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DarkDalamar20
03/23/2003 7:46 AM

Ballsar Rockhard, dwarf of dwarves, walked along a lone dirt road, contemplating what his life had come to. Nothing ever seemed good after you wake up in a brothel and all your clothes are missing, you have paint on your genitals, and your money is gone. Ballsar had to dress in the quickest thing he could find, a flowery sun dress. One good thing about the wavy fabric, was that it accentuated Ballsar's hips quite nicely. After only a few moments of looking at his reflection in a mud-puddle, Ballsar sighed and continued down the road.

"First Santa leaves me for a sewer rat, and now everything I owned is gone. Bah! I never liked that elephant anyway. I don't need her companionship, her love, her backrubs! I....don..t.." With that, Ballsar began to weep like a little girl. It wasn't long before his crusty beard was wet with tears. "Why!!!!! Why did you have to leave me you bastard elephant?" Ballsar bellowed. "Did I not take care of you? Did I not pamper you and take care of your every need?"

Sighing, Ballsar ripped a limb off of a nearby tree and snapped it in half. He knew that his elephant had moved on to bigger and better things. Well, not really bigger..because her new lover was a sewer rat, but that was besides the point.

"What am I supposed to do now. I need adventure. I need excitement. I need....Marderfarker. Yes, my old friend Ai Mer Beech Von Marderfarker. I haven't seen him in a long time. He will know what to do. Maybe he has some sort of travels that we can go on." Ballsar sat down on a nearby log (making sure to cross his legs).

He looked around the dirt road. No one was coming from any direction. It looked like he was going to have to walk. If he remembered right, Marderfarker's castle was to the north of here. With a grunt, Ballsar heaved himself to his feet and began northward on the road.

He was happier now. His life had a purpose. Even if Marderfarker didn't want to go out on an adventure, he would have a fun time crashing at the King's castle and fondling the female servants. Hopefully Marderfarker had female servants now. The last time the dwarf had been at the castle, the King's servants were solely male...and scantly clad, at that.

Oh well, Ballsar thought. He was tired of being sad. He needed excitement. And that girly King better be able to provide him some fun. If not, he was going to have a fun time making Marderfarker's life a farking hell.All I want is a warm blueberry muffin and absolute world domination.

eswiftfire
03/23/2003 8:56 AM

King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker, who was in SOMEWHERE, frowned suddenly. "I sense someone... calling for me..."

OOC:
I'll continue later. Gotta run. "Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

Benn-Salian
03/24/2003 9:46 AM

Landing in a duck pond with a large splash, Detontrophe stood out of the muck with his garments showing a deeper hue of purple now that they were wet. He put away his Time Travel Device that he had borrowed from his buddy Gnosh. He pulled himself out of the water and unto King's Road that went by the little duckie pond.

"At least I'm not in the Abyss anymore. I shouldn't be so unappreciative of the spikey mage, it's just that it was so cold. Speaking of cold, I'm pretty frozen right now," the gnome commented to himself.

Detontrophe began building a small fire and then hung his clothes up on a line of pulley wire. The heat of the fire and the freedom of his gnomehood in the wind led the gnome to do the only logical thing to do in that situation. He began dancing. He danced and danced til he was sure that he had singed his gnomehood too much for one night.

He laid down exhausted. The dancing had got his adrenaline pumping as well as his horomones. The gnome made himself comfortable for a night filled with gnomish wet dreams when a thought entered his heard. He spoke his thoughts aloud, "I wonder where that dwarf that smelled like kender grease is right now.""We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us. And my first act as self-appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades" - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

DarkDalamar20
03/24/2003 3:23 PM

Ballsar sat down on a rough log, sensing that someone was sensing his calling. It must have been Marderfarker.

"That bastard better hurry up and do something, or I will find his homo dancers and make them cook me a hotdog." Ballsar mumbled.

He was just about to get up and walk again when he smelled something. It was something so disgusting that he couldn't help but gag. He wanted to puke up everything he ate since he was born. It was something so hideous, so grotesque, so abominable.....it was...


a gnome...All I want is a warm blueberry muffin and absolute world domination.

Benn-Salian
03/24/2003 3:48 PM

In his sleep Detontrophe could sense something. He sensed someone sensing someone else sensing them back. If that made sense. To a gnome, it did.

The smell of kender grease filled the gnome's nose and heart. He awoke to see his good friend Ballsar. Detontrophe exclaimed, "Dwarf! I am so glad to see you. Come here, we can boil some coffee. You'll like it. I don't think it will stunt your growth, it's too late for that. Anywho, I saw a kender the other day and me and him were fighting dirty. I didn't know weither to kick him in the crotch or bite him so I bit him in the crotch..."

The dwarf's mind wandered as the gnome's one-sided conversation did. He was able to refocus as the gnome finished up.

"...and that's how I found out I wasn't gay!""We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us. And my first act as self-appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades" - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

Insano
03/24/2003 5:05 PM

OOC: I was just reading the post, and I had to comment on your "biting on the crotch" line Benn. It seriously made me laugh out loud. Well done."So, let me get this straight. Theif is the Elf formerly known as Prince?"
Fighter of 8-Bit Theatre
http://www.nuklearpower.com

UndeadDragon
03/24/2003 6:41 PM

Samsterd Yummypu, the most hideous, ugliest, hunch-backed, foul-smelling kender ever dreamed of, walked through the woods, returning from his latest unknown adventure. He was whistling a shrill tune when he came upon a lone, dirt path. As he stepped on the dirt, sand flew up and made the green, gassy aura of stench around the kender visible for merely a portion of a second. Samsterd burped and continued down the road, absentmindedly itching his hind-parts with one hand and fingering his nose with the other.''may the fleas of a thousand reindeers rest upon your genitals''
- Eswiftfire - The Future Fellowship 2

"...even though there were quite a few people, had I not been representing the site as a whole, that I'd of liked to shoot in the face with a bazooka."
- Dark Elf Damien

DarkDalamar20
03/25/2003 7:37 AM

OOC:

The dwarf's mind wandered as the gnome's one-sided conversation did. He was able to refocus as the gnome finished up.

"...and that's how I found out I wasn't gay!"


Those, by far, were some of the funniest lines I have never seen.

BIC:

Ballsar looked at the gnome. "What in a fat ogre's bellybutton are you doing here? I thought I left you on that other planet!" the dwarf was shocked. Not only was this gnome here, but he was still talking up a storm like he was the last time they had seen each other.

"No, don't answer that. I don't care. I am looking for someone. I don't think that you have ever met him. But his name is, Marderfarker. Not only is a gayly dressed most of the time, but he owes me a lot of money. I plan on getting that back, and starting a little adventure as soon as I can find the bastard.

As for you! I don't need any trouble. Just you make sure that...Hey, quit that!" Ballsar bellowed and slapped the gnome's hand away as he tried to lift the front of Ballsar's dress. "I thought you said you weren't gay! And I sure hope you aren't, because I don't know how you will act around Marderfarker. I have questions about what food he likes. Hotdogs or Tacos...If you know what I'm saying!" Ballsar laughed and nudged the gnome.

Just then, Ballsar saw a small, but very dirty kender coming down the road. The thing was disgusting, he could see the waves of stank just rolling off the little bugger.

Ballsar looked at the gnome. "Remember that trick we did in the sewers against those kender?" Before the Det could respond, Ballsar yanked open his mouth, shoved a carrot in, and picked him up, aiming him like a dart. "Now, remember your end of this," Ballsar smiled and sent the gnome sailing through the air...straight towards the unsuspecting smelly kender...

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

eswiftfire
03/25/2003 9:08 AM

OOC: Oops, I didn't know that you were in the exotics regions of Marderfarker when I put up my first post.

IC:

King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker yawned.

It wasn't just a normal yawn. It was a loud yawn. A yawn so loud that everyone in his castle could hear it. Yeah. And when they heard it, they quivered in fear.

When he yawns, it doesn't mean that the King's tired (he can fall asleep so quickly immediately after he feels a little tired that he doesnt' even have the time to yawn). Nope, it means that his BORED. When he's bored, he would put on his gayishly flashy outfit, dance in a very gay manner, and sing some very gay songs too.

This has been happening in the castle everyday for the past few months. No one can do anything about cos' the King's been stuck in the castle all the time. It had been ages since the King had gone planes-hopping with his spiky-haired mage friend. And since the exotic regions of Marderfarker is so exotic, the King himself didn't even dare venture out of his throne room... "Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Benn-Salian
03/25/2003 9:58 AM

OOC: I am always excited how these things work out, I think the two character's have a unique relationship.

BIC: The smell of kender grease couldn't have made Detontrophe any happier than he was. He was estatic to see the stinky dwarf, his one true friend, besides the imaginary ones. The gnome began wondering where Ilika, the sexy black mage had gone to. He figured that she was underneath Ballsar's dress "mending the seams."

Just you make sure that...Hey, quit that!" Ballsar bellowed and slapped the gnome's hand away as he tried to lift the front of Ballsar's dress.
He didn't see Ilika, but the seems were mended rather well.
"I thought you said you weren't gay! And I sure hope you aren't, because I don't know how you will act around Marderfarker. I have questions about what food he likes. Hotdogs or Tacos...If you know what I'm saying!" Ballsar laughed and nudged the gnome.

"He probably like spiced potatoes, cause I can't think of anyone who doesn't," suggested Detontrophe

Just then, Ballsar saw a small, but very dirty kender coming down the road. The thing was disgusting, he could see the waves of stank just rolling off the little bugger

"Ah! Kenderfear, I can't believe it actually exists!" exclaimed the gnome in his panicked state, "I'm too young and handsome too die!"

Ballsar looked at the gnome. "Remember that trick we did in the sewers against those kender?" Before the Det could respond, Ballsar yanked open his mouth, shoved a carrot in, and picked him up, aiming him like a dart. "Now, remember your end of this," Ballsar smiled and sent the gnome sailing through the air...straight towards the unsuspecting smelly kender...

While in midair, Detontrophe stuck the carrot in his nose to ward against the stench. To the gnome's pained acknowledgement, he realized that this only afforded one nostril. He attempted to plug the other with his finger.

The gnome's claustrophobic nose gave way to the pressure in the form of a sneeze. this shot the finger of the gnome back to his side and the carrot directed at the kender. Once the carrot reached a foot radius of the kender it immediately dropped to the ground in a wilted state.

This alarmed Detontrophe tremendously. He didn't want to become a wilted carrot at all. In his midair state (which must have been really slow or really far for all of this to take place) the gnome tried to alter his flight by swimming upstream to know avail.

He (finally) came into contact with the kender. The gnome hit the kendeer from the side and slid over him, riding upon the sweatty residue that covered the kender. Once he landed in the crotch of a tree, Detontrophe stood up examining his backside. Sure enough, the residue had eaten away the last of hindquarter hairs that the fire hadn't."We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us. And my first act as self-appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades" - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 10:00 AM]

DarkDalamar20
03/25/2003 10:32 AM

Ballsar sat back down on the log. He had a way of getting Marderfarker to join him. It was scary. But, he knew that it would work. He looked over his shoulder and watched the gnome slip around on the ground as he was covered with stank and grease. The kender was still alive and well, but thankfully it wasn't moving towards Ballsar anymore. It had turned around and was trying to help the gnome stand up. The sight was comical because the gnome kept trying to slap the kender away and plug his nose at the same time, so there were times when Det actually slapped himself in the face.

The dwarf turned his head and focused on what he was going to do. Too bad Ilika had contracted herpes and was trying to find a cure for the disease. She could have easily helped him with what he was going to do. But, the item that she had given him would help tremendously. Ballsar reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a bronze cast of some genitalia. Ballsar popped the end into his mouth and blew, sending a loud whistle out of the holes in the sac.

The whistling sound traveled the miles and into the peanut shaped windows of Marderfarke's castle. When he heard that sound, an image of Ballsar appeared in his living chambers. Marderfarker was dancing around the room naked at the time, so Ballsar had to wait a moment and clear his throat to get his attention.

When Marderfarker finally noticed the spectral shape of Ballsar in his room, he sceamed like a 2 yr old girl. Ballsar would have smacked the King if he could, but his hands could hold and touch nothing.

"Hey, I have been thinking of you and you were thinking of me so quit thinking so that we can get on with his adventure." Ballsar stopped and wondered if that made any sense, with a shrug, he continued. "Plus! You owe me $1.75 in steel! Do you think I forgot about that barbie doll I bought you? No! Now, get your pansy bottom out of this castle and come find me! I am by a tree that looks like a nipple. Do you know it? Good. Now get dressed and get over here!" Ballsar bellowed.

Back with his body, Ballsar pulled the genitalia out of his mouth and looked around. He noticed the kender was laying comatose on the ground a few feet away. He had a fist mark on his face about the size of the gnomes. Det? Where was that gnome. It wasn't until he looked forward again that he saw the gnome staring in awe at his magical device. Ballsar quickly put the item back under his dress (Where that was, even he couldn't tell).

"All we have to do is wait. I am sure we will have someone else joining us pretty soon. If not, we shall continue down the road. I heard there is a dragon with a prostate problem in a cave in those mountains." Ballsar pointed. "If we help him, maybe he will give us something from his horde."

He looked at the gnome again. "Will you quit looking at me like that. The dress fits my form nicely, I know. But that doesn't mean you have to keep licking my nipple area." He smacked the gnome away from him, noting that Det's pants were burnt and covered in grease.

"Geez...what happened to you?" Ballsar mumbled, rubbing his hands unconsiously on his dress. "Scratch that, I don't care. Lets get heading towards that Dragon's cavern. If Marderfarker shows up, he can help. If not, all the more for us."

Ballsar Rockard began walking up the dusty road again. A sudden gust of wind caught the dwarf's dress and lifted it up. He quickly caught it and pulled it back down. His face was red. But he didn't think that anyone had seen anything. That was, until he heard the gnome behind him saying something about "how the moon had come out early today".

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

Benn-Salian
03/25/2003 11:37 AM

"All Hail Lunitari of the Red Moon!" Detontrophe exclaimed with great delight.

The greygem trio of dwarf, gnome and kender walked down the King's Road pasuing only slightly to make sure the kender kept his distance. a kilometer down the road brought the heroes to the dragon's cave. It looked like the cliched, dome shaped cave spouted out of absolutely nowhere that appeared in kindengarden classes across Krynn. "It looks like a big granite igloo!" Detontrophe commented.

"Why do you think they call it The Granite Igloo, you buffoon!" Ballsar snapped.

Closer looking at the corner stone revealed it to be such and that it was made in 923 P.C. The trio walked in and saw golden mountains of treasure everywhere. The three inside walls circulated a large purple dragon.

"We, The Greygem Trio, have heard that you are in a prostatic predicament. We have decided to help you, if you like!" Detontrophe announced pushing past Ballsar.

The purple dragon acknowledged the heroes with a pained glance. "I am Barneylithatalus, but the human infants call me Barney. I am expierencing great pain below the belt for several reasons that included the herpes given to me from a slutty black robe and the eternal gnawing of a gully dwarf that likes the taste of the herpes."

"What? Prostate means that! I thought it had to do something with whores that you pay!" Detontrophe replied astonished at the revelation.

The purple dragon leaned back on his hind haunches displaying the veracious gully dwarf. The kender peeked around the other heroes to get a better look. His kenderstench rolled off of him and distracted the gully dwarf enough to knock him out cold.

The gully dwarf fell to the ground before Barney with a large thud. "Why the heck would a gully dwarf want to eat that?!?!" Detontrophe questioned his dwarven friend.

"I have heard that they do make an excellent stu, my lad, I wouldn't question the eating habits of the gully," Ballsar explained.

"They make good stu? I love a good stu!" The gnome exclaimed as he ran out of the cave making sure to grab the gully dwarf.

A few moments later, the sweet scent of stu could be smelled wafting into The Granite Igloo. "About time that gnome made sense and did something productive. Having that Gully dwarf cook us some stu was a great idea, I'm hungary," the dwarf replied as he, Barney and the kender walked out to grab some of the food.

When the three of them exited the saw a large cauldron filled with water and vegetables like a stu should look like. What they also saw was the stupefied gully dwarf bobbing in the middle of it. Detontrophe leaned over the side of it stirring with a large spoon.

The gnome could be heard singing: "Gully in the morning, Gully in the evening, Gully at supper time. When gully's on a bagel you can eat gully anytime." and then singing: "I love my gully 'cause it's so delicious! Gotta go gullying! I can eat gully everyday, and Ballsar says that's ok!""We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us. And my first act as self-appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades" - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 11:41 AM]

UndeadDragon
03/25/2003 12:41 PM

Samsterd rubbed the painful, swollen, gnome-fist bruise on his face as he came up to the cave shortly after the dwarf in the dress and the mean gnome. He licked his crusty lips as he smelt the cooking of gully dwarf stu.

The gruesome kender snuck up behind the gnome and whispered in his ear hoarsly, "Hey, can I have some stu? Looks good. I do hope that the gully dwarf is tender. Have you eaten gully dwarf stu before? It is bloody delicious. Literally. Why, one time at..."''may the fleas of a thousand reindeers rest upon your genitals''
- Eswiftfire - The Future Fellowship 2

"...even though there were quite a few people, had I not been representing the site as a whole, that I'd of liked to shoot in the face with a bazooka."
- Dark Elf Damien

Benn-Salian
03/26/2003 12:54 PM

When Samsterd began partaking of the gully dwarf stu, it began to lose its appeal. Detontrophe eased off of the cauldron and wandered near Ballsar and Barney.

Airing out his genitals made the purple dragon happier and easier to get along with. "You might be pleased to know," commented the dragon, "that I have decided to reward you all with a trip to my magical weapons gallery. You are allowed to take with you a weapon of your choosing."

Detontrophe was elated at this turn of events. He quickly ran into The Granite Igloo and came back out with a large glaive. The end of it's handle dragged behind the gnome. "I can see I will have trouble wielding such a weapon, DOn't worry that's why the gods gave me special gnomish superpowers."

With that the gnome broke the end off with a huff and puff."Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

DarkDalamar20
03/26/2003 3:14 PM

Ballsar looked at the gnome, dragon, and the kender. "What in a troll's testicle is 'stu'? I know what STEW is, but I have never heard of 'stu'". The dwarf looked down at the bubbling concoction. There were bits of gully dwarf boiling around inside the disgusting looking liquid. It was almost enough to make Ballsar gag.

"Yuck! You two are nasty. Well, I already know that. But this is even more disgusting." Ballsar grumbled and then picked up the gnome and kender by the scruff of their necks and dumped them into the stew. By that time, the liquid had cooled enough that it didn't kill them. But at least it gave them a decent bath.

