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TOPIC: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Tuesday August 21, 2007 7:12 AM
Dear god, I'd forgotten the abortion joke. LOL Thanks for dredging that one back up Silv.

The genie joke reminds me of one I heard back when I was in grade school.


A black guy was walking down the beach one day when he stumbled across a lamp in the sand. After rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared and said " I will grant you three wishes."

The Black guy knew what he wanted for his first two wishes.
"I wish I had a mansion on the beach." he said.

"Done." said the genie.

"I wish I had a million dollars." he said.

"Done." replied the genie.
The genie asked, "What is your final wish, my master?"

The guy thought for a moment and then said, "I wish I was white, uptight, and surrounded by pussy."

The genie waved his hands and said, "POOF! You're a tampon."



As for tasteless racial jokes, I know a few but one pops into my mind.


What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

The pizza doesn't scream when it's put in the oven.

*ducks and covers his genitals*
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #319916 - This was a reply to message #319897
bubbles
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Tuesday August 21, 2007 7:35 PM
How many Jews can you fit in a VW beetle?
1 million and 5, two in the front seats, 3 in the back seats and about a million in the ash tray.
REPLY
 Message #319950 - This was a reply to message #319916
StoicFervor
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Tuesday August 21, 2007 8:05 PM
Great...I think I started something here...and just so no one says I don't make fun of my own heritage...



A black guy, a Mexican, and a Polack were planning a trip out into a desert, and agreed to bring a share of supplies.

The black guy showed up with a basket full of chicken and watermelon. "This way we have something to eat when we get hungry."

The Mexican showed up with a couple bottles of tequila. "This way we have something to drink if we get thirsty."

The Polack showed up with a car door. When the others asked him why he brought that, he replied, "so when it gets hot, we can just roll down the window."

---------------------------------

A beautiful young woman was crossing the street one night when got hit by a speeding car. The force of the collision caused her clothes to be ripped off of her. A passing priest who witnessed the accident hurried over and covered her naked body with his jacket.

Hearing the sound of the accident, Seamus O'Brien stumbled out of a nearby bar to investigate, arriving just in time to watch the priest cover the body, and he commented loudly to gathering people.

"The first thing we gotta do, is get that man outta here!"

---------------------------------

An Irishman lay dying in a hospital bed, with his closest friend sitting in a chair nearby. Looking over, he whispered, "John, me boy...you've been the best friend I've had in my life, and I 'ave one last request. When I'm gone, I want ye to pour a bottle of finest Irish whiskey over me grave."

Moved to tears, John nodded and asked if he could make one small change to the request.

"Anything, me boy, what is it?"

"Would ya be mindin' if the bottle passes through my kidneys first?"



(Apologies if I slaughter the accent, no apologies if ya can't take a joke.)

[Edit: There nanuk, the name's spelled correct. And yeah, it was about impending necro.]

[[Edited by StoicFervor on Wednesday August 22, 2007 8:16 PM]]
REPLY
'Sic vis pacem para bellum'

Sometimes I aim to please, other times I shoot to kill.

"Enemies are the price of honour."

"Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

Honesty might be the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 Message #319956 - This was a reply to message #319950
nanuk
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Wednesday August 22, 2007 2:40 AM
QUOTED  and just so no one says I don't make fun of my own heritage...


And mine, apparently!

Oh if only DW was still busy and I was still in charge of the threads...



QUOTED  Shamus O'Brien


Im you're going to mock us at least spell the name right- Seamus.
Shamus just makes me think Shamu's, which does make it a somewhat more interesting picture.

Also, I don't get the joke.


QUOTED  Apologies if I slaughter the accent


If cockney Irishman is what you were going for you did just fine
REPLY
"Just imagine the headlines 'Howard Moon, Colon, Explorer'. Got a ring to that don't it?"

"Colon Explorer?"

"You know what I'm saying."
 Message #319964 - This was a reply to message #319956
SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Wednesday August 22, 2007 8:13 AM
I'm guessing that the joke was a subtle (almost TOO subtle) hint at impending necrophilia.

Does anyone know any Norwegian jokes? I'd more than happy to poke fun at my own heritage, but I've NEVER heard a joke with a Norwegian in it.

Bubbles, LOL I'd forgotten that one.

OK, yet another truly DISGUSTING joke. (Yes, it's somewhat sexual in nature. I run with a somewhat uncouth crowd)

After a long day on the road, a travelling salesman walks into a bar and orders himself a beer. After a while he asks the bartender if he knows of a decent whorehouse in the area that won't bankrupt him in one visit.

The bartender replies "Sure, there's one just a mile down the road and they've got fairly resonable rates." "Just make sure you don't get Sandpaper Sally."

"Why?" asked the salesman.

"Whatever you do, DON'T get Sandpaper Sally!"

The salesman left and drove down to the whorehouse, went inside and said he would like to get a whore. The Madam said "The only one that is available is Sally." The salesman was remembering what the bartender said and decided not to heed his words.
"ok, I'll take Sally." he said.

In the room, he started to have sex with Sally and promptly began to scream in excruciating pain. Sally jumped up, apologizing and disappeared into the bathroom. A few minutes later, she came out and the salesman tried again to have sex with her. This time the ordeal felt much better.

"What did you do to make it feel better?" he asked.

