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Aleximi_Majere
05/20/2002 10:19 AM

OOC: This isn't an actualy quest, but if anyone wants to post a near-by Mage-Ware shop.... I'd be much abliged.


*Aleximi Majere looks around at his new surroundings, feeling the warmth of the sun... feeling the energy of life all around... feeling.... confused, not knowing where he's been and why he's back on his homeworld. The only son of the infamous Raistlin Majere has returned, and instantly he hears rumors of a great war arising between Good Dragons and Evil Dragons + Humans... as well as Evil Dragons vs Humans + Good Dragons.... Humans vs Good/Evil Dragons.*

"Oh damn, I feel so weak! Why have I returned to this cursed plane of existance... more importantly, where have I been and how much time has passed? Whatever the reason of my mysterious disappearance and reappearance, it's drained me greatly. I could use an nice cumfy Inn and especially an MageWare shop to resupply my pouch and spells."

*Aleximi looks around at his surroundings, trying to figure out where he is.* "Hmm... looks like Brackenrock. I heard stories of some Elven 'Messenger' saving some namadic humans and devistating war to Orgers. I wonder.... is what I seek even here? The Elves should have some trade going on...." *With that said, Aleximi heads for the city*
You know what, Tenchi? The carnival will always come and go. If you wait awhile... it'll always come back to you." -Ryoko

Tenchi Universe (Ep 26): No Need For A Conclusion!

eswiftfire
04/20/2003 11:30 AM

OOC: This thread has been hijacked by Thread Enders Inc.

Unfortunately."Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Benn-Salian
04/22/2003 2:03 PM


I heard stories of some Elven 'Messenger'

Got to admit, a nice tie-in. A gold star for effort!

BIC: Detontrophe sat behind the cashier at the mage shop that he was watching. His friend Benn-Salian had asked that he watch the shop while he went out for lunch.

"What am I suppose to do while he's away?" The gnome asked himself.

Detontrophe grabbed a potion from the counter and smelled it. It smelled of kender grease and it made the gnome sneeze. About the time when someone would have said Reorx Bless You, a loud explosion occured inside the potion's jar.

After a quick glance, the gnome confirmed his suspicions. "Yep, a gnome made this...""Isn't there a kind of phobia for change? That's right, it's a republican." - Roland McCain

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

Leandra
04/22/2003 6:38 PM

Tuliar, a servant of Zeeshara, stopped in front of the Mage Ware Shop and cautiously peered in through the window.

"Well?" came spicily accented voice from behind. "I not wait all this day! Get on with job!"

Tuliar straightened himself and bowed apologetically.

" Many pardons mistress. I will start immediately."

Pulling a sledgehammer from his vest Tuliar began to bash down the shop door. He mauled and mauled at the entrance until there was a giant gapping hole were the stores front used to be.

Then pulling out a tape measure he checked and double-checked the width and height of the hole, shaving away splinters and fragments of wood to make it smooth. Finally he stopped, cleared away the rubble and ran back outside.

Seconds later, The Baroness Zeeshara De'Guosh gracefully made her way up to the shop and in through its new entrance. Which now conveniently accommodated the span of her enormous poofy red dress and highly built hairpiece.

She daintily stepped past the shelves stocked with magical potions and nick-knacks, to the front counter were Detontrophe was sitting and snorting fumes from potion bottles. Tuliar followed from behind holding a giant scroll.

Zeeshara pointed at the gnome.
"You there! With bottle." She began in her accent. " I need ingredient for spell! You have yes? This magic shop no? I buy, you give yes?"

My love, this rose we nurture is a window of our time.
So bright and young, so firm and strong as we are in our prime.
But like all things, this rose will wilt, and die as it is meant.
Yet in its death, like our true love, shall still keep its sweet scent.

Benn-Salian
04/23/2003 8:45 AM

"Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No....Perhaps maybe?" Detontrophe replied bringing his confusion to a stand still, "I am filling in for Benn-Salian. I am sure if you find anything that I can find an adequate pricing guide."

Detontrophe hopped down from the seat he was sitting at and took a walk down one of the aisles pointing at bottles. "That looks like bat guano... there's something that resembles an elephant's penial membrane...Ah! Maybe you could use this love potion. Why is Ballsar's picture on the cover? No maybe you don't need that...suckysuckyfivedollarandall...""Isn't there a kind of phobia for change? That's right, it's a republican." - Roland McCain

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

eswiftfire
04/23/2003 9:45 AM

Eliar Swiftfire appeared with a POOF! in front of the counter.