When the dragon offered the trio a weapon, Ballsar immediately went into the cave and came back out with a wicked looking battle ax. The handle was a bunch of naked women twined together, their hands holding the head of the ax. He had also found some dwarven armor in there, which he happily took. The dress was comfortable, but the drafts were getting unbearable.

He came back out. "Well, I am glad you are feeling better dragon. But we must go. We have places to see and people to do...or vice versa. Either way, we have to get going." Ballsar smacked the dragon on its gracious rump and moved off down the road.

He was getting closer to Marderfarker, he could feel it. The gayly dressed king had an aura of gayness around him, one that was pulling Ballsar nearer and nearer. He walked swiftly, eager to see the king again.

He knew by the splashing footsteps behind him that the sodden gnome and kender were following him closely. He sighed, but he had to admit that at least the gnome was helpful....sometimes..

He began to whistle and old dwarven porn melody. It was a mistake however, for if he was quiet, he would have heard the slapping feet of goblins hiding in the bushes surrounding them. He should have been able to smell their stench, but unfortunately, the kender was ripe enough to cover all of Ergoth.

With a cry of carnage, the goblins charged.Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

UndeadDragon
03/26/2003 5:43 PM

A tear streamed down Samsterd's face as he stepped out of the stew. He was damp, but his ungodly stench stuck and quickly dried him. The kender smiled and took a gnarled, ugly looking staff from the dragon's stash. He played with it a little bit, rubbing the gnarled part in satisfaction.

As he was following the gnome, Samsterd prepared himself for the goblins' charge. He got into a fighting stance with his ugly staff and twirled it wildly, showing off his uber skill. Not that the staff-twirling did much; his stench was bothering the goblins the most. Some were retching, others plugging their noses with one hand and swinging with the other.''may the fleas of a thousand reindeers rest upon your genitals''
- Eswiftfire - The Future Fellowship 2

"...even though there were quite a few people, had I not been representing the site as a whole, that I'd of liked to shoot in the face with a bazooka."
- Dark Elf Damien

Benn-Salian
03/27/2003 6:16 AM

The Greygem Trio walked down the King's Road in search of Ballsar's good friend who liked tye dye. Ballsar whisted a tune of melody and the gnome and kender enjoyed it. It reminded the gnome of home in Palanthus where he had many a lover.

Then the trio was haltered by goblins. They were accompanied by Hobgoblins and The Green Goblin and even Detontrophe's mother. The mere kenderstench got rid of Detontrophe's mother as she ran away to get soap for behind the kender's ears.

The gnome immediately decided that the Green Goblin was the biggest threat since he had his own movie. He then noticed the dire effect the kenderstench had on the hoverboard-riding pansie. He doesn't like it even through his mask! Detontrophe grabbed at Samsterd and threw him directly at the Green Goblin.

"Kender-doken!!!!!" the gnome hollered as the scene faded to black (for commercials)."Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

DarkDalamar20
03/27/2003 8:01 AM

After much hacking, slashing, and washing. The dwarf, gnome, and the newly washed kender stood and looked at the death they had caused. Dozens of dead goblins and hobgoblins laid around them in various states of death. The smelly kender thought it was funny to put them in weird positions, so many of the goblins looked like they were grabbing their crotches or putting their fingers up a comrade's butt.

Scowling in disgust, Ballsar hiked up his ax and continued to walk down the road. The walk was somewhat enjoyable, at least until Det and the kender got in a slap fight and began rolling over the dusty ground. It took awhile for Ballsar to pull them apart, after a rather rough tongue lashing, the two finally fell into an uncomfortable silence. It wasn't until later that Ballsar found out they were fighting over who had more butt hair.

They finally reached the Kingdom of Marderfarker. All of the houses were painted pink and purple, modeled after their ruler's tights. Ballsar looked around and let out a deep sigh. "Finally!" he said loudly, his excitement bubbling over his tough facade.

Ballsar looked behind him at his two travelling companions. The gnome and kender were playing leap frog, but at least they were keeping up. With a slight shake of his head, Ballsar walked into the large city and headed for a tavern known as "The Stiff Areola". Interesting name, Ballsar thought to himself.

He entered the roudy bar with his companions. They took a table near the firepit and ordered a couple of Mike's hard lemonades. After quite awhile, the three of them were a little tipsy, the gnome and kender more than the dwarf.

After awhile, Ballsar sat back and watched the door just in case there was any trouble. They would probably stay at this tavern tonight, but if Ballsar noticed any of Marderfarker's gay dancers, he would quickly be on the trail of the reclusive King. He knew that Marderfarker was probably in his pink castle, but getting into it was rather hard. There was nothing more dangerous than a gayly dressed dancer with a scimitar.

With a sigh, Ballsar relaxed more. It wasn't long until he was snoring loudly.

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

Benn-Salian
03/27/2003 10:56 AM


It wasn't until later that Ballsar found out they were fighting over who had more butt hair.

"I told you that you have more butt hair!" Detontrophe exclaimed.
"No...I do!" retorted the kender.
"No, you do!" reiterated the gnome.

After quite awhile, the three of them were a little tipsy, the gnome and kender more than the dwarf.

Detontrophe in his drunken stupper put his arm around Ballsar and told him repeatedy how much he loved the old stinky dwarf. Ballsar asked him how much he'd love a restraining order. "Yea, I'd love that too," was the gnome's answer.

With a sigh, Ballsar relaxed more. It wasn't long until he was snoring loudly.

Samsterd had a grand idea. Both the kender and the gnome asked the bartender for a glass of warm water. With a weird look, the barkeep produced a glass of water with only a few things floating in it. The gnome placed the water at the dwarf's side and put his hand into it. The two heroes gigged as they awaited the climax of the prank. It didn't come. "Maybe he has a huge bladder and it's rea dumb," suggested Samsterd.

"If we can't make him urinate himself," remarked the gnome cooly as he splashed the water on the dwarven crotch, "we'll convince him that he did."

At that moment the puddle that the water created became larger and discolored in a yellow hue as the dwarf urinated uncontrollably."Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

UndeadDragon
03/27/2003 2:16 PM

Samsterd began laughing uncontrollably when Ballsar wet himself. Contorting dead goblins in wierd positions may be amusing, but making a dwarf piss his pants was hilarious!

Without noticing, however, the kender was laughing so hard that he wet himself! The smell of urine combined with the smell of the stinky kender didn't mix very well, and it caused most of the patrons to run out screaming. Those who didn't either fainted or were already passed out in their own puke.

After hickuping a few minutes(which was caused by the laughter and the smell), Samsterd got up and announced to the tavern, "I feel like dancing naked!"

With that, the kender proceeded to undress himself.''may the fleas of a thousand reindeers rest upon your genitals''
- Eswiftfire - The Future Fellowship 2

"...even though there were quite a few people, had I not been representing the site as a whole, that I'd of liked to shoot in the face with a bazooka."
- Dark Elf Damien

DarkDalamar20
03/27/2003 5:15 PM

Ballsar Rockhard woke up in a bad mood. Not only were his trousers wet, but their was a stinky naked kender dancing on the table in front of him. With a bellow of rage, Ballsar stood up and grabbed the naked kender by his kenis. He twirled the kender over his head by his genitalia and threw him across the tavern and behind the bar.

He the looked around for the gnome, who was sleeping like a ugly baby under the table. Ballsar picked up Det by his scraggly beard and threw him out the front window. The gnome was so drunk that he didn't wake up as he crashed through the window flew right into a horses A'ole. The horse screamed in suprise, but the gnome was stuck fimly inside.

Ballsar then got up and walked upstairs and bashed into a room. The room was full of beautiful naked women. He shut the door quietly and began taking off his clothes. "Ok, here is the deal. I am going to take a bath in that tub over there!" Ballsar pointed to the copper tub. "And then, we are going to have a big ol' dwarven' sleep-over!!" Ballsar laughed and dove into the tub.Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

eswiftfire
03/27/2003 6:35 PM

(Commercial break begins.)

(Shows pic of Raistlin)

voiceover: Black robes.... 52 steel pieces.

(Zooms in to his face)

voiceover: Gold paint.... 30 steel pieces.

(Zooms in to his eyes)

voiceover: Hourglass eyes... 100 steel pieces.

(Camera moves to the book he's holding)

voiceover: Spellbook of Fistandantilus... 1 steel piece.

(Camera moves to his pouches)

voiceover: Herbs and bat guano... 10 steel pieces.

(Shows footage of Raistlin burning the illusion of Caramon during the Test.)

voiceover: Backstabbing, badassness... priceless.

(Scene fades to black)

voiceover: There are things you can't buy. For others, use Mastercard.

(Ends commercial break.) "Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Benn-Salian
03/28/2003 6:39 AM

Detontrophe thought to himself, "It's amazing what you can hulicinate about when you're in a horse's - well, in a horse, anyways." He giggled in his drunken stupper once again."Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

Leandra
03/28/2003 12:37 PM


voiceover: There are things you can't buy. For others, use Mastercard.

(Ends commercial break.)



“Stupid commercials.”

The Blue-cloaked woman snorted flipping off her TV set and tossing the remote control at the screen.

“Dammnit, there’s nothing good on! What’s a Blue-cloaked woman to do? I cant go back to my laboratory, its being sprayed for gully dwarves. Man I’m soo bored!” She groaned picking up the control and flipping the TV on again. Maybe she would eventually come across something interesting to watch, eventually.

“…poop…junk….junk…dirt…trash…white trash…..?..Why ello-ello what’s this?”

She stopped surfing and left the channel on The Lamie Zennedy Experiment.

“Ooh I luv that show!”

---------------
On the TV
---------------

“Hello and welcome to the Lamie Zennedy Experiment. Where we combine hidden-camera pranks with sketch comedy to see how everyday people behave in unusually perverse and embarrassing situations. And as always I, Lamie Zennedy, star in all of our purposely enforced, chaotic shows!

Today’s episode of the Lamie Zennedy Experiment is being filmed live and uncensored in a local Tavern called “The Stiff Areola”. Were we’ve filled up one of the rooms with a heap load of naked women, who are actually men who have just undergone a sex change.

*Crowd * “Oooooooo!!”

“Everything’s already set up. The hidden cameras are in position and our first unknowing victim, who appears to be a dwarf, has walked into the room and hopped into the tub!”

“Now I , Lamie Zennedy, will join the rest of the gang and try to get friendly with that dwarf. “

“I’ll be disguised as a red head in a polka dotted Bikini wearing a specially made latex skin cover with all of the female features on it. But don’t worry folks, I’m still all man on the inside, even though it won’t show on the outside."

*Crowd * “Hahahahahha!”

“See you at the other side of the camera!”

* Crowd applauds *

* Lamie Zennedy waves and then exits. The camera Switches to the women filled room and zooms up to Ballsar. *

-------------
"Hot dog!" The BCW reached under her recliner and grabbed a videotape, eagerly popping it into the VCR. “ Whoo-hoo-hoo this ones a definite keeper!”

---------------
On the TV
---------------
*Camera Zooms up to Lamie Zenndey, who is now in the room next to Ballsar.*

“Hey there you hairy little dwarf you! It's nice of you to join us, we're about to have an orgy. How’s about I give you a sponge bath in the mean time?” Lamie Zennedy giggled in his best girly voice.

Without waiting for Ballsar's response he hopped into the copper tub and began to scrub the dwarfs back with a brillo pad and some Ajax.”
-----------------------

“Muahaha! That dwarfs in for a surprise.” The BCW cackled. “That is…unless he likes these kind of things…* Snicker *!!” :D






My love, this rose we nurture is a window of our time.
So bright and young, so firm and strong as we are in our prime.
But like all things, this rose will wilt, and die as it is meant.
Yet in its death, like our true love, shall still keep its sweet scent.

[Edited by Leandra on Friday, March 28, 2003 12:39 PM]

DarkDalamar20
03/28/2003 1:23 PM

Ballsar enjoyed his spongebath from the many beautiful women. Many of them kept their faces well hidden, but in this buisness, you didn't question. The dwarf was having a grand time, and then it was time for everyone to take off their clothes. Ballsar was the first, and then the women started taking off their bikinis. As the clothes came off, Ballsar noticed that all of the women had a Sticki note on the crotch area.

"What's this?" Ballsar mumbled and moved in for a closer look. "The genitalia formally known as 'penis'. " The dwarf read. "What??" He looked up and could see a rather large adam's apple on the "woman" he was inspecting.

"No!!!" He bellowed in anguish and threw himself out the window after grabbing his clothes. He screamed as he fell towards the ground, only to grunt in pain as he landed on top of a horse. "GO!" Ballsar bellowed.

The horse broke into a rough trot, bouncing the naked dwarf all over his back. He desperatly tried to pull on his clothes, but it was tough considering he couldn't stop puking over the previous events. Finally, when he felt safe, Ballsar slowed the horse to a brisk walk.

"Help! Help me!" came a muffled yell.

Ballsar looked around and couldn't see anyone in trouble. With a shrug, he continued on down the road.

"Helpppppppp," again came the muffled yell, coming from somewhere behind the dwarf.

It was then that he noticed the bottom half of Det sticking out of the horses rear. With a sigh, Ballsar got off the horse and stood behind the horse. After much thought, he decided on the best course of action.

"HEAVE!" Ballsar yelled as he grabbed onto the gnomes feet and pulled. After much straining and puffing, Ballsar managed to pull the poo-covered gnome out of the horses hind region.

"Wipe yourself off, we need to get going. Marderfarker is on his gay parade. He is somewhere on Krynn. I don't know where. But we will find him." Ballsar jumped back on the horse and began riding off again. Behind him he could hear the smelly gnome running behind, trying desperatly to clean the defication off of him.

Ballsar looked over his shoulder and smiled at the gnome's problems. It was then that he looked behind the gnome as a dust cloud rose on the horizon. Or was it a smell cloud? Ballsar wondered.

Running with his stench trailing behind him, Samsterd was running with all his kender might in an effort to catch up with the group.

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

UndeadDragon
03/28/2003 3:06 PM

Using his smelly magic powers, Samsterd zoomed up to the running horse. The cloud of stink was unusually dense, but he never really noticed those kinds of things.

After dancing naked he had released a lot of sweat. That sweat had combined with the urine smell and the kender smell and his gassy fumes had come out of his pores a fraction thicker.

Still naked, Samsterd hopped up on the horse behind Ballsar, and put his arms around the dwarf's waist. He breathed heavily over Ballsar's shoulder as the continued galloping.''may the fleas of a thousand reindeers rest upon your genitals''
- Eswiftfire - The Future Fellowship 2

"...even though there were quite a few people, had I not been representing the site as a whole, that I'd of liked to shoot in the face with a bazooka."
- Dark Elf Damien

DarkDalamar20
03/29/2003 1:41 PM

Ballsar turned around and smacked the smelly kender off of the horse. There was nothing worse than a smelly naked kender rubbing up against you. So, therefore, Ballsar didn't hesitate to send the kender packing. Samsterd fell from the horse with a suprised yell, and landed on top of the trailing gnome.

Det seemed to be a little preoccupied. It was probably because there was still horse dookie in his ears and it was making his equilibrium a little off. Ballsar didn't mind though, it kept them quiet for a moment. He knew they were behind his pants wetting experience, but he couldn't prove it.

"So, where should we go, boys? I don't know where Marderfarker is, but he has to be on Krynn somewhere. Shall we travel to Palanthas? Sanction? The Plains of Dust? I can feel that Marderfarker, I can feel him just like a hemeriod. He has to be around somewhere. When I find him, I plan on teaching him some manners. That bastard kept me high and dry in that town back there! Made me get a sponge bath from guys that look...anyway." Ballsar blushed as he noticed the kender and gnome were actually listenting to him.

"Gnome, how about you pick where we go next!" Ballsar stopped the horse and looked at the greasy gnome. "We aren't moving from this spot until I hear a reasonable place to go from you."

Ballsar laid down on the back of the horse and waited....and waited...and waited....3 days went by and when Ballsar checked on the gnome, he was still standing in the same position, with a pained look on his face. He was thinking, Ballsar had to give him that....He propped himself back up on his elbow and watched as Det's eyebrows worked in thought...Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

Benn-Salian
03/31/2003 9:27 AM


"Gnome, how about you pick where we go next!" Ballsar stopped the horse and looked at the greasy gnome. "We aren't moving from this spot until I hear a reasonable place to go from you."

Ballsar laid down on the back of the horse and waited....and waited...and waited....3 days went by and when Ballsar checked on the gnome, he was still standing in the same position, with a pained look on his face. He was thinking, Ballsar had to give him that....He propped himself back up on his elbow and watched as Det's eyebrows worked in thought...

"Um...how about...no...what if...nah...we can go to...my mother's!" Detontrophe concluded.

"Yeah! she lives in Palanthus; we could drop by and do our laundry." he stood in front of his comrades with a newly found smug expreesion plastered on his face.

"I only ask that you don't ask about my father," the gnome added, "for some reason, my mother forgot that I had one. So if no one mentions it, we'll be ok.""Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

DarkDalamar20
03/31/2003 10:06 AM

The trio finally made it to Palanthas after a year of traveling. The time hadn't gone quickly, at least for the dwarf. The kender couldn't go a half of a mile before having to rest, so needless to say, the trip was a long one. Finally, they reached the gates of Palanthas.

The guards stopped them, stating plainly that the kender couldn't enter the city. There was something about a Kender Condom Code. Meaning that 99.8% of kender were being stopped at the gates and not being allowed to enter.

Ballsar looked at Samsterd. The kender was even sweatier and stinkier than normal. "Tell you what," he said to the guards. "You give him a bath and clean him up, and I will come get him when we are done with our buisness in the city." Ballsar gave the guards an innocent smile. He knew that the kender's stink would easily allow him to escape the guards clutches. It wouldn't be long before the smelly bastard was back with Ballsar and Det.

"Take care!" He smacked the kender on his shoulder, subsequently getting his hand stuck in all of the grease. After much tugging and pulling, he got his hand free from Samsterd. "Sticky bastard..." Ballsar mumbled to himself and walked down the road with Det, leaving the kender behind with the sick looking guards.

"Ok, gnome. Where is your mother's house?" Ballsar asked, rubbing his stinking hand on Det's back. Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

[Edited by DarkDalamar20 on Monday, March 31, 2003 12:26 PM]

Benn-Salian
03/31/2003 12:45 PM

After Ballsar smacked the kender and recieved grease for his effort, he ran his hand through his beard. This only further the complaints about the dwarf whose beard smelled of kender grease.

After a few twists and turns through the city of Palanthus, Ballsar grabbed the Detontrophe by the shoulders. "Do you have any idea where you're going?" he asked the gnome inpatiently.

Detontrophe shook off the dwarf's grip. "I was only trying to lose the kender," he retorted pointing behind him at the sight of the kenderstench that was rounding the corner.

