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Silvermagess
02/28/2002 12:16 PM

(OCC: Well, It looks like "Magnificent Seven" might be setting there for a while. We will see. In the mean time I figured to do something a little different.

This thread will basically be a blooper reel type thing. You can take either your own original characters or characters from the saga and have fun with them. Anyone can do it and we want as many things as we can get.

If you want a better understanding, just think of the end of "Bug's Life." What I post below will give you an example. Tell me what you think.)

Chapter 3 of "Dragons of Autumn Twilight-The part where they get Kit's letter.

"What does she say?" Caramon asked.

"Heres another letter from you favorite sex goddess..." Tanis stops there obviously deciding it is better not to read what else is in the letter.

Raistlin snatches the letter. "Alright, who has been messing with my fan mail again!?" He says glaring at a seemingly innocent Tas.

(OCC: I will find ways to goof around with the books further. Tell me what you think and please particpate. It's not roleplaying per say. Basically who can come up with the silliest idea or the funniest.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

TolkaninFaznin
02/28/2002 5:29 PM

OOC: LOL......I love bloopers!!!! Just gimme a chance to get my grubby little hands on some of the books and I'll go wild :-p yay!!!! until then;

From ‘Yet Another Annoyed’ ... right after Stacey and Elara’s altercation and Stacey’s apology;

Elara looked over at Stacey, speechless. She was so confused; nothing made sense any more. "I'm . . . I'm . . . She said, knowing it was lame but not being able to think of anything else. “I’m afraid I’ve forgotten my lines.”

From ‘The Ansalon Ball’ when Cai’de and Thorn are about to make their announcment;

Thorn;

The silver robe went up to the band and get them to stop the music. As the noise died down he rejoined Cai'de, taking her hand in his. He cleared his throat to grab everyone's attention and said, "Um, everyone, Cai'de and I have an announcement."

Cai’de;

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Thorn has finally decided to come out of the closet!”

From ‘Dark Journey’ ...Mista has just been found and healed by Richard;

Mista was quiet out of shock as Richard tended to her hurts, but as she felt her renewed arm, her eyes watered, and she suddenly threw her arms around him and wailed out in racking sobs.

"I'm so sorry, Richard! I got up and Mirror was gone and I felt bad and wanted to appologize and I couldn't find her and I got lost and then the bear attacked and I fell down the ravine and I heard the bear again and I was scared, I was so scared, but I didn't know where camp was and I was so lost and all I could think of was ... was ... donuts! and how I hadn’t had any of the donuts yesterday and I really really wanted one, one of the powdered sugared ones with the strawberry jelly filling and you took the last one and it’s the second day in a row and I should have said something sooner because I thought about it all last night and I was determined to get the jelly donut today but Mirror wanted to ask me about my date last night and I had to tell her but I was watching and you took the last sugared powdered strawberry jelly donut and . . . and . . . I can’t work like this!! I am going to my trailer!!!! Where’s my agent?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Slyknife
02/28/2002 6:05 PM

Paedon nodded, checked his notes, "Ladies and gentleman.. I wish to make an announcement. I have been traveling with you for some time now, our adventures have been some of the greatest in my life, and it appears that I have cancer... The clerics say I have two weeks to live... Just kidding, I'm actually just gay."

((OOC: Line grafted from the movie steel magnolias, Paedon's strait, as am I but I had to do something funny.))"You know if there was one thing I think could help this, it'd be putting a gnome in a cannon" Solaris said.
"You always want to put a gnome in a cannon" Paedon said smiling.
"Yeah, but haven't you?" Solaris added.

thistledown
03/01/2002 12:52 AM

From "Sweet Home Chicago"

Yellow eyes peered back at her with a strange expression of amusment, one blue scaly eyebrow raising to the ceiling..., and the dragons head crashed into the roof. "OOW!" the dragon roared as it lost control of its flame. Within seconds, Javert, Caitlin, Stacey, and Jadalyn were crispy toast. The dragon nudged the nearest with its foot, then ran full speed off the set when it didn't move.


From "Elemental Wars"

Drake:
"Recent events have brought me to bounce the hatrack early. We will be starting now."

I'll think of more later. Can't think right now.
The sword, it thirsts to drink of man.
The sword, at last must win.
Today is gone, and yesterday,
Must echo in the wind.

Silvermagess
03/01/2002 5:31 AM

(OCC: I will be putting a new one up here everyday. My daily update I guess. I like everything up here so far. Remeber anyone can post something up here. It can be bloopers or jokes, or just plain maddness.)

"Why won't you give it back Tas!" Cried Tanis in frustration.

"No, never." bawled the Kender. "Something that cruel must be hidden from the rest of the world."

"Come on Tas," said Tanis, almost pleading,"just tell me where you hid it."

"No!" Shouted the Kender.

At this moment Laurana came in. Looking at Caramon, she asked"What's wrong now?"

"Tas has hidden Tanis's Playstation."

"But, why would he do that?" Laurana asked, puzzled.

"He was playing Final Fantasy 7, and got to the part where Aeris died."
"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
03/01/2002 6:47 AM

Gnomish inventions that never seemed to work out,

"Quench your thirst drinking glass" It shoots water into your mouth when you're thirsty, and if you aren't, you just gor a bath!

"Automatic raincoat dispencer" Drowning is bad, but drowning in coats if worse.

"Gnome Flinger with built in playstation." Never would you want to send anyone to a wrestleing ring, or worse, a Parapa the rappa level...

"Footwarmer" After too many gnomes lost their feet due to malfunctions, that leads us to the next device --->

"Automatic crutches" When the crutches leave you behind, or when you reach stais, there is a slight priblem about breaking more bones that people have, but it's being worked on"You know if there was one thing I think could help this, it'd be putting a gnome in a cannon" Solaris said.
"You always want to put a gnome in a cannon" Paedon said smiling.
"Yeah, but haven't you?" Solaris added.

Kalia_Majere
03/01/2002 12:52 PM

HEHE!! I wanna join in! but these will just be funny things with my characters...I cant think of many bloopers!


Kalia and Navare
---------------------

Navare smiled at himself in the mirror, the outfit he wore fit just right. he smoothed back his long black hair, and admired, and preened in front of the full lenght mirror.

Just then Kalia walked into her trailer. She looked up to see Navare dressed in her silver dress from the Ball a few months back. "Navare!!" she shrieked. "Thats it! This is the last time I am gonna find you wearing my clothes!!" She pushed him, stuffing him into the nearby closet.

"Get back into the closet you pervert!!"



---------------------
Touga and Ayeka
---------------------

Ayeka grinned at her brother whos magical ability was little better than nothing. “I am gonna tell you once more brother of mine...” she said softly.

She held an egg in her hand. “See this?” Touga nodded painfully. “This is you...” she cracked the egg and tossed it into a hot skillet, tossing the shell over her shoulder. “this is you in sun...” she said, as the egg sizzled...Any Questions??” She asked, as she tended to her brother’s sunburns.
Oh, Moons of Mercy, Moons of Light
Guide me in the Darkest Night
Keep me safe from Evil spirit,
send your blessed light to sear it.

Watch the shadows, Watch the lights;
Never shoot till they're in sight.
Hold your rage down, calm your fears
The end comes soon enough for tears

Ontarys
03/01/2002 5:31 PM

This set when Tas is in the abys with Taki in legends.


"My you really are beautiful takhisis, its a wonder you turned out so evil ya know....my cousin lisa lightfeet was the same way ya know? She was......."

Tas was cut off by the over powering presence of the evil god takhisis as she spoke.....even though her lips didnt move. "A kender back in time......could change everything. I........"

The evil goddes queen pauses and looks waway, barely able to suppress a laugh.

"I know your black robed friend is...."

A slight giggle escapes her as she looks away from the kender Tas who is steadily making funny faces and lip sincing every words she says :D

"I i know your..your HA HA ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!!" Takhisis laughs hestirically as tas doubles over, apparently the case of the giggles.

"CUT.............CUT..................CUT!!!!!!!!!"

Fistindantlious storms off the set, disgusted that taki cant get her lines straight and the blasted kender keeps messin around. "ypud think after a 1000 years she'd wanna actually get it right and rule the world"I put a chill up your spine like an eskimo.

Silvermagess
03/02/2002 9:26 AM

A very sinsiter black robe mage stands in front of one a magic circle. As he waves around sinster spell components, he chants what sounds supiciouly like latin.

"At long last," he thinks to his self, "After hours of toil, I shall summon the ultimate evil."

Saying the final words, he drops he throws a beaker of some evil chemical agent at the center of the circle, completing the spell. As the smoke clears we can sense his elation rising.

"It...it has...finally happened. I shall go down in history as a great wizard...come forth gre...grea." When he finally sees what it is he shuts down.

The animated Furby waddles forward into the light.

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
03/02/2002 9:51 AM

((OOC: BUT FURBIES ARE EVIL!! Almost as bad as the FOREST IMPS...... (If you have no idea what I'm talking about then ask, I'll be glad to show the comic site!)))"You know if there was one thing I think could help this, it'd be putting a gnome in a cannon" Solaris said.
"You always want to put a gnome in a cannon" Paedon said smiling.
"Yeah, but haven't you?" Solaris added.

Silvermagess
03/03/2002 7:20 AM

(OOC: Please show me the site. Pretty Please with a gnome on top.)

As the big red dragon barrels down at them, Opie starts muttering a spell.

"Come on, hurry up bro! Or else we are going to be dragon bait!!" Cries his brother Loki.

"There it's done." Said White Robe Opie.

"But, nothing is happening." Said his brother, the world renowned explorer(Actually thief and Mercenary)Loki.

"Oh it will." Said Opie with a smirk.

Suddenly, the dragon goes splat in mid-air.

"Woah," said Loki in awe,"What do you call that one?"

"Bugs on a Windshield." Opie grinned with satisfaction.

(OOC: I think I might have these two show up again. I just came up with them on the fly.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
03/03/2002 9:28 AM

((OOC: Umm anyone know how to use a hyperlink? well ummm okay I'll just wirte is and you should prolly cut and paste

http://www.nuklearpower.com/comic/

the comic is called 8-bit theatre, the great spoof on FF1. click on the first comic option and read on everybody!))"You know if there was one thing I think could help this, it'd be putting a gnome in a cannon" Solaris said.
"You always want to put a gnome in a cannon" Paedon said smiling.
"Yeah, but haven't you?" Solaris added.

Silvermagess
03/04/2002 5:58 AM

(OOC: Update time! If anything, this will turn into my own playground.)

The Aurak Draconian Flash came back in from checking his mail looking rather dispondant. Chet, his roommate looked at him quizically.

"Jeez, Flash, each day you go out to check mail and you come back in looking all depressed. What is it you ordered?"

Seeing no answer coming, Chet said, "Come on you can tell me, Buddy. I promise I won't laugh."

"Well, I kind of answered a, uh personal ad. And I am supposed to be getting a reply back any day now." Flash looked rather sheepish.

"Wow, Man, Way to go Flash! What was the ad like.?"

Flash got out a crumpled piece of newspaper and showed him.

"Well, this is swell Flash...but, I didn't know you were into guys..."

"What the abyss are you talking about?" Flash looked confused.

"Well, here it says SWM. That stands for 'Single White Male'."

"Oh," sai Flash looking sheepish. "I thought it stood for 'Sexy Women Mage'."




"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

TolkaninFaznin
03/04/2002 6:12 AM

Caramon opened the door.

"What the--???? Dammit, Caramon, WHY DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK!!!!"

Caramon closes the door, "Sorry, Raist, sorry." Snickering, he walked back to the kitchen.

"What's so funny, Caramon?" Tika asked.

"Oh, I just accidentally caught Raistlin dressing."

Tika frowned, confused. "What's so funny about that?"

Caramon snickered but waved it off. "Nothing, really. Could you hand me that pencil?""Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Slyknife
03/04/2002 3:40 PM

Zimen walked the plains of despair, with his young apprentice Horaxon. Both chattering.

"When we get in town I'll blast all of them with firebals, MWAHAHAH!" Horaxon said, like usual zimen swung his staff in the vascinity of Horaxon's manhood, but the sound wasnt notmal it was a clink, and the staff bounced off. "Oh, master, like my new invention? It's called a 'Steel cup'!"

Zimen only laughed and thought up the words for a spell, at a touch the cup became frozen, Horaxon began running in circles yelling "Cold COLD COLD!!!" And then Zimen clubbed him over the head with his stafdf, laughing and dragging his now silented apprentice across the deseart."I used a level 3 fire spell set to volcanic to cook the turkey, it took 10 second, it was only alive for the first 3" Black Mage, 8-bit theatre.

Silvermagess
03/05/2002 12:03 PM

(OOC: Heh, heh, Steel Cup, Funny.)

"Hey, Opie, suppers ready." Cried Loki.

Opie looked at his dish of meat suspiciously.

"What!?" Asked Loki innocently.

"Your a lousy cook thats what! Everything you make turns out horribly wrong..."

"Hey, I just happen to have a very sophisticated sense of taste!" Loki said defensively. "Just try it."

"Alright.."

An hour later...

"I'm sorry I doubted you bro." Said Opie. "That was the best chicken ever!"

"Uh, Opie, That uh, wasn't chicken. That was the, uh, dragon you killed this morning."

An hour later and still retching..."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
03/06/2002 1:32 PM

(OOC: Nobody has posted today or at least not yet...huh. Well the show must go on. I just have a bit of humor for today. Hopefully, people are looking at this still. And hopefully they don't think I am a total loser.)

5 Ways to insult a Death Knight.

5. "Wow, I smell jerky. Wait, it's just you."

4."Hey they have surgery for that."

3. "I think you may want to invest in an air freshener."

2. "You know, it ain't halloween."

1. "So how old are you?" "There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

[Edited by Silvermagess on Wednesday, March 6, 2002 1:35 PM]

TolkaninFaznin
03/06/2002 7:42 PM

((Still reading, Still laughing!!!! Still thinking!!!! ;) ))

Allllllright, just thought of this as I was sitting here, so I'm just gonna start pulling this stuff outa my a-----eeear, yeah, anyway;

Kender Taunts;

Humans;

"Are you drunk, or do you always walk like that?"

::sniff sniff:: "Hey! I've never seen a skunk before!! Where -- oh, it's just a human.

Dwarves;

"The only thing duller than his axe's blade are his wits."

"Hey, rock boy, sticks and stones won't break your bones but words will probably hurt you!"

"The only thing dumber than a dwarf are the rocks he breaks."

Draconians;

"What are dumber than rocks, smells like crap, and probably tastes like chicken?"

"Hey, Scaley! I pulled yer mother's tail off!"

*Tsk tsk* "You guys are the whole reason humans and salamanders shouldn't mate."

"Whoa, look what the cat dragged in and should probably drag back out!"

Elves;

"Hey, is it true you can't walk in the rain because your noses are so high you would drown?

"Geez, you guys sure have small feet!"

"If trees could talk they'd probably be embarassed to know you!"

Gnomes;

"Youjustdon'tgetitdoyounobodylikesyouthewayyoukeep
talkingandtalkingandneverstopit'slikeawaterfallofreallybadsmellingwater
thatneverneverstopsyou'vegottobethedumbestraceonKrynntonothaveever
noticedhowmuchtheotherracesdespiseyou . . . "


more to come when I think of it . . . .

"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Silvermagess
03/07/2002 10:54 AM

(OOC: I really would appreciate it if more people posted here. Anyone Please.)

"Give that ring of invisibility back now!" Shrieked Opie chasing around his brother Loki.

"Sorry baby bro, but I need something to pawn so I can pay off my debts!" Loki shouts pleasantly jumping over a log. Opie trips over the log.

"Damn you and your stupid gambling! Well, I'm going to teach you a lesson." Opie starts muttering a spell.

Loki slows down. Even though he knows that is a bad move because his brother will soon have cast a really nasty spell on him. But, Loki senses that this is a new spell and is curious.

Opie stops abruptly and says with a satisfied smile at his brother, "There it is done."

Just as Loki is about to ask, "What is done?" he heres it. A very annoying song. Anyone would recognize it as the Spice Girls song "Wannabe."

"Here, here take it. I'll just let them break my knuckles. Just please make it stop, I beg you!"

"I am afraid dear brother that my "overated songs" spell will last another hour."

Seeing the look on his brothers face, Opie says,"You brought it on yourself. Your just lucky I didn't use my "attract gay men" spell on you.""There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Joe_Ghostbuster
03/07/2002 1:54 PM

OOC: I'm reading and enjoying...and posting too, apperantly.

The Treasury of The Lord of Tarsis. Fabled riches in platinum and gems lie there, protected by the most horrible traps wizards could devise. Both Magical and Mechanical threats lay on the path of he who dares to steal them.
Joe dares.
The thief skirts the trap doors and poisin spikes ejecting from the walls. He jumps on the rolling stone running on top of it, then falling to the other side of it.
Before him appears a deadly apiration, a summoned demon from the Abyss. A splash of a specially prepared soloution of blessed water gets rid of him.
The ring of magic dispelling stops the magic missles and the fireball, and Joe sticks a dagger in the throat of the gaurdian ogre.
Finally, the door to untold riches opens before the thief. Joe begins to smile...
And then stares dumbly at the four kender sitting in the middle of the treasure room, having a picnick. They look like a family, with two older kender, and two youngsters. All of them turn and smile at Joe.
"Would you like a sandwich?" asks one.
That which is Joe's is given unto Joe. That which is not of Joe's shalt be given unto Joe. All that is, all that will be, shall be given unto Joe. For his is the hand that guides the world, and his is the heart that rules it.

-- Prophecies of Joe, Special Ego-Buffer Vision, Verse IV

Slyknife
03/07/2002 3:02 PM

*Smash*
Well there went another hammer. The gnopmes had made a brilliant invention, they'd make platemail out of it, and so many flawless weapons that would never break and never fractire, and could be used as rations during famine. This was a breakthrough, and a gnomish invention that worked! Gnelsh went infront of the hall and began his presentation.

"This substance is not only wuite tastey but very hard and durable,the dwarves have lost more hammers trying to break it than anything else. The elves arrows shattered on contact. When we make armor with this, the wearer will be invincible, seeing as how only tiny fragments break off when it's hit, and it will not fracture under pressure"

"This truly is a breakthrough, though due to a moment when my child was trying to eat some, I have given it a name. The Jawbreaker."