"Yo, Dent! Got da latest issues of 'Witches Without Breeches' and 'PlayMage'?" He grinned. "Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

DarkDalamar20
04/23/2003 10:01 AM

Ballsar popped out from beneath Eliar's robes, "Tada!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. Before anyone could say anything, the sexy dwarf ran back under the mage's robes.

Everyone seemed suprised by Ballsar's appearance, but the most suprised of all was Eliar Swiftfire. "What the?!" The mage mumbled and looked under his robes. But, Ballsar had already dissapeared.You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English kiniggets.

Benn-Salian
04/24/2003 9:22 AM


"Yo, Dent! Got da latest issues of 'Witches Without Breeches' and 'PlayMage'?" He grinned.

"Benn-Salian already packed a box with all your nudy mags. I even threw in a copy of Gnome-boy for you. Just make sure that the Princess of the Riveria doesn't take a peak at it first," Detontrophe explained.

Detontrophe picked up a bottle and opened it. He took a quick smell. "Ah! That milk is as rotten as a gully dwarf's slutty girlfriend. Benn-Salian should have thrown this out," Detontrophe then threw the potion out the window and listened as the glass broke.Insert swear-infested quote here to upset the populous of RPGC

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

Leandra
04/24/2003 11:20 AM

In a sudden POOF! the Blue Cloaked woman appeared inside the Mage ware shop behind Eliar.

She whipped out her palm pilot and briskly scribbled something down. “Poofstealer…porno magazines...What the-!!”

Without warning the palm pilot began to shake violently and the walls of the shop started to bleed.

“Oh for the love of…” she shut off the palm pilot and stuffed it back into her cloak. The walls stopped oozing blood, though puddles of the red goo remained on the floor.

“Every damn time!” the BCW grumbled.

“Achh!” The baroness cried out in distress. “My red dress, it stained! Tuliar protect!”

“Yes madam!” he hurried over and dropped to the floor. The baroness quickly stepped up on his back.

“On to business! The BCW stepped over to the gnome. “ Detoni-Derotin……Det I need to talk to you! I have a tragedy on my hands."

“ A while back, I was robbed of one of my most precious potions! The Once male-then female-then male again-then female once more-then sometimes both- erratic sex change potion!”

The baroness gulped. Fountains of sweat poured from her forehead when the BCW mentioned the potion.

“It was taken from one of my oak tree laboratories. The gnomes working there found this yellow sticky note in place of the bottle.” She held up the note.

“To whom it may concern. You’ve just been graced by the privilege of having your, Once male-then female-then male again-then female once more-then sometimes both- erratic sex change potion, borrowed by a servant of the most esteemed “ Baroness Zeeshara De’guosh”

"Last I heard, it was used on King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker! The baroness could have sold the potion or could still be using it for her own evil motives! You didn’t happen to come across anyone with such a concoction did you?”

“Tuliar!” the baroness whispered to her servant.

“Take me back to floating castle in sky, now!”

“Yes Madam!” he yelped, hastily crawling out the door on all fours with the baroness standing atop.

“Must go! Service stink.” She said while grabbing an armful of potion bottles and scrolls from the shelves. “I not retune again!”

My love, this rose we nurture is a window of our time.
So bright and young, so firm and strong as we are in our prime.
But like all things, this rose will wilt, and die as it is meant.
Yet in its death, like our true love, shall still keep its sweet scent.

eswiftfire
04/25/2003 5:09 AM


"Last I heard, it was used on King Ai Mer Beech von Marderfarker! The baroness could have sold the potion or could still be using it for her own evil motives! You didn’t happen to come across anyone with such a concoction did you?”


Eliar turned to her, his boxes of porn magazines forgotten. "Hey! That explains why he lost his... well, little buddy in the pants. I would like to help him, but *shrugs* he never asked for one, so... hehe, so, why did you have some potion like that? Ya use it on yourself, BCW? Tired of being called a BCW so ya wanna become a BCM??"


"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Leandra
04/28/2003 10:14 PM

“BCM?”

She heaved Det aside into a bookcase and turned to Eliar.

“And I suppose you have your pink exploding underpants of doom with you because you want to make your head go Ka-boomy right?”