The Greygem trio continued on Aesthetics Row, the road that ran from the south of the city to the actual City Plaza in the middle of town. They continued down this road until they were a block away from the Great Library and then turned right unto a barrio.

There was absolute havoc at the address that the gnome took the dwarf and kender to. The rest of the street was serene and calm except for this one dwelling. It was a trailer that had apparently fallen over several times prior by the look of the trailer sized/shaped hole in front of and behind the actual trailer. There were dwarf spirit bottles in the front yard and remnants of some Solamnic armor covered some of it.

"You live in a trailer!" Samsterd exclaimed surprised.

"I haven't lived here in quite some time," corrected Detontrophe, "However, my mother does live in this titanium alloied dwelling of topheaviness."

Just then, a large gnomish woman threw upon the door to the trailor. "Detty! You're home!" rejoiced the woman, "why the heck haven't you written? You know how your sister gets when you don't keep in touch."

"Well, I try and then-" Detontrophe began as the woman ran over to him to give him a big hug. At least, he though he was getting a hug, his mother ran by him and picked up Samsterd. She lifted the kender into the air squeezing more stench out of him. "Why are you so thin? Don't you eat well while you're on the road?""Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

DarkDalamar20
03/31/2003 2:20 PM

Ballsar looked at the large gnomish woman and then at Det (whom at this point was three shades of red). The dwarf then began to laugh. And not a little titter of a laugh, but a gale of laughter that made his belly hurt.

"Milk! Fresh milk!" A milk vender hawked as he walked by with a cart full of the moo-juice. Ballsar, still laughing, bought a bottle of milk and promptly drank the liquid. He then began to laugh again, pointing to his nose as the white milk shot out of his nostrils.

Det scowled at Ballsar, but that only made him laugh harder. The gnomish woman continued to hug the smelly kender. Running her dirty fingers through Samsterd's hair.

"Mom...mo...mom!" Det cried. "I am your son!" he screeched, his voice breaking like a pre-pubescent boy.

The gnomish woman looked at Det, then back at the kender, then back at det, then back at the kender. "Oh, you are right!" She dropped the kender, or at least tried to. But due to the kender grease, Samsterd was firmly stuck to Det's mother's chest, hanging upside down.

Det smiled as his mother pinched his rosey cheek. "Lets go inside. I have some hot chocolate for you and your friends. She took her son's hand and pulled him towards the trailor. Ballsar followed, still laughing and causing a milk sprinkler.

After Ballsar and Det entered the house, the gnomish woman stood outside the door with a evil smile on her face. She looked up and down the road to see if anyone had noticed her or the Graygem Trio. The, wiping the evil smile off her face, she entered the battered trailor, with Samsterd still stuck to the front of her body.

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

[Edited by DarkDalamar20 on Monday, March 31, 2003 2:22 PM]

UndeadDragon
03/31/2003 6:10 PM

Samsterd laughed happily as he hanged upside down from Det's mothers boobs.

Ahhhh.... just like my mother did. Those were the days...

Det's mother walked into the kitchen section of the trailer and poured some hot tea. Some of the tea splashed on to Sam's face and his face twisted in pain, but stifled it, tellin himself "...just like Mama..."

Det's mother went to the living area of the trailer and sat on a couch near her son. Sam was now upside down, his head on the ladie's knees and his feet inbetween her breast. The kender sighed, "I love my mama..."
''may the fleas of a thousand reindeers rest upon your genitals''
- Eswiftfire - The Future Fellowship 2

"...even though there were quite a few people, had I not been representing the site as a whole, that I'd of liked to shoot in the face with a bazooka."
- Dark Elf Damien

eswiftfire
03/31/2003 10:59 PM

(Cameo appearance)

Eliar Swiftfire stopped in front of the trailer. "Whoa, maybe there are some cute babes inside."

He peered in through the window, and saw...


Det's mother went to the living area of the trailer and sat on a couch near her son. Sam was now upside down, his head on the ladie's knees and his feet inbetween her breast. The kender sighed, "I love my mama..."


"Eeeeew." Eliar twisted his face in disgust, bent over and emptied his breakfast on the trailer. He walked away.

(Cameo appearance ends.)"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Benn-Salian
04/01/2003 6:02 AM

Detontrophe looked at Ballsar and Ballsar looked back at the gnome. They both turned their attention to Samsterd and Mama Detontrophe. "you don't suppose," Ballsar began trying to break the silence.

"No," The gnome shot quickly after the question began.

"You know that the kender hasn't partaken in any of the love-making of wenches when we go out," the dwarf pointed out.

"But that doesn't mean..."

"No, no it doesn't. But some little gnomes should really wonder, i know I'd bet my beard on it."

The thought of Ballsar without the stinky-kender-grease-beard made Detontrophe a little more jovial. "Fine then, if those are your stakes."

DSetontrophe walked up to Samsterd and his mother, "Kender!" he called loudly even though Samsterd was two feet away, "Tell me the truth - do you know my mother in a biblical sense, yes or no.""Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

UndeadDragon
04/01/2003 1:20 PM

Samsterd moved his head toward Detontrophe with effort, making sickening ripping noises. The kender blinked at Det, then said, "Huh, WHA? The bloody hell does 'biblical sense' mean?! Are you implyin' sumtin?!"

Sam's face turned red, his face straining as if under pressure. Then he farted. A very loud... long... wet... fart. The kender sighed as the stink filled the trailer in green gassy fumes.No one dies a virgin... life screws us all...

DarkDalamar20
04/01/2003 3:16 PM

Ballsar gagged and got up quickly. "I am sorry old gnome lady, but we have to go. Pressing buisness to attend to in the city and all. I am sure you understand." He ripped the stinky kender off the old woman's chest and threw him out the front door into a massive pile of horse manure. Ballsar gagged again, the sickening stenching coming from inside the trailor was enough to kill a dead monkey...again.

"Come on, Det." Ballsar mumbled, keeping his hand over his face.

The dwarf walked away from the trailor quickly. "I don't think that was really your mother, Det. She seemed...strange." Ballsar looked back over his shoulder as the old gnome lady leaned out her door and yelled for the trio come come back. Her eyes were glowing bright red, and her hair seemed to be on fire.

"Um, If that was your mother. I think that you might want to go help her find some midol or something. She seems a little strange. Period." Ballsar began to run, his fear over some ranging estrogen making his feet move faster than usual.

Det followed closely behind. His short gnomish legs keeping the pace pretty easily. Samsterd, of course, was behind the gnome, rubbbing horse manure over his face like camoflauge."Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

Benn-Salian
04/02/2003 6:55 AM

Wishing that Ballsar was right about his mother, Detontrophe followed the dwarf to the Great Library of Palanthus. He was carrying his gnomish glaive behind him and swung it every so often to cut the tops of flowers off. "Mama had a gully dwarf, and his head popped off!" the gnome sang to his own amusement.

At one point he swung the glaive too hard and he came into contact with Ballsar's posterior. The dwarf turned around knowing fully well who it was to blame. A few moments later the began walking again and Detontrophe had to rub his jaw to relax the pain.

When the Greygem trio got to the door of the Great Library Astinus was waiting for them. He stopped them in their tracks and said, "I have been chronologizing your exploits for some time now and I must not allow you enterance to our library."

Ballsar became irritated with the ageless one, "Then tell me where Marderfarker is! I know you know, you can see him in the globe that Raistandantilus gave you. Don't lie to a dwarf, tis bad luck, you see."

"It is true that I can see you friend, the Marderfarker," Astinus concurred, "However, releasing information on his whereabouts may alter future events. I cannot allow that."

"But peaking in on Lady Crysania when she is taking a bath is ok?!?!" Detontrophe intergected.

"Perhaps I could send you away faster by giving you a simple direction, nothing more though. Hey! Where is your kender friend?" Astinus asked.

"I let him inside," Detontrophe explained proudly."Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

DarkDalamar20
04/02/2003 12:29 PM

Ballsar ran after the smelly kender, pushing Astinus on his robed buttox. The ageless man's robes flew up over his ageless head and showed everyone in Palanthas his ageless genitalia. Ballsar yelled his apologies over his shoulder and ran after the kender who he could easily follow by the trail of stank.

"Hey, Ballsar! Wait for me!" The dwarf heard Detontrophe yell from behind him. Risking a quick glance over his shoulder, Ballsar saw that Astinus had a hold on the seat of Det's pants and was holding him in place. That didn't stop the gnome, however, he was still trying to run, though he only accomplished running in place.

"Quit messing around and follow then!" Ballsar yelled, turning back to follow the green cloud of the kender. He heard a loud rip, followed by a suprised sound from Astinus. Ballsar looked behind him again and saw that the gnome was running after him now, his little gnomish monster bouncing at each step. The dwarf looked behind the running gnome to see Astinus holding an empty pair of ripped trousers. Gnome size.

Ballsar couldn't help but smile. It wasn't everyday that you had companions as faithful as this interesting gnome. Through almost half of Ballsar's adventure, Det had been there to help. It brought a hint of happiness to Ballsar's otherwise gruff heart.

The dwarf turned so many corners that he lost track of his direction. Library attendants yelled as he ran past, but many of them were passed out from the stink of the evading kender. Ballsar lost track of the scent suddenly, Samsterd must have entered one of the hundreds of doors that lined the hallways.

Swearing, Ballsar began to open doors, searching for the smelly little bastard. The first door he opened was a store room. A lot of books and scrolls and various other writing utinsils, but no kender. Ballsar kept opening doors, getting much of the same behind each door. But, there was still no sign of the kender. He reached a door that he heard giggling behind and thought that it was the kender playing a joke and hiding.

"AHA!" Ballsar bellowed as he opened the door.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeek!" Came a feminine scream from a bed along the wall. Ballsar stopped and stared at the two figures laying in the rumpled sheets. One was a black-haired female with very pale skin. Her eyes were what looked to be a gray color and she seemed like she was a royal pain in the ass. But, her face was flushed red in pleasure. The other figure was a man with white hair and hourglass shaped eyes. But, the thing that really stood out was the man's gold skin. His face was also red from exerstion. Laying on the ground around the bed was what looked to be a white robe and a black robe, scattered among some pouches.

"Oops...My mistake!" Ballsar looked a moment more and slowly shut the door, only after peeking inside one more time. "Well now, that was strange." The dwarf ran a finger through his beard and contemplated what he saw.

Just then, Det caught up to him, breathing heavily from all the running. "Did you find him?" The gnome asked, running his sweaty hands across his hairy thighs..

"Uh, no." Ballsar shook his head to clear it.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh," a scream came from farther down the hall.

"Samsterd!" Ballsar bellowed and began running again, pulling Detontrophe behind him by his arm...at least...he thought it was his arm."Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

UndeadDragon
04/02/2003 1:50 PM

Samsterd sat at a table, surrounded by bookcases, reading a book titled "Kender Magic for Dummies". He was reading every little detail, nodding to himself satisfactorily. His stink was a slightly dense cloud hovering around the room, making some of the books mold quicker than usual.

Ballsar and Detontrophe came running inside and spotted the kender. Sam waved at them and yelled, "Heya guys! Ya gotta read this, it's--" He stopped as he realized that not only were they wanting to get him out of the library, but also that Detontrophe was wearing no pants and his genitalia clearly.

Screaming in horror, Samster bolted, absentmindedly tucking the book into one of his packs on his back.

He ran around the room screaming, then tripped on a dormant book on the floor.No one dies a virgin... life screws us all...

DarkDalamar20
04/03/2003 8:29 AM

Ballsar saw the book in Samsterd's hands. "Kender Magic for Dummies". His heart froze. There was nothing more dangerous in the world than a kender learning magical spells, even "dummie" ones. His mouth moved, but no sounds came out. He felt just like that time when he was on his father's farm and he had come across two sheep in a field. The sheep didn't notice him at first, but they were keeping quite busy by themselves. All Ballsar could do then was stop and stare, it was the same situation now. Kender...magic....death...

Samsterd's scream woke Ballsar from his semi-coma. He notice that the kender was going to bolt. He left Detontrophe behind and stepped up on a chair and then onto the desk and hurled himself across the room at the fleeing kender.

*Cue Matrix music*

Time seemed to slow down, Ballsar had an out of body experience and he circled his body like a great camera technique (Ballsar only briefly wondered what a camera was). Finally, his soul was thrown back into his body and time all of the sudden went back to normal and he flew the last few feet and crashed into the kender. They went flying into a distant bookcase, knocking it over and sending books and scrolls flying throughout the room.

*End Matrix music*

"You smelly little bastard!" Ballsar bellowed, finally pulling himself up from under the pile of books. "If you want to get in more trouble than you are already in, by all means, stay in the library. But, I know for a fact that this Astinus has many powerful friends. Ones that could turn you into a frog, or better yet, make you squeeky clean!" The dwarf pulled the kender to his feet, disloging scrolls that were stuck in many of Samsterd's orfaces.

Ballsar heard a pitter patter of feet running towards him and looked up to see the gnome. "Look what I found!" Det said, pointing with his 11th finger. The dwarf looked towards where the gnome was pointing, and low and behold a crack had appeared in the floor of the Great Library. Ballsar slowly kicked his way out of the bookpile and reached the edge of the hole, with the gnome at this side.

"Hmm, where do you think this goes?" He asked to no one in particular.

"Maybe it goes to a video arcade!" Samsterd said, highly excited.

"Shut your smelly mouth!" Ballsar screamed and backhanded the smelly kender, sending him flying back into the mess. "Don't talk about all your weird kender rituals in my face!"

"I think we should check it out," Detontrophe said, wrapping some scrolls around his lower body, making a temporary skirt. "Plus, I can hear Astinus and his followers coming down the hall. I don't want to be in this room when they arrive!"

"You're right." Ballsar mumbled, looking down into the dark crack in the floor.

Samsterd came walking up then, one of his cheeks marked with a handprint. "I am sorry Ballsar. I didn't mean to cause so much trouble."

Ballsar glowered at the kender for a moment. But then he had an idea. They needed to go down into the crack. But there was no telling how deep the hole was, or where the ground started below. He put on his best smile, the one that he usually reserved just for the brothels.

"Come here, Samsterd. Don't you worry yourself about it." Samsterd came over to Ballsar, allowing the dwarf to put his arm around his sticky shoulder. "Maybe I was out of line...maybe....." Without another word, Ballsar pushed the kender and watched him fall into the hole.

There was only one problem with his plan. With all of the kender grease that Samsterd had on his body, Ballsar was unable to pull his hand off in time, and he too was pulled into the crack in the floor. At the last minute, Ballsar grabbed the gnome's ankle and pulled Detontrophe after him. With that, the Graygem Trio fell into oblivion..."Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

Benn-Salian
04/03/2003 9:46 AM

Astinius, Lady Crysania and Raistlin burst in the door and searched throughout the four walls. "Holy testacle of Brancala!" Astinius replied irritated, "we are in trouble that far exceeds that of Takhisis's minions."

Lady Crysania stole a glance at her sly lover, Raistlin. "Don't lok at me," he shot defensively, "She's my queen, not my mother."

Interrupting the possible moral auguement Astinius added, "They have taken the ancient scriptures written by Chaos himself. The magic book for kender is truely the most powerful magic that can be used by mortals. However, only kender can focus on the power, but they cannot control it. This was one of the attempts of Ionthas to destroy Krynn."

~Meanwhile~

"Illuminate!" Detontrophe yelled at his globe device. The light device shown a great light throughout the underground room. "about time that little Thorbadian worm woke up."

The trio looked around the room. Detontrophe noticed that he had been running around with his gnomehood flapping in the wind. Oh well, wouldn't be the first time that the group saw him naked and at least it wasn't cold here in Palanthus.

The trio heard something that was around the corner. It sunded like someone was in pain. They heard alot of "oh"s and "ah"s from someone who was breathing quite hard to subside the pain they were feeling.

Taking a look around the corner, Ballsar saw the evergreen man, Bertem, leaning over the table looking at some of the pictures of Crysania. He whipped back around the corner to face his comrades. "I think he's going to be ok, he seems to enjoy what he's doing," The dwarf reassured the kender and gnome, unaware at his understatement.

A door burst open revealing Astinius, Lady Crysania and Raistlin. "Where's that blasted kender?" Raistin demand flustering Bertem.

Detontrophe saw Samsterd rading from his book but paid no attention to it. Then a large maelstrom was created inside the room engulfing the Greygem Trio. The last thing that the gnome could hear inside the room was Rasitlin, "what in the Abyss are you doing with those again?!?!"

The magical maelstrom that the kender created with his book of Ionthas transported the Trio of kender, dwarf and gnome into a duck pond along side The King's Road.

The gnome stood out of the water and looked around at familiar sights. "Hey! This is my camp from earlier!" he replied enthusiastically.

He ran over to the campfire, "That's my campfire!", he ran over to the pulley wire, "That's my pulley wire!", he ran over to a used condom, "That's...new to me. I have never seen that before."

Ballsar watched the gnome with his arms crossed, "Det...explain yourself!""Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

Shit happens all the time. Unfortunately, flushing isn't as frequent.

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

DarkDalamar20
04/03/2003 12:38 PM

Ballsar stood up and shook the rancid water out of his beard. The pond smelled of duck ass and was rather distasteful. Hearing a weird sound, the dwarf opened the front of his trousers and looked down. With a grunt of suprise, Ballsar shoved his hand down the front of his pants and fished around with much huffing and puffing. After a few minutes of straining, Ballsar pulled a beautiful duck out of his pants and threw it into the water. The poor mallard squeeled and flew away, honking and crapping all over Det's head.

"How in Chemosh's musty nutsac did we end up here?" Ballsar bellowed, climbing out of the quagmire. He looked at Det who was examining a profalactic on the ground. The gnome just shrugged and laid down on the ground, rubbing his sore posteriour.

"What's wrong?" Ballsar asked, coming over to stand over the gnome.

Det just shook his head, tears filling his eyes.

"Det....what's wrong?" He asked, getting angry at the side-stepping.

"FINE!" Det screamed and rolled over onto his stomach. Ballsar eyed the gnomes back and then his eyes moved downward. The sight in which the dwarf saw was simply amazing. Sticking out the Det's rear was another duck, this one was neck deep in gnanal.

"ohhhhhh....um...I will just be over here..." Ballsar walked backwards slowly, leaving the gnome to figure out his own extraction procedures.

"Now Samstered," Ballsar said as he found the kender sitting at the edge of the pond, "I need to see that book." When the kender shook his head, Ballsar punched him in the nose and took it anyway. "Thanks," he said distractedly. Ballsar flipped through the pages of the book. He couldn't understand the language. But, he knew in the hands of the kender, it was a dangerous weapon. One that couldn't be used unless they were in dire straights.