((OOC: Based on a real life story, my Sledgehammer's head fell off anf the damned candy lived!!!!))"I used a level 3 fire spell set to volcanic to cook the turkey, it took 10 second, it was only alive for the first 3" Black Mage, 8-bit theatre.

Pantheus
03/07/2002 4:50 PM

Pan smiled as the smoke consumed him...





then began spluttering as he realised that his long silver robes were burning quite merrily at his feet.

"Kiani! Bring me the foam extinguisher again. Dammit, you said you'd fixed this. How do I look now? Like some incapable moonlight elf that got lost in gnomeland... dammit!"

Kiani appeard in a puff of working smoke, holding a bue fire extinguisher.

"Sorry Pan... I really need a brush up course on advanced morph-repairs..."
"So what do you do for a living sir?"
"Uh, I like eggs."
"Eggs eh?"
"Eggs."
"Is that your full answer?"
"Yes. Eggs!"
-an original quote from me at my first job interview!

Silvermagess
03/08/2002 6:00 AM

(OOC: Some good stuff so far...yaah! People can post more than once on here as long as they try to limit it to one a day.)

Asharan, the Death Knight scourge of Kyrnn looked of the landscape, his worn cloak sweeping dramatically behind him. Soon he would find his prey.

"Ah! there in the distance!I must give chase or I may not have another such chance." He thought.

The individual saw the dark figure and gave flight. The young man ran and ran sensing that if he didn't escape he would suffer a fate worse than death.

Unfortunately, all too soon, he found himself at the edge of a cliff.(All very cliche of course.)

"What is it you want! Please I will do anything you want! Just don't kill!" Cried the boy, crying like the wuss he was.

"I was hired to extract the necessary fee from you." Said the Death Knight.

Suddenly the boy stopped crying and said in a supicious voice, "Who sent you?"

"The company you ordered CDs from. The contract said you must buy at least five CDs. Just fill out the order form I have and I shall never bother you again."

The boy's eyes filled with terror. He screamed"NEVER!!" and jumped off the cliff.

"These humans should really stop selling their souls for a cheap buck." Said Asharan, looking puzzled.



"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Joe_Ghostbuster
03/08/2002 11:11 AM

Fortros, Arch Sorceror of the Black Robe, stood inside his magic symbol drawn on the floor, and opened the spell book of Fistandantilus.
He began to read the words to the a spell of Power...of Power Immense and horrendous!
"Isha Kasham Boristre...Volke Asmal Boreimo Talte...Nosgot Sortas! "
Nothing happened.
He tried again, intoning in a voice almost too deep for a human throat to use. "Isha Kasham Boristre...Volke Asmal Boreimo Talte...Nosgot Sortas! "
Again, nothing happened.
Fortros looked around hurridly, blushing...then took something out of his robes and put it on.
With his glasses, he could see where he had mispronounced the word.
He put the spectacled back into a pocket, muttered to himself something about not wanting to be seen as a stereotypical nerdy mage, and then intoned the spell.
Lesson: Image is important.That which is Joe's is given unto Joe. That which is not of Joe's shalt be given unto Joe. All that is, all that will be, shall be given unto Joe. For his is the hand that guides the world, and his is the heart that rules it.

-- Prophecies of Joe, Special Ego-Buffer Vision, Verse IV

Silvermagess
03/10/2002 6:03 AM

(OOC: It was such a nice winter, than it turned all cold and yucky.)

Two punks were wandering around town looking for something that two jerks such as themselves would do. Finally they saw their target, an elderly priest of Paladine, out taking his morning constitional(walk).

The came up behind the old man and began to push him and throw insults at him.

The old man turned around and snapped angrily,"If you don't learn to respect your elders, a fate worse than death shall befall you."

"Eh, what are you going to do about it geezer?!" Sneered Punk #1.

"Yeah, whats ya gonna do old foggie? Turn us into roaches?!" Said Punk #2 which resulted in laughter.

"I will do nothing. I shall leave your fate in the hands of the gods." At this the old priest began praying.

"Oh, pray power, I am soo scared!" Punk #1 said sarcastically.

"Um, maybe we should get out of here before..." but, Punk #2 was unable to finish his sentance as there was a bright flash of light.

After the light flashed, in their place stood two very stupid looking donkeys.

The moral of the story: Don't make a jackass of yourself or someone will call you on it. "There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
03/12/2002 5:51 AM

(OOC: Some people will be upset by this one.)

A Shrink's evaluation of certain mental cases on Krynn.

Kitira-Nympomaniac

Caramon-Too Clingy

Raistlin-Anti-social

Crysannia-Falls in love with wrong guys

Ariakus-has a tendancy toward meglomania

Gilthanas-Suffers from a mild form of Narcissim

Tass Burfoot-suffers from Kleptomania.

Note that the observer is not a professional."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
03/13/2002 2:49 PM

(OOC: Where is everyone...? Oh, well, on with the show.)

6 Weird Magic Items that we will never see on Krynn(but we can dream)

1. The everloving remote control of teleportation

2. The magic Baseball Bat +5

3. The magic Baseball +7

4. The Headphones of brain draining

5. The flying Cutlass Sierra Oldsmobile

6. The pen that really is mightier than the sword
"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
03/14/2002 9:54 AM

Gods and their mental problems.

Paladine-Alzheymers
Gilean-Stage fright, chronic shyness
Takhisis- Arrogance, sarcasm, nymphomaniac

Other entertaining things about them,

Paladine-Loved all of his children, so much so that he brought them a shiny new mountain to play with and accidentally dropped it.

Gilean-Bookworm, too into balancing everything, once balanced a bigscreen tv with a pile of spoons.

Astinus- So arrogant he actually believes he was made to write down everything that happens! And the thinks he's immortal! (Only kidding, I know the actually is, but would a shrink say that?)

Takhisis- Obviously arrogant with dilusions of imortality and importance, can't decide which colored dragon she is, so she stuck with "Of all colors and of none" and most of all, likes being a flirt with Raistlin, (The Seductress is one of her many forms)
(End Of Line)
"I used a level 3 fire spell set to volcanic to cook the turkey, it took 10 second, it was only alive for the first 3" Black Mage, 8-bit theatre.

Silvermagess
03/15/2002 5:50 AM

(OOC: "Shiny New Mountain" heh heh. Good one.)

3 Sports on Kyrnn that we will never see...

1. Kender Tossing

2. Drawf Spirit Drinking

3. Open Season on Dragons

Why we will never see them on Krynn...

1. People will say what is the sport in tossing Kender when they do it all the time any ways(Plus you actually have to keep your hands on the buggers.)

2. After the first few hangovers, many people will vow never to drink again.

3. Uh, big scary beasts trying to kill you takes the fun out of everything. "There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

TolkaninFaznin
03/15/2002 8:18 AM

:: Laurana walks in on Tanis, who is wearing a super-preppy outfit (GAP pants, GAP shirt, GAP sweater, Doc Martins . . .) and sighs in exasperation::

"Have you been shopping at the GAP of Rohan again?"

Random thought; A Kender freedom movement would probably involve a lot of Martyrs and very few organized protests.

Krynnish movies;

Super-Jaws (think sea dragons)

JamesBondTheGnomeWhoMadeAllHisVeryOwnGadgetsAndSavedTheWorld
FromCrazyManiacsTimeAndTimeAgainAndAlwaysGotTheWomenIt'sA
VeryGoodMovieYouShouldAllSeeItI'mInItIPlayBondJamesBondItWas
MyLife'sQuestToBecomeASuperFamousMovieStarAndYouCanHelpBy
WatchingThisMovieAndOfCourseBuyingSomePopcornSinceThe
TheatreReallyDoesn'tMakeMuchMoneyOffOfTicketSalesAloneAndIf
YouBuyPopcornThanYouAreInsuringThatTheTheatre
WillBeThereForMySequal.

Loose Feet, Loose Hands (documentary of a Kender on Wanderlust)

An Evilly Beautiful Mind (based on the life and aspirations of Raistlin Majere)

The Bedroom (based on the life and aspirations of Kitiara Uth Matar)

::more to come once I think of them::"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Joe_Ghostbuster
03/15/2002 9:40 AM

The Great Literiary works of Kyrnn:
"The Kender"- A dragon child book. About a kender who tries to steal something from a dragon while taunting him and gets eaten.
"The Eyes of Time."- A long series of 10 books of 500 pages each, based on the life of Raistling Majere. Considired for consiours of Literature.
"Woman I have slept with and potatoes I have eaten"- The Biography of Caramon Majere.
"Things I have borrowed"- The 1600 pages biography of Tasslehoff Burrfoot.
"My Honor and I."- The biography of Sturm Brightblade. Aknowledged as the least sold book in history, just after the book of Poetry by Toede, "My Bathtime Burp Poems.".
"The Perfect Makeup for killing dragons."- Biography of Laurana of Qualensti.
"Pain and its use."-BDSM manual, by Takhisis.
"How to fight Alzheimers"- By Paladin.
"How to care for your horns."- By Sargonas.
"The Idiots Guide to Magic with Rats"- By Bupu Highbulp.That which is Joe's is given unto Joe. That which is not of Joe's shalt be given unto Joe. All that is, all that will be, shall be given unto Joe. For his is the hand that guides the world, and his is the heart that rules it.

-- Prophecies of Joe, Special Ego-Buffer Vision, Verse IV

Silvermagess
03/16/2002 9:00 AM

Ashran's list of 12 things he hates about Lord Soth

12. He whines

11. He fell in love with an elf

10. He fell in love with Kitiaria

9. It's his fault the cataclysm happened

8. He is a wuss

7. He is uglier than me

6. He can't make up his mind

5. He left Krynn

4. He came back to Krynn

3. He has Banshee's

2. Before he lost his honor, he was a goody two-shoes

1. He fell in love with Kitiaria.

When the docter than asked Ashran to write a list of 12 things he like about Lord Soth, Ashran sent him up in smoke. "There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Dogar_Setton
03/18/2002 5:06 AM

a commercial on MBC, the Minotaur Broadcasting Company.............


Double-headed war-axe with new leather grip : 65 steel

Newly forged Bastard sword and matching dagger: 74 steel

Custom made slaver Galleon with genuine "No-slip" hand manacles: 10,000 steel

A profitable raid on an unsuspecting human settlement: priceless




"There are some things plunder can't buy. For everything else, there's MassacreCard.................."


:D

" Because by Fate, even the Gods are cast down/ Weep ye all with me"
- Raistlin Majere upon opening the Portal to the Abyss

TolkaninFaznin
03/18/2002 9:41 AM

((ooc; LOL!!!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!! ::wipes away tear:: hooo boi, neato!))

Kender personals adds;

CuteKM4U!
SKM (Single KenderMaiden), 23, seeking traveling partner. Likes long walks, adventures, and bright shiny things.

SweetKender
SKM, 16, seeking dragon-filled adventure and trink (rest of profile unfinished)

Looking For Adventure?
Look no further! 35 yr old experienced male kender guide! will find your company fame fortune, and danger!!! (especially danger!!!!)

TB; Look here!!
looking for Tasslehoff Burrfoot, no one but Tasslehoff Burrfoot need respond. except perhaps Fizban, I've never met Fizban before, but my great uncle did once, it was . . . (profile takes up rest of page)

Gnome personals add (one per page, ellipsies means edited);

Gnarimpulikishorimlipqwaril.....whichmeans'gnarimfatherofpulikifatherof
shorim...'...seekingbrightyounggnomeishwomanforhelpwithexperimenting
withexplosivesandpossibleseriousrelationship....musthaveextensive
knowledgeofexplosivesplusiflifesquestisalsorelatedtoexplosivesmust
beflexiblefortravel...

Ogre personals add;

Looke
Need woman. race/age/gods not consideration.

Fizban's personal add;

LOST
need hat, if found, please reply.

((I'll think of some better shtuff later))"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Slyknife
03/18/2002 3:07 PM

You forgot one

Astinus' personal add,
Book, preferrable blank with a leather binding, quill pen not included. Must be 8 by 10 paper.

Raistlins personal add,
SWM looking for SWF with illusions of power, lust, control, rage, spite, jealousy, and hobbies to read. Preferrable a Zealous cleric who is so caught up in their own buisness that they'll never know my plans until, umm, wait sctatch that. Seeking SWF Cleric, must be proud and selfconscious, must also have inferiority complex."I used a level 3 fire spell set to volcanic to cook the turkey, it took 10 second, it was only alive for the first 3" Black Mage, 8-bit theatre.

Silvermagess
03/19/2002 5:21 AM

Battle Crys we will never hear on Krynn

"Booyah!!"

"Booyaka!"(If you played Final Fantasy 8, you know what I mean.)

"Bonzai!"

"Taste cold meat cleaver!"

Scenes ripped from movies part 1

A black robed mage walks over a grate. Suddenly a gust of wind comes up and lifts his robe up causing him to push it down Marilyn Monroe Style.



"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
03/19/2002 10:52 AM

Weapons that have not yet been utalized on Krynn.

Little siblings

Human cannons

Gnome potatoe grenades

Dwarf spirit molotov coctails

Gnomish snot-rocket

a chainlink kender pouch

((OOC: I'll think of more later, if anyone has some ides, feel free!))"I used a level 3 fire spell set to volcanic to cook the turkey, it took 10 second, it was only alive for the first 3" Black Mage, 8-bit theatre.

thistledown
03/19/2002 11:43 AM

Actually in one of the d&d campaings I ran I gave the party a potato cannon. Finding the propelent for it was hard, put they found a little.The sword, it thirsts to drink of man.
The sword, at last must win.
Today is gone, and yesterday,
Must echo in the wind.

Joe_Ghostbuster
03/19/2002 11:49 AM

(Based on Conan's answer to the question "What is best in life?" which was "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!")

"Caramon, what is best in life?"

"To crush the Dragon Armies, see them driven before you, and to eat Otik's spiced Patotoes!"

"Tanis, what is best in life?"

"To have a choice between two beatiful women, to choose the one who won't look like her mother, and to never have to see that dwarf again!"

"Flint, what is best in life?"

"To grumble at the kender, grumble at the half-elf, and grumble at everyone else!"

"Tasslehoff, what is best in life?"

"To look at shiny objects, destroy time traveling devices, and to ooooh...look, thats shiny!"

"Raistlin, what is good in life?"

"To put on the black robes, become the Master of The Past and Present, and to take become a god and take over the world, AND to laugh evil and maniaclly! MUHAHA!!!"





That which is Joe's is given unto Joe. That which is not of Joe's shalt be given unto Joe. All that is, all that will be, shall be given unto Joe. For his is the hand that guides the world, and his is the heart that rules it.

-- Prophecies of Joe, Special Ego-Buffer Vision, Verse IV

Silvermagess
03/21/2002 7:09 AM

Krynn's best seller's list

Best Non-Fiction

1. "How to Take Over the World for Dummies"

2. "Gnomes: Friend or Foe?"

3. "Blue Dragon Diaries: Memoirs of a Dragon Highlord"

4. "Gully Drawf Stew for the Soul"

5. "The Oath and the Measure Pocket Edition"


Best Fiction

1. "Mr. Majere or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mage"

2. "13 Kender"

3. "With Love from Neraka"

4. "K is for Kender"

5. "When Paladine Stopped Giving a Damn""There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

thistledown
03/21/2002 9:07 AM


4. "K is for Kender"


Refrencing the alphabet murders series of books?

1. "Mr. Majere or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mage"


Ah, a clockwork orange.
The sword, it thirsts to drink of man.
The sword, at last must win.
Today is gone, and yesterday,
Must echo in the wind.

simon
03/21/2002 4:50 PM

OOC: well i hope you all enjoy this.

Raistlin and Caramon stand on the set of their movie Test of the twins.

Raistlin looks at Caramon who is trying to with hold a smile.

"Have you ever gone to work with feeling that you have forgot somthing important. I just don't feel right today."

Caramon almost doubled over.

" Oh yeah i know what your talking about Raist. Well i hope you figure it out."

Caramon walks away laughing so hard that he was crying. As he walks away Tas walks up.

" Hey Raistlin when did they write a nude scene into the show. Nobody told me, that kinda hurts."

Raistlin looks down at the pesky kender. What are you talking about there are no nude scenes in this picture. now stop bugging me."

Tas looks at Raistlin in disgust.

" Well if there is no nude scene. Why are you dressed for one."

Raist looks down and his face goes into a deep red. He walks off the stage with as much dignity as he could muster. But amungst all the cat calls and people yelling, " Hey nice butt." He found it alittle hard to do.I've walked into the fires of Hate, stared into the eyes of Pain, fought off
the minions of Sorrow and slew the demons of Fear, anyone else wanna try their luck with this Dark Child?

Silvermagess
03/23/2002 7:59 AM

(OOC: Some good stuff. No need to be shy people. Trust me, I doubt anybody's going to say anything nasty to you. Most are going to appreciate how hard it is to come up with this stuff off the top of your head.)

A cleric of Paladine stood across one end of the room. At the other end, facing her, was a very angry cleric of Sargonnas.

"I shall show you whose god is the most powerful."Said the man with a snarl.

"Evil shall never triumph." Replied the woman.

Just as they were about to kill each other, a boy walks into the room.

"Mom. Dad. It's 3 in the morning. Can't you have these little debates somewhere else."

Both look really sheepish.

The little boy murmmers, "And they wonder why I never have any friends over.""There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
03/23/2002 8:16 AM

((OOC: Hehe bedtime roleplaying or actually true? As in one would've died?))

Tas smiled while playing FF9 on his playstation.

"Why do you always like this game better then the others?" Caramon asked.

"Well to start off, Vivi's hat reminds me of Fizban, and his raggy cloak reminds me of the way Bupu dresses. See that big knight in the heavy armor? That's you Caramon! And her, she's a magic user, but it's healing I think, She's like Crysania! And then there's the main character, the most important! He has the ability to barrow other people's things! Just like me!"
Tas said, with an emphasis on 'the most important character'.

"Right." Caramon said, "Sorry I asked."
"I used a level 3 fire spell set to volcanic to cook the turkey, it took 10 second, it was only alive for the first 3" Black Mage, 8-bit theatre.

Dogar_Setton
03/23/2002 9:37 AM

(( OOC: I'll probably get a SEVERE reprimand form the mods for this, but I'll do it anyway. Hope no-one gets offended...... hee hee hee))


All the companions are sitting around a table in the Inn of the Last Home, including Kitiara, who is wearing a VERY high cut skirt. They are talkiing and laughing merrilywhen suddenly Sturm lifts his head, a sour look on his face.