“I’m all woman baby!” She puffed her chest out proudly and struck a pose.
"And not even a potion can change my supreme womanliness!...........except for that one potion that I am now missing."

“Besides, the potion was a fluke. I accidentally mixed the wrong body parts into the concoction. I kinda suspected that the legs and eyeballs that I threw into mix looked a bit weird.”

“But!” She paced back over to Det. “That’s not important now! What’s important is that I get my potion back! I haven’t copyrighted it yet! If that baroness uses it on another celebrity and word gets out, I wont receive any credit…or profit. I would rather get pinched in the booty by one hundred sexy elven men, than to let that thieving baroness use one drop of my sexo-chango potion!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile outside, a stealthy floating citadel was hovering precariously close to the Mage Ware shop.




My love, this rose we nurture is a window of our time.
So bright and young, so firm and strong as we are in our prime.
But like all things, this rose will wilt, and die as it is meant.
Yet in its death, like our true love, shall still keep its sweet scent.

eswiftfire
04/29/2003 1:48 AM


“But!” She paced back over to Det. “That’s not important now! What’s important is that I get my potion back! I haven’t copyrighted it yet! If that baroness uses it on another celebrity and word gets out, I wont receive any credit…or profit. I would rather get pinched in the booty by one hundred sexy elven men, than to let that thieving baroness use one drop of my sexo-chango potion!"


"Oh behaaaaaaave, baby!" Eliar grinned, staring at BCW's puffed up chest. (Caption: Eswiftfire as Austin Powers in Shag Another Day)
"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Benn-Salian
04/30/2003 10:52 AM

Now I know that Marrs wrote something on here...Insert swear-infested quote here to upset the populous of RPGC

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

Alanded
05/03/2003 7:59 AM

OOC: Better END A THREAD before I get my walking papers from Swifty. Whew, it's really been a while.

BIC:


Meanwhile outside, a stealthy floating citadel was hovering precariously close to the Mage Ware shop.


This particular flying citadel had been invented by gnomes whose life quest had been HALLUCINOGENIC MUSHROOMS. Possibly as a result of influence of said mushrooms, the thing actually worked. Of course, shortly afterwards the creators had met with an untimely demise when there was a mixup with a shipment bound for the Committee on poisonous mushrooms. The gully dwarfs, who'd been recruited as cheap labour and paid with taffy and leather shoelaces, quickly took over.

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! The alarm bells of the citadel clanged STEALTHILY, only making slightly less noise than an army of dwarf spirit-drinking, dwarven ballet dancers dressed in pink chainmail tutus and steel plated ballet slippers.

"Boss!" Said nameless gully dwarf #1 to Boss gully dwarf. "There be suspicious looking place down below."

"What!" The Boss Gully dwarf, the illustrious Highbulp the 2nd, clambered over to a nearby window to see for himself.

"Oy! What you doing here!" He hollered down to the Mage Ware shop. Blithely ignoring the fact that it was several hundred feet below and anyone inside was as likely to hear them as Paladine was to be caught drunk in the pantry getting it on with Reorx. Oh wait, that actually happened once. Never mind then.

"..." Came the reply.

"Humpf! I'm gonna show them for ignoring me! Me use BIG SECRET WEAPON on them!!!" Highbulp the 2nd said. He reached out a hand, and pulled a lever set into the floor beside him.

DUM DUM DUM DUM!

Chains were released. Huge gears spun noisily. Weird clanks and thuds echoed throughout the citadel. And ominous rumbling sound began...

And with the noise of a thousand flushing toilets, jets of muddy brown bilge water came cascading down from the septic tanks of the flying citadel, the three month old collective wastes of a thousand odd gully dwarves pouring down from the heavens like the wrath of an angry (and stinky) god, smashing the shop into kindling.I'm tired about all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want -an adorable pancreas?

Jean Kerr, The Snake has all the Lines, 1958

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Groucho Marx

Benn-Salian
05/05/2003 6:28 AM

Detontrophe stood in the middle of the wreckage. He looked around at the bodies of all the people that were inside the building before that refreshing rainwater came down. They layed in positions that made the gnome think that they weren't merely sleeping and if they were, they weren't having good dreams. Dtontrophe took another look around him and saw that all the chicken enbryos had gotten loose and were running away. "Benn-Salian is going to kill me when he sees this!"