"Ok, lets go!" Ballsar said, sliding the book into his back pocket. He pulled his battle-ax out of another one of his many pockets and moved on down the road. "No more crying back there, Det! Pull it out and quit your whining! We have all had a duck in our butt at one point in our lives....um...well..."

Red-faced, Ballsar walked down the road, pulling the knocked-out kender behind him by Samsterd's ankle."Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

[Edited by DarkDalamar20 on Friday, April 11, 2003 1:10 PM]

UndeadDragon
04/03/2003 1:04 PM

Samster awoke while being dragged by his ankle. He glanced toward the figure pulling him along and noticed it was Ballsar. The kender slowy remembered about the book... and what he had read so far.

In anger, Sam yelled, "Smellyumkins moosecheiks!"

A swarm of moths appeared around the dwarf's head. Ballsar dropped Sam's ankle as he swatted away the moths, and the kender quickly grabbed his book from Ballsar's pocket. Samsterd got up and hid behind Detontrophe.No one dies a virgin... life screws us all...

Benn-Salian
04/03/2003 2:08 PM

His eyes swelling up with tears, Detontrophe looked at te duck that protruded from his hindquarters. He had no idea how it got they, let alone how to get it back out. With the raise of his eyebrow, Detotrophe got an idea. Pulling out this glaive that he received from the purple dragon earlier in the thread, he skewered the duck until it remained lifeless and pulled it out wincing from the pain.

"Now we have dinner!" Detontrophe declared, "Maybe not, I don't think I want to eat this only to have it come out my ass again."

Detontrophe watched as the confrontation between Samsterd ad Ballsar occured. after the moth spell, Samsterd ran behind the gnome. Detontrophe shoved him away. "No you dont! I'm not going to get the dwarf's vengence his time," he said.

Ballsar was well away the gnome swinging his ax wildly at the moths, splitting them into little mothen petals.

Watching as the events unfolded with the dwarf, Detotrophe got an idea. "Hey Samsterd, why don't you conjure up an imp. I like imps, they remind me of puppy dogs. We should do it quick before Ballsar gets done with those.""Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

Shit happens all the time. Unfortunately, flushing isn't as frequent.

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

DarkDalamar20
04/03/2003 2:32 PM

Ballsar swung his ax with reckless abandon. He was surrounded by moth carnage. The dead fluttering things were lying all around him, in various stages of death. Any that his ax missed, he sucked them into his mouth and bit down on them with his dwarven molars. The moth juices mingled with the Rigley Spearmint (TM) gum that Ballsar was chewing at the moment, but he didn't mind. As soon as he was done with these moths, the Kender would share a similiar fate.

Finally, all of the moths were dead and Ballsar stood with his chest heaving from exertion. "Ohhh Samsterd, come here!" The dwarf whispered, putting a fake smile on his hairy face.

He noticed that the kender was hiding behind Det, so he walked over slowly, noticing that the two of them were talking at the moment. Det was begging Samsterd to do something, and Ballsar was scared of what that could be.

"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" Samsterd chanted, waving his dirty hands in the air.

Suddenly, an imp appeared. Standing infront of the kender and gnome.

"Aww! Look at you!" Detontrophe said, petting the imp's head.

Suddenly, the imp was no longer under the gnome's hand. When Det looked down, he noticed the dead corpse of the decapitated creature. It was then that he noticed a pair of worn boots standing just beyond the imp. He followed the boots up, passing short legs, a massive genital region, a burly chest, a thick but dirty beard, and then the face of a very enraged dwarf.

"We need to talk....all of us..." Ballsar said, a little too calmly. He put his arm around the gnome and kender's shoulders. Walking with them a little ways down the road. "Why do you guys like to aggrivate me so? No...don't explain. Just don't do it again!" The dwarf yelled in each of their ears, sending spittle smacking against their face. Without another word, he brought their two heads together with a loud.....SMACK.

"Now, for some dinner." Ballsar sat down and started to cook a rather wierd looking duck. He had found the thing dead on the ground for some reason. It must have been killed by another predator. He started a fire and began cooking the rare brown-necked bird."Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

Benn-Salian
04/03/2003 2:54 PM

If you haven't had your head smacked against a kender's - don't try it because Detontrophe had the worst headaches he has ever had. Which is saying something because he went to a Plumber's Guild convention in Mt. Nevermind and stayed for ten whole minutes!

Detontrophe ran down to the waterfront to wash the kender grease from is hair. This took some time since it hung from his folicals like glue. About a few paces away from him he saw the Kender Magic for Dummies book. Without hesitation he grabbed for it and found the imp spell. "Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!" he repeated.

Awaiting for the imp to appear, Detontrophe was discouraged to find nothing. "Aw, to the abyss with this piece of parchment," Detotrophe remarked after throwing it to the ground.

He sat near the newly re-formed fire across from the dwarf. "I'm sorry I wanted a pet, Ballsar," he replied not looking the dwarf in the face.

"That isn't the problem lad, that book cannot lead anywhere except to damnation. You and I have seen what magic can do," the dwarf replied calmly.

"Ya I know, it probably couldn't even find that damned marderfarker guy."

This statement got the dwarf's attention. He walked over to where the kender was pretending to bathe. Ballsar called out in front of him, "get over here, I kow your ot washig your stinky self like I told you."

The kender walked over, ashamed at the dwarf's revelation. "what can I do you for?"

Thrusting the spell book into the chest of Samsterd, Ballsar demanded the kender to find Marderfarker.

And thus the brown-necked duck cooked to a gentle tan."Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with his staff stuffed up his dark dimension." - Black Mage, 8-bit Theatre

Shit happens all the time. Unfortunately, flushing isn't as frequent.

signed:
Suggester of Illusion
Benn-Salian

eswiftfire
04/03/2003 6:49 PM

(Cameo appearance.)

A handsome yet demented-looking youth walked past the Graygem trio, sobbing tears of manly emotion.

"MY CARAVAN! MY BEAUTIFUL CARAVAN! I MISS IT SO MUCH!" Lucas wailed pathetically. "Where are my minions??? WHERE? How come I'm only stuck with my SWORD! WHYYYYY?"

For no reason at all (or perhaps for the sake of pleasing his fans), the former caravan master of the Caravan of Death took out his glowing enchanted sword, Saviour's Bane, and swung at the air couple of times.

And he disappeared into the darkness...

(Ends cameo appearance.) "Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

DarkDalamar20
04/04/2003 9:27 AM

*POOF*

Was the sound that the trio heard as they were magically transported to into a lavishly decorated bedroom. There were pink flowers covering every inch of the wall. Pictures of someone called, "George Micheal" covering the ceiling. There was even something in the corner of the room with a sign hanging from it, saying "Krynnish Bondage cage".

Ballsar shook his head to clear it from the effects of the magical spell. Det was on one side of him, Samsterd on the other. The kender had closed his magical book and had a smug smile on his face.

"Did it work?" Ballsar whispered, looking around the room.

"What are you doing here?" Screamed a rather loud, girly sounding voice.

The dwarf looked up to see a gayly dressed male walking towards the trio. He seemed to be wearing pink/black striped spandex. And a purple tanktop under a rainbow striped cape.

"Marderfarker!" Ballsar smiled. "It is about time I found you. It was like you were hiding from me or something. But I don't know why you would want to do that. All the fun you could be having...anyway...This is Det." Ballsar motioned to the gnome. Detontrophe had a cheesy smile on his face. Probably in shock from such royalty.

"And this smelly thing here, is Samsterd." Ballsar waved a hand at the smelly kender. "He is the one that brought us here with his book of kender magic. I am just suprised we are all in one piece."

Marderfarker could only stare at the trio, his mouth working like a dying fish.

"Um...so...your dancers must be resting for the evening. Come here! Give me a hug!" Ballsar yelled as he ran towards King Marderfarker and wrapped his corded arms around the skinny faerie king.

*poof* Came the sound again.

Ballsar turned around and looked at his two companions. Samsterd was red-faced and giggling loudly. Detontrophe seemed to be passed out on the ground, surrounded by a cloud of green.

"Samsterd! I told you if you need to do that, GO OUTSIDE!" Ballsar bellowed.

"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic story, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

[Edited by DarkDalamar20 on Friday, April 4, 2003 9:29 AM]

UndeadDragon
04/04/2003 12:14 PM

OOC: Love the quote, DD! :D

BIC: Samsterd discontinued his loud giggling, but kept snorting while trying to hold it in. Detontrophe twitched on the ground near the kender's feet, and Sam grinned with a loud snort.

He looked to the gayly dressed dude and yelled, "Hey you, Marderfarker! I want a hug, too!"

Without waiting for an answer, Sam wrapped his sticky arms around Marderfarker. Sam just kept hugging him for about ten minutes, thinking ' He reminds me soooo much of dad....'.

But when the disgusting kender tried to let go, he couldn't. He was stuck to Mardfarker. Sam grumbled, "Why do I always get stuck to people...?"

He tugged and tugged, trying to get off of the gayly dressed man. Marderfarker just stood there, wondering wether to be happy or freaked out that Samsterd's head was so close to his crotch.

After a few more tries, Sam succeeded in getting unstuck, but also took something with him. Sam had torn off Marderfarker's spandex pants. The kender absentmindedly tucked the pants into his pack.No one dies a virgin... life screws us all...

DarkDalamar20
04/04/2003 4:33 PM

Ballsar looked around the room embarrassedly. He tried to keep his eyes off the pantless, Marderfarker. Detontrophe was just waking up behind him, shaking off the after-effects of the kender stank.

But, as time would have it, Ballsar's eyes were eventually pulled to the lower extremities of the King's body. "Um..Marderfarker? You are a..uh.. guy, right?" the dwarf asked, squinting.



"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic story, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

eswiftfire
04/05/2003 11:25 AM

OOC: Ack! It's already my cue??? Um. I'll reply tomorrow. Still trying to carry the Future Fellowship 2 now. Argh. "Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

eswiftfire
04/06/2003 5:31 AM


But, as time would have it, Ballsar's eyes were eventually pulled to the lower extremities of the King's body. "Um..Marderfarker? You are a..uh.. guy, right?" the dwarf asked, squinting.



King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker shrieked gayly, grabbed hold of the kender's ears, lifted him up a little so that his head could conceal his lower extremities...

(Cameo appearance.)

In the distance, Eliar Swiftfire appeared with a POOF! and noticed a couple of people he knew.

"Let's say hello to them... WTF?????? How come the kender's giving the king a... a..."

He bent over and puke. Shaking his head in disgust, the all-powerful mage disappeared with another POOF!

(Ends cameo appearance.)

"I AM A GUY, YOU POO POO HEAD!!!!!" He said in a totally unmanly manner (=gayly).

"... until a few weeks ago." The king muttered. "When that... that HORRID potion was given to me..."

After that, he sobbed gayly. At first, it was merely the sobbing of a man who just saw his garden of roses being trampled upon. Then, it became the sobbing of a man who lost his two-years worth of collection of porn pictures. And later, it degenerated into the cry of a man who just lost his... Mighty Johnson. It didn't take him long to start sucking from his thumb. "Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Benn-Salian
04/07/2003 6:54 AM

The Marderfarker was embarassing. How could a man so powerful, that he comanded an army that had "a lot of men underneath him", be so downright unmanly. Detontrophe became irritated at the very sight of the Marderfarker and left his post alongside the very manly dwarf, Ballsar.

The gnome snuck out into the hall and ran into one of the Marderfarker's dancers. She was a pretty elven woman with silver hair that curled around the delicate features of her face. Detontrophe became a loss for words, he had known that elves were the fairer race, but he had not been prepared for such beauty at this moment, having just witnessed the Marderfarker.

The gnome inched his way over to her and began whispering sweet nothings in her ear. "Hey baby, are you sure you didn't fall from the Abyss; because your ass is out of this world!"

The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized. "May I ask what you are refering to?" The elven girl asked in not as clearly understood common.

"Certainly, My name is...Enrico," the gnome fibbed, "may ask you what beautiful name has been bestowed upon your beautiful face?"

A wry smile crossed the elven girl's face, "My name is Karyna."

"Great, now I have a name to tell Ballsar in the mourning, cause he sure isn't going to believe this!" Detontrophe revealed to himself.

"What's that you say?" Karyna asked.

Thinking quickly, the gnome answered, "I asked if you had any gnome in you."

"I should hope not!"

"Want some?"

"Only a little bit, else I might get sick."

"Um.." Detontrophe delayed as he looked aroud, hoping no one was around, "No problem, why don't I take you in this room and we'll sort things out."

Karyna and Detontrophe walked into an empty room next to the room with The Marderfarker. Ballsar was with the unmanly man and could here a commotion in the other room that the gnome and elf were in. Phrases such as "Who's your gnome?" and "Say uncle!" could easily be heard by both the dwarf and kender.

Samsterd looked at Ballsar with a rush of understading, "So that's what he meant by knowing someone in a biblical sense!"[Ballsar] smashed the little gnome into the unsuspecting kender and beat them into dead lifeless pulp. The gnome could be heard screaming obsenities as he brought pain to the kender, "Take that! Ow. Your Momma! Ow. Duck Cutpurse! Ow." - Ballsar and Detontrophe "The dragon vein: The Old kingdom"

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Monday, April 7, 2003 6:57 AM]

DarkDalamar20
04/07/2003 9:39 AM

Ballsar sneered as he looked down on Marderfarker sucking his thumb. How could anyone be so unmanly? Ballsar himself was the dwarf of dwarves. He was one hot peice of dwarven sausage. There was yet to be a wench the Ballsar had failed to please. Of course, some woke up in the morning asking who he was, but that made no nevermind.

Ballsar was just about to slap Marderfarker to get him out of his crying stupor, but it was then that he heard strange sounds coming from the room next door. A matress squeeking, followed by Det's voice shouting all sorts of sexual profanities.

"What....where is Detontrophe?" Ballsar looked around quickly, finally noticing that the gnome wasn't in the room.

Samsterd was blushing furiously. He held the kender spellbook over his crotch area, trying furiously to cover his kenderhood.

"Det!!!!!!!!!!" Ballsar screamed. His dwarven bellow echoing off the pink walls of the castle.

Ballsar looked at Marderfarker, he was incompacitated by crying at the moment. He wouldn't be going anywhere. Pulling his battle-ax out of his back pocket and stormed out of Marderfarker's throne room. He found the room with words like: "No, not that hole!" and "Hey, that's mine!" coming between bed squeeks.

The dwarf tried to open the door, but it was barred shut. Ballsar pounded on the door for a few moments until he heard the words, "Hey! Can't a gnome dip his baby carrot in peace?"

Ballar's face turned red with rage. He stomped around the hallway spouting off dozens of dwarven naughty words. Men and women fainted as they tried to walk past the dwarf, but their ears were assailed with such filthy words, that they couldn't help but go unconcious in shock.

Finally, Ballsar settled down and leaned against the wall opposite the bedroom door and waited. When Det came out, he was sure that he was going to beat the living gnome-poo out of his little head. Who could the gnome be sleeping with anyway? Ballsar hand't seen any other gnomes around here.

Ballsar thought for a moment, "What...if he found some really beautiful elven woman?" he asked himself. He started laughing as soon as the words were out of his mouth. "Yeah, right! Det with an elven maiden!"

Ballsar continued to chuckle, the squeeking sound continuing in the backround."Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic story, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/07/2003 9:58 AM

Detontrophe walked out of the room itching his crotch and licking his lips. Ballsar was about to make some really mean comment.

Just then Karyna walked out of the room bull-legged and tired. She put her arm around Detontrophe. "Blessed E'li, you have got to be the best lover I have ever had," she cooed in Detontrophe's ear.

"What are you talking about! I fell asleep twice!" Detontrophe answered her loving comments, "and as far as being the best, I would suggest that to be because I was the first. The stain on the mattress is proof enough and will give the Marderfarker maids a hell of a time."

Karyna fluttered her eye lashes, "But sweety, what if I become pregnant?"

"If the gods had wanted me to reproduce, if would have occured by now."[Ballsar] smashed the little gnome into the unsuspecting kender and beat them into dead lifeless pulp. The gnome could be heard screaming obsenities as he brought pain to the kender, "Take that! Ow. Your Momma! Ow. Duck Cutpurse! Ow." - Ballsar and Detontrophe "The dragon vein: The Old kingdom"

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Monday, April 7, 2003 10:49 AM]

DarkDalamar20
04/07/2003 11:00 AM

Ballsar stared at the elf-maiden with his mouth hanging open. She was one of the most beautiful creatures that the dwarf had ever seen. And, the fact that she had just slept with Detontrophe was more than Ballsar could accept.

His eyes rolled back in his head, the world went black, and Ballsar fell to the floor, in a coma. Samsterd came running down the hall and slapped the dwarf's cheeks to wake him up, but it didn't work. The smelly kender then pulled down his pants and sat on Ballsar's face. Even faced with that much stank, Ballsar didn't pull out of his coma.

Just then, Marderfarker came skipping down the hall. He saw the semi-naked elf maiden and screamed. Telling his servant to go about her buisness. But she only held tighter to the gnome, batting her long eyelashes in his direction.

It was then that Marderfarker noticed Ballsar laying on the ground, completely out of it. Samsterd was just pulling up his pants from his efforts to wake the dwarf. Marderfarker noticed a brown line down the middle of Ballsar's face, but he didn't question it.

The king came over and lifted the dwarf in his skinny arms with a grunt. With unmanly tears of emotion, the unmanly king took the very manly king to his bedroom and tucked him into his silk sheets. He then pronounced in the castle and the city surrounding the castle that it was a time of mourning until the dwarf awoke.

Ballsar showed no sign of life other than his breathing. People cried over the dwarf. Priests came and prayed over his immobile body. But nothing seemed to help. There had to be a cure. But as to what the cure was, no one knew.



"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic story, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/07/2003 11:15 AM

Several days had past and Detontophe never left his side. He couldn't, if he did, Marderfarker would be in the room trying Takhisis-knew-what kind of home remedies.

The gnome and Samsterd tried several different things to wake the dwarf up. Reading him a bedtime story and making him drink warm milk didn't seem to do the trick anymore. Samsterd had once sat on the dwarf's lap and pounded on his chest to wake him. After the kender rose eight inches in the air, Detontrophe declared that Ballsar wasn't dead but was clearly delirious. He also forbid Samsterd from sitting there anymore.

Marderfarker came in. "We are having a banquet downstairs with lots of food and women, if you are interested. I can watch over my good friend, Ballsar."

Samsterd ran out of the room quicker than was suspected of the rotund kender.

Marderfarker watched the gnome to see if he would follow. Detontrophe eyed him back. "Oh no. I ain't going no where, fairy-king! Ballsar's in trouble and I am not leaving him for anything!"