" Do you smell something?" he asks, looking at his friends.

They all agree and Tasslehoff pipes up, " It smells like fish"

"Long dead fish" Flint adds in a grumbling tone.

Suddenly Kitiara looks up at them, a sheepish expression on her face as she realizes something.

"Sorry guys." she mutters, then crosses her legs in her short skirt.

The others looked around at each other with facial expressions ranging from revulsion to sick fascination to sudden understanding.

Now they all knew why Kit always dressed like a man.

" Because by Fate, even the Gods are cast down/ Weep ye all with me"
- Raistlin Majere upon opening the Portal to the Abyss

Silvermagess
03/25/2002 2:08 PM

(OOC: Try not to get more uh, inapproiate than that. Try to stay to a max of R or PG-13 here.)

The wrestling movies of krynn

"The flying mage"

"The Full-Strum"

"Minotaur Head Strike"

"The Elven Prance"

"The Drunken Drawf"

"Draconian Wing Smash"

"Kender Fling"


"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
03/25/2002 3:44 PM

Fighting styles you never wanted to know about.

"The Dancing Unicorn" Elfish, based on elfblossom whine and putting a wooden shaped horn on

"The Drunken Monkey" Actual fighting style, adapted for dwarfs.

"The Groin-Hoopak Continuim" Trekee meets Kender mix, mostly vulcan pinching and staff thwacking

"A thousand ways to burn someone." Rastlins torture and hand combat book, that related to burning hands mixed with Tai-Chi

"A thousand ways to treat burns" Clerical combat and healing (Crysania's counterpart to the previous entry.

"Pointy End in other guy" Goblin combat

"LookITI'mFasterAndICanDoStrangeMovesAndHitYou" Gnomish combat

"To die Teasing." Kender taunt book.

"Great Horns of Fire" Minotaur Goreing, made easy (Sub title, "Killing for dummies"

"Pride and Prejeduce" Solamnic combat made easy, 2 step beginning, #1 Salute, #2 impale.

"How to throw a weapon." Larger chapters for knives, axes, and because of equal rights between races, Dwarf hammers.

"Club" By Ghurtehg the troll, picture book that includes photo's of the club, Gurhtehg, Guhrtehg using the club, and what he uses them on."With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

Slyknife
03/25/2002 3:54 PM

"The Necromancer, called Anthrax by his foes, the ones living anyway, walked the shadowy hall toward the Grand Knight of Paladins."

"The Paladin stands and we roll!"

"Ha, Anthrax Launches his army of skeletons at the foe!"

"Jimmy, you're clothes are done! You have a hole in the back of one of your pairs of Boxers, how'd that happen?"

The group around the table burst into laughter, and poor jimmy loses 2 charisma.

"Mom, I'll talk about it later, I'm in the middle of an interdimmensional war here!"

"Right." "With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

Slyknife
03/26/2002 4:53 AM

GUYS!!! SNOWDAY!!!!!! In Lakewood, the city that didn't close when the temp. was 50 below and the winds were at 30 mph and the snow was a foot high! (This will be a modified joke from sam kinneson)

"You know, people barely close these schools, it seems like every snowday is for the other cities, and think we have the answer as to why... The superintendant is from the artic circle, his rule goes a little like this, "You know giys, you can just wear tennis rackets and walk, or get on you're iceskates, pack you're S*** you can make one trip, because, NOTHING CLOSES OUT HERE! NOTHINGS GONNA CLOSE OUT HERE! SEE THIS? IT'S SNOW, WALK IN IT AS****E"

See why my superintendant sucks? But it's a SNOWDAY, it rained at 20 degrees and now we have a snowday! Cars are icy with the snowday! My Brother got off of work at 4 am and had to peel his car for... THE SNOWDAY!!!

(Sorry, first time in about 5 years, I'm excited.)"With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

Silvermagess
03/26/2002 5:02 AM

Two elves one male and the other female sit in a clearing. The clearing is a beautiful setting with flowers, birds singing, butterflys moving and the sun is out.

And playing is the sappiest, most romantic music you can imagine.

They look deeply into each others eyes. They are leaning forward to kiss each other...when suddenly, the music changes to...a really annoying Britanny Spears song.

The elf guy gets up and yells, "Stop messing with my stereo you stupid Kender!"

The Kender jumps out of the bush it was hiding in and runs. The elves run after him, mad that the moment was ruined.

Suddenly the kender stops and yells, "Wait!!" The elves both stop, stupified by the Kender's abrupt action.

"I just save you from a terrible fate." Said the Kender proudly.

Both elves have that dumbstruck look on their face.

The Kender looks at them ands says, "You have never heard the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" song have you?" Both shake their heads no.

"Well it starts with a tree...""There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

The_Thorn
03/27/2002 11:26 AM


Ah, a clockwork orange.


Not a clockwork orange, it's Dr. Strangelove or How I learned to stop worrying and love the Bomb (see post on previos page)."Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?"
"You don't need any help from me, sir."
"That's right." - Clue

Dogar_Setton
03/27/2002 1:56 PM

Sorry silvermagess. I know I was a little crude back there but I wrote that post when I was hung-over and, quite frankly, feeling all headachey and bitter towards the world in general..... :D :D :D

I liked the previous posts too

LOL at Slyknife, heh heh heh..... "'Pointy thing in other guy', Priceless!!!" hee hee hee

" Because by Fate, even the Gods are cast down/ Weep ye all with me"
- Raistlin Majere upon opening the Portal to the Abyss

Silvermagess
03/27/2002 7:19 PM

(OOC: That's okay. I am just saying that the posts shouldn't get any cruder than that. I don't want anyone getting in trouble. Besides we all do things we regret.)

some famous quotes distorted...

"A steel saved is a steel not taken by a kender."

"Give me liberty or give me Chemosh."

New Gods for Krynn that they sorely need

The Lord of The Dance

The Prince of Thieves

The God of Hellfire

The God of Rock and Roll

The God of Getting Funky"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
03/28/2002 6:48 PM

(OOC: Nobody has posted anything new?!! *sigh* Oh well, looks like things have been slow today on all forums anyways.)

A single kender is running through the streets. A horde of goblins is chasing after him. They are going in slowmotion, and dramatic music is playing the backround. A goblin stops and says

"Whats in you wallet!?""There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
03/31/2002 4:49 PM

Slyknife the kender sat at the table for easter dinner, and took the silverware out of his pouch that matched the others on the table. A large roast ham and spiced potatoes, it was a beauitiful feast, Paedon began the toast.

"I'd like to thank Solaris for the whine, and Cindertanin for getting the ham for this occasion. I also want to thank Sly over there, for not taking the food and putting it in his pouches, anything anyone would like to add?" Paedon asked.

"I'm thankful for-" Sly said getting cut off.

"Wrong holiday buddy." Solaris said.

"Can I say it anyway?" Sly asked.

"No" Paedon said sitting down and eating."With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

Silvermagess
03/31/2002 8:19 PM

(OOC: Aw, easter. The day of candy, a feast and hard boiled eggs. What a great time to be alive. Just some random stuff tonight.)

"Prepare to Die!!!"

"Prepare for Pie!!!"

"Prepare to Cry!!!"

"Thats no lie!!!"

(OOC: Ugh, I'm dying here.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
04/02/2002 5:46 AM

Fractured Fairytales

Sleeping Cutie part 1.

Once upon a time there was elven king and queen. There was great celebration in the kingdom because they had finally had a daughter.

Now on this day they were susposed to invite the 7 faries. The faries were susposed to be served on golden plates. Unfortunatley, they had been too cheap and only bought a set of 6. So they deceided not to invite dark farie. Besides, she had ugly warts anyways.

After the banquet it came time for the faries to bestow princess Vira with gifts.

Farie 1 "I shall give her the gift of really pointy ears so that everyone will know she is an elf."

Farie 2 "I shall give her the gift of being stuck up so that she can make others feel like garbage."

Farie 3 "I shall give her the gift of being an airhead so that she will have to marry any guy you give her."

Farie 4 "I shall give her the gift of beauty, so that guys will actually want to marry her."

Farie 5 "I shall give her the gift of an unlimited credit card so that she doesn't make you bankrupt."

Suddenly before the last farie could step up, the dark farie came with a look of anger on her face...

(Tune in next time for the continuatio of this exciting tale!!)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Kalia_Majere
04/03/2002 11:22 AM

*doubles up in laughter* I really do enjoy reading these you know!! LOL! Oh, Moons of Mercy, Moons of Light
Guide me in the Darkest Night
Keep me safe from Evil spirit,
send your blessed light to sear it.

Watch the shadows, Watch the lights;
Never shoot till they're in sight.
Hold your rage down, calm your fears
The end comes soon enough for tears

Silvermagess
04/04/2002 5:50 AM

(OOC: That is good to know.)

Fractured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie Part 2

"So you thought you wouldn't invite me huh?! Thought you could get away with it?!" The Dark Farie was quite angry.

"Uh, well you see its just that, uh," the elf king was trying his best not to say what he was thinking as he knew she would rip him a new one.

"Its just uh, you invitation got lost in the mail, uh yah thats it." He was feeling quite proud of himself for coming up with the lame excuse.

"I know you are lying, so I will punish you by punishing you daughter!!" Lightning snaps in the air and everyone screams.

"On her 110th birthday, she will prick he finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and she will become,"pauses for dramtic effect,"a Lesbian!"

Everyone gasps. The Elf Queen faints. The Dark farie banishes in a puff of smoke leaving the room in chaos.

~Later that evening~

The King is pacing around the room and Queen is on the bed balling her eyes out. The king stops in front of the baby's cradle and looks at the little girl.

"I supose we could just love her as she is and support her future life style." He said sounding worn thin.

Sensing an intelligent thought, the queen stood up and said, "We can't do that! We're elves and rich elves at that! We have impossible standards to maintain!"

"You're right, but what are we to do?" The king was at his wit's end.

At that moment in came the 6th farie. "I forgot to give her my blessing and seeing as you are suffering, I will help you." The lights shine on her and you can hear the halluah course.'

"How can you save her though?" Asked the queen.

"While I can't break the spell I can change it. When she pricks her finger, she will fall asleep instead until she is kissed by a man who will love her." The farie was very proud of how clever she was.

The queen was excited too thinking of how she could get her daughter married to a filthy rich sack of filth with just a kiss.

The King though was not an idiot though, he was just whipped. "Whats the catch?"

Smirking the Farie said, "He must be a man you would never want her to marry. Ugly, poor not Elven or Human!?"

The Queen fainted again and the King screamed in rage. As the farie vainished, she thought, Thats for dumping my brother at the senior prom your majesty.

(OOC: Oh, whats going to happen next? Tune in next time. Oh and any elves, lesbians, Faries(spelling intentional)and sleeping beauties reading, this is not meant to be hurtful to you in anyway and if it is I apologize.) "There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
04/05/2002 4:44 AM

(OOC: Get's lonesome here. Well time for the demented story to continue. I will try not to make too many more long installments.)

Fractured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie Part 3

110 years past. Princess Vira grew from an annoying crybaby, to an even more annoying princess. Everyone admired her beauty. But, in secret, the rest of the kingdom was disgusted by her stupidity, arrogance, greed.

The whole time, her parents did everything they could to keep her from touching the spindle. They regulated all spinning wheels and the like to the farthest, poorest reaches of the city since their princess would never go 'slumming'. They also taught her an inborn fear of any domestic appliances in hopes that she would be too afraid to touch an appliance.

The King and Queen were both terrified and excited when the day of her 110th birthday would come. Terrified because something could go wrong and she would be put the sleep only to be awoken by someone not 'worthy' of her.

But, if the day passed without mistrial, they had lined up the very handsome and very rich King Morie. Of course he was also a star quarter back and the most poplar guy at school. But, little did they know, like a lot of those type of guys he would become a total loser, but that is besides the point.

Well, for her birthday, Vira was locked in the tower. She was told they would celebrate tomorrow. Well needless to say she was unhappy. But, even though at first glance, the girl of the really pointy ears may have an airhead, she also had a defiant streak that overode that trait.

It took her about an hour of reasoning before she remebered that her room was floor level and she could easily climb out the window. And, since her parents didn't have much respect for her either, no guards. Regretably she had to leave her credit card or else they would be able to track her.

Still it was a nice day, and she had plenty of time until she had to be back as they were busy planning her engagment party for tomorrow. She mad a face; she wanted a birthday today, not an engament tomorrow. She went for a nice walk, and soon found her self on the edge of town.

As she had never seen the poor section of town, she was too in awe to be arrogant. Eventually she came an old woman in front of her hut spinning. "Oh, whats that?" She asked in excitment.

"Why, that's a spinning wheel dearie. Would you like to help me spin?"

Now, Vira knew she was not supposed to go near a spinning wheel. But, she was feeling a bit defiant today. And, normally she would have been real nasty and said no, but the old lady was so nice and the wheel look like it would be fun.

Well, to make a long thing short, she eventually got her finger pricked and fell into the deep sleep.

(OOC: Next time, weird suiters abound!)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

TolkaninFaznin
04/05/2002 6:14 AM


I will try not to make too many more long installments


((ooc; I've really been enjoying this, Silver!!! By all means, please continue!!!!))

"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Silvermagess
04/07/2002 7:26 AM

(OOC: Thanks!)

Fractured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie part 4

When The princess's prone form was brought back to the castle, her parents were mad with grief.

Suddenly, the King came to his senses. "All we need is some horrible loser to come along and kiss her."

"I refuse to have our daughter marry a loser. Lets just lock her up in a tower. Then we can charge admission!" Dollar signs lighted up in the Queen's eyes.

"I will not be accused of child abuse or neglect!" Screamed the King.

"Well I will not have my...I mean our daughter's future ruined." She yelled back.

And so they continued long into the night. After much yelling and much fighting, they reached an agreement. Sitting there beaten up they worked out the perfect plan. They would put her in a tower guarded by the most terrible beasts and traps.

The winner would be the one who made it up there all the way and waked the princess with a kiss. It was a perfect plan. It would ensure that she might get woken one day and that the guy would have to be good at something.

After many months the place was finally set up and the challangers came pouring in. Of course they had to pass a grueling series of interviews to make sure that if they somehow made it that they would be able to actually wake the princess.

~Contestant 1, Beldar the Repulsive~
The Ogre stood before the tower. "Hmp, puny tower no match for Beldar. Just look at all the sissy flowers its covered in."

Stepping forward, he plucks one in disgust. Suddenly the flower grows to giant size and begans to beat him.

The morning headlines read: Great Warlord Killed by Posie

~Contestant 2, Redbread, the Master Theif~
The half-Kender was half way through the castle. He had made it just barely by virtue of his speed and luck. He comes across a huge beartrap.

"Awe, what a simple mechanism. An amatuer could do this." Unfortnatly, he should have been looking for the bear behind him...

~Contestant 3, Hagar the Not-So-Terrible~
The Drawven Brigand had hoped that by making it though the death trap he could change his name to something better. But, right now he was locked toe-to-toe with a humongous snake.

Finally he managed to choke it in his hands. But, as he continued on the stairs, he slipped and had a long fall...

Things continued like this for along time. Some people stopped trying saying she wasn't worth it. Still, there were always those who wanted to see if they could succeed where none had before. Needless to say they were never heard from again. Oh, who would save Princess Vira?

(OOC: Next time, Prince Charming he ain't.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

[Edited by Silvermagess on Tuesday, April 23, 2002 4:25 AM]

Silvermagess
04/08/2002 5:58 AM

(OOC: I think I can finish this in two maybe three more posts.)

Fractured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie part 5

Now most who new him were pretty sure Asani was the ugliest draconian they had ever seen. The Aurak had been born deformed. His right arm was bigger than the other arm and had a rather huge hand with really big claws.

His teeth hung out crooked and way to large. And his left eye was not only larger than the right one but it kinda bulged out and was slighty green in color. His only good feature was the way his scales shone like gold. But, considering he was an incredibly ugly draco, this didn't help too much. He even made small babies cry.

But, he had made quite a name for himself as an evil guy with an evil temper. He had assasinated many a thorn in side of the dragon armies. He was known as ruthless and cruel. It helped when you had a chip on your shoulder.

But, something terrible had happened. The war ended and he was down on his luck. He became bitter and sacrastic(oh, wait he already was.) He was also in debt due to a bad investment in temples to Takhisis.

Well he was drinking away his troubles at the WOLVA(War of the Lance Veterans Association)when who should approach him but the Debt Collecter.

"Listen you ugly lizard, I want the money now." The DC said.

"Well I don't got any, so you can slink back into that hole you live in!" Asani hated being bugged when he was savoring the moment.

"Hey, my mother's house is not a hole. Now pay up or you're going to jail!!" Yelled the DC.

Asani was taken aback. The pimple faced punk was finally serious. "Uh, buddy you know I didn't mean it. Uh, wait right here while I go get it." This whole time Asani was backing toward the door. The moment he reached he bolted.

"You can run but you can't hide!! We know where you live!!" Screamed the DC.

"Damn he's right! But, there is no way I am just turning myself in. I wonder how long I can stay on the run?"

~3 years later~

Asani still couldn't believe he had been wandering for three years straight. He had lost what ever money he had left on the road. He was at the end of his rope.

He had found himself in some really obscure elven kingdom. As he wander through it, he was seriously considering letting himself be throughen in jail for debt.

"I mean all the kender say that the jail food is good. But, then again they love almost everything."

As he was comptemplating this he bumped into a young elf.

"Watch were you are going!" Hissed Asani.

"Ah, sorry sir. I uh, wait you would be perfect for that!" said the young elf.

"Perfect for what?"

"Just head up to the castle. You could be the lucky winner!!" Said the elf boy in excited tones.

"Winner of what?" Proably an early death. Then again, what do I have to lose.

"Sure why not. Thanks kid."

(OOC: Next Time, Our 'hero' must enter into the tower! Will he survive!!)



"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
04/09/2002 5:53 AM

(OOC: Okay, fine I admit, that I don't know when this will end. And before our hero enters the tower, he do a little interview...)

Asani came up to the palace. One of the guards say him and cried out, "It looks like you must be here for the contest."

"Uh, yeah." Asani muttered.

"Come this way." Said the guard. The guard led him into a room with a desk where there sat a young elf woman in red. The guard left the room.

The elf smiled and said,"Please sit sir." As Asani sat down she grabed a pen and a stack of papers. "Before you can particpate in the contest we must conduct a little interview for our own future referance and so that we can see if you qualify."

