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The Mystery of Love
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TOPIC: The Mystery of Love

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Shallandra
RE: The Mystery of Love


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Friday December 30, 2005 5:33 PM
Ya know Dogar - your insights can sometimes be - ah, quite original. Glad you seem to be out of that angsty bitter phase (for the most part anyway).

I agree that puppy love is more of an infatuation than anything - it's very intense and very real - but not made of anything that is lasting.


QUOTED  After that though, it enters into real love; which is a combination of friendship, loyalty and intellectual interest, with a side dish of wildy salty lust thrown in too keep things from becoming blandly Platonic.


Now that's the kinda stuff I'm lookin' for!! *fans self*
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"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." ~ Mario Andretti

"Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet." ~ Chinese Proverb

"Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried." ~ G.K. Chesterton
 Message #287400 - This was a reply to message #287398
Unbeliever
RE: The Mystery of Love


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Saturday December 31, 2005 3:26 PM
QUOTED  How do YOU define love?


To me, love is something you feel for someone that, just by thinking about them, makes you feel better, happier. To the point that you would want to protect that person from anything.


QUOTED  Are there different types?


Of course. The love one feels for their parents would be different than the love for a girl/boyfriend. While there are a lot of similarities, there are a great many differences. Being away from home, I've thought about my dad every now and then, and how I miss him, but I've never wound up with a dopey grin on my face for it. Thinking about my ex-girlfriend, while we were still together, did.


QUOTED  Can it truly exist in its purest form?


Absolutely. The love two people can have for each other is boundless. More often than not, it fades a bit, if not completely, but I'm sure there are plenty of people that have been truly in love for their entire lives. That is the purest form of love to me. One that doesn't fade. If it fades, then it was probably just an infatuation in the first place.


QUOTED  And WHY do we "fall in love?"


That's probably the hardest question of them all. Of course, humans have an innate desire for companionship, so I'm sure that has a great deal to do with the issue. Along with that, as we're raised there are stories of people falling in love all over the place. Nearly every kids story or movie has some sort of "love" story in it. So, we grow up expecting to find that one person that will make our hearts stop a moment and then flutter all out of control. Sadly enough, I think our society has more to do with it than our hearts. Nonetheless, as I stated in another thread, it's utterly fantastic.


QUOTED  Do we have any choice over who we fall in love with? Why do we fall for certain types of people, but not others?


Well, I'd say the second question answers the first. If we only fall for certain types of people, then of course we have some choice. My sister-in-law, for instance, I would never have even bothered getting to know her, but my brother obviously found something appealing to him.

Well, I know there are certain personality traits I simply can't stand, and therefore I would never want to be around a person that exhibited them. Obviously, I would never fall in love with a person I never wanted to be around. Along with that, people with very high ideals would probably be hard pressed to wind up with someone of differing opinions in key subjects. It's happened, but it's rare.

It really comes down to a matter of companionship. You wouldn't choose a companion that annoyed you or argued with you all the time about things you held dear. A good companion is someone you get along well with. Every person has to find that right sort of person for them; the kind that can meld with their personality, and vice versa.

All in all, though, people surrender to their desire for companionship moreso than they search for love. Most people have a fear of being alone, and therefore wind up with the first person that shows an interest in them. That's why you hear so many stories about people in bad relationships. It's not because love is such a hard thing to find, so much as people aren't looking for it in the right way. If you're patient and wait for the right person, rather than trying to convince yourself that Bill down the street has some quirks that you like, you should be able to find someone that, at the very least, makes you happy.

I'll conclude with making the completely confusing statement, that I am in fact a hopeless romantic. I look at things from a little more clinical perspective, but love is spectacular, and I would do a great many things in its name.

Happy New Year.
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2011 was way more apocalypsey than 2012.
 Message #287445 - This was a reply to message #287400
Shallandra
RE: The Mystery of Love


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Sunday January 1, 2006 5:20 PM
That's a well thought-out post, UB. I figured I'd start with your last comment, since I didn't find it as confusing as you might think.

QUOTED  I'll conclude with making the completely confusing statement, that I am in fact a hopeless romantic. I look at things from a little more clinical perspective, but love is spectacular, and I would do a great many things in its name.


While I tend to be someone who is driven by emotions & intuitions in life - I become rather clinical when it comes to love. Particularly when it comes to the love (or lack thereof) in my own life. I'm much more comfortable communicating my analysis of my feelings, rather than my feelings themselves - and yet - I do believe I'm a hopeless romantic as well. As much as I may try to pick apart this crazy thing called 'love' - there's part of me that still hopes for it, longs for it to be a constant in my life. There's a desire in me to embrace it with reckless abandon, even though the logical part of me thinks it wouldn't really exist for me.