"Karyna's down the hall, y'know," marderfarker replied casually.

"Ballsar, have fun with Marderfarker. My love awaits.""The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/07/2003 11:30 AM

Nightmares assailed Ballsar in his coma. Several times he swore that he could smell kender-stench. But, he couldn't wake up from this terrible dream. He dreamed that he was surrounded by unmanly dancers, all running and jumping round him, assailing him with their gayness.

"Nooo," Ballsar groaned, trying desperatly to wake from this terrible nightmare. But try as he might, he couldn't.

The nightmares continued to haunt Ballsar. It was then that he heard a high voice. Somewhere deep in his subconsious. The voice sounded so familiar. His body started to tingle and burn like fire. Something was happening....

A scream broke from Ballsar's throat. But, the only person in the room to hear it was Marderfarker. The king smiled, working another one of his "cures".

*****************

Down in the throne room, a massive party was raging. Det was having the time of his life with Karyna. As a song ended, it was silent for a moment, and Det swore he could hear a scream that could only be from Ballsar.

The music continued, accompanied by a few singers this time..."Mmmm-bop...do do do do bop...sha na na na...mmm-bop.." sang the singers. The screams could no longer be heard.

With a shrug, Det placed his head back between Karyn's breasts and continued to blow raspberries."What's this?" Ballsar mumbled and moved in for a closer look. "The genitalia formally known as 'penis', " the dwarf read. "What??" He looked up and could see a rather large adam's apple on the "woman" he was inspecting.

Depicted in the epic adventure: Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/07/2003 11:48 AM

Detontrophe enjoyed his time with Karyna greatly. But with a beautiful elven dancer, who wouldn't? The Hanson song almost sent the gnome for a loop, but he was reminded of the beauty radiating from Karyna.

That was before the macarena began. The very beats themselves fed Detontrophe's rage. he asked calmly that Karyna sit and he found Samsterd eating cake out of a box. "Doesn't this song annoy you?" Detontrophe asked the kender.

Asking a kender if something was annoying was like asking the ocean if something else was wet. The kender shrugged his confusion off and continued eating again. Detontrophe grabbed the kender be the back of his neck and dragged him in front of the singers, Sink*N.

"Do you remember that trick we did we used on the Green Goblin?" Detontrophe asked. Before he recieved an answer he threw the kender at the singers screaming, "Kender-doken!"

As the kender was in the air, he began reciting magic words that he had memorized earlier. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle and here is my spout!"

Lightning crackled and hissed as it burned the Sink*N singers that played the bad music. After all the carnage that was inflicted by the gnome had ended, Detontrophe looked around and was happy with what he saw.

"Hey look an imp! Were'd you come from little guy?""The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Monday, April 7, 2003 3:52 PM]

DarkDalamar20
04/07/2003 6:40 PM

Ballsar awoke from his coma, shaking the fog of grogginess from his head. It took him a moment to remember where he was, but the George Micheal posters and the frilly bed quickly made him realize that he was laying in Marderfarker's bed. He grunted as he tried to move, his muscles felt like jello. A few moments went by before he smelled something and realized that someone was laying next to him.

Stifling a cry of pain as he moved his neck, he turned his head to look at the figure who was sleeping on his chest. His eye buggers began to clear and who else was there, but Samsterd. The smelly kender was laying with his head on Ballsar's shoulder, sucking his thumb. The kender stench was enough to make Ballsar gag, which he did, many many times.

Ballsar finally got enough strength to sit up and pull his arm roughly from beneath the sleeping kender. With a startled cry, Samsterd went flying off the bed landing on a pink bearskin carpet that covered the ground. The kender grumbled and fell back to sleep, his feet behind his head, contorting him in a wierd position.

Ballsar finally got out of bed and began walking around the room slowly. His legs were wobbly and his head spun like a drunk hooker. It was then that he realized he was naked, and his dwarfhood was dragging on the ground between his legs.

"Can't have that," Ballsar mumbled, reaching over and pulling on some tight leather pants and his tan colored tunic with the words, "I'd rather be doing the horizontal polka," printed across the front.

"Wonder where everyone is? And how long have I been out?" He asked himself. Distantly he remembered Detontrophe and a elf-maiden, but that was just crazy. A gnome with a beautiful elf!

The dwarf pulled on some thick boots and exited the chamber. He made sure to wake up Samsterd before he left, the smelly kender walked tiredly next to him. He was looking for Marderfarker or Detontrophe, either one would know where to find the other.

Holding onto Samsterd's hand. The two began to skip down the hall. The kender said that it was the best way to stretch muscles. Ballsar had never heard of that before, but he was willing to try anything. He felt like he did that weekend in Palanthas with the Ergothian prostitute.....but...that was another story...





"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/08/2003 6:06 AM

Ballsar and Samsterd skipped all the way downstairs, which almost proved fatal for the dwarf who didn't skip down the stairs a whole lot in his life. Samsterd kept his companion upright so that he didn't fall down any more stairs than he need to.

Upon getting to the bottom, Ballsar was sick and tired of the skipping. He saw a room with its door ajar and pink and purple helium ballons floating in and out the door way. Ballsar's brow became knitted as he mentioned one name, "Marderfarker...."

Further inspection revealed a voice. It came from within the room. It was very confident and boastful. "Let's say we play a game of mathmatics, ok? Why don't we add a bed, subtract your clothes, I'll divide your legs and then we can begin to multiply!"

Only one person would speak so crudely in front of another person. Only one being that the dwarf knew would say such inappropriate things in such a calm way. "Det! How dare you say such things to anyone!" he confronted the gnome.

"Ballsar! I see that you've been awaken by Marderfarker," he replied noticing the tan pants, "and what's matter with my lines? I borrowed from you, you know!"

The dwarf smacked himself in the forehead. "That's the problem, you little gnomish twit."

Just at that moment of confrontation, the imp revealved himself to Ballsar. He knuckle-walked over to Detontrophe hiding himself behind the gnome and Karyna. "Ballsar, this is Spot," the gnome introduced his imp, "he's been a good boy so far, he's only piddle twice in the last hour!"

A sound of water behind him made him look at the imp and then at his watch. "Did I say twice? Maybe that was his third time," Detontrophe corrected himself.

After the imp finished making his bladder gladder, he took to humping Karyna's leg. Not that anyone could blame him."The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/08/2003 9:15 AM

Ballsar looked at the imp in disgust. "Where did this thing come from? Didn't I tell you that you couldn't have any pets. I don't need something peeing all over the place. And what about food? Am I supposed to buy all the food this thing needs? Prices are high now, Det! I don't know how were are supposed to take care of it..." Ballsar looked at the gnome who had tears growing in his eyes. "Fine, you can keep it. But it better not get in my way."

He looked at the elf maiden. "Hello, my dear. The name is Rockhard, Ballsar Rockhard. Pleased to meet you." The dwarf took the woman's delicate hand and gave it a suave kiss.

Karyna's cheeks turned red as she blushed furiously. The dwarf was certainly handsome. And, he treated her like a lady. More than she could say for "Big Willy", or so the gnome called himself. Ballsar continued to look up and down the woman's body, and then he turned abrubtly as the imp began to hump his leg.

"Damn you! You little horny bastard! Get off my leg!" Ballsar grabbed the imp by the scruff of it's neck and swatted it's nose. 'Bad! Bad!" He yelled in the imp's face.

"Where is Marderfarker?" Ballsar asked Detontrophe.

"I don't know," replied the gnome, though he wouldn't meet Ballsar's eyes.

"What did you do?" The dwarf asked, noticing Det's apprehension.

"Fine! Marderfarker was molesting you! I tied him up and locked him in the highest room in the highest tower. He is in there right now. Probably crying like a little baby!" Det said, starting to cry.

"Yeah! You should cry! Marderfarker wasn't molesting me....I would....know...But anyway! Don't think that you can just tie up the KING of this land and lock him away! He is rich and powerful. He could have you killed with a clap of his buttcheeks! Is that what you want? I didn't think so!" Ballsar finished his rage.

"Now, get your imp and follow me. Samsterd, come on!" Ballsar grabbed the kender's hand and ran towards the stairs that led to where Marderfarker was being kept."Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/08/2003 9:51 AM


"Yeah! You should cry! Marderfarker wasn't molesting me....I would....know...But anyway!"

"I never said you didn't know..." Detontrophe mumbled under his breath.

Ballsar grabbed Samsterd and the imp and ran up the stairs to the tower of the castle. Detontrophe asked Karyna if she would return to her room for the night and he promised to make an appearance there for her later in the night. With a smile and a kiss she was gone.

Detontrophe realized that he missed Spot and he decide to follow after Ballsar to untie Marderfarker. when Detontrophe got to the top of the stairs he saw that the Marderfarker was smiling underneath the rag that was in his mouth.

Ballsar took off the rag and asked him what he was so happy about. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you, I was in here and an imp came in and was tickling my face with his tongue," Marderfarker explained.

"Damn you, forest imp! You've been a thorn in my side for too long! You will pay! Oh yes, you will pay!" Ballsar snapped as he peered over at Spot who was cowering in the corner.

Ballsar stepped toward the creature but was blocked by Detontrophe. "Ballsar, No! It couldn't have been him, he was with me since Samsterd summoned him. Perhaps it was another, more evil, imp that did this."

"It may have been an evil imp," Marderfarker piped in, "it would explain why the imp was completely red in color."

"Just to be sure, I'm going to take care of Det's pet anyways," Ballsar announced but stopped his advance because Samsterd started laughing, "What in Zivilyn's pussy-ass boots, are you laughing about Sam?"

The kender couldn't stop laughing to answer but he pointed at Ballsar's waist. Sure enough, the dwarf had lost another article of clothing. Ballsar became enraged and looked all around the hall for his pants. Down the hall he saw a red imp running away with the horizontal polka pants, snickering as it ran like a little monkey."The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/08/2003 12:45 PM

Ballsar grumbled under his breath about the evil imp. It was just his luck that Samsterd was able to summon not one, but two of those little bastards. He reached over and pulled off Detontrophe's shirt and wrapped it around his lower extremities. "I don't need to remind you people that it is cold up in this tower!" He said, looking at everyone in turn. Making sure they weren't laughing at the expense of his dwarfhood.

"Now, I am sorry for this trouble, Marderfarker. Sometimes the gnome takes other people's problems into his own hands. He doesn't mean any problems. He is as gentle as a butterflies testicles." Ballsar apologized while he untied Marderfarker. "But, you don't have to worry any more. We have to get going. There are plenty of places in this world where my expertice could be used."

"Before you go, I have something for you!" Marderfarker said, his unmanly voice squeeking loudly.

"Oh yeah? Lets see it?" Ballsar smiled at the King's niceness.

The unmanly king reached into his unmanly robes and fished around in many of his hidden inner pockets. Ballsar waited patiently, thinking that it was going to be a great piece of treasure. But, what the King pulled out was anything but treasure.

"Aha! Here it is!" Marderfarker held out his hand, which laying in his palm was a pink golfball.

"Uh....thank you..." Ballsar mumbled, taking the golfball from the King..."I know just what I can do with this."

Ballsar turned from the king and walked over to where Samsterd and Det where playing with the good imp. They didn't notice Ballsar until he was standing right behind them. "Excuse me!" Ballsar yelled, making the gnome and kender jump into the air.

"Y...yes?" Detontrophe asked.

"Let me see the imp." Ballsar looked over the gnomes shoulder at the cowering imp.

"No, Ballsar! Not this one! I named him myself! You can't do anything to this one!" Det pleaded.

"Just give him to me!" Ballsar screamed, making the gnome jump out of the way.

Ballsar then grabbed the imp by the neck and turned him upside down to hold it by it's feet. He then put the golfball on the ground and held the imp so that his head was just behind the golfball, holding it by its feet. He shook his butt a little, setting his feet. "FORE!" Ballsar bellowed and swung the imp backwards and then fowards to hit the ball. Unfortunatly, Ballsar had never been a good golfer. When the imp came swinging forward, Ballsar misinterpreted the distance to the ball and smacked the imp's head into the ground with a sickening crack. Blood and gore went flying across the floor. The imp's brain went flopping down the winding stairway, making a sickening *slap slap slap* as it hit each stair.

"Oops...oh well." Ballsar smiled and shrugged and walked past Det on his way down the stairs. "Help Marderfarker clean up, and then come meet me downstairs" the dwarf smacked Det on his shoulder and went down the stairs.
"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

DarkDalamar20
04/08/2003 1:06 PM

Ballsar reached the bottom of the stair with a smile on his face. He hadn't felt so happy in a long time. The carnage above was just what he needed to clear his mind of all the problems that were plagueing his mind. He walked down the rich hallways with a skip in his step, blowing kisses to all the female servants. A few hours went by, and Ballsar was quite relieved to find out that kisses weren't the only thing that these female servants liked to blow.

After a rather long interlude in a servant's bedroom, Ballsar made his way down a hallway leading to the grand ballroom. He was whistling a Dwarven porn theme when he came upon a door that sounded like a lot of fun was happening behind it. He put his ear to the door and a big smile spread across his face. "Maybe, I should just take a peek behind this door." Ballsar smiled and opened the door slowly.

What he saw shocked him. Karyan was in the bed, her head just visible above the sheets bouncing up and down. Someone was under the sheets, doing something to her lower body. "Hey! You are Det's!" Ballsar bellowed, stepping into the room.

The movement stopped under the sheets as soon as Ballsar had spoken. Oddly enough, the look on the elf maiden's face was exactly the same. It seemed to be a look of shock.

"How could you do this to the gnome? He loved you!" Ballsar said.

With a snarl of rage, the red imp jumped out from beneath the covers. Karyn's head was on his like a mask, and he held an arm and a leg in each one of his hands. The imp snarled at ballsar, swinging the elf maiden's limbs back and forth in front of him.

"You killed her?" Ballsar looked at the imp in shock. "Allow me to return the favor!" The dwarf screamed and drew his ax from his back pocket and threw it overhand across the room. It spun head over head and smashed into the imp, impaling the creature and sticking it to the wall. Ballsar walked over to it and pulled his ax from the wall, dropping the creature to the ground.

"Serves you right!" Ballsar mumbled. "How am I supposed to break this to Det?" he wondered, a slight tear coming to his eye.

He left the room, walking into the banquet hall after cleaning off his ax. There were hundreds of people in the large room, eating and laughing. Ballsar walked in and mingled with the many people. Slipping his hand under a dress or two here and there.

"We all know that Dragon Eggs are the most delicious eggs on Krynn! There is no more delicious egg than a dragon egg." Ballsar overheard two well dressed Centaurs saying. They wore a tuxedo over the human half of their body, and their horse hooves clicked lightly on the floor. Obviously they weren't housetrained though, for piles of poo laid around them, buzzing with flies.

"You are correct with those words! Dragon eggs are delicious!" The other centaur said. "Sanction has the best ones ever. If you can get over the smell of sulfur from the volcanoes."

"Of course, the sulfur smell....phew! Smells like this.." The first centaur lifted one back horse leg and let out a loud flatulent. Both of the horse creatures laughed, but Ballsar was too far away to hear them.

"Mmm, dragon egg omelet. Sounds amazing!" Ballsar's mouth literally watered. He knew where they were going now. He just had to find the rest of his trio so that they could get going. He was dreading it though, he had to break the news to Det that his lover had been mauled by an imp.

"Oh well, he will get over it." Ballsar shrugged and left the banquet hall to round up his friends."Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/08/2003 3:45 PM

Detontrophe found himself with Ballsar and Samsterd walking to Sanction. The gnome began thinking about his love, Karyna. The young elven maiden had been the gnome's one and everything, but Ballsar explained to Detontrophe that she had left in the night and had taken to Mt. Nevermind to await until he had finished adventuring and came home to her. It made Detontrophe happy to know that she would sacrifice so much to make him happy. How he loved her.

But now, The Greygem trio was off to Sanction for Dragon eggs, for what reason Detontrophe wasn't sure. He had fallen asleep when the dwarf explained that part. Once they entered the city, Detontrophe had an epiphany. Why not study to be a cleric? That would impress his love.

Detontrophe tricked Ballsar into accompaning him to the Cleric school by rationalizing that the best place to learn about Dragon Eggs was to learn from scholars.

Upon entering the school, Detontrophe met a dark elf named Damien. Strangely enough,the elf was a Knight of the Skull for the Knights of Takhisis. Detontrophe was overjoyed when he was allowed to enter the back room for his first lesson with the dark elf. Ballsar became furious because he was asked to wait with the kender.

"Now I want you to sit here on the floor with me," Damien demanded of the gnome.

Detontrophe obliged, "How's this?" he asked when he sat down.

"Quiet you soul," Damien snapped, "Steel isn't strong, boy. Flesh is stronger. What is steel compared to the hand that wields it?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Are you refering to my glaive of shortness?" Detontrophe asked.

Damien began again, "The snapping banners, the falling foes, the ring of steel, the blade and flesh. Decimation of mind and soul, given over to the tide of war and blood. Victory is all that matters."

"What are you talling me to do shalafi?" Detontrophe demanded.

"Maybe I could try, to take a bath and drink a little wine, and think of you. But probably I'll lie, naked on the floor by candlelight - and I'll think of you. I think I woke up screaming, I had a dream that you still loved me," Damien continued.

"Shalafi? What under Lunitari's dress are you talking about?" Detontrophe replied aspanick rushed over him.

"You want me. You need me. You need to hate me. You want to be me. I am everything you can never be. So you will fall down upon me. You will tear me apart, flesh from bone. You'll come down against me, and I'll tear this world down around me. This is your Revelation," Damien continued.

"Ah! I can't take it anymore. You're mother must have had an affair with a gully dwarf!" Detontrophe declared with his anger and concluded the statement by using his glaive to chop off the tip of his shalafi's left ear.

The gnome then stomped out of the back room and met up with his companions. "Let's go find those stupid eggs," he snapped as he past Ballsar and Samsterd and walked right out the door."The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/08/2003 5:52 PM

Ballsar sat there running his short fingers through his beard as the dark elf named, Damien, came onto his gnomish companion. The words that came spilling out of the elf's mouth were more than Ballsar could comprehend. "What in the hell is going on here? What are you talking about lying on the floor naked and what not!" The dwarf demanded as Det went stomping past him and out the door.

He took one last look at the dark elf as he turned to leave. Damien was running a rose over his naked nipples and cringing in pleasure each time one of the thorns scratched his areolas. "You are sick! Sick I tell you!" Ballsar screamed, slamming the wooden door as he left.

*Clink* Came a sound from behind Ballsar as he closed the door. He turned to see what the noise was and saw the biggest doorknocker he had ever witnessed. It was in the shape of a human male standing bow-legged. Hanging between his legs, which was the knocker itself, were the biggest pair of bronze testicles that the dwarf had ever seen.