"Uh, okay shoot." Said Asani.

~What it looked like after they were done~

Full Name: Asani Grultaka Titles: Spy, Soldier, ect.

Race: Aurak, Draconian.

Permanent Address: War of the Lance Association, Nereka Branch
6606 Takky Street
Neraka, NK 22321

3 Personal References: Nobody who is alive to tell the tale.

Personal Income: $0. Hobbys? Devising New ways to Assaisnate people, sitting down with a good book, and kender ball.

Skills? Run like hell, backstabbing, a reasonably good lier, works hard and is moderatly intelligent.


"Well, it will take us about an hour to process this. Just wait in the lobby."

(OOC: Next time, well I think you have some idea of whats going to happen.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
04/10/2002 5:34 AM

(OOC: Here we go. If anyone has suggestions for what should be done after this one, please tell me. Today, mission proposed and reluctantly accepted.)

Fractured Fairy Tales
Sleeping Cutie Part 7

The King and Queen had finally finished the Application. They had a lot of time as this was the first one they had gotten in a year.

"Well, this is all very good looking...First Draconian we've had ain't he?" Said the King with the air of someone who had done this a million times and had lost any enchanment he had with it.

"Yes." The Queen said tightly. She had grown bitter as each potential hero/husband only became worse and worse.

"But," said the king to the girl who had administered the test, "what does he look like?"

"Personally, I think he would make small children cry and cause old folk to flee the streets!" She said this very brightly and cheerfully.

~Meanwhile~

Asani sat in waiting room. Dull, yet pleasant music played. He was reading a copy of "Time." This happened to be the commemortive issue on Ariakus.

At this moment in came two guards.

"Mister Grultaka, you have passed the exam and are all set to go, we just need you to sign this."

He was about to read it, but the guard jerked it away. "Don't read it, just sign!" He yelled.

"Alright, Alright, geez!" Asani decided it was better not to argue. "Okay done. Happy?"

"Now, come this way."

They lead him to the tower.

"Um, excuse me guys, but no one has told me what this contest is. It would be really nice if I knew..." Said Asani.

"Well you see-"Said the younger guard. The older guard elbowed him. And then took him aside.

"Listen," he whispered in the others ear, "their majesties said that the more the contestants don't know, the better."

"That makes no sense sir."

"If he knew what was in there he would split. We can't afford to keep losing challangers."

Turning back to Asani with big, fake grins on their faces, the older guard said, "Well its really quite simple..."

~Later~

Well, the guard had explained everything. Though he had left out just how bad it was in there, and that there was a princess in there. And somehow a big pile of gold had made it in.

"So all I have to do is make it through that tower and the treasure is mine?" Asked Asani, sounding unsure.

"Yes, my friend, thats all there is to it!" Nodded the older Guard.

Now, Asani knew that something was amiss, but like most mortals, the mention of all that money, had muddled his usual thought processes.

"I'll do it!"

Freedom from debt, here I come!

What perils await our hero in the tower?

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

[Edited by Silvermagess on Thursday, April 11, 2002 5:28 AM]

Slyknife
04/10/2002 2:40 PM

((OOC: For anyone who has heard, read, seen, or even though about the anime Comic Fist of the north star))

Kenshiro as a boy trained hard, but at first was a little bad with his accuracy, and in his first battle it showed. Ken poked a spot he though was the Tanji point, which would make his enemies head explode, but what he heard was,

"Ow, why did you poke me in the eye? Who the hell taught you how to fight? I'm going home you sissy." The fighter said

Ken reacted quickly saying, "No really that was a point I was suposed to make you're head explode by hitting that."

The man looked at him, and was confused... "You're a looney, you know that right?""With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

Silvermagess
04/11/2002 5:48 AM

(OOC: Weird, but I guess I am just not getting it as I don't know what 'Fist of the North Star' is about. Well, as long as other people are posting, I am very happy. Please post any time people. Especially if you have something good.)

Fratured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie part 8(I think...)

Asani entered the tower and heard the door lock. He looked around. Try to picture the most lethal dungeon in all of existance, and you would come close to seeing what he saw. (Basically, won't go into detail as I am lazy.)

He sighed. "Geez, sure hope I know what I am getting myself into. Well no turning back now."

He went forward.

~Seven floors later~

"huh, huh," he was still trying to catch his breath, "I hate...stupid...Ettercaps!"

Our hero was covered in dust, blood, some slime, spider webbing and some mini bear traps.

He sat at on the steps and began to try to get himself reasonable clean.

"Geez, no wonder they were hiding something. No one in his right mind would go in here. I wonder how many floors I have left?"

He looked at the wall. On it was 7/100. His eyes bugged out. "I..am...definatly...a goner."

"Wait a minute. He saw it right there covered in vines as it was, anyone would have missed it. An elevator.

"Oh, praise what ever god thought to put this here."

He had to use his strength to pry the door open as it was stuck. Getting in he pressed button 100. Ah, things are finally looking up.

Suddenly it started speeding up and strange lights started blinking. "Uh, oh." Asani started looking around for a switch, but instead found a sign that said, "Made in Mt. Nevermind."

"Oh, crud!"

Suddenly it came to a sudden stop and caught on fire. Asani despertly ramed his shoulder into the door. On the third try it open. He ran out and hit the dirt. The elevator blew up. Stupid Gnomes.

"Well," he said as he looked at the writing on the walls, "at least I am on floor 100."

(OOC: Our hero has made it. But, will it really be easy sailing?)
"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Slyknife
04/11/2002 2:35 PM

((OOC: I figured as much, nobody cares about quality anime anymore, But I shall explain. Fist of the North star has a main character Kenshiro (Ken) and he knows a bunch of interesting styles, but he also has the ability to poke a certain pressure spot (Tsubo) and then someone will have certain effects from them. Like explodeing, melting, being paralyzed, being torn limb from limb, crushing things with their bare hands, these are all examples. And Ken as a child, wasn't accurate, hence the humor. Okay well I'll post another one about something else sometime later, byes!))"With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

Slyknife
04/14/2002 7:29 AM

((OOC: Here's another wild style from Fist of the North Star, needlessly mocked.))

Rei was practicing his style, The Fist of the southern cross, was branched out and had hundreds of masters, Rei was only one of the many. He emphasised on the Crane branching, his graceful movements when executed right with perfect focus and 'chi' balance could allow him to cleanly slice an object with his bare hands.

Rei was cutting rocks. Kenshiro, now a master was sitting by Bat, his young adventurer (theif) friend. They were both amazed with the grace and discipline in Nantouseken, (The Fist of the southern cross.) Finally bat spoke up, "You know Ken, he could get a job as a sushi chef, no problem."

"WHAT?!?" Rei yelled.

"Nothing." Bat said, running back to his dune buggy, "I have to go pick up Lynne and my laundry... yeah, I'll be back... later.""With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

Silvermagess
04/15/2002 5:36 AM

(OOC: Haven't been able to post for a while for a couple of reasons. 1. The computer was being stupid. 2. Yesterday, I had yard work...ugh!"

Fractured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie part 9(are we really still counting?)

Asani had been stalking through the corridors for many hours. The odd thing was that there were no traps. No monsters. The place was about as dangerous as an art museum. Which was why he was so worried. Asani hated musuems.

Suddenly he saw a sign that said, "This way to Princess." Huh, what princess? Hm, must be a name for some valuable piece of art or something. Well might as well go that way as I have nothing better to do.

He opened the door and jumped a few feet. Sitting there was the typical dragon from the stories. And as this is Kinda Krynn it was the red version.

"Oh, Double crud." He said to his self. Now most adventurers, especially draconians(all dragons really hate them)would have run a way. But, not Asani. He had a death wish.

He drew the two rather large bowie knives he had and prepared to fight. The dragon drew in air preparing to breath fire. Asani ducked behind a piece of rubble preparing for the worst. Suddenly the dragon clutched it's chest and fell over dead. Having nothing but drunk food for three years and virtually no exersize can do that to you.

"If any one asks, I killed it." He said to his self.

He went into the next room and stood there stupified. It was like out of some animated flick. There on a really fancy bed layed some really pretty elf lady out cold(Princess Vira!, Princess Vira!)

"What the abyss?!" Suddenly a light clicked on and Asani realized he had been doped. "No way...no way! I am outta here!"

Wait a minute, he thought to himself, if I leave, I have to go back through that rat hole. But, there is nothing up here of value and nothing worth taking. Well unless you count the elf girl. Suddenly a light wen't on. I got it! If I wake her up then maybe she will know the way out of here.

He walked up to the bed and looked at her. Gosh, she sure has pointy ears. Really big pointy ears. Well, I guess I am supposed to kiss her or something.

He leans down and kisses her. We see her eyes begin to flutter and...

(OOC: The final chapters will come. Till then see ya!)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
04/18/2002 5:41 AM

(OOC: Should be two more for this one or less. Its going to be a bumpy ride the next few weeks for me. My spring semester is almost over so it's crunch time. And I finally got a job!! I finally love the world again!)

Fractured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie part 10(this is the post that goes on and on my friend...)

Eyes that hadn't opened in 3 years opened. Meanwhile, Asani was wiping his mouth off. (Hey, she hasn't brushed her teeth in 3 years, what do you expect.)

Princess Vira sat up and looked around blinking. She saw Asani and screamed. "What are you doing here? When? Where? Why?"

"Uh, calm down who ever you are and I will explain." Asani said nervously, surprised something that looked so delicate could be so loud.

~An hour later and after their stories are told~

"And so you see I wasn't trying to do anything bad to you. Now if you would just tell me where the treasure is..." He said.

But, Vira's long dormant mind was racing(not that it was much of a feat.)
Wow, awakened by a kiss. Its just like out of a dream! Well the man isn't what I had in mind...in fact he sure is ugly...but, still deep down he must be like a knight in shining armor. Yes, I simply must marry him! It'll be like "Beauty and the Beast."

"Oh, the treasure your thinking of isn't material." She said this with a clever smirk.

"If this is peace and the secret of eternal life, I'll..." Asani was getting a little annoyed. He hadn't nearly died at least fourty times for nothing.

"Why silly, it's my hand in marriage!" Vira cried out as she glomped him.

Asani stood there stupified. "Marr...iage!? Why would I...marry you!?"

"Because you were the one who woke me with a kiss. Don't you know your fairy tales!?"

Now it was Asani's turn to think. There were three parts of him at the moment. One part still didn't comprehend what was going on as it was still trying to figure out the word marriage.

The Second part was filled with the typical fear of commitment. The third part, however small was jumping up and down. Ha, hah, and they said I would never find a woman who could stand me! Suckers, look at what I got!

Finally Asani came to some form of sense. "Uh, listen, while this is uh, nice, we are still trapped in this tower and need a way to get out. And I don't think I can make it down there with you in tow seeing as how I only made it up here because of dumb luck."

"Oh, just come to the window here." She said matter of factly. She indicated a really long rope ladder.

"We always keep one here for emergencies. Never no when one of the staff will go postal. But, it is awfully far down..." She said sadly.

Far down, thats an understatement. You couldn't even see the bottom.

"Well, its better then the tower. Come on climb on my back. It will be safer that way."

"Oh, you are so brave!" She squeled as she climbed on. He grimaced.

So they started their descent down the ladder.

(OOC: The tale is almost finished, but has yet to be well done.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

[Edited by Silvermagess on Monday, April 22, 2002 4:53 AM]

Slyknife
04/21/2002 8:33 AM

((OOC: Realizing my blatent humor in yet another annoyed, I decided to make a variation in here))

Cecil the Paladin and White mage the cleric walked through the dark hall with Cale Swiftbottom their rogue following. A Skeleton charges them and White Mage tries to rebuke, and does.

The next thing he knows he feels a tugging, and turns, Cale just got his holy symbol... "TIME FOR THE 1D4 BITCHSLAP OF ADJUSTMENT!!!" White Mage yells, slapping the player of Cale in the face.

"Damned newbies..." the player of White mage says."With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

TolkaninFaznin
04/21/2002 10:46 PM

((Wheee!!! I love this Silvermagess, it's great . . . and on a side note; 'Glomped' . . .you wouldn't happen to have any connection with FictionAlley, would you?))"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Silvermagess
04/22/2002 5:24 AM

(OOC: Fanfiction Alley, never heard of that one. I usually go to fanficton.net for all my fanfiction needs. Great site, but the pop-ups are very annoying.)

Fractured Fairytales

Sleeping Cutie part 11(Oh, the Humanity! Will this madness ever end!?)

It had been awhile and they had already climbed down to the 80th floor. Asani even though he was strong was getting tired already.

Why did I skip gym? And why did I always chicken out on climbing the stupid rope!?

Of course it didn't help that he had an annoying elf princess on his back. It wasn't that she was heavy(she was amazingly light, being an elf and a princess after all.) The problem was she was planning her future or should we say their future.

"Oh, I know someone who just makes the most lovely wedding cakes too! We can get one with six layers. And it will be chocalate. I mean you look like you like chocolate. Well, everyone likes chocolate. Well, unless their allergic to it...so I guess we will have both white and chocolate cake..."

~At the 60th Floor~

"And we simply have to invite the Duchess of Palanthas. She is simply the best interior designer in the world. Or so I hear. I mean if she comes from Palanthas she must be..."

~At the 40th Floor~

"Oh, we will invite some of the common people. It would be rude to do otherwise. Plus, this way they get a taste of the style and substance they will never have. Plus they must miss me terribly..."

~At the 10th Floor~

Asani's arms were aching and he was exhausted. Just 10 more floors! Just 10 more! You can do it.

It didn't help that Vira was still babbling. He hadn't been really paying attention until...

"And then for the honeymoon we can go all the way to the Blood Sea Isles. I hear its susposed to be beautiful this time of year. And romantic." She said with a grin.

Asani seized up. What does she mean by romantic!? What do you think she means moron!? What do you think happens on a honeymoon!?

Suddenly he lost all his remaining energy and fell. Lucky for them that big tree that was conviently there broke their fall so that all they got were a few scrapes.

"Was it something I said?" Vira asked in confusion.

Suddenly the guards appeared along with the King and Queen.

"Vira!!" They cried as they ran out to get her.

Next time, is it really going to be Happy ever after?

(OOC: I think one more really long post, or two shorter ones will finish this one up.)







"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

[Edited by Silvermagess on Monday, April 22, 2002 5:25 AM]

Silvermagess
04/23/2002 4:51 AM

(OOC: I chose not to wait as a long this time.)

Fractured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie Part 12(one post to rule them all...)

~A little while later at a Banquet after everyone explained everything~

"I have really been out that long!?" Cried Princess Vira. Her voice got grating when she whined.

"Now Dear..."the king started.

"Oh, well at least I get to get married now!" She cried happily as she grabbed Asani's arm.

The Queen's eyes bugged out in disgust. The King wasn't too happy either. Neither of them had planned on the guy who finnaly winned being a guy like this. They had expected someone maybe a little homely and plain, not a deformed draconian who if their papers were right was just a little evil.

Now if they had known what Asani had been thinking everything that would happen soon would have been very different.

Truth was Asani hadn't been expecting marriage. In retrospect, he wish he had died in the tower. It wasn't that he was opposed to marriage per se, it was the woman. Sure he thought she was very pretty and even a little sexy, but she was a little spoiled. And she didn't seem to have much common sense. And a little snotty too.

The King and the Queen had been whispering among themselves and had come to some very important conclusions.

1. They couldn't have this guy related to them. It wasn't going to happen.

2. They couldn't have this guy running the kingdom. It just wouldn't do(Now you may be asking why not have Vira be in charge. Com'n, these are the people who were happy when she was givin the gift of being an airhead. Believers of feminism they are not.)

"Listen Vira, we have decided that you don't have to marry this guy. We didn't expect him to win. It would be unfair to force you to marry him because of our little mistake." The Queen said in a sugar sweet tone.

"But, Mommy, Daddy I really do love him!?" Vira cried out.

The mouths of everyone in the room dropped 3 feet.

"But, look at him! He is repulsive! Even if he wasn't deformed, he is definatly not an elf!" The King cried in shock.

"I have to agree with you father on that one." Said Asani, looking confused.

"I don't care I love him! Besides you promised that who ever won would get to marry me! I refuse to back down on a promise!" Everyone in the room was stupified once more. No one had ever known that she had a spine.

"Guards, lock my daughter in her room and throw him in the dungeon!" Yelled the king.

Woah, talk about a little family disagreement. How does it all end?"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Vortex21
04/23/2002 5:47 PM

NOOOOOOOOO it has to finish. FAIL I DONT CARE JUST FINISH PLEASE. See im new here and i started to read this fourom today you have to finish.

Dumm dummm dumm dumm dumm dummmmmm (dramatic reverb from starwars) AND WHO IS THORN + nobodys been posting!!! why!!! I joined three threads and they been the same for four days! And there new well kind of new.

Silvermagess
04/25/2002 6:48 AM

(OOC: Uh, Okay...I will see what I can do. But, I don't know what everyone else is doing that they have been unable to post.)

Fractured Fairy Tales

Sleeping Cutie Part 13(13 the unluckiest number of all...)

Asani had been in the dungeon for an hour when he finally picked the lock. Hey, he wasn't the top of his class in infiltration for nothing.

He eaisly made it out and was about to go when a thought struck him.

What about Vira? Well what about her? She is your fiancee that's what! I never wanted her for a fiancee! You didn't plan it, but you weren't completly disapointed either. Okay, I will give you that one, but what I am susposed to do about it.

What do you think you susposed to do!? Save her you idiot! Besides this way it will romantic too. She seems to like that kinda thing ya know...

~Meanwhile as Asani came up with brilliant plan to rescue her~

The moment she had been locked in her room, Vira had quickly entered the secret passage way and was just now getting out.

Come on Vira, think like you've never thought in your life. This isn't no fairy tale. You have to save you future husband to be.

Just as she was begining to get the inkling of a plan, she bumped into Asani.

They both stared at each other for a moment. "Well, this is very convient." Said Vira.

"Uh, yeah. Listen, uh do you uh, want to," he was stammering trying to get the words to come, "run, uh away with me?"

She grinned and hugged him. "See, I knew you loved me!"

"Uh, maybe. But, lets get out of here before they find out we are missing."

So they ran off into the night.

~What happened after~

The queen and king were beyond grief that their sole heir had run off like that. But, fate smiled upon them when their long lost son turned up. Sure, he was now a cross dresser, but that was better then no future ruler.