But I have been in love before - and in the context of those relationships, I sure did some crazy things. I suppose when you're free to be ruled by your heart, logic seems to take a backseat to things (and sometimes it gets tossed out of the car all together!). All that to say - it's possible to be clinical in one's viewpoint, and yet still hope for the irrational experience of true love.


QUOTED 
QUOTED  Can it truly exist in its purest form?


Absolutely. The love two people can have for each other is boundless. More often than not, it fades a bit, if not completely, but I'm sure there are plenty of people that have been truly in love for their entire lives. That is the purest form of love to me. One that doesn't fade. If it fades, then it was probably just an infatuation in the first place.


Boundless love - do you mean unconditional love? I think the waters get a little muddy there....especially with all that goes on in today's relationships. Sure, I'd like to think that I'm capeable of boundless love that will never fade....but people eventually hurt one another (and some do really awful things), and after a while, love is simply unable to exist in a place of constant pain. I don't think it makes the love felt before any less real - but over time, it can simply go away.

Most folks who have been married a long time talk about the ups and downs of their relationship - times that they've wondered if they should just bail out all together. They chose to stay together (for whatever reason - it may or may not have been because of their commitment to love one another), and there seems to be a richness to the relationship because of it. Of course, there are others who grow apart and stay together in marriage only - but have divorced emotionally long ago. I think there are more couples out there like that than we think there are.



QUOTED 
QUOTED  Do we have any choice over who we fall in love with? Why do we fall for certain types of people, but not others?


Well, I'd say the second question answers the first. If we only fall for certain types of people, then of course we have some choice. My sister-in-law, for instance, I would never have even bothered getting to know her, but my brother obviously found something appealing to him.


But what made you choose to NOT like those things that your brother does? Did you have a choice in that - or was it simply an in-born preference...akin to liking green beans and not brussel sprouts? Why are you two drawn to different people - when you have similar genetics and were raised in the same environment? That's the part that confuses me.


QUOTED  All in all, though, people surrender to their desire for companionship moreso than they search for love. Most people have a fear of being alone, and therefore wind up with the first person that shows an interest in them. That's why you hear so many stories about people in bad relationships. It's not because love is such a hard thing to find, so much as people aren't looking for it in the right way. If you're patient and wait for the right person, rather than trying to convince yourself that Bill down the street has some quirks that you like, you should be able to find someone that, at the very least, makes you happy.


There's a lot of truth to that. Our society is built for couples and families - and it's hard to do a lot of things as a single person. And as humans, we do crave that companionship - because we are relational beings. There are simply some life experiences that would be more meaningful if they were shared with another person.

I've been on my own for so long, that I don't have a fear of being alone. I can provide for myself, and live an emotionally fulfilling life without feeling like I *have* to have a mate. And of course, some part of me enjoys the safety of being alone - no one is close enough to me to cause deep emotional pain that way. But I think sometimes the price I pay for my safety is a high one - because I'm robbed of the opportunity to fully immerse myself in the love of another. Of course - finding that 'other' who I would feel safe enough to do that with is an entire story unto itself.
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"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." ~ Mario Andretti

"Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet." ~ Chinese Proverb

"Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried." ~ G.K. Chesterton
 Message #287474 - This was a reply to message #287445
Bella_Morel
RE: The Mystery of Love

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Monday January 16, 2006 10:05 PM
Well guys, yes it's been forever since I've posted anything, and most of you don't know me. Just to make it easier, I'm Silveran's busty other half.

I think that all the different flavors of love can be defined in one sentence.

Love is when the other person's well-being and happiness affect, to whatever degree, your own happiness and well-being, where the other person's condition does not affect your own survival.

I have come to that definition through a lot of thinking about what love means to me. I don't mean just the hormonal rush of puppy love, or the platonic love of friends, or self-love, or the abiding comfort of marital love, I mean love in general.

I started thinking about it many years ago when I felt called to help others, and wondered why I felt it needful to concern myself with the issues affecting other people who truly meant nothing to my success or survival. It stayed in my mind through several relationships that went awry, the birth of my daughter, and many changes of friends. I think that if my definition isn't very specific, it at least addresses the difference between love and material dependancy.

Anyway, there's my two cents!

Bella
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 Message #289259 - This was a reply to message #287474
sillysica
RE: The Mystery of Love

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Friday February 3, 2006 12:58 AM
QUOTED  I think that if my definition isn't very specific, it at least addresses the difference between love and material dependancy.