"Sick bastard..." Ballsar mumbled and then followed Det as he walked down the streets of Sanction with Samsterd.

"What an idiot idea. That guy wasn't even a cleric. I think he just wanted your gnomehood. And you almost gave it to him. I know you were getting hot from all his fancy talk. No, don't deny it." Ballsar gave Detontrophe a good ass-reaming.

"Ok, I heard a rather realiable tip that these eggs are under the....bordello...yes...around this corner.. I think we should go there and look first." Ballsar said, not looking at the gnome.

"Oh god, Damien...I do want you...I do need you!" Detontrophe was muttering. "What?? huh? Yeah, bordello. Good idea." The gnome shook his head to clear it.

"Aha! The Poon Palace! That's the place...I was....told about!" Ballsar rubbed his hands and quickened his pace. He entered the large building with Det and Samsterd following close behind.

"Damien, ohhhhhhh, Damien!" Det mumbled as the door closed behind them.

"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/09/2003 6:58 AM


"Oh god, Damien...I do want you...I do need you!" Detontrophe was muttering. "What?? huh? Yeah, bordello. Good idea." The gnome shook his head to clear it.

This was what the dwarf swore he had heard. Ironically enough, Detontrophe actually mumbled, "Oh god, Damienwhat has happened to you? I do want you to get some help because I do need you to teach me how to make Karyna a happy woman!"

Detontrophe didn't like the fact that Ballsar was teasing his shalafi. Sure, the dark elf was a little off and spoke with a perverted tongue, but he rose within the ranks of the Knights of Takhisis for a reason, right? The gnome began to feel bad about how he had cut the tip of Damien's ear. "Cause and Effect is a disease..." the words of Justice Gordusmajor still rand through the gnome's head.

Ballsar entered the Poon Palace with Samsterd as the gnome was having his moral dilemna. The two of them sat doewn at a table and waiter until someone greeted them. It was a tall well-dressed man, he asked Ballsar what he would be wanting to eat.

"I don't want you! Bring on the chickies!" Ballsar declared angerly.

"Would the young dwarf and his kender appreciate eating some female genitelia?" the man asked.

"By Reorx's swollen prostate, yes!" Ballsar decreed.

"Very well...I will be back momentarily." the man concluded leaving the table with a turn of his heal.

Detontrophe entered the buildinmg looking around for a sign of his comrades. Detontrophe was astonished to discover that the Poon Palace was not a whore house at all, but a really disgusting resteraunt!"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/09/2003 8:27 AM

Ballsar sat at the table and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. This place didn't smell the best, but as long as the women were attractive, he didn't mind. Ballsar took a deep breath, relishing in the smells of the Poon Palace. It almost made him gag, but the thoughts of the coming pleasure were enough to make him feel a little better.

When the waiter brought out a couple of plates and set them in front of the trio, Ballsar was confused. "Hey, I thought you were bringing us some female genitalia!" Ballsar fumed at the waitor.

"Aye, Monster...monsiour...mon...Screw it! Yes, Dwarf! That is what that is! Female genitalia! Enjoy." The waiter said rather rudely and walked off in a huff.

Ballsar looked down at his plate..."What is this? It...looks like...Nipples on toast with a side of eggs..." He looked up to see Detontrophe retching on the floor and Samsterd happily eating his meal.

"Ugh....lets get out of here." Ballsar grumbled, heartily dissapointed in the events of the Poon Palace.

Ballsar got up and took a step towards the door. The rotten floorboards creaked under him. The dwarf looked up just in time to see Det and Samster getting up from the table, and then he fell through the floor.

He slid down a rough rocky shute, bruising his tailbone enough that he would have to use one of those rubber doughnuts for a year. Finally, he saw a light up ahead and he shot into a chamber filled with treasure. Landing in a big pile of gold coins, Ballsar looked around slowly, his eyes almost popping out of his head.

"Uh..uh...uh...uh..." Ballsar made a mess in the front of his pants over the sight. "Treasure!!!!!!!!!" He screamed and began diving and swimming through the coins like Scrooge McDuck.

It wasn't until later that he noticed another chamber off to his left. Strange noises came from this room. Grunts, cracking, and breaking noises filled the room with wierd noises.

"Hmmm...I think I found the dragon eggs. I will come back for you in a minute" Ballsar kissed a couple of the gold coins and slid down the pile towards the other chamber.

*SLAM*

Samsterd and Det shot out of the tube and crashed into Ballsar, sending all three of them sprawling across the floor...

"Momma...momma...I love you" Ballsar mumbled, his head feeling as if he had just drunk a tanker full of Dwarf Spirits.
"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/09/2003 8:50 AM

Detontrophe looked into the hole that Ballsar had fallen through. He tried to examine the best way he could get down there without going through all the pain that Ballsar must have. Before he could reach a logical conclusion, Samsterd rushed to the hole screaming, "Wait up Ballsar! I'm coming for you!" The kender than ran into the gnome and sent the two of them down after their comrade.

*SLAM*

Samsterd and Det shot out of the tube and crashed into Ballsar, sending all three of them sprawling across the floor...

"Momma...momma...I love you" Ballsar mumbled, his head feeling as if he had just drunk a tanker full of Dwarf Spirits.

As the dwarf and kender recuperated, Samsterd left the scene of the accident, only to return with a blue egg. "Look what I got Det! An egg!" the kender then put the egg down on its side and crawled on top of it to keep it warm.

Ballsar pulled himself to a standing position. "What in the Abyss are you doing with my egg? How can I eat it with your rump all over it?"

Samsterd's eyes widened in horror, "How dare you?!?! That's my son or daughter you're talking about! Show some more respect."

The kender's whine was cut short by a cracking sound. Bits of egg shell broke off onto the floor of the basement. A hole in the egg revealed the occupant to be a blue dragon wyrmling. "Woar! Woar! Woar!" it pronounced gleefully.

Putting his face close to his hatchling, Samsterd smiled and called to his new offspring, "Hey little Samsterd Jr...."

Before more greetings could continue the dragon wyrmling bit the kender on its nose. "Ow, you little bastard! See if you like this...Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus...Go to your fuggin room!"

An imp appeared in front of Samsterd. "Spot II!" Detontrophe muttered the words with great awe.

"Imp," Samsterd acknowledged his creation giving it orders, "spank my spawn, please."If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Wednesday, April 9, 2003 9:01 AM]

DarkDalamar20
04/09/2003 9:01 AM

As if the hatching of the blue had caused a circus, hundreds of other cracking noises could be heard in the egg room. Roars and shots of fire, lightning, acid, frost, and green fog echoed in the chamber.

"Uh oh. I don't think that this was the best idea. I don't see us getting a good omelet out of these. We need to get out of here before we are killed!" Ballsar said, searching for an escape. "Kender, you are going to have to use some of your magic to get us out of here. There is no other way. Flip through your spellbook and find something that will work. HURRY" Ballsar screamed as Samsterd just stared at him with drool dripping from the side of his mouth.

The little dragons were already starting to investigate. They were entering the other chamber. When they saw the trio, they roared in delight, expecting a wonderful meal.

"I have an idea to give us some time!" Ballsar said, a lightbulb appearing above his head.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a bottle of A-1 steak sauce. He then reached over and grabbed the newly summoned imp by the neck and shook the bottle over it's head, covering it with the juicy sauce. Winding up his arm, he then threw the imp into the oncoming horde of dragons.

Screams and the sound of tearing flesh were the only things that could be heard as the dragons ripped apart the struggling imp.

"Now, Samsterd! Cast your spell now!" Ballsar yelled.
"Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/09/2003 9:16 AM

Before Samsterd could do anything a giant Maelstrom was created and caught up the Greygem Trio and sent them swirling in its currants.

"Ballsar! I told you to keep your drunkeness to yourself! Stop making me dizzy!" Detontrophe scolded his dwarven friend.

The whole troop landed with a thud on a large oak wood floor. In front of them stoo a tall black robed woman. "Ilika! Where in Zeboim's bra have you been hiding?" Ballsar exclaimed as he pushed himself up and ritually smacked the woman's buttocks.

The black mage's eyes knitted. She began choking the dwarf. "I am Ladonna, head of the black robes, I am not your slut of a whore, Ilika. Do not make this mistake again," Ladonna threatened.

"Can I still smack your ass again?" Ballsar questioned.

Ladonna bent over to look Ballsar in the eye, "Only when Par-Salian isn't around."If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/09/2003 10:06 PM

Ballsar continued rubbing and smacking Ladonna's butt. It was a nice one. Perfect for such smacking. So Ballsar continued until he noticed an old white robe walking down the torch-lit hallway.

"That is Par-Salian? You are diddling him?" Ballsar gasped, looking up at the beautiful black robe. He saw so much of Ilika in those beautiful features. He missed his wonderful mage. Ballsar hoped she was finding her cure.

"Greetings, and who are these people?" Par-Salian asked, looking at Ladonna.

"I don't know. They just showed up here." The black robe said, eying the trio.

Ballsar looked around, a sudden thought dawning on him. "Um...where are we? Why are we here?"

He turned and looked at Det and Samsterd. "What did you two do?" he growled."Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/10/2003 6:24 AM

"The two of them are innocent for a change," A mage wearing red robes replied as he walked onto the scene, "I sent for these young warriors."

Everyone, including The Greygem Trio themselves, looked at the red robe with bewilderment. Par-Salian stepped forward, "Now Justarius, why would you do this without my consent? Do you realize what kind of shenanigans the three of them can get into here?"

"They will not be here, we are going to send them back to Istar like you did with Raistlin's brother and the other kender," Justarius announced.

"Justarius have you gone mad?" Ladonna yelled at her fellow mage, "I don't think you realize that these races are about to change the past."

"I am fully aware of that," the red robed mage replied, "That is what I intend to happen. These saviors shall stop the Cataclysm and thus saving the Library of Istar from being destroyed and allowing the records of magic therein to be used by future generations, us, for example."

The two other mages, of white and balck robes, pondered this idea only slightly. The promise of more magic was enough to convince the stingiest of mages. "Very well, these warriors, as you call them," Par-Salian motioned to Ballsar and Detontrophe, "Hey, where's that kender friend of yours'...oh Paladine's bowels, we've lost him, haven't we?"

"Yeah, you were pretty boring. He probably left to find more kender magic," Detontrophe answered Par-Salian's retorical question.

Samsterd was wandering the hallways of the Tower of High Sorcery. He heard a commotion outside one of the rooms and he listened to the yelling that came from inside.

"Raistlin loved me best you stupid twit."

"How do you figure? I have the Staff of Magius."

"I have the Tower in Palanthus."

"He also gave you the five wounds in your chest if I remember correctly."

"That was my punishment, but don't forget - he actually taught me magic."

Samsterd then heard crying from inside the room. "You're right! I had a delinquent uncle! He only popped in every now and then to give me a present and pretend that he was interested in my progress..."

"See, I told you, Raistlin loved me best."

"You're such an evil elf."

"I know...."If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

Damien
04/10/2003 10:14 AM

(((What did I do to get dragged into this insanity?!)))Warfare, like music, is exquisite.

The snapping banners, the falling foes, the ring of steel, the blade and flesh. Decimation of mind and soul, given over to the tide of war and blood. Victory is all that matters.

DarkDalamar20
04/10/2003 10:27 AM


(((What did I do to get dragged into this insanity?!)))


Just being yourself is enough. :)




Ballsar noticed that Samsterd was missing, but he didn't care. He had just heard that he was being sent back to Istar in an attempt to stop the Cataclysm. While that news was not bad enough, he was now surrounded by the three Leaders of the Orders of Magic. Ladonna was simply beautiful, but Par-Salian was old and smelled of moth balls. Justarious limped around like he was aroused and trying to hide it.

"Ok...so my two companions didn't get me into this mess. But this...is....CRAZY! The only rocks I want to see falling are when I go number 2." Ballsar looked around, his eyes wide in suprise.

But the mages weren't listening to him. They were waving their hands around like crazy people and chanting wierd words. Suddenly, Samsterd appeared in front of them from where the mages had found him with their magic. He looked around in wonder, probably trying to get his little kender mind around how he had gotten there.

"Kender are not allowed to wonder around in the tower!" Ladonna snapped, slapping the kender on the face.

It was then that everyone noticed that Samsterd was naked....again. Somewhere he had taken off his clothes while he was off exploring, and when the mages transported him here, the garments were left behind.

"Oh, Sweet Takhisis' areolas! Why do you always have to take off your clothes?" Ballsar smacked the kender on the back of his head.

"I can explain, Ballsar! I found these really nice mages. One was a white robe, the other was a black. I walked in on them when they were arguing. The white robe was crying so I thought I would go in and comfort him. But when I walked in, I got the worse look from the black robed mage!"

Ballsar rolled his eyes.

"But, it was then that the black robe ripped his robes open and showed me these bloody fingerprints on his chest!" Samsterd continued. "I thought that he wanted to show scars, so I took off my clothes and showed him all the scars that I got from my pogo-sticking days!"

"Shut up!" everyone said at once.

"Banana eaters!" Samsterd grumbled.

"Now, it is time for you to go, before your kender friend causes any more problems!" Ladonna said.

The three mages started chanting again, the air shimmered around the Graygem trio, making Samsterd throw up all over Detontrophe. Suddenly the ground fell away. Ballsar felt like he was falling, but he didn't feel any air ruffling his beard.

Together, the three fell into the past."Testiculaus Maximus, AnnaNacholesmith Isgiganticus!!" --Magical spell of imp summoning from the book, Kender magic for dummies. Seen in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/11/2003 6:54 AM

When Detontrophe awoke on the cold concrete ground he looked around to see his dwarven friend, Ballsar, sleeping soundly. "Ballsar," the gnome wispered as he shook his friend, "wake up, I can't find Samsterd."

"Huh...What...Samsterd? He's over there taking a bath...I yelled at him an hour ago for smelling so bad," Ballsar revealed.

Detontrophe looked over at the kender, who indeed was bathing. Unfortunately for the Trio, he was washing in the holy water of the kingpriest. "Sam...No!" Detontrophe scolded his comrade, "Why can't you be good for three minutes?"

A large gaurd entered the room and once seeing Samsterd he proceed to apprehend the kender with brute force, knocking things out of his way in an attempt to reach the little varment.

Detontrophe left the kender and Ballsar behind as he ran into a nearby room. He needed a disguise. He searched through closets and drawers and came up with nothing. Eventually his quest came to a close when he found a clean white robe. He tugged it on over his head and tried to act natural as the commotion nearby became louder. Looking on the front of the robe he wore, Detontrophe noticed the initials KP. "If it weren't for Hiddukel's lying ass, I'd believe I'm wearing the Kingpriest's own attire!"

This gave the gnome an idea. He entered the large room where the gaurd was still chasing after Samsterd. Ballsar continued to nap on the floor. "Halt!" Detontrophe demanded, "I am the kingpriest, and therefore order you to leave these two peaceful creatures alone. Lest you tempt my wrath."

The gaurd immediatly stopped and glance down at the gnome in kingpriest attire. "How do I know your the real kingpriest?" he asked in broken common.

"I know the official kingpriest song. I wish I was an Istarian Kingpriest, that is what I truely wish to be. If I were an Istarian kingpriest, everyone would be in love with me! There, are you satisfied with my kingpriestiness?" Detontrophe demanded after he finished singing.

"Well, I can't prove that your not..." the gaurd began.

"Det! When did you become a martyr?" Samsterd interrupted.

"I don't think there IS a kingpriest song, you are lying to Ragtooth." the gaurd announced before he threw the Greygem Trio out of the House of Paladine.

*More coming later*If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

eswiftfire
04/11/2003 8:22 AM

All of a sudden, a group of gayishly dressed male dancers and scantily-clad female dancers can be seen at the streets, dancing a gruesomely gruesome dance that threatened to haunt the memories of those who'd seen it for years to come.

"LALALALALALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!" A powerful voice sang in a way that would make George Michael proud. "The beautifully beautiful city! MAKE WAAAAAAY FOR DA MARDERFARKING KING OF THE EXOTIC REGIONS OF MARDERFARKER!!! Yeah! Don't you love me!! Ahhh... LOOOOOOOOVE! Everything I do, I do it for LOOOOOOOOOOVE! OH YEAH!!"

How did he travel back in time was a mystery... but standing next to the king was an unremarkable-looking man who, even after you spend 24 hours with him, will not stay in your memories for more than 1 second when you don't see him. "Why am I dragged into this?" Bardus Athhole whined.

Then, among the dancers, was the dark elf named Damien wearing nothing but a belt. He was dancing happily with the others too.

"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

[Edited by eswiftfire on Friday, April 11, 2003 9:10 AM]

Benn-Salian
04/11/2003 9:03 AM

Ballsar brushed himself off after he had awoken from the fall. "Sweet Mother Shinare! What in the Abyss have you two done this time?" Ballsar yelled irritated and then looked at Detontrophe, "those are nice robes you got on there, Det. Let's say we celebrate them with a drink at the Inn."

Finding no opposition to his plan, Ballsar proceeded to the closest inn, The Periwinkle Pony, which supported a baby blue horse above the door way. Ballsar walked in, like he owned the joint and sat down at one of the tables inside the inn. Detontrophe and Samsterd sat beside him on either side.

Another dwarf, this one dressed in outrageous clothing, peered over at the Trio from the bar. He hopped off his bar stool and wandered over to the table where the three companions sat. "Good evening lads, my name is Dougan Redhammer and I ask you if you are interested in a wager?"

"Never heard of a wager, but I would like some ale," Samsterd answered.

"Hush boy," Ballsar replied quickly before smiting the kender, "Dougan, is it? I am Ballsar Rockhard, dwarf of dwarves."

"Y'know Ballsar, with a name like that, no wonder Marderfarker liked you so much. Your name is practically an advertisement!" Detontrophe realized.

"Never mind the gnome, I never do," Ballsar assured Dougan.

The highly accesorized dwarf sat down across from Ballsar and ordered a round for the table. "Now boys, I want you to join the Collisium," Dougan explained to the Greygem Trio.

"What are you talking about?" Detontrophe retorted, "Do you realize what slaves do to sexy little gnomes like me?"

"Well then, if you refuse my offer, I will be forced to stay a little longer and drink with you," Dougan explained.

None of the companions were upset by this so they drank with the fashionably loud dwarf. The drank and laughed about all the times that they had spent together. Even Dougan told the trio stories about when they were together, but no one questioned those. "And then Ballsar grabbed my feet and smacked me into the kender and Ilika burned their eyebrows off," Detontrophe mumbled in his drunken stupor and then turned to Samsterd, "I don't mean to be rude, but you sure look like a kender today."