The tower was turned into a amusment park. The most dangerous ride being the gnome elevator.

As for Asani's debts, Vira used her credit card to pay them off. Since then they have been living happily. Well as happily as such a couple can live.

Vira still wants an expensive wedding. And she also wish's that Asani would cut out the spy buisness as it's evil. And plus, she is getting a little eager to get intimate.

Asani finds her arrogance and loud mouth to get the on his nerves but is otherwise pretty happy right know. If only he could find the perfect enagment ring...

The End(For now...)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Dogar_Setton
04/25/2002 8:47 AM

:D :D :D
Silvermagess, I have to say that this thread is the funniest thing I've read in a while, I really think you should start an actual adventure thread about these characters in the forum. I know I'd join........ " If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to you.........Chase it Down!!!
P.O.1 Nestor

Vortex21
04/25/2002 2:34 PM

,Nod pretty good. Sorry all my earler posts. I was kind of new having no idea what to do. Now i have a good idea and i wont type fast like usaull. Actully i did a pretty good job on that phenex thread i joined and JOE ARE YOU STILL DOING THE HUNT THREAD. Im not sure on the name of the thread.Well i just relized you all have some damn good signatures. Im thinking of making this my signature tell me what you think.

"Life is a cycle if it breaks keep on walking
if ya fall get back up."

Just post or e-mail
me if ya like it.

Flandrake
04/28/2002 2:45 PM

Occ: ok ok I got a good one it may be a little short but I think it will be funny.

As the gully dwarves came together in Pax Tharaxas they all put their small dead animals in the air and charged the dracionions.
"Sir 100 of are troopes have been beaten to death by dead fury animals"
"Impossiple the gully dwarves aren't that strong"
"Well as soon as they get within 2 feet of the gully dwarves they fall on the ground in uncontrolable spasems."
"Hmmmmmm, it seems that we must use the aid of our many dragons".
"Um Sir, the gully dwarves have already taken out all but one dragon, and that dragon flew away yelping".
"Well then we must............." ,the door breaks down and hundreds of dirty little gully dwarves come in and say, " There are two no more than two left in this castle".

____________________________________________________________

"Do, or do not, there is no try" -Yoda "Empire Strikes Back"

Silvermagess
04/29/2002 3:12 PM

(OOC: That was great!! You have talent.)

List of Krynn's top 5 grossing Plays of all time...

5. Death of a Dragon Highlord

4. The Sound of Chaos

3. A Funny Thing Happened on the way to The Inn of The Last Home

2. Kender on the Roof

1. Gully Drawves

(OOC: Next time, the Ansalonian Ballet! And, as for the suggestion about the thread, I might, but first I have to take care of somethings.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Vortex21
04/29/2002 3:45 PM

(OOC: err im kinda new at this but i'll give it a try.)

5 things NOT to say to Lord Soth

5- Hey you eyes are glowy.

4- Is that your wife?

3- Do you like elven wine?

2- You ever think about polising your helmet?

1- Ya know im an elf!When one looses their will to live they
die not phisicly but in spirit
-Michael Brennan

Silvermagess
04/30/2002 5:54 AM

The Solomic Knight Darran held his dying mentor, the knight Cray in his arms.

"Darran, I have taught you everything I know,"*cough, cough*, "now I can go to my grave secure in the knowledge that my legacy will go on." Cray's eyes roll back in his head and he dies.

"Master, I will...avenge you!" Says Darran.

Suddenly Cray pops up. "One more thing. Make sure to get some milk. We are out." The master falls dead again."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

TolkaninFaznin
04/30/2002 6:58 AM

A spaceship lands in a small clearing. Tanis, Caramon, Raistlin, Tass, Flint, and Sturm crouch in the brush on the edge, having just come upon the spectecle and remained wary of the inhabitants.

The spaceship opens. Three beings desced; short, with overlarge-brains held within clear dome tops. Their faces were slightly human, and very skeletal. They stop and look around, seeming nervous.

Tanis, dropping a glance to Sturm, rose and approached the three.

"Good day . . ." He said hesitantly, "I am Tanis Half-Elven. Do you need any help?"

"Gnah gnah!" Said one of the strange beings.

"Gnah gnah gnah?" Said another.

"Gnah gnah!!!! gnahgnahgnahgnahgnahgnah!!!!!"

The three starting bickering, and Tanis stood silently, not wanting to interrupt something he couldn't understand. He looked over at the others.

Then . . .

"Gnah."

There was a blast of orange lazer, and Tanis was naught more than a stump of charred bones.

"Gnah gnah?

"Gnah . . . gnah gnah gnah!"

The strange beings boarded their ship, and zoomed away, happy with their actions."Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

[Edited by TolkaninFaznin on Tuesday, April 30, 2002 6:58 AM]

Silvermagess
05/01/2002 5:53 AM

(OOC: You lost me when Tanis died. Until then it was funny. But, what I am going to put down here will proably upset some people.)

Kitara's return

Listen to this tale of grief, so that you might learn the folly of bad timing.

It was when the war of souls was going down. Kitara uth Matar, the Blue Lady, some how found herself alive and well on Ansalon.

Well Kit was not one to reason why and decided she had best get to work taking over the world. But, first, she needed a man for those lonely nights and to have dinner on the table by seven.

So she decided to look up Tanis half-elven. Unfortunatly, when she got to his house, she was quite dismayed to find out that he was dead and had been for a long time.

Now she was in a bit of fix. She couldn't go to Dalamar who had broken up with her in the most violent of ways. In fact as she looked over the list of all her old lovers she relized that they had either died or hated her guts.

Well, there was Lord Soth, but he was already dead and had wanted grant her a similer state.

Suddenly a light went on in her head. Skie. Ever faithful, ever loyal. Surely he would stand by her. As for the fact that he was a dragon, that could be worked out.

So she searched the lands far and wide until at last she found poor wounded Skie.

She offered Skie her proposal. "Um Kitara, while there was a time I was so in love with you that I went crazy, I relized something about myself that makes it quite impossible. I'm gay."

Kitara was stunned and left in an instance. Should have known. He always did seem to be able to pick out the best outfit for me.

Kitara decided she didn't want to live in a world where Kitara uth Matar had no power over men. So she left for Taladas deciding she would rather conquer a place where men would actually appreciate her.

The moral of this story is...True Love must not be left out of the fridge or else it goes sour.

(OOC: I did not mean this to offend anyone. I like Kitara. I like Skie and I know he isn't gay. This was just an idea that came into my head.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/02/2002 5:45 AM

Krynnish Soap Opreas

All My Majeres

General Inn

The Ends of Our Ages

Port Palanthas

As The Three Moons Turn

The Bold and The Handlers"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/03/2002 5:35 AM

Lines from Movies that we wish they would say but never will.

Strum to Steel BrightBlade

In a deep voice, "Steel, I am you father."

Ariakus before he dies...

"Rosebud."

Caramon leaving Tika to go on some great adventure and she doesn't want him to...

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Before we leave, one more star wars reference...Raistlin is fighting when these words come to his mind.

"Raistlin, use the force."


"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/04/2002 5:20 AM

(OOC: I know I say this a million times and I am starting to sound like a broken record. But I still feel compelled to say it. If you have something to post that is even slightly amusing, then please post it.)

Songs that we will never get to hear them sing(which is proably for the best.)

Laurana

"Barbie Girl"

Raistlin

"Real Slim Shady" revised to the "Real Slim Raist"

Kitara

"Whip it"

Caramon

"Mellow Yellow" (Hey, this is hard okay.)

Bupu

"On Top of Spaggehtti"

(OOC: All I can think of right now.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Kalia_Majere
05/04/2002 1:06 PM

lol!!


How's this sound Silvermagess??

Chaos: Where where you when the world stoped turning?

Takhisis: She's a Maniac

Paladine: Point of Light

Gilean:......(yea right...I'm not that good!! lol)



I'll try to think of more
Storms Do not respond to heartfelt pleas
all the words of man cannot calm the seas.
Nature-Always Beneficent And Cruel-
will not change for a wise man or a fool

Slyknife
05/04/2002 7:15 PM

Tas's song
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts", but he gets a few lines wrong.

"I've got a lovely bunch of people's stuff,
there it is just sitting in a row,
big stuff small stuff,
stuff as big as my head...""With the slightest twitch of my magey hands, I could explode you completely dead. And it would be messy so there! " Black mage, 8-bit Theatre.

Silvermagess
05/05/2002 5:27 AM

(OOC: Great stuff from the both of you.)

5 ways to tell if your priest is evil

5. He insists that you kill all the kender, gnomes, gully drawves, and natural animal life in the area.

4. When he casts clerical spells, he sounds really creepy like from some lame horror movie.

3. He always refers to his god as "Dark Lord," "Lady of Chaos," "He who makes children weep," ect, ect.

2. He always uses virgin sacrifices.

1. He wears black robes,(duh!)

If your priest or other fellow party member shows any of these signs, get out the holy water."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

TolkaninFaznin
05/05/2002 7:25 PM

Genres that flopped;

Kender Horror movies
Masterpiece Theatre with Bupu
AEWF -- Ansalon Elven Wrestling Federation (first to break a nail loses!)
Dwarven Symphonic Orchestra
Animal Planet Dragon Mating Habit Documentaries ((well, there goes another Irwin . . . someone get the spare))"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Silvermagess
05/06/2002 4:16 AM

5 ways to tell If your Priest is good

5. She stands up for everyone.

4. When she chants it sounds like a glorious, life affirming song.

3. Shes says "Make love, not war."

2. She dresses in white, Duh.

1. She has a friendly relationship with her god.

If your cleric or fellow party member exhibits any of these signs, make her watch "The Exorcist"

(OOC: Tomorrow, those Red Robes and their signs.) "There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/07/2002 5:57 AM

And to finish our priest awarness segment...

5 ways to tell if your priest is neutral

5. Only stands up for the people she likes.

4. She chants whatever way she wants.

3. She goes on about balance and sounds really self-rightous.

2. Calls her god/goddess by descriptive titles that are shared by all races.

1. Wears red robes.(triple duh!)

If your priest displays any of these symptoms, sick a black or white robbed priest on them."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/08/2002 5:33 AM

Ads you might find in an Ansalonian Dating service

Caramon Majere

Human Warrior seeks hot woman to spend time with. Must be fun and not mind the simple things in life. Must also be able to get along with my brother.

Raistlin Majere

Black Robed Mage seeks white robbed cleric who doesn't mind a man with long term career goals in mind. Should be able to tolorate oaffish brother.

Tanis Half-Elven

Half Elf seeks either hot warrior babe or sweet elven princess. Maybe even both.

Lord Soth

Death Knight looks for woman who looks like long lost hot warrior babe. Likes to spend long nights at home being serenaded.

Tas Burfoot

Kender seeks fun kender gal. Must be quick with nimble fingers and have lots of niffty things to borrow."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

[Edited by Silvermagess on Wednesday, May 8, 2002 5:34 AM]

Silvermagess
05/09/2002 6:01 AM

More Ads(this its the ladies)

Laurana

Young, Naive elf seeks strong man knowledgelbe in the ways of the world. A beard is a must.

Tika

Young ex-con seeking strong handsome man. Must not mind women with red curly hair.

Kitara

Dragon Highlord seeks handsome man for a fling. Dead people need not apply.

Goldmoon

Priestess seeks a strong silent type that speaks his mind. Must be willing to go on a dangerous quest.

Silvara

Kagonesti elf seeks man who doesn't mind dragons. Is willing to work around that though."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/10/2002 6:00 AM

(OOC: I have a question that I need someone to answer for my sanity... What does lol stand for!!? What the h*** does it mean!?)

A few new versions of '99 bottles of Beer on the Wall'

Kender version....

99 shiny things on the wall,
99 shiny things on the wall,
you handle one and pass it around...

Solomic Knight version....

99 codes and measures in the book,
99 codes and measures in the book,
you read one aloud and flip the page...

Gully drawf version....

More then two rats in the hole,
More then two rats in the hole,
you put one in the stew and get another..."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Dogar_Setton
05/10/2002 6:28 AM


(OOC: I have a question that I need someone to answer for my sanity... What does lol stand for!!? What the h*** does it mean!?)



:D

Thank God I've found someone as Internet Inept as I am..........

I've wondered what the hell that meant for a long time Silver, and a few days ago someone told me it meant "Laugh Out Loud" you see......

Weird, I know, but there's more too, haven't figured them out yet..........
"If at first you don't succeed...... destroy all evidence that you tried."
- Dorothy (Dot) Kirby

Silvermagess
05/11/2002 4:28 PM

(OOC: Thanks a bunch!)

Versions of the Legends we are glad we wont see...

Dragonlance as a teen romance movie

Dragonlance as Survival horror

Dragonlance as Survivor

Dragonlance as Sailor Moon

Dragonlance as a Broadway Musical

Dragonlance as a Sitcom

Dragonlance as a western

Dragonlance as a Soap Oprea

(OOC: Actually Maybe a few of these aren't such a bad idea...)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Kalia_Majere
05/11/2002 7:07 PM

:( Hey! I Tried the Sailor Moon one!!! .......:'( It didn't work though......

WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Is there some meaning to this life?
What purpose lies behind the strife?
Whence doe we come? Where are we bound?
Through each day, each lonely night
We long to find the splendid light
That will cast a revelatory beam
Upon the neaning of the human dream

thistledown
05/12/2002 10:54 AM

A dragonlance musical sounds funThe sword, it thirsts to drink of man.
The sword, at last must win.
Today is gone, and yesterday,
Must echo in the wind.

TolkaninFaznin
05/12/2002 10:06 PM

I tried Dragonlance as Harry Potter, but it didn't work because I didn't read all four at that point (but I have now :) )"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Silvermagess
05/13/2002 6:14 AM

(OOC: It is really hard to think of new stuff to put here every day...)

A goblin sat under a tree reading a book. A taller goblin came up and asked, "Bruk, watcha reading that could possibly be worth reading?"

"Oh, hi Guu. Its something called "Lord of the Rings."

"Wow, thats a pretty thick book." Said Guu.

"There are two more in the series that are just as thick." Said Bruk.

"What!? And you reading it?"

"Well, yeah, there is some pretty good stuff in here."

"Like what?"

"Well, there are these funny men called hobbits, some weird renegade mage call Gandalf, elves, humans, drawves and magic rings...and even goblins."

"A book that has actual goblins in it! Wow, neato! Do they also follow takhisis?"

"No they follow Sauron, who is like The Dark Queen except he is very strange...like her except crazy. Plus there is all the senseless killing and violence they perpetuate."

(OOC: I am quiting right now because I don't know enough about lord of the rings to make anymore fun of it.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

TolkaninFaznin
05/13/2002 11:41 AM

Suddenly, Aragorn rides through on Hasufel (sp?), his sword Anduril gleaming.

"Alright, who's making fun of Tolkien?"

((couldn't resist))"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Vortex21
05/13/2002 2:49 PM

I am said Stupido Lord of the Retards!

((OOC: sry it just poped in my head!))WHO SAID NECROMANCERS ARN'T ALLOWED TO TALK A LOT!!!

Silvermagess
05/14/2002 7:52 PM

(OOC: Once again another uninspired post by me...)

Fox tv specials

When Kender Attack...

Who wants to marry Raistlin...

Worlds Scariest Dragon Collisions..."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/16/2002 6:26 AM

Magrer finally had returned from her reluctant journey to toril.

"Ah, its good to be home. Back where we don't have as many gods to worry about. Only dragon highlords now. And not all the magic messing up everything either..."

The drawf maiden went found the nearest tarven in her home town to get a refreshing ale and the latest news.

"Hi, everyone!"
~A few hours and a couple glasses later~

Everyone thought she was dead and since a year had passed, there was a lot of filling in to do.

Among the most suprising things...

Hagar got married to Lugin which was strange as they had hated each other. And Lugin was her boyfriend and Hagar her sister.

They cancelled "Cooking with Alchol"

The drawven nation collapsed and was now ruled by the evil dragon highlord, the most diminutive and cute, Flitter the Pixie Dragon.

Upon hearing all this odd news Magrer packed up all her bags and got up to go. Everyone asked, "Where are you going!?"

"Back to Toril! At least there nothing will have changed! Especailly in such a weird way!"

The moral of the story...Never ever, whatever you do, get sucked up into another dimension, time, world, ect,.

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/20/2002 6:53 AM

(OOC: I am back to this thread!!! Yes, yes!! It is another saga!)

"Flitter the Pixie dragon's quest to rule the world begins" part 1...A tyrant is born...

Many people didn't know it, but there was a type of dragon on Krynn call a pixie dragon. Pixie Dragons grew to be as big as a house cat. They had huge butter fly wings and were as colorful as a humming bird. And they were soo Cute!!

Pixie dragons lived in secluded little dew soaked valleys where they were content to play and frolic all day. All except one.

The day Flitter was born, the DOW dropped by 50. It was said all the chocalate bars that little children had just disapeared. You see unlike most pixie dragons, Flitter was pure evil.

She was a little shimmering ruby terror. Well, by pixie dragon standards she was. She was the one knocked all the seeds of the dandilions before the others could. She was the one who stole the tooth fairy money and kicked the poor fairy in the behind.

Well, one day Flitter heard of the great dragon highlord Malys. "Hey, if some big blimp like that can take over a section of the land then something as small as I should be able to take over all of Krynn."

It would be important to note here that Flitter's reasoning abilities have always escaped logic.

"First this valley, then the world...Ha, ha, ha ha!" The other pixie dragons didn't pay her any mind though. Flitter tried bullying and ranting and even raving, but the other pixie dragons just ignored her. (hey, she is as crazy as an unscrewed lightbulb.)

In despair, Flitter wished on a falling star that she might be shown the way. She then went to sleep and in her dreams was visted by an angelic messenger.

"Little Flitter, what is it that you desire to know?" Said an imperious voice.

"Oh, tell me how I might take over the world."

The messenger merely collapsed, but quickly righted himself.

"Uh, to do that you must, leave this valley. Uh, yeah. From there you must go seek the legendary wizard of nod. He will give you what you need to take over the world."

Suddenly Flitter woke up. "Yes, off to the Wizard of Nod!!"

And so Flitter left the valley to find the Wizard of Nod. There was just one problem. She didn't know where to find him.

(OOC: Next time, a companion and the road to the Wizard.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/21/2002 6:57 AM

(OOC: The History of the most outragous DragonHighlord ever continues....)