Just then the blue-robed mage came walking up the hill. He saw the wreckage, he saw the flying citadel, but more importantly he saw the gnome standing in the middle of it. "Deton...you gots some explaining to do!"

"Wahhhh!" Detontrophe exclaimed.Insert swear-infested quote here to upset the populous of RPGC

"The elven girl looked at the gnome and began swaying as she tried to get Detotrophe into focus. Praise Reorx! She's drunk! Detontrophe realized." - Marderfarking Marderfarkers

eswiftfire
05/05/2003 7:58 AM

"MY ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBES!!!!" Eliar howled in manly agony. "MY BEAAAAAUUUUUUUTIFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL ROBES!!!!!!!!!! .... hey, Benn, nice seeing you again. WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HOW COULD YOU BASTARDS RUIN MY ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBES!!!"

The poop-covered spiky-haired mage shot a ridiculously large fireball (the size of a Kamehameha) at the flying citadel.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The flying citadel was engulfed in flames...

"MWAHAHAHAHHA~!" Eliar laughed sadistically. "DIE! DIE! DIE! MOOOEEEEROOOOO!!!!! MOEEROOOOOOOOOOOOO..... wha????"

Hundreds of flaming gully dwarf corpses fell off from the flying citadel and plummeted towards the shop...

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Eliar screamed in a manly way, that is TOTALLY unlike a little girl (to him, anyway) before one of them smacked him right in the face. "Urgh..." he feebly managed, before going down for the count and then being buried alive beneath a mound of FLAMING, and STINKING, gully dwarf corpses."Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

marrs729
05/06/2003 10:33 AM

OOC: What makes ye so sure? {laughs into the deaden night}Feed the feckless writhing rapids
Your hungry crimson blood
You are incapable of thinking rationally
As you sing to the moon each night
The lone warrior watches while waiting
For his prey to come abroad

marrs729
05/06/2003 10:46 AM

Tasslehoff Burrfoot the minotaur walked down a lonely mucky road beside his new bestest friend, Earthslayer the monkey.

"Hey what's that their in a distance Earthslayer," Tas spoke as he trip over a small pebble and came crashing down. "Urgh, I meant to do that."

"Hmmm, I think its a slight disturbance in the space-time continuum. Its raining men! Hallelujah! Its raining men!" the monkey yelled, "No wait its only gully dwarves falling from a flaming flying citadel. Darn."

"Hey sidekick Earthslayer, their is someone in desperate need of being saved under that pile of corpses! Earthslayer nows you chance! To the rescue stinky monkey!" Tas got up and fumble for his axe and then tripped on his on leg. "Don't worry about me, I'll stay here."Feed the feckless writhing rapids
Your hungry crimson blood
You are incapable of thinking rationally
As you sing to the moon each night
The lone warrior watches while waiting
For his prey to come abroad

eswiftfire
05/06/2003 11:09 AM

DUM DUM DUM!!!!

A bloody and blackened hand BURSTS out from the blackened heap of stinky gully dwarf flesh.

And waved about feebly for a moment.

Then, flopped down again lifelessly...

"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

[Edited by eswiftfire on Tuesday, May 6, 2003 11:10 AM]

marrs729
05/06/2003 11:31 AM

Earthslayer the Scandinavian monkey princess, scanned the horizan. She saw the hand burst forth from the nasty stinky gully dwarf flesh.

"EEEKKK!" Earthslayer yelled and Tas the minotaur ran up beside her.

"Oh, hi there little hand fella," Tas began, "You like climbing trees? Well there was this one time at Hero-Roleplaying band camp, a meanest looking turtle snake you ever did see, came slithring along this old mold covered log right? Well anyway, the snake hissed at this friend of mine, I think his name was Vincent. He was always a nice fella you know, but he never did clean his socks!! You think he'd wash is garments with his socks but NO!! He didn't wash his freakings socks, only his over garments! How delightfully frightful, if you ask me..."

"Wait just a sec cow..." Earthslayer interupted.

"Wait, dude I'm not a cow, how many times do I have to tell you! I am a MINOTAUR! I don't graze in a pasture!! You..."

"Hell, whatever you are, you're telling the story all wrong! You never said anything about Vincent's schadenfreude on his sock torture!" The monkey said.