After a few hours, the whole trio passed out from either the ale or the gas that Samsterd released after he passed out. Ballsar and Detontrophe awoke in a damp room and they could hear a loudroar from outside near a great light.

Ballsar looked around and saw a female barbarian near the doorway. "Hey Sweet Mamacita! Tell me where I am."

The female brute turned around slowly and grumbled that they were in the collisium and that was where they should be since they were gladiators.

"Excuse me, Sweety, but we are not gladiators. We are adventurers, and as such, maybe you and I could find an adventure in that bed over there," Ballsar proposed.

"I don't think so, I'm a vegitarian lesbian. You do not offer me anything I am interested in," she replied cooly.

The dwarf felt bad for the barbarian. What heartbreak she must be in. It must have been pretty bad if she had to give up meat twice.

The dwarf had little time to worry about the female barbarian because him and Detontrophe were thrown out into the the middle of the collisium. "What's going on?" Detontrophe demanded as he ended up in the middle of the arena with nothing on but his glaive and some shiney underpants, "why are we here and where is Samsterd?"

As if answering the gnome's question the door on the other side opened and a large minotaur and the kender exited. "Haha! Det the Annoying Gnome and Ballsar the Gay Dwarf, prepar to meet thy doom by me and Betsy the minotaur!" Samsterd screamed defiantly to his comrades and the crowd.

"Samsterd! You little shit! What the hell is going on?" Ballsar demanded of the kender.

"Betsy told me I have to kill you to win. Please let me win, I never get to win..." Samsterd pleaded.

Detontrophe stared at the crowd and then examined his shiny undergarments. The wasteband read Thursday, but if the gnome remembered correctly, it was clearly Tuesday. As the gnome took a spin aroung the underwear, he heard the crowd cheer. Detontrophe learned real quick that he had a future in the modeling business.

Ballsar began fighting with "Betsy" the minotaur since he wasn't having any help from Detontrophe. If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/11/2003 9:36 AM

Ballsar had a raging hangover from the previous night of drinking with the flashy dwarf. His head pounded as if a whole clan of gully dwarves were procreating inside. He found himself in the middle of the arena, surrounded by thousands of roaring patrons.

He looked down at his garments. He noticed that Det had a shiny pair of underwear, but all he had was a long striped tube sock. Ballsar groaned. The sock was still too small, and did little to cover up his dwarfhood. Why couldn't he get a nice pair of shiny underpants. At least he would be more noticable. Everytime the gnome moved, the sunlight flashed off his panties.

"Haha! Det the Annoying Gnome and Ballsar the Gay Dwarf, prepar to meet thy doom by me and Betsy the minotaur!" When Ballsar heard those words, his head snapped up.

"Gay?! Did he call me gay?" Ballsar bellowed.

His axe caught the sunlight as he ran forward to meet the attack of the minotaur. Detontrophe was still modeling from the crowd, so Ballsar wasn't getting any help from the gnome.

Samsterd was running around the arena, chopping at the air and pretending like he was killing some of it. Ballsar could only shake his head. The smelly kender got them in big trouble this time. If he lived through this, he was planning on having a long talk with Samsterd.

He smacked the minotaurs trident away as well as he could. But Ballsar still recieved scratches and cuts. "Damn you, minotaur! Do you know how much antibiotic cream costs in Istar?! It's damn expensive! Maybe if you guys would cough up a little coinage and build a Wal-Mart, you wouldn't have people complaining about the price of goods!" Ballsar finished his tirade by swinging his axe, cutting a bra-strap away from the female minotaur's shoulder. One of Betsy's minotaur boobs fell out, bringing a whistle from many of the male fans.

"Wow, I have never seen a furry boob before." Ballsar stared.

With a snarl of rage, Betsy stepped up her attack. She stabbed and slashed with her trident, trying desperately to get through Ballsar's defenses.

"Samsterd! Samsterd!" Ballsar yelled, getting the smelly kender's attention.

The kender stopped what he was doing (Drawing on the walls of the arena with minotaur poo) and came closer to where he could hear Ballsar better.

"Yeah? What is it?!" Samsterd tried to make his voice deep, but only succeeded in sounding like a transvestite.

"I have a knock knock joke for you!" Ballsar panted, slapping away another attack from the minotaur.

"Stiff horns of Sargonnas! I love knock knock jokes. Tell me!" Samsterd nearly jumped up and down in excitement.

"Ok," Ballsar yelled, jumping out of the way of a vicious stab from Betsy. "Knock knock!"

"Who's there?" Samsted smiled happily.

"Testicluous Maximus, AnnaNicholeSmith Isgiganticus." Ballsar snapped.

"Testicluous Maximus, AnnaNicholeSmith Isgiganticus, who?" Samsterd asked.

*POOF*

An imp appeared next to Samsterd in a cloud of smoke. Ballsar smiled at his idea and quickly changed his stance so he could reach the imp before he was impaled by Betsy. After much dodging and ducking, he finally reached the spot where the imp was standing.

Ballsar reached around, grabbing the imp by it's shoulder, and tossed it at the minotaur. Betsy was so suprised by the tactical move that she jumped back in suprise as the imp sailed towards her. Ballsar took this moment to charge at the shocked minotaur. With a few well placed axe strikes, Betsy's clothing fell from her body.

The imp had fallen short and remained where it had fallen on the ground. The crowd hooted and jeered at the naked minotaur. Betsy was so ashamed that she ran from the arena, her nakedness arousing not only Ballsar.

The crowd cheered as Ballsar raised his hands over his head, shaking his axe in the air. He had won. He couldn't believe that he was still alive. His cuts burned like fire, but the thrill of victory eventually numbed them. The crowd started cheering louder and louder, and it wasn't until Ballsar looked that he realized Detontrophe had built himself a makeshift model runway and was walking up and down it, showing off his legs.

Ballsar was about to go grab him when Samsterd came up behind him and tapped his shoulder. The dwarf turned around, his face red in anger. But before he could yell into the face of the smelly kender, Samsterd began to speak.

"Hey! I want the rest of my joke you crazy dwarf bastard!" Samsterd poked Ballsar in the chest.

Ballar looked down at where the kender had poked him. He then looked up at Samsterd who had his arm around the imp. He then picked up the creature by the feet and swung it like a bat, smashing it into Samsterd's head, knocking him out cold.

"There. That is the rest of my joke!" Ballsar grumbled, dropping the imp on top of Samsterd where it crumpled to the ground.

"That is Par-Salian? You are diddling him?" Ballsar gasped, looking up at the beautiful black robe. ---A moment of suspense in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

eswiftfire
04/13/2003 11:08 AM

"Hmm... this is odd. The three are not here..." The FLAMBOYANT king looked around and said. "Oh well, I'll just appear next time..."

And then, he walked away with his entourage (followed by Atthole and the naked dark elf)."Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Ontarys
04/13/2003 11:33 AM


Testicluous Maximus, AnnaNicholeSmith Isgiganticus." Ballsar snapped.

"Testicluous Maximus, AnnaNicholeSmith Isgiganticus, who?" Samsterd asked.

*POOF*

OOC:LOL LOL LOL LOL OMG! That was too funny
Being wise is knowing that there is yet more to be learned.

Benn-Salian
04/14/2003 6:56 AM

"Oh my god! That was absolutely fabulous!" a fan cried from the crowd.

Ballsar looked at the stands with a squint because of all the sunlight that came through to the collisium. The dwarf recognized the voice as his friend, Marderfarker. The king of questionable sexuality was on his feet with approval. At one point he even took off his bikini briefs and threw the into the arena, much to the dark elf's disdain.

Taking a look around him to make sure no one was looking (he eventually realized that most of the people were still watching Detontrophe's runway show) he sprinted into the bleachers to question his aquaintance. "Marderfarker, you sorry excuse for a delinquent kender, where in the Abyss did you come from?" Ballsar asked.

"I am not completely sure, my good friend, this dark elf seems to believe that this is the work of your kender," the king replied gesturing to the dark elf.

"Samsterd!" Ballsar yelled at the top of his lungs, "You got some explaining to do..."

Within moments, both the kender and the gnome arrived at the scene. Ballsar eyed Detontrophe, "Why are you here?" he asked, "I don't want to yell at you right now."

"I came to see Samsterd get yelled at," Detontrophe explained.

"Fair enough," the dwarf acknowledged, "Samsterd, this dark elf tells us that you are responsable for bringing Marderfarker here. Do you have something to tell us?"

"Testicluous Maximus, Anna..." Samsterd began before Ballsar grabbed his mouth.

"No kender, none of that. Do you realize, that by bringing Marderfarker here, he's going to be blamed for the entire Cataclysm?" Ballsar interjected, "Do you realize with the Marderfarker, as homosexual as he is, the christians are going to have a field day at the press?"

"I didn't want to cause any problems, It was just when we were in the Tower of High Sorcery I noticed how drab it was in color. I thought about how Marderfarker's touch might liven up the place and then we came here." Samsterd confessed.

"And the dark elf?" Ballsar questioned further.

"Oh, he's with me. Always has, always will," Marderfarker interrupted.

"Where in Ionthas's pink socks did you come to that conclusion?" Damien, the dark elf, replied, breaking his long silence, "I came for my pupil. The gnome has an SAT to take."If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/14/2003 8:55 AM

Ballsar threw his hands up in the air in disdain. How did everything always seem to go wrong with him. Not only did they get drunk while drinking with a strange dwarf, but they had ended up here where Ballsar had to fight a female minotaur. Things were never seeming to go right these days. Maybe Ballsar was just getting old. Maybe it was time that he got married and retired. Ballsar thought about that for a nanosecond and then shook his head. Maybe not. But things certainly had to change.

Ballsar took Samster by his ear and pulled him away from the group. Detontrope was sitting on Damien's lap, listening to the dark elf spout of poetic setences of war and killing. Detontrophe just looked up at Damien with a look of utter devotion in his eyes. Damien cuddled Det like a baby and rubbed his back lovingly. Suddenly, the dark elf pulled a small sheet of paper out of his robes and handed it to Det.

"Here is your SAT test. Do you have a Num. 2 pencil?" Damien asked.

"A what? I have a glaive of shortness. Does that count?" Detontrophe replied.

Damien shook his head and reached into the deep recesses of his robes and pulled out a bundle of Number 2 penciles. "Next time, come prepared to class!" he snapped.

Detontrophe nodded and looked down at his test. He began answering them to the best of his knowledge. He was working for a few minutes before he looked up at Damien questioningly.

"Shalafi, I don't know what number 5 is asking for." Det said, holding it up to get a better look. "Do you like me better in..?
A)A bunny rabbit suit.
B)My silky thong.
C)Completely naked.
D)Dressed like Britney Spears.

All the questions before had to do with weapons and such. But this one is completely different. I guess what my question is....Who is Britney Spears?"

"What?! You don't know who the Goddess of Pop is? Well, let me tell you. She is everything that I want to be. He words are the ones that I live by. She is forever my savior!" Damien snapped, while rubbing his palms all over his body.

"Oh, ok!" Detontrophe said in final understanding, and went back to continue working on his test. Filling the "B" circle completely, he moved on to the next questions.

Meanwhile, Ballsar was yelling at Samsterd a little further away. "Do you know what having Marderfarker here means? We were sent here to stop the Cataclysm, but with him here, it could cause major problems for our cause! There are a couple rules about time travel! One: You can't have kender sent back in time. That one is already a problem. Two: You can't bring gayly dressed men back in time either! We are breaking both rules because of you! One might have been fine, since Par-Salian and the rest sent you back here, but the second one.. I am scare of the consequences. I suggest that you send Marderfarker and his dark elf back where they came from. Before a mountain with a middle finger extended from the tip comes falling from the sky." Ballsar took a deep breath as he finished his tirade.

Samsterd looked around at the gathered people. Then, suddenly he bellowed, "Beanburritos Makemegassious!!" A small fireball flew out of Samsterd's butt and crashed into Ballsar's chest, sending him flying backwards into the lap of several Istarian females. For a moment, Ballsar was in complete heaven. Swimming in T&A. But, realization finally came to him and he sat up stiffly, the front of his chest scorched. His chesthair smelling like burnt cat fur.

"What in the?!" Ballsar mumbled, still in shock. Detontrophe came running over and tried to help the dwarf sit up.

"Are you ok? Do you need CPR?" The gnome asked, sticking out his lips and trying to place them on Ballsar's.

"Get away from me!" The dwarf bellowed, smacking Det on the side of the head and sending him falling away. But he was back quickly, rubbing his jaw and helped Ballsar sit up completely.

"Where is Samsterd?" Ballsar asked, putting out the last few cinders on his chest.

"He said some magical words and transported himself away, along with Marderfarker and my Shalafi. I heard screaming outside the arena, so I think they are still in Istar." Det explained.

"Hmm. It seems that the kender has some reason for staying here. We need to find him though. Lets get some clothes on. This sock is starting to get itchy. And, you can't wear those shiny panties all day. No matter how popular your legs have become." Ballsar sneered. Case in point as he looked over the gnome's shoulder and already say a billboard going up with the gnome's legs pictured on them, with the words "Pantyhose, they make me feel oh so good!" surrounding the gnome's pictured legs.

Ballsar looked at Det and shook his head. "C'mon. Let's get out of here!" Both the dwarf and the gnome got up and ran from the arena, getting some new clothes along the way.

There was a kender loose in the city. And with the Cataclym only a few days away, Ballsar couldn't think of anything scarier.
"That is Par-Salian? You are diddling him?" Ballsar gasped, looking up at the beautiful black robe. ---A moment of suspense in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

[Edited by DarkDalamar20 on Monday, April 14, 2003 8:56 AM]

Benn-Salian
04/14/2003 12:36 PM

Once the two companions left the collisium, Detontrophe found himself wearing his Kingpriest Outfit again. Ballsar began terribly irrate when he was forced to wear Detontrophe's shiny briefs.

"How in the Abyss did you keep these up, Det?" Ballsar grumbled as the weight of the underwear caused them to slide down in the back exposing the dwarf's anal cleavage.

With his back to the dwarf, Detontrophe explained; "I didn't have a problem at all, Must be because of my gnomish pride," the gnome then patted something on his body that the dwarf couldn't see because the gnome's body blocked his view.

Ballsar concluded that he had patted his belly and felt secure with that answer. A small human child ran over to Ballsar with a notepad. "Excuse me sir," the child said in its infinite cuteness, "Can I have your authograph. I love your billboard and I think my sister likes you."

The dwarf smiled and signed an autograph; "To The Small Annoying Kid, Senoir Rustbottom." Detontrophe watched all this tomfoolery with his arms crossed against his chest glaring at the small child. "I want you to be gone!" he yelled at the child, "I am the Kingpriest and I demand that your parents perform ten Hail Mishakals."

The child stood before the gnome in fear, its little legs decided not to move and abandoned the child. "Do I have to sing The Kingpriest Song again?!?!" Detontrophe hollowed at the child.

The child scurried off and to Detontrophe's delight fell down twice before crossing the road. "That wasn't very nice. You are aware of that, aren't you?" Ballsar responded.

"This wool makes me itchy and irritable. I can't help it at times...farking asp coont kiri-jolith!" Detontrophe replied, swearing uncontrolably towards the end.
If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"Here is your SAT test. Do you have a Num. 2 pencil?" Damien asked.

"A what? I have a glaive of shortness. Does that count?" Detontrophe replied. - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Monday, April 14, 2003 1:17 PM]

DarkDalamar20
04/15/2003 9:08 AM

Ballsar let the gnome go on his cursing tirade for a couple minutes. It was scary because the words flew out of his mouth and killed old ladies as they walked past. They would simply just drop dead from the foul language the polluted the air.

"Ok, enough." Ballsar picked up a piece of horse manure and shoved it into Det's mouth to get him to shut up. "What we have to worry about now is finding Samsterd and Marderfarker. There is no end to the trouble that the kender can cause. Remember, he still has his kender book of magic. That alone is scarier than the mountain that is going to hit this place. We need to find him and then get out of here."

Detontrophe nodded, leaning his head back and swallowing deeply to get all the manure down. When it was gone, he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. "See, I ate it all!" the gnome exclaimed. "What do I get?"

Ballsar just shook his head.

"Where in Mishakal's bra-strap do you think they went?" He finally asked the gnome as they walked down the road. The going was pretty easy, for everyone bowed and moved out of their way, thinking that Det was the Kingpriest.

"Who knows. But he took my Shalafi. The Dark Elf still hasn't tought me how to use my Glaive of Shortness. He said that he was going how to use both of them. What do you suppose he meant by that? I don't have two Glaives of Shortness...." Detontrophe fell silent in contemplation.

Just then, a bright light filled the street that the two were walking down. Ballsar and Detontrophe had to cover their eyes from the bright figure that walked towards them.

"I wish I was an Istarian Kingpriest, that is what I truely wish to be. If I were an Istarian kingpriest, everyone would be in love with me." Came a strong singing voice. "What are you doing in my robes?" The figure asked.

The light suddenly faded, standing before the two members of the Graygem Trio, was none other than the true Kingpriest.

"I think we're in trouble now." Ballsar whispered to Detontrophe out of the corner of his mouth.

"I think so too," Det agreed. "I just soiled the Kingpriest's robes!""That is Par-Salian? You are diddling him?" Ballsar gasped, looking up at the beautiful black robe. ---A moment of suspense in the epic adventure, Marderfarking Marderfarkers.

Benn-Salian
04/16/2003 8:49 AM

"I will ask you again. Who are you?" The kingpriest snapped angerly.

"Well...um...you see..." Detontrophe fumbled for word, "I am the Great Mirror!"

"Wha Wha What!" The kingpriest exclaimed, "Well in that case, I can say that I am one sexy man. A little short, but sexy nonetheless."

Ballsar became irritated behind the gnome watching all of this happening. What a fool the kingpriest was! Obviously, the gnome wasn't sexy, especially compared to the robust dwarvenness of Ballsar.

"Great Mirror, what is that?" the kingpriest asked when he took sight of Ballsar. The kingpriest looked behind him and noticed that there wasn't a dwarf behind him. He looked back at the "mirror" and then behind him again looking for the dwarf that wouldn't appear. "Sweet tonsil-hocky with Majere! There's an evil dwarf ghost behind me! I must warn the people of Istar to vacate the city because Judgement Day has arrived for us all!" The kingpriest ran off screaming about how the sky was falling.

Ballsar looked at the gnome with a confused glance only to recieve a shrug as an answer. the dwarf then noticed a red glare shinning off the gnome's face. He turns his attention to the sky where he indeed saw a large firey mountain descending at an incredible rate.

At that moment a magical maelstrom picked up the two adventurers and took them away from the doomed city of Istar and back to the Tower of Wayreth.