"Flitter the Pixie Dragon's quest to rule the world has started" part 2...We're off to find the wizard...after we make a little stop...

Flitter had been traveling for two days and had yet to come across anyone who knew how to find the Wizard of Nod. She was begining to get frustrated.

"How is anyone susposed to find a stick in the mud wizard when he doesn't even tell anyone where he lives."

Little did Flitter know that this morning destiny had a hangover.

Flitter was ranting to herself and so it was no wonder she accidently bumped into someone.

Looking up rather peeved, she screamed, "Excuse me buster, but I am kinda busy right now!!"

The guy she had bumped into was a young Elf with Dark blonde hair and a pleasant face. He was dressed in a simple outfit of hunter green.

"Sorry. Oh, I am so sorry." Then the Elf realized that the voice was coming down from below.

Looking curiously he picked Flitter up by the wings and pulled. "Wow, what the gnomes come up with these days."

Flitter screeched and bit his hand. Well, more like nipped. But, he did let her go.

"Don't touch the merchandise creep!!" Screeched the little dragon.

"Oh, I am soo sorry! If there is anything I can do to make up for it please tell me!" The elf was very sincere and had dropped his head in shame as if he had just accidently killed Paladine.

"Er, uh its okay. You didn't hurt me to bad. But, you could tell me where to find the wizard of Nod."

"Oh, you are also looking for the wizard of nod? How wonderful!"

"Uh, yeah so do you know how to get there?" Flitter was getting annoyed again(not that it was hard for her to get annoyed.)

"Yes it is right through that forrest right there. But, why are you going to the wizard of nod?"

"He will teach me how to rule the world!!"

"Well...I guess that is no stranger then my wish."

"What is your wish?"

"I wish to become a powerful demon warlord." He looked a little sheepish as he said that.

"Why the abyss would a goody-good elf like you want that?"

"Because that's just it. I am too nice. I always get picked on. If I was a demon then no one would mess with me."

Flitter was about to say something cutting when something hit her.

"Hey, how about this. We will both go to meet the wizard together. We can help each other out. You can even be my first follower and I will even grant you your own kingdom to lord over."

"You really mean it!" The little dragon nodded. "It's a deal."

They both shaked on it and entered the forrest.

(OOC: Next time, the perils of the forrest.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/22/2002 5:27 AM

(OOC: The oh too cute story continues...)

"Flitter's quest to become a bigshot continues" part 3...In a Dark Forrest I dream of Vegas...

The two new companions had been traveling for a while when suddenly Flitter realized something.

"Holy dingus! I forgot to ask what your name is!" She shouted.

"Oh, why it's Dave." Said the elf.

"Dave!? What kinda name is Dave for an elf!?" Flitter some how managed to become shriller.

"Well, ya see I was adopted by human Lumberjacks." Dave now looked a little.

"You poor kid." Said Flitter. And she was sincere.

~A while later~

Things were going smoothly when suddenly the two came across one of the most dangerous traps in the world.

Apparently there was a Casino in the middle of forest and to get the wizard they had to go through it.

"Well, what do we have to lose?" Said Flitter.

"How about everything?" Dave said sadly.

"Aw, come on Dave, learn to live a little."

So they entered the Casino.

(OOC: Next time, danger abounds.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/23/2002 5:58 AM

(OOC: This part will be short. At least I think so...)

"A Pit stop on Flitter's quest to take over the world...or not..." Part 4.

Well, they made it through the Casino with no money left. (You didn't actually think I would waste all that time on a casino did ya?)

"I it wasn't for you, he would never have called my bluff!" Shrieked Flitter in rage.

"I'am sorry that I don't know how to cheat at poker like you!" For once, Dave was something other then mindlessly happy or sorry.

They kept on arguing like this until finally they reached the tower.

"I...am very disappointed." Said Dave in surprise.

"Yah, I was expecting something cooler too." Said Flitter.

The tower was only one story and surronded by a flower garden whose beauty would put Martha Stewart's gardens to shame.

"Well, we came this far. Might as well go in." Sighed Flitter in defeat.

Dave rapped on the door. It opened and the two were forced to look down.

There was a little drawf lady dressed in pretty pink robes. "I am the wizard of nod. What can I help you with dearies." The drawf was almost grandmotherly.

(OOC: Will are heroic duo get over this development in time to ask for their wishes to come true)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/24/2002 6:04 AM

(OOC: It begins. My computer keeps taking me offline, so it has been hard to post anything.)

"Flitter, Dave and the Wizard conversate" part 5, isn't this sounding like the wizard of Oz?

"What the razz is this!?" Shrieked Flitter.

"Watch you manners young lady!" Said the Wizard.

"Uh, we are sorry ma'am." As Dave said this, he looked at Flitter sharply.

"We were expecting someone much more, well intimidating."

"Oh, I get that all the time. Won't you come in for a spot of tea and we can discuss all your problems."

~A few cups latter and the story of are hero's reapated~

"I must say those are some unusal wishes. Pretty big ones too." Nodded the Wizard as she sipped her tea.

"Yeah, well while I really like this mint tea, can you grant our wishes?" Flitter wanted to get out of here as this really cute place was taking away the ability to be angry.

"I myself don't have that kind of power. There is a place where you can go to get what you both want." She looked a little worried.

"Where?" Dave asked eargerly.

"A place few have come out of alive. Beaver Hills."

Both gasped. "You mean the summer resort where the gods of evil vaction!?" Dave suddenly was so excited.

"That's a death trip." Said Flitter whose dreams of world conquest were suddenly going down the tubes.

(OOC: Next time Beaver Hills and the quest for power will continue.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/25/2002 6:54 AM

(OOC: Maddness I tell, you maddness. Soon there shall be no new stuff on tv. No more new cartoons either. If only I had cable. Aww, Cartoon Network, Disney and the Sci fi channels all day long.)

Part 6(I don't feel very creative, so no special titles.)

~A day and a teleport spell later at Beaver Hills~

"So in order for your wish to come true you need Zebioms pearl necklace, Sargonnas's war club, and Takhisis's magic mirror. How excatally is that suposed to help you take over the world?" Asked Dave.

"Weren't you listening?" Seeing Daves confused expression,

"Each of those Items is touched by the incrediable power of the gods. If I use them right, then, I will gain all the power stored within. Not as lame as what you have to do. Jumping in a sauna to become a demon. Ooh, scary."

"Now you are just being envious. Besides, I hate saunas. And who knows who has been in one off those things and what they have been doing?" Dave's sensibilities were noticably shocked.

Well, our heros decided that they should get Dave's wish tooken care of since it was the simpilest and a demon might come in handy.

(OOC: Sorry, I just can't do anymore right now.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/28/2002 6:07 AM

(OOC: Yes, I will be working on this again.)

"Some like it hot, some not." Part 7.

It took a while of bobbing and weaving and hiding behind things but they finally found the saunas.

"They have coed saunas?" Said Dave in disbelief.

"What did ya expect? They have no morals. Though I have always believed that morals are highly overrated." Flitter grinned from ear to ear.

"Well, might as well go in there." Said Dave.

Just as Dave opened the door, who should come out, but Hiddikul in all his slimly, corpulant glory.

Looking down at Flitter and Dave suspiciously, "And who are you?"

Trying not to vomit in disgust, Flitter replyed, "Why we are the sauna technicains. Here to make sure that the sauna meets all the saftey requriments and what nots."(yes demented, evil pixie dragons make up lies on the fly.)

"Oh, good thing your here then. There is something seriously wrong with that place. There is way too much heat." Said the god sounding very superior.

As soon as he was gone, Dave and Flitter sighed in relief.

"Well, this is it Dave. Ready?" Said Flitter.

"Yeah, I guess. I just hope being a demon is worth the hour in there." Dave said as he entered the sauna and closed the door.

~an hour later~

"I am getting bored. So very bored." Muttered Flitter.

Suddenly the door opened.

"It's about time," said Flitter as she turned around then nearly went white, "Whoah, Mama!"

(OOC: Next time, Dave's transformation and the quest for the three objects.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/29/2002 6:11 AM

"War gods club and Grand Larceny in Beaver Hills." Part 8.

Dave was definatly a demon. He had grown at least two feet. His skin had been replaced with black-red scales. He had fangs and horns. From his back sprouted two powerful bat-like wings. His eyes were like a cats.

"Wow, if that's how your wish worked out, then mine will come true too." The little dragon was estactic.

"You really like it!?" Asked Dave sounding happy.(All this time he was a demon in an elf's body.)

"Yes now we have to take care of my wish." Said Flitter.

~later~

The two had decided to go get Sargonnas's warclub first. After careful research they found out that he had only been able to visit his house a short time before some buisness had come up and he had been forced to leave. Something about two minotaurs locking horns and now being stuck.

So they had decided to break into his house.

"I just love the decore. Do you think the designer was Frank Lloyd Bright?" Said Flitter.

"More likely a drunk drawf." Muttered Dave.

Just as they were admiring more of the mansion, they came across the war club.

It was sitting on one of those pedastals with the light shinning down on it.

"Whoppe!" cried Flitter as she raced towards it.

"Wait! It might be a trap." Yelled Dave, but he was too late.

(OOC: Next time wierd burgler alarms.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
05/31/2002 5:23 AM

"The Great Escape and Diving For Pearls" part 9

The alarm went off. But, the noise was weird. "Step back, you are too close to the pedstal." That seemed to be the gist of what it was.

Well, with that done they got out of the mansion.(Hey, I want to get done with this story. So I will only do the good parts. Or, should I say mediocore?)

Next they had to find Zebiom's Necklace. Unforutantly, there was a problem. Zebiom didn't have a house. She lived in a swimming pool. And there was another problem with that. The swiming pool was infested with man eating sharks.

The two waited until Zebiom had to leave for her appointement at the tanning salon. Then they went. The pearls were at the shallow end of the swimming pool.

"Well, lets try this." Said Flitter. She handed Dave that pool cleaning net thingy.

Dave manged to get the necklace in one swipe, but then a shark bit off the handle.

The two sat there for a while until they came to the conclusion that one of them would have to stick their hand in to get it. And since her arms werent long enough, that someone would be Dave.

"But, I dont want to lose my arm!" Cried Dave, sobbing.(Yeay, even as a demon, Dave is a crybaby.)

"Well, I sure as hey cant do it!" Screeched Flitter. Suddenly, a light bulb clicked. "But, I have a plan. One that guarantees you keep your arm.""There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/10/2002 6:40 AM

"Shark Fricasse and The Dark Queen's Parlor" Part 10

"Well, did you get all the onions chopped up and put in there?" Said Flitter.

"Yeah, but tell me why I had to put onions in there." Asked Dave, whose eyes were watering painfully.

"Well, whats a soup without onions?" Said Flitter. She began to chant a fire spell. She focused in on the water which began to boil, not just from the heat, but from the thrashing of the sharks.

After a while it was done.

"Soups on!" Cried Flitter, malicous delight in her eyes.

Dave gingerly stuck his hand in and grabbed the necklace. After he handed it over to Flitter, he licked some of the soup off his arm.

"Hm, Flitter ya know, if this doesn't work out in the end, you could always become a master chef."

~Later~

"So this is Takhisis summer home, huh?" Said Flitter. "Well, I am not impressed." She said arrogantly.

"Well, your the only one." Muttered Dave.

It was the type of house the Addams family would have died to have.

(OOC: I will be updating regularly again.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/11/2002 2:19 PM

(OOC: I will not be doing anything more with this one, because I just can't!!! Its too much! It keeps causing my mind to need a plunger!!

*sobs*

Which is why I need the help of who ever is reading this. Someone, anyone finish this. Without killing off the characters or any character bashing.

The prize is...well...it is...uh...the satisfaction of a job well done. Uh, Yeah.

So please find it in your hearts to do what I can't.

Thank you so very much.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/18/2002 1:24 PM

(OOC: Since nobody took up the challenge, the staute of limitations has run out. I will be sticking to simpler stuff for the time being.)

Some humorous what ifs....

What if someone crossed Dragonlance with the Simpsons?

What if Tas opened up a hair salon?

What if Takhisis went to a dating service?

What if the gods decided to party like it's 1999?

What if Caramon was actually smarter than Raistlin?

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/19/2002 7:05 AM

If only if were this easy....


Kitara and Soth are locked in a staring contest. If Kitara loses she has to marry Soth. If Soth loses then he has to leave her alone for the rest of eterenity.

Suddenly Kitara blinks. "Arg!!" She screams and begins kicking things.

"Blast your undead hide!!" She continues to rant and say things that are not approatie to put here.

Lord Soth snickers. "The advantages of being undead are numorous. You should have realized that by now darling."

(OOC: Think this sucks!? I'd proably agree with you. If that is in the case, then put something funnier down.) "There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/20/2002 7:22 AM

How the Characters in Dragonlance eat a Reeses Pieces...

Tas
"I like to collect all the ones that everyone drops so that they won't go to waste."

Kitaria
"I can't have just one. I must have many different ones."

Caramon
"I mash them altogether into one big one so that I will have a meal fit for a king."

Raistlin
More like a meal fit for an ox.

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/21/2002 1:50 PM

"More Reeses Pieces Methods"

Bupu
"I eat one and then two and then two more..."

Malys
"I burn them to a crisp, then I burn the crisp to a crisp."

Crysania
"I find the most unusual one and then do its bidding.""There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/24/2002 4:54 PM

The Following is a Paid Advertisment for Dragax...

"Arnie Magres, White Robe Extradonair here! Has all you property been burned? Left homeless, adrift in the wind? Has one of your loved ones been devoured?

Well then my friend you may very well be the victim of a dragon. And guess what? If a dragon gets away with this kind of thing once, it will do it again! The only way to stop these tragiedies is to destroy the monstrousities. How may you ask? Why with This!!"

*Shows a glowing capsule*

"Dragax!! The ultimate in Dragon Pesticides! Just slip this into your whole herd of cattle and the next time a dragon eats one Kablamo!!!"

Warning!!! May make cattle inedible."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/26/2002 5:02 AM

Velvety Black Robes: 50 Steel.

Rare Staff: Millions of Platinum.

Spell Components:10 Steel.

Herbal Medicines: 1 Silver.

A reputation the World Fears: Priceless.

There are somethings you cant buy. For everything else there is Mastercard."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/27/2002 6:24 PM

Some ideas that will make you smile, laugh or scream in fear....

-Minotaurs in a conga line.

-A kender as a lawyer on Law & Order.

-Drawves doing the Hula.

-Drawves doing the Wave at a football game.

-Kender playing football.

-A Red Dragon who sees a psychartrist to overcome his hatred of others.

-Sargonnas taking anger management classes.

-Kender making a pizza.

-Homer Simpson gets magically teleported to Krynn."There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
06/29/2002 6:45 AM

(OOC: The Homer Simpson one gave me a funny idea.)

It was a typically episode of the simpsons where an ordinary event(well for our favorite family) lead to something seemingly outragous.

Homer through means we will not get into here had gotten transported into a strange land called Krynn.

He was wandering around this village with all this short stocky people. Stopping a drawf he asked, "Do you know where Moe's is?"

"I don't know no Moe." Grumbled the drawf.

"Its a tavern." Suddenly a horrible thought entered Homer's head.

What if they don't have beer here!? Shut up brain, thats crazy talk.

"Oh a tavern. Why didn't you say so? Honestly, humans. The Gully Whistle Tavern is just down there." Said the drawf pointing towards the building.

"I see." Said Homer as if he was planning something. Which he wasn't as he was too dumb to do so.

(OOC: I will finish this tomorrow. I know this proably is not perfect, but the simpsons is hard to write stuff for.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

thistledown
06/30/2002 4:18 PM

(OOC: I like the idea, work with it.)The sword, it thirsts to drink of man.
The sword, at last must win.
Today is gone, and yesterday,
Must echo in the wind.

Silvermagess
07/01/2002 1:37 PM

Homer entered the tavern and sat on the bar stool. The barkeep asked, "What can I get ya?"

"A Duff please." Said Homer.

"I know not of this 'duff' you speak of. Is it an elven vintage?"

Normally, Homer would have left a bar that had no Duff, but he was a long way from home and needed to get drunk so he didn't have to think. Not that he was doing much of that anyways.

"Uh, well then what else do you have?"

"Ale and Drawf Spirits."

"I guess I will have some of those Spirits thingies."

"What are you mad!? That stuff is far to strong for a human!"

"I think I know how much liquer I can hold." Said Homer in snobbish annoyance.

"Well, its your funeral." Said the Drawf as he handed Homer a glass full of spirits.

Homer took a big swig of the spirits. And blacked out.

(OOC: I will finish this later.)

"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
07/06/2002 5:41 AM

(OOC: For the previous post, I was kind of torn between having Homer consuming an amazing amount of spirits or blacking out. So I decieded on the blacking out as it will lead to our next little plot point. And yes, I am sure there are Simpsons fans who could do much better. If you are one of those people, then go ahead.)

Homer's eyes blinked open slowly. "D'oh, that stuff really packs a punch. Where am I?"

He looked around and saw three people. One was an old man in Red Robes. Another a middle-aged women in black robes. The last was a teenage boy in white.

Homer saw them and screamed.

"Ahh!! I've been kidnapped by Gregarian monks! What are you going to do to me?" He said timidly.

"Oh, we are not cultists. We are mages." Said the red robe.

"Yes. We merely want to do some tests on you." Said the white robe.

"It isn't every day we get to meet someone obviously from another dimension. So when we found you unconsious, we brought you to our tower." Said the lady.

"So you aren't going to hurt me?" Homer asked hopefully.

"No heavens forbid! Your our guest!"

(OOC: Oh, no! I feel really bad for the mages.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
07/12/2002 2:40 PM

(OOC: Yes, I am goofing off. Yes, I am annoying. And Yes, I will never truely die or go away. Just like parking tickets, roaches and that gray hair that appeared out of no where.)

Well, the wizards had to go check something. Apparently the timer had went off on some violtile potion. Before they left though, they told Homer not to touch anything.

Well, Homer being Homer started exploring. In an hour he mangaed to rifle through all their books and potions.

Suddenly he found a strange door. It had five dragon heads on, all multi-colered. In the center was a swirling pool of darkness.

"Oooh, whirlly pool of darkness." Said Homer, as if he was in a trance.

He reached out to touch it. And there was flash.

(OOC: How Homer almost destroyed Krynn...next time.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
07/23/2002 7:23 AM

(OOC: Yep this thread has not died. Just been buried. Remeber, quality not quanity.)

