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TOPIC: Funny Is...

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SisqAlpha
RE: Funny Is...

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Saturday January 8, 2011 10:36 PM
Funny is our dog Tink, who was named for her habit of busting ass in DL's hands as a pup, living up to her name over seven years later and breaking wind while sitting in DL's lap. I thought she was going to urp.
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #338999 - This was a reply to message #338855
SisqAlpha
RE: Funny Is...

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Thursday January 13, 2011 1:05 PM
The wife sent me an email today that pretty much sums up what's wrong with this fucking state.



California

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out bites the Governor and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi", then realizes he should stop,
the coyote is only doing what's natural.

2. He calls Animal Control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 for testing it for disease.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for disease from the coyote and for getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail is shut down for 6 months, while Fish & Game conducts their $100,000 survey to
make sure the area is free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor next spends $50,000 in state funds,implementing a "Coyote Awareness" program for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease, throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not somehow stopping the attack and for letting the Governor attempt to intervene.

9. Additional cost to State of California : $75,000 to hire and train a new security agent with
additional special training re: The Nature of Coyotes.

10. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files suit against the state.


Arizona

The Governor of Arizona is jogging, with her dog, along a nature trail.
A coyote jumps out and attacks her dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her state-issued pistol and keeps jogging.

The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow-point cartridge.

2. Arizona buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke.
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #339048 - This was a reply to message #338999
TheShadowlord
RE: Funny Is...

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Thursday January 13, 2011 2:09 PM
See, what I get from this is
California: overly bureucratic, but civilized
Arizona: nuts with guns
REPLY
I feel happy...I feel happy!

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen Roberts
 Message #339049 - This was a reply to message #339048
StoicFervor
RE: Funny Is...

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Saturday January 15, 2011 6:00 AM
And give me the simpler life any day of the week.
REPLY
'Sic vis pacem para bellum'

Sometimes I aim to please, other times I shoot to kill.

"Enemies are the price of honour."

"Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

Honesty might be the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 Message #339061 - This was a reply to message #339049
TheShadowlord
RE: Funny Is...

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Saturday January 15, 2011 4:26 PM
Life living out on the savannah foraging for food every day wearing nothing but lice and fleas is simple (if not easy). I'll stick with
civilization.
REPLY
I feel happy...I feel happy!

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen Roberts
 Message #339073 - This was a reply to message #339061
SisqAlpha
RE: Funny Is...

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Monday January 17, 2011 8:32 AM
I'll take the foraging for food everyday. Then I don't have to worry about jackass laws made up to regulate us into being good little drones.
REPLY
"Tuna and bread. Tuna and bread."-----

"Fuck tuna and bread. Star Trek is on."
-------------------------------------------------
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." ~George S. Patton
 Message #339081 - This was a reply to message #339073
TheShadowlord
RE: Funny Is...

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Monday January 17, 2011 3:07 PM
And I'll stick with laws made to protect me and other people from abusive jerks.
No cilivization without laws (sadly).
REPLY
I feel happy...I feel happy!

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen Roberts
 Message #339085 - This was a reply to message #339081
DragonLady
RE: Funny Is...

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Monday January 17, 2011 7:10 PM
Funny is Amazon.com making a huge boo boo, that allowed me and SEVERAL other people, to buy 2 PlayStation 3 for $39.99 instead of $399.99.
REPLY
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
 Message #339086 - This was a reply to message #339085
Avenging_Angel
RE: Funny Is...


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Tuesday January 25, 2011 8:03 AM
Funny, but mostly weird is ending up at a gas station in the middle of a blizzard on a Monday evening buying condoms for a gay guy. Poor boy is terribly shy, and since he's a good friend I wanted to help ensure he was being, ahem, safe. But seeing as how he's several years older than I, and I'm barely old enough to buy the damn things, this just seems... weird.
This then later led to a discussion of the term "v-card", what counts as losing it, and if bisexuals have two.

What happens in Iowa stays in Iowa.
REPLY
Everywhere I go I repeat: I do not belong here.

Who will bring me hemlock in their own hands?
- Renee Vivien

Reality is an illusion that occurs with a lack of alcohol.
 Message #339170 - This was a reply to message #339086
TheShadowlord
RE: Funny Is...

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Tuesday January 25, 2011 4:21 PM
You have age limits on condoms?
That's pretty damn weird.
REPLY
I feel happy...I feel happy!

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen Roberts
 Message #339178 - This was a reply to message #339170

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