Both members of the Greygem Trio looked around the room to find that it was fully occupied. Six mages sat behind a large table. From right to left sat Palin, Par-Salian, Justarius, Ladonna, Raistlin and Dalamar. Before them sat Samsterd, Marderfarker and Damien. Detontrophe and Ballsar could hear what was being discussed.

"You must sacrifice something for the magic, Samsterd," Par-Salian explained.

"Why in a gully dwarf's intestinal tract should I?" Samsterd retaliated.

"It makes the story more entertaining, It allows the reader to relate better. Since you have already succeeded in your Test in Istar, I strongly suggest that you sacrifice something soon, before we have to sacrifice your kenderhood," Ladonna added.

"For my magic I sacrificed my health and family," Raistlin interrjected.

"For my magic I sacrificed my homeland of Silvanesti," Dalamar added.

"For my magic I sacrificed my common sense," Palin admitted.

"In that case," Samsterd acknowledged, "I sacrifice...my Marderfarker!" The kender than threw the gay king into the conclave and bolted towards the door where Ballsar and Detontrophe were watching.

"Zappitus...Hubidar...Fark Asp Coont Kiri-Jolith!" Samsterd recited the word of magic that sent him, and the other Greygem warriors over vast distances to Mithas, the island of minotaurs.

*Smack*

The three members landed on the beach. "I am getting really ticked off everytime I have to land from some stupid magic spell!" Ballsar grumbled.

"It's the author's crutch," Detontrophe explained, "we have more important things to worry about, like hiding out from the Conclave."

The dwarf eyed Samsterd, the kender was still unconscious. "I've heard bout a magical item called the Invisible Armor, if we found that, even mages couldn't see us." Ballsar announced proudly. If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/17/2003 9:33 AM

Ballsar looked around at their current situation. They were on a beach, a rather sandy beach with lots and lots of sand. There was so much sand that the sand was saying "Damn, there is a lot of sand here". Needless to say, there was a lot of sand.

"Well, I suppose we should go on a search for the Invisible Armor. It has to be around here somewhere." Ballsar mumbled.

Just then, Samsterd woke up, shaking the sand out of his oily hair. He stood up, gazing around with a look of suprise. "Where in the bloody hell are we?" He finally asked, pulling a wedgie out of his ass crack.

"Mithas," Detontrophe replied. He was down by the water, trying unsuccessfully to catch a fish with his bare hands. The gnome then stood up, rubbing his chin as if he had an idea. He suddenly tropped his trousers and kneeled down in the water. "Here, fishies! A little worm for you!"

Ballsar just shook his head. He needed time to think. Unfortunately, Samsterd took that moment to come over and examine a rather large rip in the front of Ballsar's pants. "Chaos's flaming nipples! Leave me alone!" The dwarf snapped, smacking the kender away. "Why don't you go count the grains of sand or something." He said.

The kender smiled and ran off a few feet and then fell to his knees and began to lick the sand. He then tried to stick his tongue out and see how many grains covered it. Needless to say, he ended up looking like a cross-eyed lesbian.

"Ok, we should get going guys." Ballsar finally said after a moment of contemplation. He looked over and Samsterd who had sand covering his sweaty face. Then his gaze fell on Detontrophe who was walking towards him with his arms full of fish.

"I got us dinner for later!" the gnome exclaimed. But, at the site of the gnome, Ballsar lost his appetite. Detontrophe had forgotten to pull his pants back up. And below a fish still hung from his gnomehood.

"What?" he asked at Ballsar's scrutiny. "I could only carry 10 in my hands! Duh!" He answered, as if it were obvious as to why there was a fish hanging from his gnenis.

"Mooooooooooooo. Moooooooooooooooo." The sound came from behind where Det and Ballsar were talking. They turned to see Samsterd looking up at two rather large Minotaurs, each of them carrying a large axe.

"I said, 'moooooooooooooo' you bovine bastards!" Samsterd yelled.

The minotaurs looked at each other and then one of them stepped forward and smacked the kender one the side of the head with the flat of his axe. Once again, Samsterd fell unconscious to the ground.

"The emporer would like to speak with you." The larger minotaur said, his voice deep and comanding.

"Sweet pink pajamas of the High God." Ballsar grumbled. "Ok, ok, we're coming."

"Do you think they want a fish?" Detontrophe whispered.

"I doubt it," Ballsar replied. "But you better tuck your worm away. The last time I heard, minotaurs favored castration."

Fish forgotten, Detontrophe tucked his genitalia away (Along with the single trout) and move with Ballsar in front of the two Minotaurs. The smaller of which was carrying Samsterd an armslength from his body, covering his nose to cover the foul stench.



You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English kiniggets.

Benn-Salian
04/18/2003 6:31 AM

The minotaur kept Samsterd at bay as best as he could but the kender kept throwing insults at him. Ballsar and Detontrophe just followed with their heads hung low. "Hey Buddy!" Samsterd yelled at the minotaur carring him, "Can we stop off at Burger King before we see the emporer?"

"No, you smelly little shit." The minotaur growled in reponse.

"Can we go to an-udder place, like McDonald's?" Samsterd continued.

"We may not stop anywhere. Time is of the essence."

"Excuse me for saying so, but that's a load of bull!"

"You are quite the ignorant little cutpurse, aren't you?" The taller minotaur interjected.

"Well...Your mother wears a bell!" Samsterd revealed.

"I don't think you are going to be in such good spirits when we introduce you to the emporer," The minotaur replied, smiling at his own comment.

Detontrophe turned to Ballsar, "Y'know, my imp would never have gotten us into this much trouble," he commented.

The Greygem Trio was marched off that beached that day with the two minotaurs carring Samsterd. The last thing the kender said was drawn out calls of, "Toro, Toro, Ole!"

If Satan is influencing Congress, I say "Let Him". Maybe He'll have better luck than I did.

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

UndeadDragon
04/18/2003 7:15 PM

As the minotaur continued, Samsterd had ran out of his cow insults. It was just in time, however, as a very large temple loomed ahead. It was triangular, yet flat at the top, which was very high.

Sam farted in the minotaur's arms while he carried him, and the bovine creature's nose twitched while he cursed.Death smiles at a man, and all a man can do is smile back...

DarkDalamar20
04/21/2003 9:28 AM

Ballsar looked around as he was thrown into a rather disgusting cell that he was told was under the Temple of Sargonnas. The place smelled like a pasture. The dwarf hoped they were making milk down here or something, because a jail cell had no right smelling like this. Ballsar looked around to see Det and Samsterd sitting near each other in one corner of the cell. Detontrophe seemed to be trying to tell something to the smelly kender. But Samsterd was throwing his hands up in the air and whispering back. Ballsar shook his head and looked back out the bars.

"Hey! Let us out of here! We didn't do anything! You flank-steak bastards! I am not one to be held in a jail cell, you son's of a mad cow disease ridden bovine!"

*POOF*

A cloud of smoke blew past Ballsar and out into the hallway. The manly dwarf sighed, dropping his chin to his hairy chest. He didn't have to look behind him to know what had happened. He knew when he heard the excited cry from Detontrophe.

"Sir Spot IV!" the gnome yelled in exitement.

Ballsar sighed, things were only getting worse. First, they were locked in a jail cell. As if that wasn't bad enough, Samsterd had just summoned another imp. And, to make it even worse, Ballsar could hear footsteps coming down the hall. And seeing as they were the only ones in this smelly part of the jail, it was safe to assume they were going to have visitors.You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English kiniggets.

Benn-Salian
04/22/2003 8:51 AM


"Sir Spot IV!" the gnome yelled in exitement.

Samsterd smacked the gnome. "You stupid gnome, you forgot III," he snapped.

"Shows what you know. There was a Spot III. Well, there was until Ballsar explained to me it was just a dust bunny," Detontrophe admitted.

Ballsar sighed, things were only getting worse. First, they were locked in a jail cell. As if that wasn't bad enough, Samsterd had just summoned another imp. And, to make it even worse, Ballsar could hear footsteps coming down the hall. And seeing as they were the only ones in this smelly part of the jail, it was safe to assume they were going to have visitors.

There were loud footsteps coming down the hall. Thud Thud. A tall shadow flickered from left to right as the figure walked the long hall. Thud Thud. Detontrophe tried to get at an angle that he could see the figure that was coming for The Greygem Trio, but he couldn't due to the bars. Thud Thud. "So, we actually have prisoners that dare face my wrath?" a large booming voice echoed down the hall.

Thud Thud. The figure stopped in front of the cell and faced the companions. Ballsar rubbed his eyes and stared at the sight he saw. He had expecting to see a mintaur so tall that even the high ceilings in this place would be scratched up by his impressive horns or even a minotaur who was so powerful that he had attained chaos's magic and could dispel with it as he wished. What he got was much worse. Before him stood a dwarven minotaur.

"Wha....in Chislev's perverted fantasies created you!?!?" Ballsar exclaimed.

Ignoring the dwarf's comment, the dwarven minotaur continued. "I am Ghengis Minitaur! The scourage of Mithas and a good reason why you shouldn't drink too much in a bar.""Flying blue-balled cock-onion Jesus!!" -Dogar_Setton

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

DarkDalamar20
04/25/2003 8:57 AM

"CUT!!!" A loud voice resounded through the dungeon. Everyone stopped and turned as a tall human male with a beret' walked out and stood before those standing in the cells.

"You," he motioned towards Ballsar. "I told you to be angry with the arrival of the next imp. Not resigned! What is wrong with you? Through the whole movie you have been angry when a imp, and this time you just sit there and sigh! Did you not read the script? I am the director of this film. I expect perfection!"

"You know what, go blow Chaos's fiery package. I quit!" Ballsar pulled his beard extensions off, revealing a much shorter and well-groomed beard.

"Quit? You can't quit! I own you!" The director yelled.

"Oh yeah? Ok, well maybe I won't quit. But, you aren't the only one that is busy around here. I know Detontrophe is busy at home, but he still shows up here every day at work. So, don't give me none of that! Give us a call when you want the project back on! Until then, I will be in my Hollywood mansion with my wife and kids. Come on, Det."

Ballsar pushed out of the "locked" cell and out a side door. Brilliant sunshine beat down on the outside of the studio. The dwarf and gnome both jumped into Ballsar's corvette and drove off of the lot.

"Wait! I will give you both a raise! I will do anything! Just come back!" The director ran after the speeding car screaming. But, Ballsar and Detontrophe were already out of earshot.


***TO BE CONTINUED***

.....when contracts and wages are rediscussed.




Thus ends the first chapter of the Marderfarking Marderfarker experience. Stay tuned for the return of the Graygem Trio in the upcoming hit, Farking Iceholes.
Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.

Benn-Salian
04/25/2003 12:00 PM

Detontrophe took in a big breathe of air. He waited a second to collect his thoughts then reeased his anger. "Take your Masterbating Hand ofMishakal and stick it where Majere don't shine. Your Habbakuk fetishes are pissing me off. I'm going to kick you in your Solinari-white asp. All of your Gilean Porn can burn in Sirrion's Pizza Oven. I hope Morgion touches your director-hood and turns it black as Nuitari."

The gnome was quite upset.

FINInsert swear-infested quote here to upset the populous of RPGC

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

eswiftfire
04/26/2003 5:05 AM

"Aaaargh! What am I going to do now! We can't just end MY masterpiece this way! I can't!" The Director whined. "And WHERE'S THE MARDERFARKER?"

"In his trailer, boss." His assistant said.

"Marderfarker! Marderfarker!" The director cried loudly. No one was sure whether he called the name once or twice... since the second time he said it sounded a little... different.

"Yes?" Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker opened his door and peered out. Loud N'Sync songs blared out from the trailer.

"Your... your two co-stars have left! Please please do something to bring them back!" The Director cried.

"Who cares? This movie/ pseudo-documentary's about me, not them. It's all about I, the great King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker, King of the exotic regions of Marderfarker! We can easily look for stunt doubles to take over their roles. Get them killed in the movie and all... *shrugs* after all, those Graygem races usually look the same to me."

Eliar Swiftfire appeared with a POOF! "That's a really REALLY racist remark, Marderfarker, shame on you, shame on you."

"WE JUST CAN'T KILL THEM!! IT'S NOT PART OF THE STORY!!" The Director shrieked.

"YEAH!" The Screenwriter appeared suddenly and said. "In fact, you told me you aren't going to change anything in my script! LAST NIGHT!" He raised his voice.

"Wait, lemme explain!" The Director said desperately, taking hold of the Screenwriter's hand. "Of course I won't lie to you..."

"Hmph!" The Screenwriter said, flinging away the Director's hand and storming away. "That's it, I'm not going over to your house anymore!"

"Wait! Please!" The Director went after the Screenwriter.

"..." Eliar ...'d as he watched the two men disappear from his sight.

"Oh my." King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker said.

"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

eswiftfire
04/26/2003 7:29 AM

There's a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow

King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker walked into a factory.

A hideout for Qualinesti drug dealers (their motto: get high the NATURAL way!)...

"Oh no! We've been discovered!" A junkie shrieked (played by nameless extra no.1).

Secret agent man, secret agent man
They've given you a number and taken away your name

"Hahahaha!" The Drug Lord (played by Bardus Atthole) "He is in big trouble! You! All of you! Finish him!"

"Certainly." Said a tough-looking yet handsome minion of his (played by Schtolheim Reinbach) "Advance!"

Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can hide an evil mind
Ah, be careful what you say
Or you'll give yourself away
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow

No one moved.

"... um... I meant CHARGE!!!!"

"Oh..." the other minions (played by nameless extras 2 to 57) charged at the king.

"Haiyah!" King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker roared in a manly manner. Waving his sword (the one in his hand, not in his pants) haphazardly and almost decapitating the ENTIRE sound crew.

"I'm not being paid enough for this SHIT!!!" Dick, the lead sound guy shrieked in a manly fashion as he narrowly dodged six feet of chrome-plated, wave frosted, razor sharp death. "That does it! I quit!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAARGH!" Minions No.3 to 5 promptly ran away. No.s 6 to 55 cowered behind the Director. 56 and 57, wandered off to the snackbar.

Secret agent man, secret agent man
They've given you a number and taken away your name

"..." Bardus Atthole ...'d. "Ummm... SCHTOLHEIM, I mean, tough-looking yet handsome minion! Get him!"

Schtolheim drew his sword and attacked Marderfarker.

He misses.

He swings again.

And misses again.

And again.

And again.

"... What are you doing! Quit fooling around and kill him already!"

"I'm just following the script. It says right here... 'Scene 47: The Evil Drug Factory/Final Showdown/ Villain's Hideout, tough-looking yet handsome minion has long drawn out fight with Marderfarker, the hero, then accidentally falls into a pit of ravenous french poodles and is devoured alive'. Which reminds me, I think that's my cue."

He trips very unconvincingly and falls in slow mo into a pit of ravenous french poodles.

He gets devoured alive.

Swingin' on the Riviera one day
And then layin' in the Bombay alley next day
Oh no, you let the wrong word slip
While kissing persuasive lips
The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow

"Hah! Now it's just you and me!" Marderfarker said, advancing on Bardus.

"Fool! I still have reinforcements!!!" Bardus laughed maniacally as reinforcements appeared.

"What?" Marderfarker cried in surprise.

"That's right!" Eliar said as he appeared in a purple POOF! CRACKLE! POP! and a shower of manly ROSE petals (Beat that BCW!!!!!). "I'm here to destroy the world!!! MWAHA!"

"What, that doesn't make any sense!!!!" Marderfarker said.

"Of course it does!" The Director yelled from backstage. "All evil villains plot to destroy the world. It's standard operating procedure for them. Look at Sephiroth! Kuja! Dr. Evil!!!!! Besides, our budget didn't allow for a nuclear bomb or the summoning of a meteor from outer space, so I just hired this goofball instead. All he wants is a one-year subscription of 'PlayMage' anyway!"

"...Wait! If he destroys the world, how the heck is he going to receive one-years worth of a second rate porno magazine for randy wizards?" Marderfarker asked.

"Hey. That makes sense..." Eliar frowned.

"Haiyah!" Marderfarker judo chopped the spiky-haired alien mage while he was distracted.

"EEEK!" Eliar eek'd. Then he very unconvincingly fell down unconscious.

"Oh no! How could this be possible? He is my most powerful mage!" Bardus oh no'd and gasped, also very unconvincingly.

"Now! I'm going to FINISH YOU OFF!" King Marderfarker said very convincingly, relatively speaking.

He charged at Bardus.

Screen fades to black.

Roll credits.

King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker will return in the upcoming 'Farking Iceholes'... a straight-to-video release by Cuntonian Pictures (Making QUALITY pictures since 312 a.c.).

"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

[Edited by eswiftfire on Saturday, April 26, 2003 7:32 AM]

DarkDalamar20
04/26/2003 8:51 AM

Haha!


Good job, Swifty.Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.

eswiftfire
04/27/2003 11:37 AM

Hehe, thanks. The last scene was inspired by the awesome flick Bowfinger!"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

PrincessOfDarkness
04/27/2003 3:50 PM

So is this thread formally finished? "If you think you'd enjoy it, perhaps i'll ask Her Dark Majesty to rip YOUR guts out."- Raist

"I didn't mean to bite you. Your hand got in the way of my teeth."-Tas

May the Gods go with you
Karina Half-Elven Majere
Princess of Darkness

DarkDalamar20
04/27/2003 9:54 PM

The End


*Credits roll*I have found some kind of temporary sanity.

Benn-Salian
04/28/2003 6:39 AM

Ballsar Rockhard...DarkDalamar20
Detontrophe SonOfTheGnomeWho...Benn-Salian
Samsterd Yummypu...UndeadDragon
Ai Mer Beech Von Marderfarker...eswiftfire
Dark_Elf_Damien...Dark_Elf_Damien

All the imps were harmed in the making of this film.

Brought to you by the Toronto Institute of Television Studios and the number "6".


(c) 2003 T.I.T.S.


I just realized this was the 100th post on this thread. Let's leave it at that. Any other comments can be made at OOC: I Wanna Be A Marderfarker, Baby!Insert swear-infested quote here to upset the populous of RPGC

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Monday, April 28, 2003 2:48 PM]

Benn-Salian
09/11/2003 5:33 PM

*bump*

Just trying to keep this on the forum long enough so that I can make sure I have it all saved, due to The Plan of Chung. Thank you for your understanding"I understand. We will move on. See new things, do new people! Consider me just a distant memory!" The dwarf then planted a big sloppy kiss on Ilika's lush lips and sauntered off. - DarkDalamar20

The definition of a beautiful woman is one who loves me.

The RPG Consortium - http://www.rpgconsortium.com