Homer found himself trapped in a dark nether realm with out hope.

"Oh, oh oh no. Oh, no!!!" Cried Homer. Then it got worse.

A scantily clad, scary yet sexy woman appeared before Homer.

"I am Takihisis, the queen of darkness. Thanks to you mortal, the portal is open and I can once again grace krynn with my dark presence. Who is it I have to thank for the enslavement of that miserable world?"

"Uh, My...name is uh Homer jjj...J. Simpssson." Homer was terriefied.

"Very well, Homer, as a reward I shall send you to the most pitiful dimension in the universe."

And Homer woke up in his world.

Finished.

(OOC: Yep it sucked. I was tired of it. I want to do something new anyways.)



"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Maugetar
07/23/2002 1:22 PM

HEY! Silvermagess, read your drokking e-mails! Tarrakk needs his Highlord, so get to it."Ah, they have a cave troll....."

Silvermagess
08/10/2002 5:07 PM

"Next on 'When Kender Attack',"

Knight of the Rose Emmet Smine thought he had it all. A beautiful wife, a big castle and a ton of money. Plus, he had just retired from a long and glorious carreer as a knight.

But, when he returned, he found that diasater had struck. His castle was barren and not a soul to be found.

All he found was a letter. In it his wife said that a kender had 'borrwed' everything and ran away. But, that wasn't all. For you see Emmet's wife had also run away with the kender...

"This and other stories of terror on 'When Kender Attack'."

(OOC: Its so hard to think of stuff to put here.)"There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

Silvermagess
08/19/2002 4:49 PM

Thread Titles I wish to see but proably won't...."

"Love is in the *bleeping* Air"

"Attack of the Super Bunnies from Earth"

"How Kitaria got her Groove back"

"Raistlin and Caramon: Or the Way We Were."

"Bupu's Last Taco Stand"

"Starship Bloopers: A Starjammer thread."

"Of Men and Kender.""There is no greater joy than to be reborn with every heartbeat." Belldandy.

"I am the Keeper of the Talismans. I am the apocalypse of which legends speak. And I am for once and for all your executioner." Shendu.

TolkaninFaznin
08/23/2002 7:53 AM

Things we'll never see in Dragonlance;

"Tika, I love you, but you look a lot better with clothes ON. Lets blow out the candle ..."

~~~~~~~~~

"Tass!"

"Flint!!!"

**excessive snogging**

~~~~~~~~~

Goldmoon runs away with Caramon, Riverwind marries Raistlin

~~~~~~~~~

Laurathalanasa becomes the first elven punk rocker