"Oh, yeah me almost forgot about that. How stupid of me. Well anyway as I was sayin'. Vincent loved apples, he use to eat apples just about all the time. One day he found an apple tree..."Feed the feckless writhing rapids
Your hungry crimson blood
You are incapable of thinking rationally
As you sing to the moon each night
The lone warrior watches while waiting
For his prey to come abroad

eswiftfire
05/06/2003 11:34 AM

The hand began to wave back and forth desperately... obviously, in great distress... in very great distress... in ridiculously very great distress... in indescribable ridiculously very great distress... in... oh heck, you get the picture."Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

marrs729
05/06/2003 11:43 AM

"... and when he ate the... EEEKKK!" Tas said.

"Oh, think its not just a hand but a... a hand attached to somebody... EEK!" Earthslayer said in complete horror.

"Well lets pull this little dude out shall we. One two... THREE." Tas and Earthslayer fell to the ground in a heap after they pulled a figure from the corspes.

They both looked a the disgruntled figure. "EEEKKK its... its... EEEKKK... its..."Feed the feckless writhing rapids
Your hungry crimson blood
You are incapable of thinking rationally
As you sing to the moon each night
The lone warrior watches while waiting
For his prey to come abroad

Benn-Salian
05/06/2003 2:19 PM

"Do yo know what's more sadder than a heap of dead gully dwarves?" Benn-Salian asked his gnomish friend.

"I don't know at this moment, I can ask the committee..." Detontrophe suggested.

"That's not needed. The one thing that's sadder than all that is the red imp that has to eat its way out!"

As if on cue (it probably was a cue anyways) the red imp jumped out of the pile. Its arms were blackened from the gully dwarf soot that rained from the sky. It blurted some otherwordly sounds at the minotaur and warrior monkey. Its rantings seemed to resemble those of the Tasmanian Devil.

Detontrophe looked at Benn-Salian. "Honestly, who ends a sentence with a rasberry? That has got to be the equivelent to a preposition in his language."Insert swear infested quote to upset the populous of RPGC.

"I reserve the right to create words up at any time. I am a child of the Bush Administration, after all." - Dammed Beaches

[Edited by Benn-Salian on Tuesday, May 6, 2003 2:22 PM]

marrs729
05/08/2003 12:00 AM

We are sorry to interrupt, but this is a special news report.

Breaking news, female bloats gave birth to a happy litter of angry Mexican verbiage. The San Diego Zoo say they never had such an experience in less than 50 years. Abbès and Hoya left an everlasting remark on teenage impressionism. The very fact the female bloats are alive today are due to the grounds being made in Saint Haonsha Creek in Kansas, Ohio. The radioactive elements of such a tragic Casanova eruptions, have a profound effect on birth.

Now back to your regular schedule programming...Feed the feckless writhing rapids
Your hungry crimson blood
You are incapable of thinking rationally
As you sing to the moon each night
The lone warrior watches while waiting
For his prey to come abroad

eswiftfire
05/08/2003 6:25 AM


They both looked a the disgruntled figure. "EEEKKK its... its... EEEKKK... its..."


"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Eliar roared heroically and he shot up to his feet. "And now, I shall.... BLOW UP THIS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLL...... damn..." was the only thing he could remark as he was buried by another mountain of Gully Dwarf corpses. "Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Benn-Salian
05/08/2003 7:32 AM


"And now, I shall.... BLOW UP THIS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLL...... damn..."

Detontrophe watched the red imp run over to the spiky mage. Eliar must nor have noticed the red imp because he was too busy complaining about the dead gully dwarf population.

Detontrophe had began referring to the imp as Mark, since he wasn't quite a Spot. A Mark is kind of like a Spot, right? Mark, the red imp continued running over to Eliar. He then did the most heinous thing a red imp could do in these desperate times. At that moment mark reached up took ahold of Eliar's robe and....

...pants the fool. Detontrophe's eyes widened as he saw the spiky mage sitting out amoung the dead gully blossoms with his pants around his ankles. Detontrophe always wondered what mages wore under their robes. Right now, he only wished the wore something.Insert swear infested quote to upset the populous of RPGC.

"It's true that men with big cars are overcompensating for something. I own a Dodge Colt. Wanna date?" - Dammed Beaches

marrs729
05/08/2003 10:40 AM

Tas the minotaur sat staring at the evil looking gnome.

"Hi there little man," had a bit of a trip and ran into a pile of gully dwarves (how he did this sitting down is a answer yet to be explained), "I'm alright no need to worry about me. Well as I was saying, hmmm, yeah have I ever told the story about me Uncle Trapsinger? You have? Well that's a pity, let me just info you again... No, its no problem."

