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Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)
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SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Wednesday January 21, 2009 11:07 AM
XD True. Tasteless, yet amusing, I rule that it qualifies as a joke.
But if you were going to put that one up, why didn't you toss in this tasteless bit.
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #331066 - This was a reply to message #331051
Avenging_Angel
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Saturday March 14, 2009 5:32 PM
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't." she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh, well. I tried." he thought.
But, five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"
REPLY
Everywhere I go I repeat: I do not belong here.

Who will bring me hemlock in their own hands?
- Renee Vivien

Reality is an illusion that occurs with a lack of alcohol.
 Message #331905 - This was a reply to message #331066
Unbeliever
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Saturday March 14, 2009 8:18 PM
A scientist heard a rumor of a dead sasquatch found on a nearby Indian reservation. Excited by the news, he made the trip to see what he could find.

Interviewing the natives, though, proved to be fruitless. When he asked, "What do you know about the sasquatch?" didn't understand the word.

Finally, frustrated, he explained. "You know. Big hairy thing. Rotten smell. Sasquatch."

"Oh!" the native replied. "You mean squawsnatch."
REPLY
2011 was way more apocalypsey than 2012.
 Message #331906 - This was a reply to message #331905
Avenging_Angel
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Friday March 27, 2009 5:38 PM
A teacher was doing a class testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of "Lifesavers."
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red... Cherry
Yellow... Lemon
Green... Lime
Orange ... Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well, she said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my God!! They're ass-holes!"
REPLY
Everywhere I go I repeat: I do not belong here.

Who will bring me hemlock in their own hands?
- Renee Vivien

Reality is an illusion that occurs with a lack of alcohol.
 Message #332199 - This was a reply to message #331906
SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Sunday March 29, 2009 10:26 AM
QUOTED  "Oh my God!! They're ass-holes!"


*CACKLES* I had forgotten about that one


QUOTED  "You know. Big hairy thing. Rotten smell. Sasquatch."

"Oh!" the native replied. "You mean squawsnatch."



*shudders* Hell no! But god damn it, that made me laugh my ass off.
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #332215 - This was a reply to message #332199
Benjmn
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Tuesday March 31, 2009 5:07 PM
Old Father O'Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree.

"My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You're the saddest, most forlorn- looking frog I've ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."

The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog."

"Incredible!" said Father O'Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?"

"Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I'll be back to normal."

"Well," said Father O'Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."
So Father O'Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket.

That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep. When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would.

And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...
REPLY
Key lime pies are our deliciousness.

 Message #332257 - This was a reply to message #332215
TheShadowlord
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Thursday April 2, 2009 7:58 AM
DAmmit, Ben. Don't give them more excuses.
REPLY
I feel happy...I feel happy!

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen Roberts
 Message #332284 - This was a reply to message #332257
Benjmn
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Thursday April 2, 2009 10:43 AM
QUOTED  DAmmit, Ben. Don't give them more excuses.


But a defense like that is sure to result in conviction!

Anyway, here's another.

There was a woman who had for years wanted a macaw, but had been prevented from getting one by their high price. So, when she saw a beautiful scarlet macaw in the window of a pet shop for only fifty dollars, she immediately bought it. As she made her purchase, the store owner warned her that this parrot used to be in a brothel and often said very embarrassing things, hence the low price. Undeterred, the woman took the bird home.

As she took the cover off its cage, it squawked,

"New whorehouse, new mistress."

She was slightly shocked, but laughed it off. When her daughters arrived home from school, it squawked,

"New whorehouse, new mistress, new whores"

After explaining the situation to her daughters they all had a good laugh. When the husband arrived home, the bird squawked,

"New whorehouse, new mistress, new whores, same old faces, Hi Sam!"
REPLY
Key lime pies are our deliciousness.

 Message #332285 - This was a reply to message #332284
SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Thursday April 2, 2009 2:01 PM
ROTFFLMFAO!!!
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #332290 - This was a reply to message #332285
Benjmn
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Thursday April 9, 2009 5:55 PM
Okay, ran into this one today. I don't think it's really all that tasteless, but here it is anyway.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him, staring at the wall, appearing to be in deep thought. She watched as he wiped a tear from his eye and sipped his coffee.

"What's the matter dear?" she said as she stepped into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember 20 years ago, when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

The husband pauses, struggling with the words. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I do," she replied, sitting in the chair beside him.

The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved his shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I'll send you to jail for twenty years?'"

"I remember that to," she replied quietly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."
REPLY
Key lime pies are our deliciousness.

 Message #332389 - This was a reply to message #332290

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