~~~~~~~~~

Kitiara becomes a lesbian

~~~~~~~~~

Kitiara and Laurana run away together

~~~~~~~~~

Tanis marries some random kender he met at a bar while drunk after Laurana dumped him. Kender runs away with everything Tanis had.

~~~~~~~~~

Sturm comes back to life and marries Tolkanin Faznin, and they live happily ever after for the rest of their days!

((okay, this is all jsut off the top of my head, and I know it's not the best stuff out there, so please bear with me while I get my groove back))"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." -- Gimli, The Fellowship Of The Ring

"Those who support authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel." -- Silmarillion

Silvermagess
12/02/2002 3:26 PM

(OOC: Its been a while. But, life has been nerve-wracking lately, plus there have been great games in my life and dvds. Lets see what I can come up with. Oh, just did. Well, I hope I didn't do it already.)

Quote you never want to hear coming from a certain persons lip's day 1(will be abreviated to Disturbing quote later on if I keep this up)

Raistlin, "Oh, behave."(In an Austin Power's voice. I hope I got that right.)

eswiftfire
12/02/2002 10:33 PM

Riverwind is in fact a rock singer. The only reason he speaks so little is because his voice got hoarse from singing in taverns everynight when everyone else he knows are asleep.

------------------------------------

"The sex is good."

- Tanis admits why he sometimes prefer a certain dark-haired human woman than an otherworldly beautiful elven princess.

Silvermagess
12/04/2002 7:18 AM

A Knight of Solmnia steps in to a Gelationous Cube(Can't remeber what the exact name of the monster is.)

With an annoyed look on his face he mutters, "He slimed me."(Ghostbusters is one of my favorite movies of all time.)

(On a side note, how many people have attemped to do some crossover with Ranma 1/2?)

Silvermagess
12/06/2002 7:05 AM

Dance crazes sweeping across Ansalon:

In Solomnia they do the twist.

Drawves happen to have a fondness for square dancing.

Kender really like the bunny hop and the conga.

And in Silvanost, the Macarana has caught on.

Silvermagess
12/09/2002 7:50 AM

(OOC: This will be a few posts long, but it is basically the following idea: what if so and so could surf the interenet and what they would say about the sites pertaining to them?)

Raistlin:

Comes across Raistlin fan site 1: Notices that he is called Raisty.

*Growls*

Comes across Raistlin/Crysania fan site 5: Anger and disgust is rising.

Comes across Raistlin/Dalamar fan site number 146: Casts fireball on computer.

(OOC: I meant no offense to anyone who likes the following. But, do you really think that Raistlin would apprecaite some of what goes on these sites? I really don't think so. I am not what I call a Raistlin fan, but I don't hate him. I just get tired of every other dragonlance site or fanfic being all about him. Plus if I am wrong about any of this, I am so sorry.)

Airiana
12/09/2002 11:54 AM

OOC: I know I'm not a part of this thread, but I read through some of it, and I thought I'd add a little humour... that only women can truly appreciate...

BIC: A beautiful female white mage is walking down street on markey day. She casually goes fromk stall to stall, checking out the items each sold. As she bought a couple spell components, a nearby dwarf began to chuckle and was pointing at her. Embarassed and unknowing of the dwarf's reason, she turned around to face him, asking what was wrong. Suddenly, the human she had just bought her components from also began laughing. Not knowing what was wrong, she quickly ran to the public latrine, crying. Behind her there were many people, increasing steadily as she continued running down the street, laughing and pointing at her. When she made it into the bathroom, she wiped her tears and checked herself over, trying to figure out what was wrong. Seeing nothing in particular, she turned away from the mirror. Catching something in the mirror as she turned away, she did a double take. Her once-white robes were stained crimson from the butt down.

Silvermagess
12/09/2002 4:23 PM

(OOC: Yeah, only a woman can appreaciate that. Or a really sensitive guy. Since I have to say it again, I will. Anyone can post what they want here as long as it is some type of humor. But, try to keep in reasonably good taste.)

Silvermagess
12/11/2002 7:34 AM

(OOC: Its really sad that this is the only on going thread I am involved in....Ah well, lets not lament over events that I have little control over. Finals are tramutizing enough. Speaking of higher learning...)

Dl characters and their majors

Tanis: Management.

Caramon: Physical Education

Raistlin: Buisness Major/Physicist/Computer stuff(everything you need to take over the world.)

Tika: No major. Goes to nightschool for one of those one month training sessions in bartending.

Strum: Criminal Justice.

Laurana: I imagine something like a theatre major. But, when she tries to break into acting and finds that it is too hard, will proably become a buisness major.

Kitara: Management.

Flint; Something technical, like an electrician.

Tas: undecied. Just as he deciedes on a major, something else will look like a better major.

*******

Caramon: Uh what are we going to do to night, Raistlin?

Raistlin: Same thing we do every night brother, try to take over the world!!

(OOC: For those who don't recognize the reference, its from "Pinky and The Brain.")

eswiftfire
12/11/2002 12:10 PM

OOC:

Aw..... *Gives you huggy wuggy* You can come to OOC:eswiftfire , that's the place where people talk about general stuff...

IC:

Lord Soth: Works in haunted houses in theme parks to scare children. Will become an instant hit.

Silvermagess
12/12/2002 6:24 AM

(OOC: Aw, thanks.)

Tanis has a picture of Laurana in one hand and Kitara in the other.

"One with hair of gold. The other with hair of the darkest midnight.

One of refined taste. The other with spirit and fire.

One whose sexy and knows what men want. The other who is innocent and sweet.

I can not choose!! I would have them both!!!"

Someone conviently hits him with frying pan.

(OCC: A tribute to Ranma 1/2 and one of my fav characters, a certern bokkan wielding madman.)

Silvermagess
12/16/2002 8:51 AM

What they would wear for halloween

(Yeah, a little past halloween, but who cares...)

Laurana-Princess custume or pretty ballarina

Kitara-Leather and more leather.

Raistlin-Vampire

Crysania-Angel wings

Tanis-not sure, maybe a ghost.

Strum-Police officer or Fireman.

Flint-doubt he would dress up but I'm thinking construction worker.

Tas-he would do something like dress up like Raistlin, I just know it. Then he would run for his life.

Caramon-Bear suit.

Tika-Mama bear suit.

Riverwind-another I doubt would ever dress for halloween. I really doubt it.

Goldmoon-a nurse.

Silvermagess
12/30/2002 6:58 AM

New years eve in Krynn.

As the ball is about to drop Tanis must decied whom to kiss.

He finally decides to kiss Kitara.

The bell tolls. Win he finds Kit though, she is in a tounge war with Dalamar. In fact, they are getting a little too passionite.

Deseperate, he runs to find Laurana.

But, what he sees when he gets there, the sight is way too shocking to see.

Laurana was kissing Raistlin.

Looking at Tanis, she shrugged apologetically.

"Sorry Tanis, but he asked so nicely and I didn't see you anywhere."

"Tough Luck Half-Elven." Raistlin said smugly.

(OOC: From all these bits I do about Tanis, you might think I don't like him. Not true. I just think the situation he put himself in was a little bit ridiciculus. If I had been him I would have choosen Laurana, no contest.

As for Raistlin kissing Laurana, I really couldn't think of anyone else who would have done it. Caramon would proably not move on Tanis's girlfriend. Sturm is a little to stiff to do that kind of thing unless he really loved the person. And it Proably would never occur to Flint and Tas.)

Silvermagess
01/15/2003 5:52 AM

The Dirty Secrets of The Companions...

Tanis-Never really was confused over Laurana or Kit. Had already chosen Kit, but got annoyed by her demand that he always have dinner on the table when she was home. So he settled for Laurana.

Laurana-The whole princess/warrior woman thing was all an act. Her real goal in life is to design a line of fashion that will overthrow the Gap.

Strum-His fling with Kit isn't his only dirty secret. He actually reads evil books like the "Necromonian," and "10 ways To Lose Weight."

Flint-He was the one who put silver dye in Raist's shampoo and gold dye in his soap...

Caramon-Secretly can't get enough of soap opreas like "Days of Our Lives."

Kitara-She wasn't really a dragon highlord. She was actually a super secret spy for Solomnia. But, Tanis had to screw it up by not having dinner on the table soon enough...

Raistlin-Watchs soap opreas with his brother. Also likes the "Lord of the Rings" movies. Jealous of Gandalf.

Tass-He isn't really an obxious kender. He is actually the most powerful one of all.

Crimson
01/17/2003 2:02 AM

OOC: You guys have dirty minds.
And now for something completely different

Something on my character.

Crimson usually lands on his feet when he gets sent to Krynn. Of course there were those occasions he did not land in the right spot.

Places he landed in:

Poison Ivy. Had a rash that lasted a few weeks. Caused him to fight and scratch at the same time.

Head first into a stone wall. Major concussion, and general confusion.

Sea of Istar in the storm. Got stuck in the storm for several weeks. Failed at his task.

Mount Nevermind. Don't ask.

Gully Dwarf hovel. Though he denies any such occasion. Don't even bother asking.

And there was the occasion he landed right on top of the Elven princess he was supposed to protect. When she was sleeping.

Crimson
01/17/2003 2:16 AM

OOC: Anyone can figure out where I got this one.

BIC:

"Look my character has a strenght bonus" Raistlin hissed.

"Yes, but you roled a 1. That's a criticall mis." Tanis adjusted him.

"So what. That doesn't mean I get hurt." Raistling retorted.

"According to the rules it does. Now role the dice to see what happens" Tanis said impatiently.

"Can we get on with this allready." Caramon said, "I don't want to miss the fight."

"Actually this thing is going to take all night." Laurana commented, "But yes can we get on with this"

"What!!!" Caramon shouted, "All night?"

"Don't worry." Tas cheered, "It'll be fun with us. What's more important? That fight or being with us?"

"Shut up, you doorknob brained kender." Flint Growled.

(OOC: anyone have any idea's?)

Crimson
01/21/2003 12:47 PM

So I just killed a thread?

Cool. :P

Silvermagess
01/22/2003 10:49 AM


So I just killed a thread?

Cool. :P



(OOC: If you were joking I will forgive you. But, if not, I must say you are mistaken. I sometimes just can't think of anything to post. Its easier to be funny by accident then to try to be funny.

But, I have just thought of my next big story line.)

"Life's One Big Mainframe" Intro, Paladine gets a new toy.

Paladine sat at his computer consoul. He had just gotten "The Sims."

Plus he had already made two characters. Raistlin Majere and Caramon Majere.

Mishkel stood looking over his shoulder.

"Honey, I heard this game is awfuly addictive. Maybe you shouldn't.."

(Aw when computer games attack. I don't have time to post anymore so, later.)



"Mishkel don't worry. What harm could a game do?'

Silvermagess
01/23/2003 5:55 PM

"What harm could a game do?"


"Lifes One Big Mainframe" Part 1 Infinate Possiblities, Wasted Potential

Paladine has been playing "The Sims" for eight hours.

Habbukak and Kiri-Jolith are both sitting in the room waiting impatiently.

"Dad, haven't you had enough already? I need to answer my e-mails." Said Habbukak impatiently.

"Yah, and I'm itching for a game of solitare." Said Kiri-Jolith.

Suddenly Paladine screams in frustration and slams his fist on the keyboard.

"I don't understand it!! Even in a video game Raistlin still betrays his brother and still trys to take over the world!! He can't be that evil!!" Yelled Paladine.

He stomps out of the room in frustration. Mishkel rushes in looking happy.

"How did you ever get him to stop playing that infernal game? It's a mircale!" She said beaming. She then rushed out of the room after Paladine.

"No its not a good thing." Said Kiri-Jolith.

"I can't believe he ruined the keyboard." Whimpered Habbukak.

The end of this one.

Kalia_Majere
01/23/2003 6:54 PM

OOC: I have to admit, this stuff is funny.....I cannot figure out how you manage them.... I guess I can appreciate good humor, but can't generate it myself well.....

Useless information...doesn't have much to do with DL

*Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour. (Dont try this at home.......maybe at work.)

*right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people ( so if you're ambidexterous, do you split the difference?)

*Polar bears are left-handed (if they switched, they'll live longer)

*Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump (Okay....so that would be a good thing.)

*A Cat's urine glows under a black light (I wonder who was paid to figure that out????)

*An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain (I know people like that)

*A starfish has no brain ( I know people like that too.)

*If you yelled for 8years, 7months and 6days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it)

*If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!!)


lol...sorry...sick I know....but had to share

Silvermagess
01/28/2003 9:17 AM

(OOC: Facts so weird and mind boggling as to be irrationally funny. I love it!)

Krynnish Asrology Section. one section at a time.

Aries.

Today you shall be blessed with great fortune. For, you shall avoid that nasty anvil falling out of the sky.

(OOC: I think the best fortunes are the really vague ones, you can't exactly prove if it really is false.)

Silvermagess
02/05/2003 4:43 PM

virgo

You will meet a mysterious stranger. All you have to do is look in the mirror after you take your first bath in six months.

Silvermagess
02/10/2003 9:22 AM

Tarus

Your significant other will revel a big surprise tonight. Not that you haven't known about the affair for a very long time.

(OOC: My plan for my next long spoof is coming up folks. It's another Dl style parody of a fairy tale. But, it maybe one your not as familer with. It's a parody of "Blue Beard." If you want to find out what it is about search the net. There is a similer version called "Fitcher's Brides.")

Silvermagess
02/11/2003 3:45 PM

Aquarius

When it rains it pours. Remeber to fix your roof.
(OOC: Gah, that was stupid!)

"DrawfBeard: or I married an axe murderer." Part 1, the herione reborn from my twisted mind...

Once there lived a young, pretty maiden named Mary. She lived with her Mother who was an actress in B-movies. She also had a sister and 2 brothers. The sister was a dopey cheerleader. Brother A was a goodie-good studying to become a priest of Branchela. Brother B was a reblious child who wore women's clothing for no reason.

Where was father in this? No really where was he? They still didn't know what had happened to him. He left the house three years ago to photograph Palanthian hookers and had been M.I.A. ever since.

Oh, by the way, in comparision to the rest of her family Mary was the typical herione, well as typical as a person in that kind of family can be. She was a pretty girl like sister, nice like Brother A, but rebelious like Brother B. She could be weird like Father, and melodramatic like Mother.

It would be this set of perfect traits that lead her into a truely strange realationship...

(OOC: I mean no offense in anyway to any crossdressers. The family is important in the story though. I don't give the rest of the family names because it is not needed and it would cause confusion.)

Robyn_Majere
02/13/2003 4:44 AM

Very funny guys... havent laughed like that in ages. Just want to introduced myself. I am a big fan of DL or I wouldnt be here. Have my own character i like to write about called Robyn Majere... Look forward to writing will you... if I may.

Something you wouldnt find in DL ?
Cant think of anything right now but will work on it...

eswiftfire
02/14/2003 12:07 AM


Something you wouldnt find in DL ?


A bastard daughter of Palin called Robyn Majere? ;)

Benn-Salian
02/14/2003 6:28 AM


Something you wouldnt find in DL ?

A bastard daughter of Palin called Robyn Majere? ;)

That's not true eswiftfire. Palin and Usha (not limited to Usha, however) were like rabbits! Check the threads, there are plenty of Majeres and relatives of the family. And they all love to talk about their family.

eswiftfire
02/14/2003 10:57 AM


That's not true eswiftfire. Palin and Usha (not limited to Usha, however) were like rabbits! Check the threads, there are plenty of Majeres and relatives of the family. And they all love to talk about their family.


There just CAN'T be a Robyn.... right? *starts looking worried*

Benn-Salian
02/14/2003 1:22 PM

Only before spring comes, I think. And that's good cause I hate winter: I can't get my paper in my boxers.

Robyn_Majere
02/14/2003 2:18 PM

I hope there can be a Robyn Majere... Or else... I have been writing in vain.... he he he... Wait a minute who says I am a daughter of Palin? He had little sisters didnt he? And two brothers... who is to say that they didnt make some lass pregnant?

Benn-Salian
02/14/2003 2:24 PM

True, but both the brothers are dead and sister have a hard time knocking up anyone.

Robyn_Majere
02/14/2003 2:27 PM

How true.. I meant it only in jest.. My character is indeed the spawn of Palin Majere. How could she not be? I mean to tell a little of Robyn's story.. If I can that is?

Benn-Salian
02/14/2003 2:30 PM

You might have a great character, you just might have good luck if she was of different decent.

Robyn_Majere
02/14/2003 2:37 PM

mmm good thought... maybe it is just a name... just like the fact that Ursha has golden eyes? I havent fully thought out everything to do with the character. It was only an idea after all...

Benn-Salian
02/14/2003 2:43 PM

I you like you can email me and I will help you in developing a character my email is the link shaped like an envelope. I do this so we don't have to clog up the forem, that is bad.

Crimson
02/15/2003 3:20 AM

A Gnomish landing strip.

For your avarage Dragon, Wyvern, or Griffin with landing problems.

It basically consists of a giant net, followed by a pile of spunges. A group of bushes. And should all fail, there's a stone wall in the end.

Development stage.
Still in testing. So far 3 out of 15 landings have been succesfull. Though their still kind of worried about number three, who claims to see the stars by day.

Due to lack of space. The development team is not stated.

eswiftfire
02/17/2003 9:38 AM


How true.. I meant it only in jest.. My character is indeed the spawn of Palin Majere.

Really?

Whoa. I am in awe with my divining skills.

Silvermagess
02/24/2003 10:15 AM

(OOC: Guys...come on!! This is not a place to dicuss the breeding habits of the Majeres. We all know they breed like rabbits, case-closed.)

Picese(I don't know how to spell it, its the fish one.)

One the high of life there will be a huge pile up. (I was much more inspired when I was just starting this thread which actually appeared around the time that I did. Ah, potential dries up so quickly.)

"Dwarfbeard: Or I married an Axe Murderer." Part 2, A really weird romantic comedy begins...

Mary was busy shopping for Brother B's birthday. She was trying to find him the perfect choker to go with his new high heels. She walked past a sign saying, "For free, our dating service will hook you up with the man of your dreams."

"Eh, what the hey." She walked in and filled out the questionaire they gave her.

She went home and thought nothing of it.

~At the Dating Service~

Part time worker Chuck was looking for Mary's Ideal Match. He was looking through the pile entiltled, "Geeky, but cute and respectable dudes."

Larry happened to be walking by carrying a pile of stakes that were to be filed under, "Pychokillers who just got out of prison."

As Larry walked by, Chuck motioned him over. Chuck wanted to tell the latest light bulb joke. Neither of them noticed the paper that dropped on the pile....

(OCC: Until next time, people.)

eswiftfire
02/25/2003 8:43 AM


Picese(I don't know how to spell it, its the fish one.)


*Sigh*

It's Pisces. Me Piscean.

tassanaburrfoot
02/26/2003 9:11 AM

oO( I am also a huge DL fan and truely appreciate the humourous things said here. I may or may not add some of my own things, I have not decided yet. My humour is a bit corny, but ok I suppose. Great Forum though.)

tassanaburrfoot
02/26/2003 9:24 AM

oO( Wait! I think I have one!)

BIC: It is the Companions reunion in the Inn of the Last Home after five years. (Dragons of Autumn Twilight) Tasslehoff sees Raistlin again for the first time.
"Hullo, Raistlin.... Raistlin! My what gold skin you got! What happened? Did you touch that golden hand of Midas?"
Raistlin looks at the kender both angerily and puzzled, "The golden hand of whom? I don't even know what you are talking about, Kender. Go away!" he hissed.
"You never heard of Midas?" Tasslehoff sputters. He then lapses into an overexaggerated and obvious kender tale of meeting King Midas face to face.
Raistlin gets annoyed. "I said go away!"
Caramon, not wanting to see Tas get hurt, nudges the kender away from his brother. Tas looks up at Caramon. "Oh, all right, but he may want this back..." the kender says showing Caramon and Raistlin one of Raistlin's spellbooks.
"How did you-- Give me that back!" Raistlin demands, snatching the book from the kender.
Tas gives him back the book, only to take another book. Sputtering in anger, Raistlin snatches that back too, only to find that now two of his spell components are gone....

"CUT!" Tanis yells and looks at the director and then at Tasslehoff. "You can't keep taking Raistlin's things. I haven't even seen him yet!"
"Sorry, Tanis. I won't do it again, I promise." Tasslehoff says after the eighth taking of this scene. After the twentith take, the director decides to cut Tasslehoff and Raistlin's reunion entirely, deciding that would be the best thing to do.

eswiftfire
02/26/2003 9:51 AM

((OOC: silvermagess, we've finished the DL Slasher Thread for you. Congrats. Don't ever abandon a thread with me in it again.))

Silvermagess
02/26/2003 10:52 AM

(OOC: I am sorry about that. But, after the drug stuff came in, it kept going until it got to the point where I wasn't having fun.

Yeah I know, I know I should've known what to expect, and I should have voiced how I felt. But, I was afraid of getting spazzed at. I will try not abandon a thread again though. At least not without proper warning.)

conrad_darho
02/26/2003 11:08 AM

Raistlin gets his new computer home and set up. Raistlin looks at his computer and groans to Caramon, "Damn these eyes of mine, I just bought this computer and it already appears obsolete."

Caramon's reply "Ummm yeah Raist it pretty much looks that way to me too."

eswiftfire
02/26/2003 6:58 PM

OOC: Good one Conrad.

Silvermagess. It's your thread, as the DM, you should've tried talking to the players about how you felt instead of disappearing. Getting spazzed at? *shakes head* Who do you think we are? We can be very flexible. All players should do their own stuff and add their flavours to the thread. I thought the thread looked great at first.

Silvermagess
03/11/2003 6:44 AM

(OOC: Ya, I have been really lazy.)

"Dwarfbeard: Or I Married an Axe Murderer." Part 3, Why matchmakers shouldn't do drugs...

*ring* Mary picked up the phone.

"yeah, uh. Oh! Really! Wow! He is coming at 7:00 right? Oh, thank you so much!" She hung up the phone and began jumping up and down.

Brother A and Sister just happened to walk into the room.

"Like, what is your problem?" Said Sister.

"Mayhaps she is possessed and needs me to perform an exorsism?" Said Brother A.

"I have a date! An actual, real date! With a for real guy!" Mary said as she practically hopped to her room.

"Well, at least she finally has a life." Muttered Sister as she walked to the kitchen.

"Oh, dear. I must cast a spell on her to protect her chasity!" Exclamied Brother A.

~A few minutes to 7:00~

Mary looked absoultly stunning in her new dress. She sat nervously in the living room with the rest of the family.

"Oh, what if he is well, one of those weirdos you hear about on those news specials?" Mary fretted.

"Personally I think you should be glad a weirdo would go out with you." Said Sister.

"Be nice. Any man would be glad to go out with Mary, what with her keen fashion sense and all." Said Brother B, who was pissed at Sister for dissing his new pleated skirt.

"Still, I would feel more comfortable if you allowed me to cast the chasity spell. Or at least the anti-groping spell." Said Brother A.

"Take it from me dears. Mary has nothing to worry about. Trust me it only looks bad at the time. Like when I had to kiss Monty Dragonhaul for that one movie..." Mother went on another tangent about her acting career.

At that moment the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Cried Mary. She opened the door and was forced to look down. There stood the typical dwarven warrior.

"Uh, hello. Can I help you?" Asked Mary.

"Yes, is a girl named Mary here? I am susposed to be on a date with her."

Mary fainted.

Silvermagess
03/21/2003 8:34 AM

(OOC: Here we go again...sorry for any of the poor souls who actually like what gets posted here.)

"Dwarfbeard: Or I Married an Axe Murderer." Part 4, This thread should be on that show "Blind Date"

Mary and her family was busy disscussing this sudden turn of events.

"I can't go out on a date with...with that! How could they do this to me?" Mary was pratically blue from shrieking.

"Come on Mary. It's not whats on the outside that counts its whats on the inside." Said Brother A. Everyone throws things at him because of the cliche he spouted.

"Listen Mary, like think of it like this. He's a dwarf, right" Asked Sister. The family nods as if to say "Duh."

"Well, than he must have like loads of cash." Said the annoying valley girl.
(No offense to Valley girls.)

"Your telling me to be a golddigger." Mary exchanges looks with Brother A who is just as appalled.

"Oh, dear I'm so happy for you! Why I remeber when I first married into money..." Said mother, going off on another antedoct.

"Actually, thats not a bad idea. It would help me pay for college..." Thought Mary.

(OOC: Thats all folks.)

Silvermagess
03/27/2003 7:35 AM

(OOC: Here we go again..

"Dwarfbeard: Or I Married an Axe Murderer." Series to be discontinued.

(I just have no more inspiration. Sorry if anyone actually liked this.)

Eight Reasons to be a Necromancer...

1. Black clothes and dead things are a fashion statment.
2. There is life after death. Well, un-life anyways.
3. All those people who made fun of you in high school...well you have the power to punish them.
4. The job that is a lifetime hobby.
5. You get to chant really cool sounding spells.
6. The perfect way to mindlessly rebel against your parents.
7. Hate doing your chores? Have a zombie do it.
8. If anyone pisses you off, you can instantly raise an army of unholy creatures to do your bidding.

(OOC: Next time, 8 reasons not to be a Necromancer...)

Silvermagess
03/31/2003 9:15 AM

Eight Reasons to NOT be a Necromancer

1. Everyone will think your a geek/loser.
2. The work stinks...no literally it does.
3. Your datebilty rating will go down to like zero.
4. The problem with undead is that if they do rebel, they will eat your brain.
5. The job that insures you will have no social life because of studying.
6. You can rebel against your parents, but you sure are going to miss free-loading.
7. It's really hard to choose between zombies, vampires or ghosts.
8. Its not for the weak or heat or those without an iron stomach...

(OOC: Next time, more randomness. Well, possibly structered randomness.)

Kalia_Majere
04/07/2003 9:44 AM

Once upon a time, Children's parents would tell them of a Gnome....A Gnome so frightening, that they would shudder at the mentioning of his name....

The Gnome was of your average sort, with above average failure rating....all of his "inventions" Blew up, in one way or another.... To those unfortunate enough to fail to ask his name before a project has begun....they get a reply that sends dispair into their hearts.


"They Call me.....Tim?" He would mutter then head off on his merry way, off to invent and inevitably Destroy.

So what out children....for a new Gnome is in town....and his inventions are the worst!!

For enters, Tim, The Tinker-Gnome Taylor!!!!

*Freaky music in the background*

OOC: LOL, sorry couldn't resist, and I just may use him as an actuall character....not sure yet.

Silvermagess
04/07/2003 12:11 PM


For enters, Tim, The Tinker-Gnome Taylor!!!!


That really made my day!!

Sailor Moon/Dragonlance Fusion

Raistlin as Sailor Dark Moon

Crysania as Tuxedo White Robe

Tas Burrfoot as Sailor Mini-Dark Moon

Laurana as Salior Blondie

Tanis as Salior Two-Timer

Strum as Salior Big Sword

Flint as Salior Cranky Dwarf

Kitara as the Evil Queen Unberable

(OOC: Oh, god, I am really scared as I look at this.)

eswiftfire
04/22/2003 6:59 AM

"*cough* With the power of the *cough* *wheeze* Nuitari, I shall... *cough* *cough* *hack* destroy you, villain!" Raistlin, the Sailor Dark Moon screamed.

"And I, Sailor Big Sword, does not only have a BIG ENCHANTED SWORD!" Sturm, the Sailor Big Sword said. "I have one other big sword HIDDEN beneath my pants too! Fear me!"

"Who's your daddy! Who's your daddy! Yeah! Ooooh yeah!" Tanis, the Sailor Two-Timer, screamed while he was in a bedroom two-timing his wife.

Leandra
04/22/2003 7:12 PM

The gully Dwarf Garbage Disposal System.

The new Gully Dwarf Garbage disposal system is a must have for friends and family. Give it as a gift! Or buy it for yourself. It makes living allot easier!

The Gully Dwarf Garbage Disposal System is great for when you need to
get rid of...

... Rotting Food
... Broken weapons
... Used tunics and robes
... Illegal scrolls and magic books
... Dragon Orbs
... Kenders
... Other gully dwarves
... Your enemies
... Your family
... YOU
... And just about whatever you can fit into the Gully Units mouth!

These smelly little critters will eat anything and everything!
So buy yours today. And for only three easy payments of 65 steel, we'll send you your very own Gully Dwarf Disposal System.



---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Straea
04/28/2003 11:55 AM


"*cough* With the power of the *cough* *wheeze* Nuitari, I shall... *cough* *cough* *hack* destroy you, villain!" Raistlin, the Sailor Dark Moon screamed.

"And I, Sailor Big Sword, does not only have a BIG ENCHANTED SWORD!" Sturm, the Sailor Big Sword said. "I have one other big sword HIDDEN beneath my pants too! Fear me!"

"Who's your daddy! Who's your daddy! Yeah! Ooooh yeah!" Tanis, the Sailor Two-Timer, screamed while he was in a bedroom two-timing his wife.


OMG Swifty, you really made my day with those!

tassanaburrfoot
04/28/2003 12:06 PM

"What are we going to do tonight, Raistlin?"

"Same thing we do every night, Caramon. Try to take over the world!"

They're Pinky and The Brain
Yes, Pinky and The Brain
One is a genius
The other's insane.
They're laboratory mice
Their genes have been spliced
They're dinky
They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain.

Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
They'll take over the world.

They're Pinky and The Brain
Yes, Pinky and The Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain.
To prove their mousey worth
They'll overthrow the Earth
They're dinky
They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Narf!


Sorry, I couldn't think of a good rhyme for Caramon and Raistlin. Give me some time and I will. For now, enjoy! ;)

eswiftfire
04/29/2003 2:28 AM


OMG Swifty, you really made my day with those!


Mwahaha~! Your welcome, my dear!

eswiftfire
04/29/2003 2:30 AM


Sorry, I couldn't think of a good rhyme for Caramon and Raistlin. Give me some time and I will. For now, enjoy! ;)


Hehe. Well, the appearance of the theme song is good enough. Mwaha!

Silvermagess
04/30/2003 8:30 AM

Tonight at 8:30, tune into the interview of the century...Raistlian(sp) Majere. Find out the answers to questions you dont give a flying (insert fav swear here) about!

(OOC: Suddenly my mind just fizziled. I have to vent because of all the over hyped stupid celeberty interviews they have had lately.)

Silvermagess
05/23/2003 11:04 AM

A white robe and a black robe fighting.

"Can't."

"Can too."

"Well, um...blacks a stupid color!"

"Not its not. White stains easily."

"Well, at least I don't have that obvious danderuff probem!"

"Moran!"

"Weakling!!"

"Oh, yeah, well...my god can beat up your god!"

"Can't!"

"Can too!"
(an epic battle that funnily enough started over American Idol shall now change the fate of millions.)

Lunitari0
05/28/2003 2:27 AM


white robe and a black robe fighting.

"Can't."

"Can too."

"Well, um...blacks a stupid color!"

"Not its not. White stains easily."

"Well, at least I don't have that obvious danderuff probem!"

"Moran!"

"Weakling!!"

"Oh, yeah, well...my god can beat up your god!"

"Can't!"

"Can too!"
(an epic battle that funnily enough started over American Idol shall now change the fate of millions.)


That one made my day/night. I have really enjoyed reading this thread so far, I hope it keeps going. Hopefully, when I'm more awake later, I can come up with some ideas of my own. :D

Lunitari0
05/28/2003 3:37 PM

Sorry for the double post, but it's 6:30pm and I just came up with one:


Dragonlance Uber-Powerful Villain Auditions Today! Come one, come all! Are you really powerful for no damn reason? Do you get really moody and suddenly switch sides? Then this part may be for you!

Fisty: I should get it. It was made for me. I’m twisted, I’m really old and bitchy, and my plans could never succeed no matter what I do! The parts in the bag. *cackle, cackle*

Raist: No, it’s mine! I may be younger, but I’m still bitchy. I’m really thin, sick, and pathetic. I’ve changed robes and alliances more than I can count. I’ve tried to destroy the world, than turned around and saved it, I’ve cheated death more than once, and I’ve got weird eyes skin that people can’t bear to look at. I’m the best Uber-Villian! *cough, cough, cackle, wheeze, cough*

Mina: I’m afraid your both wrong. On my short time on Krynn, I’ve grown up among the clerics and gotten all twisted in my quest to find the One God. I’ve said I heal people and help them, but it’s really just manipulation and they kiss my butt anyway. I’ve mouthed off to Dragons and Death Knights, seduced young boys, and have a Minotaur as a lap dog. I have powers and abilities no human could, or should ever have, and no matter what happens, I’m always annoyingly calm and self-assured. I’m going to win the part of the Uber-Powerful Villain!" *cold, calm smile*

Fisty and Raist: You win!

Mina: I know. It’s the will of the One God!

eswiftfire
05/29/2003 9:30 AM

Yeah. Mina totally sucks.

I'm not sure whether TH and MW did a great job or a bad job with her. She's definitely one of those rare book villains whom I really hate.

Lunitari0
05/29/2003 5:48 PM


Yeah. Mina totally sucks.

I'm not sure whether TH and MW did a great job or a bad job with her. She's definitely one of those rare book villains whom I really hate.


Glad you liked my little spoof. :D

gait_firestorm
06/04/2003 12:22 PM

The thing that i was most likely suprised with was when Kitiara came to visit Raistlin in the tower while he was back in time. Kitiara and Dalamar talked then eventually started on each other. This was suprising that he woke in bed at the next part. If dalamar was here all i would have to say was...
Work it!

[Edited by gait_firestorm on Wednesday, June 4, 2003 12:24 PM]

Lunitari0
06/04/2003 8:14 PM

Riverwind overseeing his diolouge: "Grunt, Grunt!?...Can't I say anymore than that? Look how much Goldmoon gets to run over at the mouth!"

Lunitari0
06/08/2003 8:34 AM

This week on Jerry Springer

- Mages with god-complexes and the women who love them.
- Kender: Kleptomaniacs or just misunderstood?
- Dead men obsessesed with the wiles of female human flesh.
- Gnome-speak: what they're really saying about you.

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