Ghostbuster
08/20/2000 7:29 AM

Buck Rogers takes his jumping belt out of his spacdeship.
"After the Evil Alien!!"
Thus shouting, he jumps after the chicken and grabs hold of her tailfeaters.
Buck Rogers now climbs on to the back of the giant chicken. Will he succed in saving the world?Find out next time, same Buck Hour, same Buck channel!

__________________________________________________

Joe Ghostbuster,Founder of the Order of the Plaid Robes-"Ghostbusting is all!"

Jastom
08/20/2000 12:49 PM

Jastom sits up dizzily. "Wow! That was fun! That throw was farther then any throw in KenderToss!" He gets up and runs after the chicken, hands in his pouches fishing something out......or in....

__________________________________________________

"I know what I like, and if I like it, it usually ends up in my pouch somehow!"

The_Thorn
08/22/2000 10:49 AM

Camilla swerves behind a tree, "hey Buck, how about you help me get the 'evil' colonel. He has this nasty plot to cook me up and put hypnotics drugs in my drumsticks to take over the world. Why do you think I tried so hard to avoid be captured," explains the chicken.

Joe_Ghostbuster
08/22/2000 12:27 PM

Buck realizes that the chicken is lying to him.
Ignoriong the cries of the evil feind, he attaks it with a microwave blaster.
"Anybody for fried chicken?"

__________________________________________________

Joe Ghostbuster,Founder of the Order of the Plaid Robes-"Ghostbusting is all!"

The_Thorn
08/24/2000 8:33 AM

Feeling the searing heat the chicken tries one last ploy. "If you kill me, the Easter Bunny will hunt you down and kill you in your sleep and you wouldn't want that would you?" cluck Camilla.

Joe_Ghostbuster
08/24/2000 2:23 PM

"NEVER RELENT!"Shouts Buck Rogers, all the while shooting his microwave gun.
Untill...
The vicous chicken of Bristol is BBQ.

__________________________________________________

Joe.

The_Thorn
08/25/2000 11:45 AM

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," cries Camila. "I will have my revenge," she cries, as her death warble can be heard from miles around. Finally the chicken lays still, having been made extra crispy.

Jax
08/29/2000 3:23 AM

Jax walks over to the extra crispy carcass and looks at it closely. Smoke still rises from the heap, "Anyone got any cloe slaw and gravy? I got the mashed potatoes!!" Jax grabs a bib, a wet-nap, and a fork and a knife and starts to dig in.

JaxRedwizards.com (http://www.redwizards.com)

The RPG Consortium - http://www.rpgconsortium.com