"I tore the scab off."
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #319977 - This was a reply to message #319964
StoicFervor
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Wednesday August 22, 2007 8:29 PM
You know Sisq, up until I read your last joke, I was hungry. Was. Lol, good one. More random jokes...let's pick on sexual orientations now. Obviously, I like making fun of anything and everything.

And nanuk...with a heritage like mine, I gotta have a sense of humor about it. Polish, German, Russian, Ukranian, English, Irish, Swedish, and Dutch. Tell me that's not a joke in itself.




A man goes into a bar and orders six double shots of vodka. The bartender serves them and looks at the guy curiously after he'd downed the shots. "Bad day?"

"You better believe it. I just found out my son is gay."

The next day, the same guy shows back up at the bar and orders another six double shots and downs them quickly. The bartender asked, "what's wrong now?"

The man looks at him and replies, "I just found out my brothers are gay too!"

The following day, the man returns and repeats his order for six double shots. Shaking his head in disbelief, the bartender exclaimed, "Jesus, doesn't anyone in your family like women?!"

The man finished the last shot and looked at the bartender. "Yeah...my wife."

[[Edited by StoicFervor on Wednesday August 22, 2007 8:48 PM]]
REPLY
'Sic vis pacem para bellum'

Sometimes I aim to please, other times I shoot to kill.

"Enemies are the price of honour."

"Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

Honesty might be the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 Message #320005 - This was a reply to message #319977
Avenging_Angel
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Wednesday August 22, 2007 9:11 PM
QUOTED  What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

The pizza doesn't scream when it's put in the oven.


That's getting broken out next time I go to shul

Let's see, now... don't have many truly tasteless ones, but here's a few.

***

What do you call a black kid on a bicycle?

Thief!

***
Did you know Helen Keller had a pony?

Neither did she.

***

Why do they boil water when a baby's being born?

If it's born dead, they can at least have soup.

***

There were three construction workers who were friends, a mexican, an irishman, and a blonde. One day they were sitting together eating lunch. The mexican opened his lunch and groaned. "Aye carumba, burritos again? I swear, if I have burritos for lunch once more, I'm jumping off this building."
The irishman opened his lunch and sighed. "Corned beef -again-!? If I have to eat this once more for lunch, I'll throw myself off this building."
The blonde then opens his lunch and groans. "Turkey sandwich again? I get this once more, and I'm jumping off the building."

So, the next day they sit down to lunch together again, on the roof. The mexican opens his lunchbox, sighs, and jumps off the building. The irishman then opens his lunchbox, groans, and off he goes. The blonde opens his and follows suit.
The funerals were held together, and the grieving widows met up.
"Oh god, if only I'd known he was so unhappy, I'd have packed him something else!" the mexican's widow wailed.
"I thought he -liked- corned beef!" the irishman's widow sobbed. Mysteriously, though, the blonde's widow wasn't crying.
She shrugged and said, "Well, my husband packed his own damn lunch."



[[Edited by Avenging_Angel on Wednesday August 22, 2007 9:12 PM]]
REPLY
Everywhere I go I repeat: I do not belong here.

Who will bring me hemlock in their own hands?
- Renee Vivien

Reality is an illusion that occurs with a lack of alcohol.
 Message #320006 - This was a reply to message #320005
TheShadowlord
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Thursday August 23, 2007 9:36 AM
As the resident Norwegian you'd think I'd know plenty of Norwegian jokes. I don't. I know Swede jokes.



How do you get a one-armed Swede down from a flagpole?

You wave.


.....



I do know a decent Jew joke, but it only works in Norwegian (it's a pun).
REPLY
I feel happy...I feel happy!

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen Roberts
 Message #320018 - This was a reply to message #320006
Silveran
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


Contributor: Gold: This member has donated over $50 to the RPG Consortium. Master Sweeper: The member that got voted as a master sweeper during a sweepsweek.

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Saturday August 25, 2007 3:47 PM
What does the Mexican say in the 'hood?

Undilay Undilay, your reeboks! your reeboks!
REPLY
Death before Dishonor -- Nothing before Coffee

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione
 Message #320067 - This was a reply to message #320018
SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Saturday August 25, 2007 11:44 PM
Soooo, we're on to mexicans now.


Why do mexicans have such small steering wheels?

So they can drive with the handcuffs on.



Why do mexicans drive lowriders?

It makes it easier to pick the lettuce.


OK, back to alternate lifestyles


One day a gay guy walked into a bar and ordered a beer. While drinking his beer, he noticed that the other guys were playing some sort of drinking game. Every time a touchdown was scored in the game on the TV, a guy would chug his beer, run to the far end of the bar, drops his pants and farts. The other guys cheer and yell "Extra point!"
After watching the game for a while he decides he wants to play. After the next touchdown, the guy chugs his beer, runs to the end of the bar, drops his drawers and tries to fart. Before he can get out so much as a squeak, the gay guy runs up, shoves his dick up the guys butt, and yells "Block that kick! Block that kick!"

Yeah, that one is bad, but it seemed a lot funnier at the age of 14.

Confuscius says: Woman who flies upside down has hairy crack up.

Confuscius says: Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Confuscius says: Man who snorts coke, drowns.
OR
Man who snorts coke gets ice cube stuck in nose.



What's green and red and goes about 200 RPM?

Kermit the frog in a blender.
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #320073 - This was a reply to message #320067

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