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Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)
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TOPIC: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Crix
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Saturday July 28, 2007 12:42 PM
What waddles and can't get through doorways?
A baby with a javaline in its head.

Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs floating in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

Whats the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can fit a bagel in the toaster, you need an oven to cook baby.

Whats got four big tires, smokes, and squeals?
A school bus on fire.
REPLY
I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me!
WHY didn't you believe me? - "Happy Happy, Joy Joy" - Ren and Stimpy
 Message #319232 - This was a reply to message #319212
Crix
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Saturday July 28, 2007 12:49 PM
-------------OFFENSIVE-ER----------------------

Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Shes a woman.

Have you seen a picture of Helen Kellers dad? Neither has she!

how did helen keller burn the side of her face? she answered the iron. how did she burn the other side? they called back.

Why does helen keller's iron ring like a telephone.
It doesn't. She's deaf.

Noone in the world has a sixth sense. Because Helen Keller is the only psychic.

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her? Stuck doorknobs to the walls.

EDIT: I got rid of a joke... it was a little too mean

[[Edited by Crix on Saturday July 28, 2007 12:50 PM]]
REPLY
I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me!
WHY didn't you believe me? - "Happy Happy, Joy Joy" - Ren and Stimpy
 Message #319233 - This was a reply to message #319232
Kitiara
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Saturday July 28, 2007 6:39 PM
What's black and taps at the window?
A baby in a microwave.

What's black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
Paraplegic in a house fire.

What's so great about fucking a five year old girl?
Flip her over and she's a five year old boy.

Okay, that's enough for now.
REPLY
Anyone you can describe as chipper is to be avoided. You never know when they'll crack. Eventually, they're gonna start gnawing on the nearest thing they can, whether it's a hood ornament or wristwatch, wrist still attached; a moment when that uniform they've made for themselves breaks down and they fall to pieces, right out of it. Give me the life-haters any day. They'll play you straight. -Oobie
 Message #319250 - This was a reply to message #319233
Crix
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Saturday July 28, 2007 8:23 PM
QUOTED  What's so great about fucking a five year old girl?
Flip her over and she's a five year old boy.



Sweet baby jesus bouncing on a pogo stick in an effort to cure cancer....

That is the sickest thing I have heard in a REALLY long time.


TOUCHE!
REPLY
I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me!
WHY didn't you believe me? - "Happy Happy, Joy Joy" - Ren and Stimpy
 Message #319257 - This was a reply to message #319250
SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Sunday July 29, 2007 8:40 AM
Wow. That managed to drop my jaw..... it reminds me of a different one I heard in the same vein though.

What's the hardest thing about eating bald pussy?
Getting the diaper back on when you're done.

What's the hardest thing about eating vegetables?
Getting them back in the wheelchair when you're done.


It's funny how many "jokes" we keep to ourselves because they're deemed offensive by someone else. Is it offensive because of the content? Or is it offensive because we usually laugh our frickin asses off?



A guy went for a jog around the lake, like he did every day. He came across a quadrupalegic woman sitting in a wheelchair, crying.
"what's wrong?" he asked.
"I've never been hugged before." she said.

The guy figured "What the hell." and gave her a hug.

He jogged around the lake and when he came back, the woman was crying harder.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"I've never been kissed before." she replied.
The guy leaned down and gave her a kiss and resumed his jog.

He jogged around the lake again and when he came back, the woman was there, crying even harder.
"NOW what's the matter?" he asked.
"I've never been fucked before." she replied.
The guy picked her up out of her wheelchair and threw her into the middle of the lake, and said "Now you're fucked."
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #319277 - This was a reply to message #319257
DarkDalamar20
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Monday July 30, 2007 12:39 PM
The ambitious coach of a girls track team starts giving his squad steroids. Their performance soars, and they go on to win the county and state championships. The day before the nationals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler, comes into his office.

Coach, she says, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.

Oh my God! yells the coach. Well, how far down does it go?

Down to my balls, she replies, and thats another thing I wanted to talk to you about&"
REPLY
Am I a bad person doing good things...or a good person doing bad things... - Dexter
 Message #319314 - This was a reply to message #318826
SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Tuesday July 31, 2007 5:53 PM
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's white, made of plastic, and is very dangerous to small children and the other is a plastic bag.



What do Michael Jackson and K-mart have in common?

They both have little boys pants half off.
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #319371 - This was a reply to message #319314
Darthwedge
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Tuesday July 31, 2007 5:57 PM
The first one was already done lol.

Hmm, tastless joke you say hmm?

What does PSP stand for? Pretty small Penis
REPLY
Peace is but a shadow of death, desperate to forget its painful past. Though we hope for promising years, after shedding a thousand tears, yesterday's sorrow constantly nears. And while the moon still shines blue, by dawn it will turn a scarlet hue....

-Kuja FF9
 Message #319372 - This was a reply to message #319371
Silveran
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Wednesday August 1, 2007 9:56 AM
The fastest way to unload a truck-load of fetuses? Pitch-fork.

A guy goes to a whore house and decides he wants to most expensive woman there. Being the best, of course, there is a bit of a wait while she finished up with another client. So, the madam takes the young man into a room to wait. He notices a steel bowl on the table with a cloth over it and looks under the cloth.

"Tomatoes! I love tomatoes" he cries and begins eating them.

After a bit, a young woman walks in, screams in horror and runs out crying.

"Odd" he thinks, and bites into another tomato.

Another few minutes pass and another young woman comes in, screams and runs out crying.

"What is it with these women?" he thinks.

Finally, the hooker he's waiting for comes out, in a flimsy nightie, breathily says, "You ready?" looks at the young man and faints.

The guy calls in the madam who immediately tosses him out the door.

Angry, he comes back the next week and watches the place. At about the time he would have been with the woman last week, a truck pulls up and a guy walks in. Five minutes later, he walks out with the bowl of tomatoes.

He walks up to the guy and asks, "Where did they get those great looking tomatoes?"

"What tomatoes? These are this week's abortions!"
REPLY
Death before Dishonor -- Nothing before Coffee

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione
 Message #319397 - This was a reply to message #319372
StoicFervor
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Monday August 20, 2007 9:04 PM
I know you said tasteless jokes, but I can't help but laugh at this one whenever I hear it. If you've ever watched the movie Boondock Saints, you've heard it. And yeah, it's racist.


A black guy, a Mexican, and a white guy are walking on a beach when they find a lamp. When they pick it up and rub the sand off, a genie appears. The genie tells them that since there are three of them, they'll each get a wish.

The black guy steps forward. "I wish that me and all my black brothers were out of America and back in Africa." The genie nods, "it shall be done." *poof* The black guy disappears.

The Mexican steps up and says "I wish that me and all the other Mexicans were out of America and back in Mexico." The genie nods, "it shall be done." *poof* The Mexican disappears.

The genie looks at the white guy. "What do you wish?"

The white guy looks around, then looks at the genie. "You mean to tell me, all the blacks and all the Mexicans are gone out of the US?" The genie nods, and the white guy just shrugs. "Hell, then I guess I'll just have a Coke then."
REPLY
'Sic vis pacem para bellum'

Sometimes I aim to please, other times I shoot to kill.

"Enemies are the price of honour."

"Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

Honesty might be the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 Message #319897 - This was a reply to message #319397

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