"One day there was the man in green robes..."

Earthslayer the princess monkey said, "Shut up cow, no one wants to here that story again. Not even me. Tights and applesauce? Please!"

"I told you I'm not a cow. I am a kende... I mean I'm a minotaur. If I was a cow... I mean bovine, then I would be could a bull, for I am a male. Oh, that reminds me have you ever wore spandex on a cold wintery night? Well I did one day not to long ago..."

"Can someone please shut this idiot up!" Earthslayer sat ontop a mound of very goodlooking inanimte gully dwarves.Feed the feckless writhing rapids
Your hungry crimson blood
You are incapable of thinking rationally
As you sing to the moon each night
The lone warrior watches while waiting
For his prey to come abroad

Benn-Salian
05/12/2003 8:58 AM

"Me help real good." Repf, the gully dwarf said, "me lone survivor on doomed citadel."

The gully dwarf picked himself up and walked over to the minotaur. Looking into the eyes of the large beast the gully dwarf grabbed together all his strength and courage and slapped that Jerky packing goof. "One!" Smacked him again. "Two!" And again. "More than two!" and then a pinch on the nose. "To grow an inch!"

"There you go, him better by now," Repf replied before his voice lowered an octive, "that'll be fifteen dollars."Insert swear infested quote to upset the populous of RPGC.

"Yeah, if giant sword wielding spiders appear, we're gonna run for it." - Black Mage 8-bit Theatre

eswiftfire
05/12/2003 9:13 AM

Eliar opened his eyes slowly, groaning.

"God.... dammit.... this place is freakin' insane!! I'm going to blow this up later, when I clean myself up first!! Mwahahahaha! Takky-chan might be taking a bath right now, let's go to the Abyss!!!"

And the all-powerful spiky-haired mage disappeared in a POOF!"Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Heh, if he keeps this up. I might need a website for these gems. Mwaha."

-Eliar Swiftfire

Benn-Salian
05/16/2003 8:15 AM

OCC: I've been waiting at least a good week to do this so I appologize if I step on any feet.

BIC: Detontrophe stood beside Benn-Salian and watched as the lone gully dwarf attacked the minotaur and Eliar had vanished with his "poof". Luckily for the gnome he also saw, when the "poof" took Eliar away to the Abyss, that it didn't take Ballsar Rockhard, the dwarf who had hidden there since the beginning of the thread.

With a quick wave to the blue robed mage, Detontrophe ran over to the dawrf and slapped him on the back. This seemed to surprise Ballsar, who apparently still thought he was under the spiky mage's robes. "Hey you big stinky dink!" Detontrophe hollowed with a smile.

That smile faded real quick when the dwarf's features narrowed. A vein that the gnome didn't know existed pulsed on his forehead. Detontrophe has made this dwarf angry from time to time, but he had never recieved this type of reaction. Ballsar rose one of his fists high into the air.

"The kender told me to say it! I didn't even know what it meant!" Detontrophe pleaded.

Too late. The fist came down and the gnome had enough reason to cry with a bloody nose. Though he never actually cried.Looking into the eyes of the large [minotaur] the gully dwarf grabbed together all his strength and courage and slapped that Jerky packing goof. "One!" Smacked him again. "Two!" And again. "More than two!" and then a pinch on the nose. "To grow an inch!" - Quest For A Mage-Ware Shop

DarkDalamar20
05/16/2003 9:11 AM

Ballsar was quite upset that his hiding place was found out. He was quite comfortable under the warm wool robes of Eliar Swiftfire. He had his own T.V., Microwave, and Strip Club under there. And now they were gone, ALL GONE!

He wasn't suprised when Detontrophe came running over and put an arm around his shoulders. But, since he was already in a sour mood from losing his hiding place, the "dink" comment went a little too far.

So, Ballsar saw only one thing that he could do. After breaking the gnome's nose, he didn't feel much better. He was still rather upset. But, seeing Det's nose gush blood and his eyes leak tears, he had to admit that there was a sense of accomplishment in his life.

"Well, since I am out of my hiding place! What in the hell is going on around here?" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything nice.