I believe that while Love brings about many differnt emotions and feelings that at times, can be so overwhelming, your definition pretty much covers it. Yes love is going to affect you. Your senses your mind, your physical being. Its all going to undergo a change when you fall in love. Your heart changes and embraces everything that other person is offering. You fall in what they call Love and you never want to lose it. Yet while Love is an intense feeling that brings about pleasure, It likewise brings about pain. Heartache. Hate, jealousy, you name it and I can almost guarantee that love has played a major role in it. I dont want to delve too deep into this because loce can be such a broad topic. There are so many different ways to love as well. Its all based on ones personal opinion and experience with it. I dont necessarily think that there is a definition that could perfectly describe exactly what love is compared to what is could and ought to be.
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Live for the day and if the day doesn't come, don't leave knowing there was something else you could have done.
 Message #290637 - This was a reply to message #289259
Airiana
RE: The Mystery of Love


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Friday February 3, 2006 3:28 PM
I think love can be hard for people to define because there are so many facets and levels to it, but here is my take on it.

QUOTED  How do YOU define love?

To me, love is being happy from just the thought or presence of that person. A feeling of wanting to be with them, and a willingness to do whatever you possibly can to make them happy, even if it means you won't be. Knowing that you would lay down your life for that person to ensure their safety and happiness.

QUOTED  Are there different types?

Certainly. Love for parents, siblings, other family members, friends, pets, and partners are all differnet types of love.

QUOTED  Can it truly exist in its purest form?

Unconditional love... whether that be between lovers/partners or parents for their children... I believe it to exist, yes.

QUOTED And WHY do we "fall in love?"

Falling in love is the human response to loneliness... it is wanting companionship and wanting that void within oneself filled in.

QUOTED Do we have any choice over who we fall in love with?

I would like to think so, but I'm not so sure... I know that there have been plenty of people who have loved someone even when they hated that person.

QUOTED  Why do we fall for certain types of people, but not others?

I think it all just boils down to our self-concepts, really. You look for people that align themselves with what you believe is yourself, though what you perceived may be completely wrong later!
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Serenity isn't freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm.


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 Message #290657 - This was a reply to message #286370
Damien
RE: The Mystery of Love


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Friday February 3, 2006 3:36 PM
QUOTED  You look for people that align themselves with what you believe is yourself


Whoo.. hear that Shall? Scary thought.
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American by birth. Anti-Christ by choice.
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 Message #290659 - This was a reply to message #290657
goddess_dawn
RE: The Mystery of Love


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Friday February 3, 2006 3:51 PM
QUOTED 
QUOTED  You look for people that align themselves with what you believe is yourself


Whoo.. hear that Shall? Scary thought.

heh heh heh heh.... hmmmm i always knew there was more than a sweet candy-coated shell it is that dark chocolate center
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Westley: Hear this now: I will always come for you.
Buttercup: But how can you be sure?
Westley: This is true love - you think this happens every day?




i'm going sane in a crazy world.....
before you insult someone, you should first walk a mile in their shoes.

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Damien
RE: The Mystery of Love


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Saturday February 4, 2006 7:48 AM
QUOTED  heh heh heh heh.... hmmmm i always knew there was more than a sweet candy-coated shell it is that dark chocolate center



So I'm a reflection of the dark chocolate center underneath Shall's candy-coated shell?
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American by birth. Anti-Christ by choice.
"My god has a bigger dick than your god."


"Tolerance is the policy of those men who no longer believe in anything."
 Message #290677 - This was a reply to message #290662
sillysica
RE: The Mystery of Love

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Saturday February 4, 2006 12:39 PM
QUOTED  Falling in love is the human response to loneliness... it is wanting companionship and wanting that void within oneself filled in.



Lonliness is not the only reason people "fall" in love though. It is just one reason that society chooses to use as an excuse but really, does love ever really need a reason to happen? I dont think so.


QUOTED  I would like to think so, but I'm not so sure... I know that there have been plenty of people who have loved someone even when they hated that person.


It is a unique deal when you end up hating the person you love and loving the person you hate. Love is a strange thing. One that is often taken advantage of and is beginning to lose its meaning behind all the promises of love whispered in the heat of the moment and not when its really meant.

People all too often utter the word Love when they are trying to describe something they are fond of. They may not love that something but they abuse the word anyway and in that case of abuse does the word love begin to be devalued.
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Live for the day and if the day doesn't come, don't leave knowing there was something else you could have done.
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