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finding_ambers_love
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)
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Saturday July 10, 2010 1:55 PM
QUOTED  From a friend of mine...

What do a pile of shingles and a bunch of fat chicks have in common?

They'll both wind up getting nailed by a Mexican.


One of my friends is Mexican, and he told me that joke. xD

Here's one I heard the other day:

A blond is getting annoyed by the dandruff that keeps falling on her face from her lover's hair when they have sex. So she goes to a local hair salon and asks a stylist what should she do to stop the dandruff.

"Try Head and Shoulders." the stylist replies.

The blond looks tips her head for a second in confusion then asks, "Well, I know how to give him head, but how do I give him shoulders?"

xD blond jokes. major fun.

-Snakie (aka Amber)

[[Edited by finding_ambers_love on Saturday July 10, 2010 1:57 PM]]
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 Message #337492 - This was a reply to message #336213
TheShadowlord
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Wednesday July 13, 2011 4:34 PM
bump
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I feel happy...I feel happy!

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen Roberts
 Message #340001 - This was a reply to message #318826
Silveran
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


Contributor: Gold: This member has donated over $50 to the RPG Consortium. Master Sweeper: The member that got voted as a master sweeper during a sweepsweek.

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Tuesday January 10, 2012 5:34 AM
What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic?

Having to go back in to ask for a coat-hanger.
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Death before Dishonor -- Nothing before Coffee

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione
 Message #340582 - This was a reply to message #340001
SisqAlpha
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)

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Thursday January 12, 2012 10:52 PM
LOL!
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"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #340597 - This was a reply to message #340582
tassanaburrfoot
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Thursday February 9, 2012 4:46 AM
My grandmother has this beautiful umbrella cockatoo named Max.

My grandmother was sitting at the dining room table one day talking to this lawyer about Road Home and what she needed to do about her previous property. My cousin was standing next to Max's cage to keep him quiet. (He kept screeching when she'd walk away.)

The lawyer was giving my grandmother the go around and really just talking her up. Finally, Max said very loudly, "He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about!"

My cousin walked out of the room.

~~

Everyone in my dad's family calls my dad "Junior." Max has picked up on this and will call him by name. (Max calls everyone by name.)

One day, my dad, mom, brother, and I were at my grandmother's house. Max called my dad and my dad looked at the bird and said, "Yes, Max?"

Max said, very politely, "Come here."

My dad got up from the table and walked up to the cage. "Yes, Max?" he asked again.

But my dad wasn't close enough, so Max said, "Come here."

My dad got up to the cage and tilted his head down ever so slightly and said, "Yes, Max?"

Just loud enough for everyone to hear, Max replied, "I'm gonna fuck you up. Then I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend."

~~

My aunt has this tabby cat that had to undergo reconstructive surgery when he was like two or three years old. He had had a really bad urinary tract infection and the only way for the doctors to save his life was to turn him into a female. Since then, we think he may have had a false pregnancy because he likes to carry small stuffed animals around and cry as though they were his babies. (Sounds really pathetic when he does this, too. I really feel for him.)

Anyway, one night my aunt was sitting at the dining room table, drinking a coke and smoking a cigarette when Biscuit came into the kitchen with one of his "babies." Max, always inquisitive, watched the cat for a few moments as the cat was crying. Finally, in a very concerned voice, Max looks up at my aunt and asks, "What's wrong with him?"

My aunt shrugs and says, "I don't know, Max. You'll have to ask him."

Max looks down at the cat and asks, "Biscuit, what's wrong with you?"

~~

Maybe it's just me, but sometimes the true stuff is funnier than the common jokes.
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Slytherin Pride


W.W.D.D.


You are never too young to die nor too old to live. ~Me!


"Infinity is hard to grasp when I'm born destined to die." ~Lich-Nexus


"Hope is the dream of a waking man." ~Aristotle
 Message #340680 - This was a reply to message #340597
Lich_Nexus
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Friday February 10, 2012 1:17 AM
Max sounds like one badass bird!
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Pierced from below, souls of my trecherous past
Betrayed by many, now ornaments dripping above


The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks!
 Message #340682 - This was a reply to message #340680
tassanaburrfoot
RE: Totally Tasteless Jokes (May become obscene)


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Friday February 10, 2012 4:57 AM
He is. He knows everyone's names, including the other animals. He likes to drink Coca~Cola and eat fried chicken.

When we got back to NOLA after the storm, my aunt cut off the living room from the rest of the house so we could house the cats and birds. To keep them from getting lonely, she put a TV in the room and turned it on. At one point, someone turned the channel to HBO and left it there. Needless to say, Max now has quite the potty mouth.

He calls people "stupid" and "bitch." My aunt has this little Pomeranian mix that is always lying on her back in a spread eagle position. When the dog, Ripley, does this, my aunt calls her a little slut. Well, one too many times of hearing that and one day, Max was getting attention from my cousin when he called her a "slut."

He doesn't understand the meaning of the words, but he does understand the intent, I believe. After meeting my uncle for the first time, my aunt asked Max what he thought of him. Max replied, "He's a pretty boy."

He's also highly conceited. He'll tell you that he is a pretty bird and if you ask him who loves him, he'll say, "Max loves Max." (And he does this with full conviction.)
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Slytherin Pride


W.W.D.D.


You are never too young to die nor too old to live. ~Me!


"Infinity is hard to grasp when I'm born destined to die." ~Lich-Nexus


"Hope is the dream of a waking man." ~Aristotle
 Message #340686 - This was a reply to message #340682

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