Benn-Salian
05/16/2003 9:19 AM

Repf, the lone survivor from the doomed citadel, was finished with the deranged minotaur Tas. He then left the creature alone with his cow bell and took off towards other gatherings around the lost Mage-Ware shop.

He came across a gnome and a dwarf. There seemed to be some confrontation between the two. The gully dwarf ran over to the dwarf known to everyone else besides Repf as Ballar Rockhard. "Hey cousin!" Repf called out to the dwarf before pinching his ass cheek, "To grow an inch!"Looking into the eyes of the large [minotaur] the gully dwarf grabbed together all his strength and courage and slapped that Jerky packing goof. "One!" Smacked him again. "Two!" And again. "More than two!" and then a pinch on the nose. "To grow an inch!" - Quest For A Mage-Ware Shop

eswiftfire
06/10/2003 8:41 AM

Eliar Swiftfire appeared with a POOF!

"What? Almost a month has passed and this place is still here? DAMN! I'm going to blow things up now! Need help... what's the trainee's name again?? Hmm... STRAEA!!!!!!""Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

Straea
06/11/2003 1:48 PM

Straea appeared on top of Eliar's head in a glittering shower of sparkles. She looked around, dazed and confused. She looked up, and then she looked down.
"Oops!" she exclaimed as she jumped off the spikey one's head. "Sorry about that. What can I do for you?"Oh, I'm sorry, is this yours? You must have dropped it. You know, it's a good thing I found it for you. Here you go.

eswiftfire
06/11/2003 10:59 PM

"Ack! My beautiful hair!" Eliar whined. He immediately took out a bottle of gel and his trusty comb to start combing his hair again. "Well, you gotta prove yourself. How ya gonna end this thread here?""Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

DarkDalamar20
06/12/2003 10:15 AM

Suddenly Eliar and Straea were interrupted as a rather sexy dwarf came walking up from behind with his head down. He was grumbling quite loudly under his breath.

"Damn poker tables, taking all my money. How is a dwarf supposed to make a decent living around here..." Ballsar mumbled.

He didn't lift his head as he walked between the mage's legs and continued down the road. Eliar and Straea could only stare as the dwarf walked off into the sunset, grumbling all the way.

eswiftfire
06/13/2003 1:59 AM

"You ain't helping me?" Eliar wept tears of manly emotion while the dwarf disappeared from his view. "NOOOOOO!"

He raised an arm.

Large explosion occurred.

Half the world was gone.

"Well... you do the rest." Eliar said to Straea, still weeping his tears of manly manliness."Ha! I never contradict myself, actually."

-Dark Elf Damien

"Quoting me mockingly in your signature. Real mature. Grow up."

-Dark Elf Damien

Straea
06/13/2003 8:08 AM

"Where's he going? I kinda like him," Straea said softly. She looked at Eliar and handed him a hot pink hanky. "Here ya go! It glows in the dark too!"

She looked outside, and saw that half of the world was already destroyed. Now she had to destroy the other half. She got an idea.

"Hey Eliar, I hope you've got some rubber boots or something, cuz this is gonna get messy!"

Straea waved her arms and the rest of the world dissolved into cow snot.Oh, I'm sorry, is this yours? You must have dropped it. You know, it's a good thing I found it for you. Here you go.

DarkDalamar20
06/13/2003 10:00 AM

The cow snot was thick and icky like. Unfortunately, one standing on it also sunk into the sticky mess, so Straea's rubber boot idea didn't work. Eliar and the sparkly sex machine sunk into the cow snot.

Just as they were about to go under, something caught Eliar's attention. "AHOY THERE!" Came a call. Straea and Eliar looked up to see Ballsar with a rowboat, moving quickly through the cow snot.

When the sexy dwarf reached them, he reached into the snot and pulled them up one at a time. "You are lucky I forgot my wallet at the casino! But what the hell does it matter now? You blew it up! Now I have to go buy another condom!" Ballsar raged to Eliar as he pulled the sticky mage in the boat.

"Ok, this world is over. Let's get out of here!" Ballsar smacked Eliar on the back and put his arm around Straea, not caring about the cow snot.

The manly mage waved his arms and suddenly a portal was before them. Ballsar looked through the portal to see tons of people carrying various merchendise. "Where are we going?" he asked the mage.

Swiftfire just shrugged and the boat continued through the portal. As the portal began to close. The last thing the cow snotted world heard was Ballsar's enraged scream about the destination........

"Wal-mart?!?!"


The End

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